A/N: Sorry, again, for taking my time to update. I'm afraid it's not going to get any better, but I will give my best and try not to leave you hanging for too long. I have received so many wonderful reviews and there are no words to say how happy it makes me that you love this story so much. It means a lot to me. I hope the next chapters won't disappoint you! Also, thank you to everyone who alerted to Lifelines or added it to your Favourites lists. That makes me just as happy as reviews do.
A very special thank you to my beta KayMarieXW, who takes the time to beta even when she is practically drowning in work.
Disclaimer: The Twilight Saga is property of Stephenie Meyer; I am only borrowing.
Recap: Bella is changed by Victoria and moves to Anchorage, where she and the Cullens reunite. Bella discovers that Victoria is still after her, so she and the rest of her family, along with Jake, who now has his own pack (Quil, Embry, Seth, Brady, Leah, and Claire), hatch a plan to stop her once and for all. Bella forgives Edward for lying to her and makes it clear that, from now on, there can't be any more lies. Although he suggested it, Edward isn't happy with their plan as he can't accompany Bella to Helena, MT. Without telling anyone he decides to go with her.
36. PLANS
BELLA
In all things it is better to hope than to fear.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
oOo
Sleeping with Edward was something I had never dared think about.
He had made it clear that he wouldn't—couldn't—sleep with me because, as a human, I was too fragile, too easy to break. I didn't know what would—could—have been if he had stayed, because he hadn't and I had banished him from my mind so completely that even thinking his name was out of the question, let alone imagining him making love to me. And even later, when the wounds he'd inflicted on me had scabbed over—not healed because without him I couldn't be whole—I still wouldn't think about what might have been. There was no point.
But there had been one time when I had broken my rules, when I had wished it was Edward holding me, where I had imagined his cool skin on mine: the one and only time I had ever slept with someone before last night.
I didn't remember it very clearly and I was grateful for that. I didn't regret it; there were very few things I regretted doing because I had learned the hard way that life was short. It had been just a few weeks into my first semester at college. I had been miserable and lonely and homesick even though getting away from Forks had been the right thing to do. But I had missed Jake. Speaking to him on the phone wasn't the same as speaking to him in person. The nightmares—the nightmare, to be more precise—had come back and I'd been having them for almost six weeks then and I had woken up screaming almost every other night, which hadn't improved my already fragile emotional state.
The dream was the reason I had gone to a frat party with a group of girls from one of my biochemistry classes. They had repeatedly asked me to come along and although I wasn't a big fan of parties, eventually I had given in. At this point I would have done almost anything for a distraction and alcohol, even in minute doses, had always made me very sleepy. So I had tagged along, feeling very uncomfortable in the clothes I had borrowed from one of the girls who was the same size as me. To my surprise, I had even enjoyed myself a little. One beer was all it took to make the nightmare fade and after a second beer I had found myself flirting with someone whose name was now lost to me. I stilled vaguely remembered what he had looked like though—tall, with dark hair that was tinged with red, and very handsome by human standards. He had reminded me of Edward. Only a little because no human man could ever be as beautiful as Edward, but enough to make the hole in my chest ache with longing.
To his credit, he'd tried to talk me out of going upstairs to his room. Half-heartedly maybe, but at least he'd tried. The act in itself, at least what I remembered of it—the walls of his bedroom a swirl of colours, his body hard and hot and sweaty against mine—had been less than spectacular, disappointing even. And all the time my alcohol-addled mind, which had usually done a good job of suppressing thoughts related to Edward, had wished that it was him holding and touching me. That it was him inside me.
I had told Edward all of this in the early hours of the morning, in that brief moment right after sunrise where the sky was bright and clear and brilliantly blue, before the clouds moved it and shrouded it in grey. The sunlight filtering through the half-drawn blue curtains had painted glittering circles on our skin and although the topic of our conversation had been serious, the effect had made us both laugh and broken the tension. If Edward was bothered by the fact that I had slept with someone else, he hadn't let on. But then, there had been nothing he could say or do. He had wanted me to move on and I had trie.
The moment had been peaceful, carefree, but it didn't last. Of course it didn't. Last night it had been easy to forget about everything. In the morning, with the sky dull and grey and sinister, the sun once more thoroughly obscured, it all came rushing back.
I hadn't been lying when I told Edward that I was trying to be optimistic about the future Alice had seen, but the closer the moment of departure came, the more my anxiety grew and even as I tried to reign it in, I knew that it was a lost cause. The panic had closed like an iron fist around my heart and squeezed and squeezed and squeezed until I was barely able to move, to breathe.
