I don't own Harry Potter.

Chapter 36 "Lily's Little Speech"

Severus opened his eyes, confused for a moment when he saw the bright yellow paint that coated the walls. Then he remembered.

"Lily." He glanced over at his wife, who was still asleep beside him. He eased himself out from under the covers, careful to not disturb her. He should go back, there was probably an Order meeting going on to prepare for tonight...but instead of leaving, he pulled a chair next to the bed and sat watching Lily as she breathed softly. She looked so peaceful laying there. How could he leave her again? if she woke up and found nobody there, she would be scared.

A few hours later, his friends came into the room, Sirius bursting through loudly as usual. The door slamming into the wall jerked Lily from her sleep, and she started, rolling over and falling out of her bed. Severus, who was still watching Lily, jumped almost a mile at the sudden noise.

"Sorry," Sirius said hastily as Severus helped Lily up and back onto the bed. Remus shook his head, pushing Sirius out of the way. He took a seat on the edge of Lily's bed, smiling at her.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. She reached out to touch his hand, smiling sadly. "I'm fine, Remus."

Damius was holding back, still not feeling like he didn't totally belong. Draco tugged on his hand hard, pulling out of his grasp and practically leaping onto the bed next to Lily. She looked surprised for a moment, but smiled widely when he threw his arms around her.

"See, I told you everything would be okay, didn't I?" she whispered into his ear, and he giggled. She hugged the boy close, cradling him in her arms. One look at Severus made her frown with worry; his face was distorted in an expression of guilt and sadness.

"Excuse me." he said quietly, standing up and leaving the room abruptly. Lily quickly stood, placing Draco on Remus' lap.

"Hold him," she said before dashing after her husband. She caught up with him a few doors down. Grabbing his arm tightly, she tugged to stop him from moving.

"Sev, what's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"You can tell me." Lily coaxed, coming around to face him.

Severus looked unbelievably frustrated, and shook her arm off. "This, all of it, every bloody thing is my fault. If I had never told Voldemort what I heard, you would still be happy with Harry and James. None of this would have happened."

"You stopped Voldemort,Sev. If you didn't, we might all be dead by now."

"Come on, Lily." Severus said loudly. "Do you really believe that, or is that just what you're telling yourself?"

Lily touched Severus' face. "No, that's what I beleive. Maybe Voldemort would have learned the prophecy from someone else somehow. I'm sure there were other ways. It was going to happen eventually, one of us getting hurt. We were in the order after all. Fighting Death Eaters isn't a safe occupation, Sev, as you know."

"I just can't live with myself, Lily, knowing everything that I've done." Severus mad to turn away, but Lily grabbed him again, continuing in a soft tone. Severus was really scaring her now. She had never seen him like this.

"The good that you've done outweighs the bad. The way you defeated Voldemort, watch out for our friends, everything you've done for ME. Your job, my house, the baby. All of it for me, Sev."

"Not the baby, anymore, Lily." Severus shook his head. "I never thought I wanted to be a father, to have a child. Now it's like a part of me is gone. I can't take it. If I had been there with you-"

"You weren't, Sev. But that's not your fault." Severus scowled, pulling away, but Lily wouldn't let him leave. She wrapped her arms around his back, resting her head against his chest. "No, you're going to listen to me. We might have lost the baby, but we stil have a child to take care of. Draco needs us, Sev. So does Damius. He needs guidance, someone he can look up to. I know all this must sound weird, coming from me. I think the loss of the baby woke me up, I really do. I see what we need to do. I can't be sitting in a dark room crying when Draco is hungry, and you can't either, if Damius needs your help. We need to get through this together, because that's how it's going to be for the rest of our lives. There's going to be struggles and losses, but we'll always have each other. If I get kidnapped again, I know you'll be there to save my ass. So man up, and stop blaming yourself for things that weren't your fault. You're doing exactly what I was doing after James and Harry were killed. I don't want you to become like me. I see now how bad I really was. But we'll do this, and we'll do it together, okay?"

Severus was staring down at her, shocked by her speech. He briefly wondered if this was Lily, or an imposter. Lily laughed at the expression on his face, bringing her lips up to meet his.

"I love you, Severus. Twice as much as you love me. I'll die for you if I have to. And it won't be your fault."

Severus pressed his face into her soft hair, wishing it could just be the two of them forever, that they could go somewhere and never have to see or think about other people ever again. But that was not the case. There were things that had to be done, people to watch over. It was their job to do it.

"I love you too, Lily." Severus whispered into her ear, and she smiled, clutching her husband close like she never wanted to let go of him again.