Chapter Thirty-Five.

I go straight back to my flat and all I want to do is watch some crappy TV and eat something that isn't healthy for me after the Danny debacale. I feel like an idiot and a fool and any other negative adjective that there is out there.

Dulce doesn't bother me when I come in which I find odd considering her curiosity issuses, but I'm not about to question it. Right now, I just want to be alone.

I put the key into the door, but it's already unlocked. I start freaking out, thinking that someone broke in. Are they still in there and are they going to kill me for whatever I have of value in my flat (which is nothing by the way)?

I slowly open the door and look around the best I can before I step inside. No one's in sight so I slink on in.

"Hello?" I call out stupidly. "Someone in here?" Oh dear God, I'm nuts.

Cautiously, I make my way into my bedroom and open the door up. No one's in there and I breathe out in relief. Guess I did just forget to lock the door before I left.

"Hello, Lucy," a low voice then says from behind me. I jump and my heart's in my throat until I turn around and see who it is.

"Owen?"

He gives me a smile revealing his dimples and says, "I came back a bit earlier than expected."

He's being awfully friendly with me, I can't help but notice. Does he not remember that I dumped him through a voicemail?

Still, it is great to see him and see that he's not mad about it. "Great to see you Owen, but, uh, could you not sneak up on me next time?"

He laughs. "Sorry about that."

"You should be. I almost peed my pants."

"Well, I apologize," he says. "So…did you miss me?" He grins and pulls me into a hug.

Okay, seriously, something's up here. "Yeah," I say and I really mean it. Just because I turned out to have feelings for Danny, doesn't mean my feelings for Owen just stopped.

He kisses the top of my head and I know I need to ask him if he knows I dumped him, but he answers my question when he says, "Sorry I didn't call. I lost my phone on New Year's during all the madness."

Great. I get to break up with him all over again. Unless…

No, Lucy, I scold myself. You cannot stay with Owen after all the stuff that happened with Danny. That's just not fair.

But then I look at Owen and his clear blue eyes and I really debate whether or not breaking up with him was a bad idea. It's obvious I need to tell him the truth, but what if he'd be willing to stay with me anyway?

Talk about being delusional.

"Owen?" I manage to squeak out.

"Yeah?"

"I fucked up," I say bluntly. He looks at quizzically and I continue. "While you were gone…" I can't force the words out; they're all sticking together.

"Um, care to elaborate?"

I run a hand through my hair. "I sort of, kind of, made out with Danny Jones. In a closet. After being locked in there. On New Years. And after drinking some sort of spiked fruit punch."

He's looking at me like I've lost it. I didn't think the situation was that elaborate.

"And you didn't care to tell me?"

"I actually sort of did," I admit. "But you lost your phone."

"Right."

Expecting an explosion of anger from him at any moment now. "So…is that all that happened between you two?" His voice is so oddly calm. You'd think that being cheated on in any form would be enough to set him off, especially considering the fact that he's been cheated on before.

I can't lie anymore. "No."

"Did you sleep with him?"

"No."

"Do you love him?"

This one I hesitate on. "I thought I might've," I say, "but I really don't know."

"Do you love me?"

"Yes." That one was easy.

"Do you still want to be with me?"

"Do you want to be with me?" I retort.

He looks at me for the longest time before he finally says, "Only if you want to be with me. And just me."

What am I supposed to say to that? "You know what?" I finally say. "I think the best thing for you is for me to stay out of your life."

He looks confused by this. "Stay out of my life?"

I nod. "All I do is screw things up, Owen," I say. "I'm just going to wind up making you miserable."

"Miserable?"

"Why are you repeating everything I say?"

"Repeating?"

I roll my eyes. "I'm asking to be taken seriously here, Owen."

"It's hard to take you seriously when you're saying such ridiculous things," he says

"It's not ridiculous," I state, "it's the truth."

He rolls his eyes. "You're right actually."

"I am?"

"Oh yeah. Every time I'm around you, I want to shoot myself because I just feel so incredibly unhappy."

"Oh, shut up," I say, hitting him lightly on the arm. "Why are you being so cool about all of this?"

He shrugs. "I know better than to try and convince you to change your mind. Once your mind's set, there's no changing it," he tells me. "Don't get me wrong, I love you and I don't particularly enjoy that I'm being dumped right now, but yelling at you isn't going to help anything now is it?"

I smile. "You're a really great guy, Owen," I say. "And you're being way too good to me right now."

"Guess you'll have to give me a really good Christmas present then," he says lightly and he gives me another kiss, only this time it's a light peck on the lips. "I'm going to be the bigger man this time."

"Huh?" I say lamely. This seems sort of random to me.

"If Danny's who you want, then…go for it."

I can see that those words were hard for him to say. "I already did," I say quietly.

"Oh," he says. There's a small pause before he asks, "How'd it go?"

I purse my lips. "Yeah, um, he doesn't really…just no. Not going to happen."

"Well if it's any consolation," Owen starts, "I think he's mad for turning someone as incredible as you down."

I blush a little and smile. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it." He heads for the door and turns around to give me that smile that still makes my stomach do a little flip. "Don't become a stranger there, Lucy."

"I won't," I promise and he's out the door and more than likely out of my life forever.

"Where's that damn junk food?" I wonder out loud and I head for the kitchen. I'm going to need a lot more than crappy TV and food now.