I had never been more grateful that Edward had no way of knowing what I was thinking. If he had, he'd insist on coming with me and while I wanted nothing more in the world than Edward at my side when I faced Victoria, it was imperative that I went alone. Alice had looked at it from every angle possible, trying to find a solution that wouldn't leave me vulnerable and unprotected, but there wasn't one.
I wanted to tell Edward all this and more, wanted him to hold me, to tell me that it was going to be okay even though it wasn't. Instead, I sat on the shower floor, hugging my legs to my chest and barely noticing the steady drum of the scalding hot water on my shoulders. The water didn't have the calming effect it usually had. My mind was a blur of incoherent images, but there was one that was painfully clear, one that stood out prominently against the swirl of colours: Alice's vision.
Blinking through the steam, I searched for something—anything—that would make the dreadful image go away. The rug in front of the shower needed washing, as did the formerly white curtains. Empty toilet rolls were artistically piled up on the window sill next to the potted spider plant, its leaves dried and brown, it was a sorry sight. Plants and I didn't get along, with the exception of cacti, as they required very little attention and were difficult to kill. There were fingerprints all over the lower half of the window, near the bottom where you had to grip it to push it open, ovals with curved lines of white and grey that were plainly visible on the steamed-up glass. They were Jake and Quil's; vampires didn't leave fingerprints. Looking at it from the right angle, the skin was slightly uneven. Why hadn't I noticed before?
But in the end all attempts at distraction failed. Alice's vision was the only thing my vast mind seemed to have room to hold, and it taunted me mercilessly.
Edward was only a few feet down the hall, oblivious. I prayed that he'd stay where he was until the panic attack had passed. If he saw me like this… A whimper rose in my throat and I quickly clamped my hand in front of my mouth to keep it from escaping. Clearly, I was insane. I had to be. There was no other explanation for why I would do this to myself voluntarily.
But you don't have to do this, reason said quietly. There's another way. There always is.
Didn't I? Was there?
No, I didn't. Yes, there was. But was I willing to pay the price? For if Victoria wasn't stopped now, more innocent people would be killed because of me. Because I was a coward.
And I couldn't let that happen.
But I am scared…
Downstairs, the front door opened and closed with a quiet click. Footsteps on the stairs, as light as a feather, then the rustle of fabric followed by a distinct thump and Edward asked indignantly, "Alice, do you mind?"
Alice huffed. "It's not like I haven't seen you naked before." Her voice was dry, amused. "And now get dressed because the others are on their way and you know how Emmett can be."
Edward muttered something I didn't catch. Then he demanded, with more irritation than indignation, "Why?"
"I'd like to talk to her in private for a moment, that's why," was Alice's even reply.
"You're keeping something from me," Edward snapped sharply.
"Am I?" Alice shot back. "And what about you, Edward? Keeping secrets, are we? Or trying to keep secrets, I should say." Her voice softened at the end—Alice's way of expression condescendence.
Edward ground his teeth in response.
"Get dressed and get out," Alice said, still in that awfully soft voice. This time it sounded ominous instead of condescending.
Edward didn't reply.
Like her brother's, Alice's patience was sadly limited. "Now!" she hissed.
Wordlessly, Edward complied. Fabric swished as he dressed swiftly, then the door to my bedroom opened and Edward stomped down the hallway, each step expressing his irritation at being thrown out. The momentarily suppressed panic flared anew as I realised that he was headed to the bathroom. I scrambled to my feet, cracking several tiles on the wall to my right with my elbow in the process. I couldn't let him see me like this!
The soft knock that sounded on the door only moments later made me flinch and my stomach sank. I held very still, eyes on what I saw of the door from behind the wall that separated the shower from the rest of the bathroom. Edward only had to poke his head in to see me. Don't come in, I prayed silently. Please don't come in.
"Bella?" Edward asked quietly. There was no trace of the irritation he must still feel towards Alice.
"Yes?" I whispered, barely managing to choke back the whimper caught at the back of my throat. Again I pressed my hands in front of my face, my jaw clenched. My mouth was dry, the way it only was when I was thirsty. Or scared. As I waited for Edward to react, I held very still—it was the kind of motionlessness only a vampire could ever hope to achieve, the complete absence of movement that was only possible because I had perfect control over even the tiniest muscle in my body.
Edward didn't come in.
