Regroup.
No.
Mission objective...
No.
Work...
No!
The Wards was crowded and noisy, but not crowded enough to make him see anything but those haunting faces...nor noisy enough to drive out his own buzzing thoughts.
Thoughts that seemed to come faster and faster...making his head spin and the words within becoming nothing but blurry fragments.
Control...
No, can't...won't...
Michael's arms came up, face crunching into a grimace of pain as he clutched at his head, his right elbow instantly hitting something.
"Hey! You-" The protest was muted to Michael's buzzing ears...and never finished as whoever he had bumped into saw the armoured giant with a small armoury on him marching on.
Can't...hurts...it hurts...
You're a soldier, you're...
Can't...
A bump, another protest...and Michael felt himself shudder, panic nearly driving him to his knees for one frightful moment.
Go back...
Can't...they'll...can't...
Mission...
No...please...
Repent...
Can't...I can't...
He shook his head violently to the right, making a hazy shape dart away in fear of getting hit, then to the left, bumping into a droning Elcor.
He wanted to swing his fists at them, hit and kick and bite and rip..
But all he could do was clutch his head, his helmet feeling like a prison he wanted to rip off...yet he had forgotten how.
Unacceptable, return.
Don't...please...no more...
Duty first.
I can't...
Mission first.
Too weak...please...I want...
Objective first!
Rest! Please, rest...
Failure is unacceptable, go back.
I can't!
His hands moved over his face, darkness descended, trying to drown out the voices with the thumping of his blood in his ears, the bloodied and torn faces looking up at him, still with hope, belief in him written in dead eyes...
I can't do this any more...please...God...I can't...
The faces of the mothers, the fathers, the sisters and brothers, stricken with tears for their fallen even as they thanked him...thanked him for rescuing them.
Mission is all, focus on-
Can't...
The faces of the officers, badly concealed disgust on them even as they toasted him and pinned yet another medal to his chest. Reporters and women, celebrities and fans...all fawning after him, worshipping him...
And what he once desired above all had become nothing but ash to him.
Mission!
No, I...no...
Saren!
I refuse...I...no more...
He clenched his eyes shut, trying to add to the darkness made by his hands.
It didn't help, it never helped...it only drew him deeper into the pit of darkness, made his being spin as he felt the walls within his mind collapsing with crashes reverberating through his shuddering body.
There were no tears, those were long spent, he didn't deserve them.
Only guilt. Guilt, shame and self-loathing.
He deserved all of it.
I don't...can't...
A bump, something unyielding against his chest.
The hands dropped as he forced himself to open his eyes and look up...and found himself looking up at the blurry shape of a Krogan. "Wrex?"
The large creature smirked at him, the blurry lines sharpening.
It wasn't Wrex.
The creature's skin was a motley orange, eyes a bright green, as was the large crest atop his head that shone in the lamplight of the Wards. He bared a wide mouth filled with yellowing teeth...and his foul breath made Michael blink...as he with his scattered mind realised the Krogan was wearing armour.
In the Wards...?
"Commander Shepard..." The grin widened as the creature leant closer...and Michael felt a jolt of awareness slip back into place.
Something is wrong...
"...Saren sends his regards."
For the briefest of moments Michael's mind refused to connect the dots, mind too exhausted...then his gaze darted down...and he saw the shotgun pressed against his chest.
Then he was swept off the ground.
It was a dream...
He was flying, arms and legs stretched out before him as he hurtled backwards...and further away the grinning Krogan stood, smoking shotgun levelled even as the crowd around them ran, scattering in fright...
A moment later he heard the boom of the shot...and the screams, people screaming, running...some crying out in pain as they were stampeded by the panicking horde...
The close ranged shot had smashed through shields and armour...yet Michael felt nothing but a small pressure against his chest as he flew...feeling...at ease.
It's okay...
A crash, a jolt of pain through his spine as his back struck a wall...and slumped back to the floor with a wet thump.
Wet...?
Pain!
He gasped, left hand pushing him upwards as his right moved to his chest, dropped head looking at the crater in his chest-plate, crimson blood pouring from it...
Good...rest...I want it...
Unacceptable, you have a mission!
No...I...no...it's okay...
Failure is not acceptable!
Someone else...let someone else...
There is no one else!
All around the screams were mixed with moans of pains from those trampled...moans a part of his heavy breaths, of his beating heart...
Not again.
His right hand moved past his chest, finding his pistol and drawing it as he raised his head with a defiant growl...
Pain!
He flew back as the Krogan once again fired, his body spinning counter-clockwise with the impact against his left shoulder...and heard the splatter of his own blood against the wall as his back again slumped against it...before he fell onto his knees.
He gripped the pistol tightly, holding it like a talisman even as he ignored the white flashes of pain before his vision as he forced himself to look up...
The large room, once a market, now lay empty save two Asari, a Turian and a human...who lay in mangled pools of their own blood.
My fault...my responsibility...my failure...