----

London doesn't feel as homey as it used to anymore.

I'm not sure if it's because I broke it off with Owen or because of the Danny thing or just because I can't stay in one place for too long without losing it, but I don't want to be here anymore.

I've thought about it for a few days now and I've got it all figured out. I'm going back to America. London doesn't have anything to give me anymore.

When I told David, he looked genuinely sad. I swore I even saw Dulce frown at the news. And then she does something even more shocking the day I'm leaving: she hugs me. I check my back for any Kick Me signs and didn't see one. Weird. Dulcecanbe nice.

She rolls her eyes at me as I pat down my back---just double checking---and says, "How many times do I have to say that I'm not pure evil, Lucy?"

I shrug. "Sorry, Dulce. Just had to be sure." I give her a smile and say, "I think I'm going to miss you."

"Yeah, yeah," she mutters. "I just hugged you because I felt bad."

"About what?" I ask. "All those things you've said to me?"

"No," she says. "For lying to you about that bloke showing up around here a little while back." And just like that I know what she's talking about.

So she did lie. "Why would you do that?"

She shifts her body uncomfortably. "I thought it was time for you to do something about how you felt about him is all…"

I smile again. "Aw, Dulce! You do care!" I make sure my voice is extra-sweet.

"Please," she begs, "stop now."

"Bye, Dulce," I say.

"Yeah, cheers," she says and before I know it, she's back behind that bar sifting through boxes like she did the first day I ever showed up.

I'm feeling rather nostalgic right now.

I have one last stop to make before I go and I've got fifteen minutes to do it. With one last look at the outside of Mitchell's Inn, I walk off, leaving all the old feelings and memories behind.

----

"Lucy," Gran says with that eye crinkling smile, "I'm so glad you came to see me before you left."

I smile brightly back. "I could never just leave without saying goodbye, Gran," I tell her knowingly. "What kind of granddaughter would I be?"

"Do you have time to come in?" she asks hopefully. I stare down at my watch and see that I've got ten minutes.

I sigh. "Unfortunately, no."

"Well then give your old Gran a hug before you forget!" She pulls me into a hug and I hug back, feeling so sad that I'm leaving right now. Gran is the only reason I'd stick around here.

"Your leaving has nothing to do with those boys does it?" she asks in all seriousness.

"No Gran," I tell her. "Not completely anyway."

"You make sure you come and visit me again," she demands. "And drag that father with you."

I smile. "Will do."

We chat for a little bit and exchange goodbyes and one last hug and then Gran tells me, "Running away doesn't work you know."

"I'm not running away." She looks at me with skepticism. "I'm not," I say more strongly. "And besides, you're just trying to get me to stay."

She smiles. "That may be true, but you can't deny that you're trying to avoid something."

"Yeah," I say, "I'm trying to avoid those paparazzi." They still bombard me with questions even though I have no more connection to Owen or Danny anymore. They keep asking me how I feel about Danny's new 'love interest' and Owen's alleged 'drug abuse problem,' which by the way isn't true at all. I don't know about Danny's gossip, but Owen doesn't do that stuff, especially not after his dad OD'd on painkillers last summer.

"Take care, love," Gran says. "Don't forget to give me a ring every once and a while."

"I won't," I tell her. "Bye," I say one last time before I finally walk away and see that I'm ten minutes off schedule already. Add in traffic, I'm going to be a good twenty minutes off schedule.

Well, flights are normally delayed a decent half hour or so right?

----

My flight left on time.

I finally get a plane that leaves on time and I'm late. Just fantastic.

I settle on a flight to Massachusetts that leaves in twenty minutes instead since the next flight to New York isn't until tomorrow and I don't want to go through another goodbye thing with everyone.

I call my dad from the airport to let him know that I won't be home as soon as I thought. He misunderstands me and thinks I'm staying in London for good and I have to explain that I just missed my flight.

He sounds almost disappointed. What is with everyone?

When I land, I go over to the nearest hotel and crash right away. I'm completely jet-lagged. And when I wake up, I see that I have five new missed calls, all from Remy.

I dial her number and she answers on the first ring. "Is it true?"

"Is what true?"

"Are you in America or not?"

"Yeah, I am," I tell her. "I'm heading to New York tomorrow."

Is she going to be all disappointed too? "Well hurry up and get your ass back here then!" Guess not. "I miss my best buddy!"

I laugh. "Right back at you," I say.

"So…you didn't talk to him then?"

I sigh. I informed Remy the night before I left about everything that happened since she left and she wanted me to talk to Danny before---or if---I left. "No."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to." And I mean that. The last thing I want to do is talk to the guy that flat-out rejected me after many elaborate plans of him trying to get me. "'Sides, he's with Tess now."

I bet she rolls her eyes at me when I say that. "Whatever, Lucy."

"So, how's Tom?" I ask, trying to change the subject. Seems like a dumb subject changer since Tom can easily be led back to Danny, but Remy can go on for hours about Tom.

"Busy," she says. "The band's planning some sort of last minute thing." And that's all she says.

I yawn, still exhausted. "I'll talk to you tomorrow, Remy," I promise.

"Okay," she says. "Bye."

"Later." And then I hang up and decide to watch some TV. Nothing's on and I wind up falling asleep after watching some awful MTV music videos (what has American music come to since I've left?).

I don't have a single dream.