"Alice wants me to go for a walk," he explained apologetically. "I'll be back in a few minutes. I love you, Bella."
"I love you," I replied, no more than a whisper. My voice sounded strangled to me, hollow, but Edward didn't seem to notice.
A full second later the door slowly opened. Alice. She looked at me for a very long time before she strode past me to open the window so that the steam could dissipate. Cold air brushed across my shoulders and my back. Holding out a fluffy white towel, Alice clearly expected me to turn of the water and step out of the shower, but I couldn't bring myself to lift my arm. Another second passed and when I still didn't move, Alice turned off the water herself. With a gurgle, it disappeared down the drain. Throwing the towel over me, Alice bundled me up in her arms and carried me to my bedroom, where she sat me down amid the white crumpled sheets. Edward's scent, mixed with my own and the husky fragrance of arousal, enveloped me. I should have been embarrassed because Alice could smell the same things I could, but I wasn't. The combination of scents cut through the haze of panic, pulling me back to reality, grounding me. I inhaled deeply, focusing on the lilac-and-honey note that was Edward.
Alice was watching me closely, her expression indiscernible. "You're scared," she finally said, her voice low and soft, as if she was afraid of another melt down.
"Of course I am," I replied shakily. "Who wouldn't be? And didn't Jasper say that fear can be very useful because it tends to make you more cautious and alert?"
By the grimace on Alice face, that wasn't what she had wanted to hear. "You shouldn't go if you're this scared," she muttered. "I shouldn't make you do this."
"But you're not." I looked at her, confused. The decision to go after Victoria had been mine and mine alone. Alice wasn't making me do anything. None of them were. And I knew they'd never hold it against me if I changed my mind. "I decided this, remember?" The vision tugged stubbornly at the corners of my mind as I said this. I desperately wished I hadn't seen it because knowing what would happen and actually seeing it for myself were two very different things, but I would have to live with it. Really, what other option did I have?
It was a good thing that Alice had sent Edward away. She must have seen how he'd react if he found me while I was having hysterics and decided to intervene. Edward would never let me go if he knew the true extent of my fear.
"I'm such a hypocrite," I muttered.
"Huh?"
I sighed and unwound the towel to dry my hair. The movement stirred the perfume of scents, which caused Alice to edge away from me, visibly uncomfortable. Her nose was slightly wrinkled.
"Sorry," she said hurriedly when she saw my raised eyebrows. "It's not that it doesn't smell… nice. I like your scent and I like Edward's too. They're kind of similar."
Really? That was news to me. I sniffed my damp hair inconspicuously and shrugged. My scent wasn't anything like Edward's.
"They both have a floral base note," Alice explained, smiling. "As for this." She gestured at the crumpled sheets. "It's very intimate and private, or as private as anything can ever be in a family like ours."
"We can go downstairs if it's bothering you."
"I'll be fine," Alice replied. "It's just for a few more moments." But she rose and crossed the room, sitting down cross-legged on the window seat. In the dull morning light her skin seemed even paler than usual, which gave her a strange otherworldly look. Nobody would ever mistake her for a human if they saw her now. "You were saying something about being hypocritical?"
"Last night I gave Edward this speech about honesty and that if our relationship is supposed to work, we'd have to tell each other how we feel and, more importantly, not keep secrets from one another." I tossed the towel against the headboard in frustration and it slumped down onto the pillows with a very unsatisfying thud. "And here I am, keeping secrets."
"Keeping secrets isn't necessarily a bad thing," Alice said softly. "Being with someone doesn't mean that you have to tell that person everything. And I completely agree with you that discussing how you feel is important, but again it doesn't mean that you absolutely have to." To my surprise, she chuckled darkly. "Besides, it's not like Edward isn't keeping something from you as well."
I remembered their brief argument and Alice accusing Edward of hiding something from her… Or trying to. "Are you going to tell me?"
Alice flashed me what was supposed to be a smile but looked more like a grimace.
My stomach sank. I wasn't going to like whatever it was that Edward was hiding.
"At some point last night," Alice said, with a hint of suppressed anger, "he decided to follow you to Helena."
Although the panic had receded since Alice had come to my rescue, this revelation cut through the hovering fear like a knife and my mind cleared. I gaped at her as I struggled to understand what she had just told me. Surely I had misunderstood. I opened my mouth without knowing what to say, closed it again and opened it again and still no sound came out. I must have looked ridiculous, like a fish gasping for air, but Alice didn't laugh. Instead, she glowered at me since Edward wasn't here to be glowered at.
