Chapter Thirty-Five: River of Lies

(Still) Day Seventy-Two:

The problem was, if she didn't come back before eleven o'clock, he would know that she wasn't in his control anymore. Or was she?!

After nearly tumbling into the hotel elevator and throwing on her clothes, she ran out to the sidewalk. Granted, she looked crazy. Frantic, wet clothes, and wide eyes. Not that she was worried about any of that.

Unfortunately, another evident problem was that Victor wasn't home. Horrible timing for him to have a work shift. And she couldn't text him because her phone was left in her jacket pocket.

Even without the withdrawal, this situation was impossibly confusing. Was she under his control or not?! Her pills had certainly never worn off before. The very first thing she thought of doing was taking another to be certain, but her two extras were locked away in the hotel. She could always feel the presence of her freedom, just as she could always feel the rules hanging above her head when she wasn't free. She had to understand what was going on. She had to do something.

The first test was using a broken piece of glass to give herself a small cut on the back of her hand. Considering one of the rules said she couldn't hurt herself, this technically shouldn't have worked if she wasn't immune. But she's given herself plenty of cuts and bruises from punching things, and although it was a different context, it could be interpreted multiple ways. It wasn't proof. Not enough.

Instead of calling Trish and dragging her into something she wouldn't understand, she used another tactic. As in roaming around, telling random people that her name was Jessica Jones and she had super strength. After about five vaguely startled and confused strangers, it seemed like she had enough proof. The pills were still working.

The thing was, it would have been extensively simpler if she didn't get that proof. All it would mean was that something was wearing off the cure quicker than normal. Victor would run a few tests, fix it, or just give her a higher dose, and that would be it. This, however, made it that much more complicated.

If she could break the rules now, why not before?! She had to be completely free or not at all. There was no in between! There was no way in hell that some rules could hold more priority over others because that was ridiculous and… impossible?

'You cannot hurt or harm me in any way.'

It was pretty much the first thing she heard every day. It was pretty much the first thing that came out of his mouth in the morning. Rule number one…

But… there was no way that was relevant! If she could break other commands, she could break them all. Then why couldn't she break him?! She needed Victor. She needed him. Now.

Wishing he would appear didn't make it happen, however. So Jessica suffered through this panic attack alone. The good thing about not having her phone on her was that anything Kilgrave texted her would go unreceived and he wouldn't be able to command her into doing anything. Her entire body flushes at the thought of what happened in the kitchen. Seducing him. Seriously. The dumbest idea she's ever had.

As eleven o'clock drew closer, the urge to return to the hotel wasn't there. More evidence. It didn't. Make. Sense. Now she had yet another decision to make. She could stay out and wait for Victor to come home and sort this out for her. But that would give away that she was 'immune' to Kilgrave. God only knows what he'd try then. Her other option was that she could go back, and face him. What the fuck was she gonna say?!

Any move she made from this point on was going to get messy. There were no good options. None. But Victor could be out all night. And Kilgrave would lose his shit and tear down all of London to find her if she didn't return as scheduled. So ultimately, before eleven struck, she was cautiously opening the hotel room door. This time, she was coming in without a plan, and she didn't intend on making one, either. Whatever happened, happened.

All the lights were off when she came in, and upon switching one on in the main room, she found it to be empty. No sign of Kilgrave. But where had he gone? Did he go to look for her? There was still over thirty minutes before it was eleven…

The horrible anxiety she felt still lingered as she hesitantly retrieves her phone. Wow. It only took him four messages and two missed calls for him to realize that she didn't have her phone with her. But she puts her phone back down before she's tempted to read any of the messages he sent. The curiosity would eat her alive if she continued holding it.

What did they say? 'Come back so we can finish what we started'. Her entire body shudders at the thought, and even more so when she looks at the table where she last sat. She was actually going to let him…

Kilgrave would be back by her curfew to find her. Should she try and sleep and hope he didn't wake her? More procrastination. It didn't help her before and it sure wasn't going to help her now. She probably needed to stay up and confront him before -

"There you are, arsehole."

"Jesus Christ." Jessica jumps, looking towards the dark bedroom where the voice came from.

It was the Devil's mistress. How did Jessica not think to check the entire hotel room? Ruby came out in one of her usual dresses, and seeing her adversary startle, she rolls her eyes. "Kilgrave is out trying to find you."

"Yeah, I figured." Jessica snarls, her heart rate slowing back down. The two woman avoided each other as much as possible, so this was the most conversation they'd had in the past month. "Not that any of this concerns you."

Ruby leans up against the doorframe, crossing her arms. "Everything that affects him is my business."

"Who the hell are you?! His wife?" Scoffing, she sits down on the sofa, wishing the bitch would leave her alone with her thoughts.