Not again!
His gaze shifted to the Krogan, finding the monstrous beast advancing with a slowness born out of cruel confidence...and bared his teeth in a snarl as his still functioning right arm moved up.
Shields too powerful...new target.
He shifted his aim even as the Krogan grinned at his small weapon...
A single shot...and the Krogan's shotgun came apart in a flash of failing electronics.
The assassin looked down at the broken weapon in surprise, then up at Michael, the grin turning into a smirk...as he lowered his head and charged.
Evade-
He wasn't fast enough, his body too stricken to move...and he felt his pistol slip out of his hands as all air was driven out of him with the force of the Krogan body smashing his into the wall with a fleshy crunch, pinning his weapons against his back, and him against them...
Evade, defend...can't...
Pain!
He cried out, sharp pain lancing through his body from his chest as the Krogan's fist struck the deep wound...before both moved to grip his waist...and pushed him upwards...his feet lifting of the ground...
His hands found the Krogan's wrists, but the grip was like iron as the muscles beneath twitched...and Michael's cry turned into a gasp as armoured claws dug into his armour...
Unacceptable, fight...
His hands shot up, fists coming up against the Krogan's large eyes...only to meekly bounce off as the creature bared its teeth in disgusting snarl.
Too weak...
A crunch...a tearing sound...and Michael's head shot back as a scream exploded from his shaking lungs even as he felt blood pour down his legs as the armoured claws dug into his flesh...
Unacceptable!
The head came back down, smashing the front of his helmet against the Krogan's face with a crunch.
A crunch of his helmet cracking...
The Krogan's green eyes flashed with glee as its head drew back with a grin of anticipation...
And Michael drew his right knee up against its chest, trying to stop it.
It was no use, the head came forth, the Krogan's bulk practically squashing Michael's thigh against his leg as the crest of the creature smashed into his face.
A crack.
Whiteness flashing before his vision.
And a crack as his helmet begun to split...
Fight...fight...
It hurt...he felt weak...his body distant...
You have not yet repented...
A growl, his own, and his right hand moved down to his calf, drawing the knife strapped to his boot...
Pain!
Again whiteness flashed before his vision, only fading slowly as he felt fresh air on his face as his broken helmet fell apart and down to the floor with a clatter.
The Krogan laughed, a distant sound that shook through Michael's dying body...and drew his head back...
It shot forth...
No.
Michael's head darted to the left, tilting his head out of the way even as he raised his knife, steadying the end of it against the wall even as he aimed the point out...
A fleshy crunch...and the Krogan roared as his head reared back, the knife buried just beneath his crest, orange blood spurting from the wound...and its claws tightening, digging further into Michael.
His gasp was not his own, it was something of a dying creature, something unreal...yet he willed his right hand up, catching a hold of the knife...and pushed.
With a tearing sound the knife moved down the left side of the Krogan's head, right beneath the crest until it struck the plates by its neck...and it roared out in anguish.
You will not stop me.
Michael snarled...and cried out as he twisted the blade and pushed it upwards...
A crunch...tearing flesh...and the crest opened up, the large shell's sliced end lifting...and then falling down as the entire thing dropped to hang from the right side of the Krogan's head.
A howl...loud and agonized...and Michael's answer was but a weak cough as the claws in his flesh broke through to the other side...
He could see it, the Krogan's brain was a large lump of yellow flesh barely hidden under white strings of tissue...that was already growing more numerous as it began to regenerate even such a grievous injury.
I will...kill...you...
Another cough, blood exploding over his lips and chin...and Michael raised his arm, gore-covered knife aiming down...
And the Krogan growled as the claws began to tear...
His head rolled back...and Michael felt the knife slip from his fingers...
Can't...
White flashing before his eyes...
I...
A shrinking tunnel of it...
Not done...
Darkness descending...
Please...
Silence.
Then a shudder, his vision, a hazy thing...and he saw the Krogan before him, the green eyes wide in panic even as the grip on his flesh slackened.
And the barrel of a shotgun against the Krogan's brain.
Tali's voice was one of venom: "Regenerate this!"
A distant boom...and the Krogan's skull exploded into orange gore.
He fell.
Darkness.
His knees against the floor, body falling.
Darkness.
"Shepard!" Panic in Tali's voice, small hands gripping him under his right shoulder, pulling hard to stop his fall.
Darkness
He swayed, his body so...distant.
Darkness.
"We have to get you to a hospital!"
Darkness.
No...
Darkness.
A shake of his head. "No...Normandy...safety..."
Darkness.
"But you're-!"
Darkness.
"Now..."
He pushed his legs upwards, knowing Tali couldn't carry him on her own...and stumbled forward.
Darkness.
"Keelah you're..."
Darkness.
Michael gritted his teeth...
Primary objective: Reach Normandy and heal. Secondary: Kill Saren.
...and banished the darkness.
Failure is not an option.
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Thank you to Abydos Jackson for her constant help.