Finally I remembered how to speak. "He what?" I demanded. "Please tell me you're kidding."
"Afraid not," Alice replied, apologetic. "I wish I was."
"But we made it clear why he can't come. Why none of you can." The anger in my voice made me feel even more hypocritical, but I told myself that this was different. Edward's decision had the potential to screw up our entire plan.
Alice made a face. "I think he honestly forgot that I would see him there with you as soon as the decision was made. I understand where he's coming from. I really do. I don't want to let you go alone either. Hell, I don't want to let you go at all, if I'm honest. But it's your decision," Alice didn't look very happy as she said this, "and you have to go alone, otherwise we can forget about the trap." She looked at me for a moment, deliberating, then she drew a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "Please, Bella." The softness in her tone was at odds with her rigid posture. She already knew what I was going to say, but apparently she wanted to try anyway. "It doesn't have to be this way. We'll stop her another time. There's no need to rush into this."
"I'm not rushing. Jasper, Eleazar and Edward been working on this plan for over a week now and they say we're good to go. We have to go if we don't want Victoria to run off again. God knows when we'll get another chance like this. And we all know what's going to happen if we don't stop her now. More deaths, more pain and suffering and it'll be on my conscience. Please don't ask me to live with this, Alice. It's that why you came?" I asked when Alice didn't reply; she knew I wouldn't change my mind. "To talk me out of it?"
"Mostly, I just came because you were going to pieces and Edward would have freaked if he'd found you like that. But, yeah." She exhaled loudly. "I knew how you'd react even before I made that particular decision. Didn't have to be psychic for that one." She sighed, frustrated. "Still, I needed to try because you're my sister and I love you. I guess I hoped I'd be wrong this time. Although I can count how many times I've been wrong on one hand."
I cringed at the reminder. To distract myself, I started to dress. Blue jeans, a black tank top and a red button-up shirt. For once Alice didn't comment on my choice of clothing.
"So Edward wants to go?" I asked as I buttoned up the shirt. "How? By focusing on me instead of Victoria, like the rest of you are going to?"
"Something like that. He wants to hitch a ride on your plan, as stowaway. But we can't let him. Victoria has both airports watched—she really has all her bases covered—and if her contact in Helena sees Edward…" She trailed off, but she didn't need to finish.
"If that happens, we're screwed," I said darkly.
"Pretty much." Alice paused for a moment. Then she said, very slowly, "There's a chance she'll believe he's there to talk some sense into you and get you to come back to Anchorage with him, not to provide backup. Depends on the exact circumstances and on what Edward comes up with on the way. But it's still a risk we can't afford to take. I wouldn't recommend it even if the odds were in our favour, which they're not. It's not even a fifty-fifty chance. More like ten to ninety. And if Victoria decides that we're playing her—which we are—she'll run for it and make us pay for trying to deceive her."
I didn't ask for details. My imagination was well up to the task of providing a multitude of ideas how Victoria would go about that.
"This sucks," I muttered.
Alice sighed, slumping back against the window. "It does. Are you sure you're not going to change your mind?"
I gave her a faint smile. "You're the psychic. You tell me."
Alice huffed.
"Look," I continued softly, "if I told you that I wanted to go, I'd be lying. But I have to go. This has to stop before it gets out of hand any more than it already has." This time, when the panic came, I forced it away. Instead, I made myself go over every single reason for why I had decided to go and all of them were still valid. Nothing had changed since the decision was made. "What's the worst that can happen?" I asked Alice. "That you don't get there in time and Victoria kills me. That's the only thing I can't survive. The rest I'll live through."
Alice didn't reply, but she look she gave me told me that she thought I was insane. Maybe she was right. A sane person would never agree to that kind of thing. But it was hard not to feel responsible for Victoria's action when I was the reason she'd started this. I was aware that I was allowing Victoria to manipulate me—she seemed to know me well enough to know which buttons to press to get me to do what she wanted, like kidnapping Liv and luring me to Chicago. But that didn't change the fact that I was responsible, no matter how often the others told me otherwise and how hard Edward insisted that it was his fault, since it was him that Victoria wanted to suffer.
Maybe that had been her main motivation once, when she started hunting me nine years ago. But the Cullens had been out of the picture for so long that I was pretty sure that this wasn't about Edward anymore, or at least not exclusively. It must rankle her that she hadn't killed me yet, that she had sent vampire after vampire after vampire to dispose of me and none of them had even gotten close because of the wolves. And when she finally decided to take matters into her own hands and kill me herself, Jake had been there too. She must be furious that I managed to keep evading her—which of course was what we were counting on, that her impatience and anger, which was a dangerous combination, would override her instinct of self-preservation that had allowed her to stay hidden for all this time—and that made me think that her focus had shifted from Edward to me, that she grudge she held against Edward, she now held against me as well.
And that meant that it was my fault.
Finally, Alice sighed, the kind of martyred sigh that was intended to make me feel guilty—unfortunately, Victoria wasn't the only one who knew which buttons to press—but I met her gaze levelly, my eyebrows raised to show her that I knew exactly what she was doing. Alice rolled her eyes in response. "Fine," she huffed, "I won't say anymore on the subject. But if you want to abort this stupid plan at any point, you'll let me know and we'll get you out of there."
"That much I can promise," I said, relieved that she'd agreed to let it go. "Thank you, Alice."
"Please don't thank me for letting you go on a suicide mission," she growled, but her lips twitched.
"If this was a suicide mission, I would never have agreed to this," I countered. "Contrary to what everyone seems to believe, I do not have a death wish."
"One might argue that since you dated a vampire while you were still human…"
Alice laughed when I glared at her.
"Sorry, that was too good to pass up." She giggled and the tinkling sound finally broke the lingering tension. "I guess Emmett's sense of humour rubs off on you if you spend enough time with him and I have."
I believed that immediately. "So, what are we going to do about Edward? He can't come." No matter how much I wanted him to. Because if he did—even if Victoria believed that he was only there to talk some sense into me, as Alice had put it—he'd never be able to stand idly by and watch.
"Well, there's one thing we absolutely mustn't do and that's remind him that I will know what he's going to do well in advance. The more creative he's forced to get, the more difficult it will be for Jasper and me to stop him in time. You'll also have to ask Jake to leave as soon as you're through security, otherwise I won't be able to see Edward at the airport."
I nodded slowly, thinking. Once Edward had made it on the plane, there's be no way for Alice and Jasper to get to him—too many witnesses. So they'd have to get a hold of him while he was still at the airport, which would be nearly impossible with Jake there. "I see no reason why Jake wouldn't agree," I said and then sighed. "You know, if he knew what you saw, he'd probably be right behind Edward."
"That's why I won't tell the others until later," Alice answered. "Of course, I can't see how Jake will take the news."
I huffed. "Not very well. His reaction will probably be similar to Edward's, so make sure he isn't in my car when you tell him. Or close to anything breakable, like my house."
Alice grinned. "I wouldn't mind renovating."
"I bet you wouldn't," I muttered.
"Don't worry, I'll make sure your house survives." For a moment Alice's gaze grew unfocused turned slightly, staring out the window although there was nothing to see but snow and trees. Then she blinked. "Edward's on his way back, so the others must be close." Her lips tightened almost imperceptibly. "But Jake and his pack are with them, so I can't be sure."
I hid a smile. She'd never get over the fact that she couldn't see the wolves' future.
"But before we go downstairs…" Alice eyed me speculatively, lips pursed. Or rather it was my damp, tangled her that was the centre of her focus. Combing through it with my fingers, I promptly got stuck. Turning, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the inside of the closet door—Alice must have put it there since until recently the one in the bathroom had been the only mirror in this house—and made a face. With my pale skin and my hair a tangled mass, I looked like Ophelia. After the drowning.
"Go ahead," I sighed. "Brush it."
As Alice carefully moved the brush through my hair strand by strand, my thoughts slid back to her ghastly vision, but this time it was different: the detachment with which I had looked at it before my panic attack this morning was back. Confiding in Alice seemed to have helped and I wished I had gone to her sooner. Alice was the one person I could talk to without having to downplay how I felt, without having to fear that she would act against my wishes because she didn't trust my judgement—with the exception of fashion and interior design, where admittedly I was pretty much out of my depth. I should have been able to be completely honest with Edward too—like I had asked him to be with me—but it was hard because I didn't trust him to let me make my own choices.
There. I had admitted it.
I didn't trust him, horrible as it sounded. But as long as he insisted on making decisions for me I couldn't. And he had done it again, although he must be aware of how Victoria was likely to react if she realised we were trying to lure her into a trap. If he had thought things through that far, that is.
Too bad couple therapy wasn't an option for vampires.
"Alice," I said quietly, "thank you."
"Oh, you're welcome," she said, arranging my hair so that it fell neatly over my shoulders. "I love your hair." She sighed. "You have so much of it."
"That's not what I meant, you know."
Alice stepped around me to that she could meet my eyes. "Yes," she said, her lips curved into a warm smile, "I know."
oOo
This was the last briefing before the battle.
Battle… I was still having difficulty of thinking of the upcoming confrontation that way. But as Jasper suspected that Victoria had created at least over twenty vampires to assist her—and army, for all intents and purposes—the term was frighteningly appropriate. Reality, I assumed, hadn't caught up with me yet because it had only been Victoria against me for so long—at least that was what it had felt like, although now I knew that Victoria had always operated on a very large scale and I just hadn't seen the bigger picture.
Jake was just as unhappy as Edward about my part as designated bait. Once Alice got around to telling him what she had seen, he'd be livid and hopefully she'd stick to her promise and keep him away from anything that was unlikely to survive an outburst undamaged. Of the people present only Edward, Jasper, me and Alice knew every detail of the visions she had had; she had given the others a highly edited version because there was no way in hell they would let me board the plan if they knew what was going to happen. I didn't feel as bad for deceiving them as I felt for deceiving Jake because I would ask him to help Alice and Jasper make sure that Edward didn't follow me. But I knew him too well and I knew that Jake wouldn't even think twice about stopping me. He'd just do it. I hated lying to him, but there was no other way.
I had also asked Alice to tell him I was sorry. Maybe then it wouldn't be too long until he spoke to me again.
"Sam says that he's been thinking about dividing his pack into three smaller units to be more flexible," Edward was saying now, "as that is how Victoria seems to be operating. He knows it's ultimately his decision, but he still wanted to run it by us."
Jake, sitting in the doorway between kitchen and living room, nodded his big head very slowly. Although I wasn't very good at deciphering canine facial expressions, it was obvious that Jake was thinking about what Sam had said—and that he was inclined to agree. Both packs were in wolf form since it made passing along information easier. It also meant that, for the moment, Edward was too busy to concentrate on his little plan.
"Good idea," Jasper said thoughtfully. He, Alice, Edward, Eleazar and Jake had hatched the plan we'd be putting into motion in a few hours. That they all bowed so readily to Jasper's judgement when Eleazar was so much older and more experiences had surprised me—until Alice had told me that as a human Jasper had been a major in the Confederate Army and later played an important role in what she had called the Southern Wars. Vampire history, it seemed, was a lot more complex—and interesting—than I had previously assumed. Because of that Jasper was the most qualified to handle this situation, although the others had made valuable suggestions.
Except for the deceptive element, the plan was pretty straightforward. Find Victoria and her army and destroy them. And all of that while trying to keep Victoria from realising we were on to her and having a Bella bonfire.
Has a nice ring to it though, I thought somewhat morbidly.
"I was considering splitting us up as well," Jasper continued, "but I decided against it as we can't communicate as effectively as the wolves and I had rather we weren't in too many places at once. Please tell Sam to go ahead."
Jake huffed affirmatively.
"That is all," Edward said then. "Sam and his pack will meet us at the rendezvous point in approximately twelve hours."
That was roughly when Victoria would first show up, as Alice had foreseen. My family and Sam's pack would delay their departure for the rendezvous point in Idaho for as long as possible in order to avoid any 'stray decisions', as Eleazar, who was our designated expert regarding Victoria's gift, thought that might tip her off.
Alice had been less than thrilled when Eleazar had informed her of that particular parallel between her gift and Victoria's—it bothered her to have something in common with Victoria.
It would have bothered me too.
"Oh." Edward said. He blinked, then looked at me, surprised. "Sam has a message for you, Bella. You'd better hear for yourself."
The others were staring at us, probably as curious and baffled as I was.
"Sure," I said, uncertain. Projecting my shield over Edward, which required only very little effort when he was this close, I searched for Sam's words in Edward's mind rather than Jake's. Edward usually tried very hard to filter out any distracting background noise and having seven people in your head all at once, as was the case when Jake and his pack had phased, was rather distracting. The area in which my temporary telepathic ability worked was very small anyway, maybe six feet in diameter, so I usually read the others—which I rarely did because I didn't want to violate their privacy—via Edward as it required less concentration.
Here goes, Edward said as he pulled up the memory of Sam's words for me to hear. Bella, Sam said, his mental voice just as deep and compelling as his real voice, I wanted to wish you good luck myself. I am sorry about how things are… were… between us. I wasn't entirely fair on you. Jake was right: Seeing you in person, I've come to realise that you're still very much Bella. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you both. Please believe that at the time I was doing what I thought was best for my pack.
"I do," I said softly, touched because—understandably—Sam never admitted that he was wrong to people he didn't consider pack, even when he was. That he did now meant a lot to me. "I always have. Thank you, Sam."
Wow, Seth said slowly and I realised that Jake must have been thinking about what Sam had said as well. That was… something.
Yeah, Quil agreed. Wow.
Can't believe he said that, Embry said.
Me either, Brady said.
I knew he'd come around eventually, Claire replied rather smugly. I heard him and Em discussing it last night when they thought I was asleep.
The only one who didn't offer a comment on Sam's apology was Leah and she was trying very hard to keep her thoughts on the matter to herself. Leah and I weren't what you'd call friends, but we got along. Most of the time. For a very long time Leah had been a mystery to me. I had assumed her bitterness was a result of Sam imprinting on Emily, but that wasn't all. It was the entire werewolf 'crap'—her words, not mine— that she was so bitter about because it had completely thrown her life off track. That she had lost Sam because of it was a factor, yes, but that she had lost her father because of it too weighed far heavier. Nobody had ever talked to me about it because no matter how much Jake had liked to pretended otherwise, I wasn't pack, but I had pieced it together eventually. Leah thought that the shock of her being a werewolf was what had caused the heart attack that killed her father. So she blamed herself for his death, but she blamed the vampires more because without them she would never have phased in the first place. I understood why we couldn't be friends, just as I understood why she hated us so much. She wasn't as bitter as she used to be, but what she had gone through had changed her and not even a loving husband and the child she had longed for and finally gotten could undo these changes.
Guys, Jake said, we're in the middle of something so shut up! They didn't seem to listen. A discussion of which I only caught bits and pieces ensued and the chorus of single and yet connected voices in my head broke my concentration and my shield snapped back. The beacon that was Edward's life force vanished. I instantly felt as if I had lost something vital, like I always did when I had shielded him.
"What did he say?" Alice asked curiously.
"He wished me good luck," I said evasively because telling her everything would have felt like violating Sam's trust and Alice, after exchanging a quick look with Jasper, let it go.
"He's gone," Edward reported a moment later. "Anything else we need to discuss before we leave?" He was looking at me as he said this and his arms tightened around my waist. I dreaded the moment where he would have to let me go and, by the look on his face, so did he. Did he honestly think Alice and Jasper would let him leave? How could he possibly have forgotten that she would see whatever he decided? But maybe he hadn't and was hoping that she hadn't—and wouldn't—see his exact plan because of Jake. If so, then he was hoping in vain. After I had decided to ask Jake to go home as soon as I was through security, Alice had seen in detail what Edward intended to do.
"I have a question," Esme said, the concern in her voice plain. Her eyebrows were pulled together in a dubious frown. "You probably thought about this, but I was wondering why Victoria has never tried to go after Bella's mother. It makes me think that maybe we've overlooked something…" Her voice trailed off and she shrugged.
"Mom and I aren't that close anymore," I explained quietly. "Even before I was changed we barely spoke. I guess after all that had happened to me and after I learned that there really are things that go bump in the night, I wanted to protect her. She's too fragile for this world. She's happy with Phil, I know that much. Victoria probably knows that losing Mom would hurt… But that losing Charlie or Jake or any of you would hurt more." Put like this, it sounded callous and I felt a twinge of guilt in my stomach. I loved my mother, but after I had moved to Forks we had gradually drifted apart and I was grateful for that, glad even. Saying goodbye to Charlie had been hard enough. "At least that's what we think," I added. "Apart from that, we really have no idea why Victoria has left her alone."
Esme nodded unhappily.
"Please don't worry," Jasper said softly. "We're as certain as we can be that we've thought of everything." He flashed her a reassuring smile, followed by a wave of confidence that was directed at all of us. "It'll be okay. We will be okay."
Esme still didn't look convinced. Carlisle closed his hand around Esme's and squeezed it reassuringly.
This was it then. We had discussed the plan one last time, had made last minute changes and now everything was ready.I looked at the faces of my family, at Esme and Carlisle, who were sitting on the couch and wearing matching expressions of unhappiness. I looked at Alice and Jasper, Alice sitting in the armchair and Jasper standing behind her, his hands on her shoulders, and at Rosalie and Emmett, standing by the window a foot apart and yet closer together than they had been all week. Carmen and Eleazar, who were sitting on the floor, wedged in between Tanya and Irina. Kate, sitting to Irina's left. I looked at Jake lying in the doorway, the tip of his tail twitching in agitation because he didn't want to let me go any more than Edward did, and past him through the open backdoor where I Embry, Seth, Quil and Brady were sitting, the latter so brilliant a white that the fresh snow looked grey and dull in comparison. I glanced up at Edward last and he tilted his head so that I could meet his golden eyes. He still smelled of me—which of course Emmett had commented on earlier—and for some reason I found this strangely satisfying, as if now that my scent was all over him he truly belonged to me.
My family. How many would we lose? I wondered, fighting the fear that blossomed in my stomach, not fear for myself but for them. If one of them got killed, it would be my fault. Like everything else that had happened was my fault.
Jasper and Edward sighed almost simultaneously in exasperation.
"It's not your fault," Edward whispered, so low that only I could hear. "Please stop thinking that. If you want to blame someone, blame me."
Jake rumbled low in his throat, a sound that reminded me of distant thunder. The canine version of clearing his throat.
"Yes, we should leave," Edward said evenly and even though his face was smooth and gave nothing away, his shoulders were tense. "Bella can't miss her flight."
In the end, saying goodbye wasn't as hard and painful as I had anticipated. Maybe the others had come to the same—if somewhat irrational—conclusion I had, that saying goodbye was like accepting that we'd inevitably lose someone. It wasn't any different to when I was only going to work. Only Esme held me longer than she normally would have. Then they were gone and Edward and I were alone, or as alone as we could be, with four wolves roaming the woods around my house and Jake upstairs; he was exchanging his sweatpants for clothes more suitable to be worn in public. Edward's arms had been around my waist the entire time; now he turned me around so that I faced him and pressed his lips gently against my forehead, his fingers entangled in the hair at the base of my skull.
He didn't want to say goodbye either.
"I truly wish you could come with me," I whispered. In response, his shoulders tensed and his body grew stiff against mine, and very still. If I looked into his mind now, I wondered, what would I see? Nothing probably. He wouldn't want me to know that he intended to accompany me to Helena. But Alice already knew and Edward knew that she did, so what was the point? Maybe he was trying to imitate Victoria and work around Alice's visions. Well, a snap decision wouldn't work since she was already on to him. What exactly had he planned, then? And couldn't he guess how Victoria would react if she found out that we were trying to outsmart her?
But would I act any differently if our places were reversed?
Edward sighed. "So do I." He was smiling faintly when he pulled back, the crooked smile he knew I loved, and I realised that he was convinced he would succeed, that he would manage to evade Alice and follow me to Helena—and destroy our carefully laid plan in less time than it had taken him and the others to devise it.
Men could be such idiots.
Unfortunately, Edward's presence was required at the airport to sell it to Victoria's contact there—she seemed to have people everywhere and we intended to use that to our advantage—that I was leaving Anchorage—and the Cullens—for good. Otherwise, Alice and Jasper and maybe even a few wolves would already be sitting on him. Literally.
"Guys, we really need to leave now," Jake said as he jogged down the stairs, taking two at a time. He had finally gotten around to buying new clothes and was wearing a black button-up shirt and a faded pair of jeans. He had even yanked a comb through his hair. He still looked somewhat dishevelled, even though his clothes were crisp and wrinkle-free since Mrs Morris had ironed them, and I detected no trace of the excitement the prospect of a vampire hunt normally induced. Instead, Jake's forehead was creased and his lips pressed so tightly together they were almost white. I wasn't used to Jake showing it this openly when he worried about me, and my stomach lurched.
It must have shown on my face because on the way to the car down the slippery path, Jake did his best to replace his grimace of worry with his usual confident expression. It wasn't working though and in the end, he gave up and slid into the passenger seat without a word and the concerned frown still in place.
Turning, I met Edward's gaze. He was standing next to his new shiny, black Volvo, calmly looking at me over the edge of the open driver's door. No last kiss, no last embrace. He was convinced he'd see me again in a few hours and… do what exactly? Keep Alice's visions from coming true? Had he even thought this through? Or was he so focused on how to evade Alice that he'd decided to make up the rest as he went along?
What a brilliant plan, I thought rather ironically as I got into the car, hoping fervently that Alice and Jasper would manage to stop him.
Did you like it? Do you think Edward's plan will work or will Alice and Jasper manage to stop him?