"I wish." She mumbles to herself, before barking, "The one day he wants to have dinner with you, he goes mad over whatever you did to him. Why am I not surprised, Jessica?"

"I didn't do anything to him."

"Oh sure. Whenever you spend time with him, something always goes wrong. I'm supposed to believe that's a coincidence?!"

"If you haven't noticed, Kilgrave is the one keeping me as a prisoner here! I don't want anything to do with him just as much as you don't want me around!"

As she normally does, she ignores essentially everything she just heard. "What did you fuck up this time?"

"Why don't you ask him?! If he wants you to know, I'm sure he'll tell you!" But Jessica knew perfectly well that he wouldn't tell Ruby anything that happened today. Simply because the woman would lose her head if she found out they almost fucked on the table…

Ruby seemed vaguely annoyed by this, as if she too knew that Kilgrave wouldn't tell her. "I'm telling him you're here." Her tone makes this sound like a threat as she retrieves her phone.

"I don't. Give. A fuck." She growls back, kicking off her boots. But she did. Because she was counting on this half hour to prepare herself.

It looked like the bitch could sense this, because she smirks as she puts the phone up to her ear. "Hey, baby. I've got news." She says, shooting Jessica one last condescending look before trailing off into the bedroom.

When she's alone again, Jessica grumbles under her breath. Maybe procrastination didn't help before, but it didn't matter. She couldn't do this now. She just couldn't.

Instead, she lays down and closes her eyes tight, begging herself to fall asleep before he returned. Hoping he would have the decency to leave her alone until morning came.

*****RIVER OF LIES*****

Day Seventy-Three:

It was two in the morning.

Jessica woke up because she felt something move.

Kilgrave was sitting on the floor, leaning up against the couch. His shirt was slightly open and crumpled as he head laid by Jessica's pillow, his hand loosely holding hers.

Maybe he initially planned to wake her up the moment he got back, but sitting there beside her while she slept, calmed him, just as it did in the past. There was no conflict. And as he locked his fingers with hers, he could feel her grip his hand back in her sleep. He couldn't move even if he wanted to. It was undeniable how much he loved this woman. So he stayed on the floor, holding her hand, until he fell asleep as well, his head by her shoulder.

He must have been turning in his sleep, which finally woke Jessica. Finding him there didn't necessarily make her flinch. But it was troubling. Especially feeling the way their hands were together. What the hell is he doing?!

Looking down at him made her think.

Maybe I should try killing him again. Maybe last time was just a fluke. But then I have the same issue as before. Startling him. That's not gonna work… even if it was possible…

I hate him. I hate that I let him get that far. I hate that I'm stuck.

When he sleeps he looks so… innocent.

Like he's not the horrible monster that tortured me.

He looks normal.

A normal… well-dressed… attractive man.

No. Not attractive. Just… good-looking.

Oh, what the hell is the difference?! Motherfucking libido…

The moment I pull my hand away, he's gonna wake up. I'm gonna have to deal with this. One way or another. Time to stop running. I have to hold my ground this time. Just fight until I can get to Victor…

Stay strong.

Don't let him get in my head.

Just as she suspected, the moment her hand leaves his, he shifts, awakening.

Instantly after he turns to look at her, she goes on the offensive, just as she promised herself. "I didn't give you permission to touch me." Even though she speaks quietly, as it was the middle of the night, her tone is as hostile as ever.

His soft expression that he had a few seconds ago quickly changes to something darker. "Seriously?! That's the first thing you want to say to me?!"

To this, she doesn't respond, clenching her jaw. She would win this time around.

"After I ran around the city looking for you, I came back here to find you asleep. And do you want to know why I didn't wake you?! Because I figured, despite whatever the hell is going on in your head, that when you woke up, you would have the decency to understand the position you put me in! I see I was wrong." He growls deliberately, standing up off the ground.

His stance was a bit intimidating for her, mostly because of the way his shirt was hanging open. Temporarily distracting her. But she had no room for patience or doubt. "'The decency to understand'?! Are you fucking kidding me?! I have every right to make my own goddamn decisions about what I want to do with my body!"

"Do you hear yourself?!" He snaps, his muscles visibly tensing, even in the dark lighting. "What do you bloody want from me?! It's like nothing I do is right! Nothing is ever good enough for you! So you barely speak to me for a month and then all of a sudden you take your shirt off at dinner?! How can you not understand my reaction to this situation?! How is this my fault?!"

"You want to play the blame game?! Really?! Says the one who kidnapped me!"

"That's not what we're talking about and you know it. So you honestly want to sit there and tell me that I did something you didn't want me to?! Can't you see how… how frustrating you are?! You drive me insane, Jessica!"

Now she was genuinely getting angry. It wasn't an act anymore. She shouldn't have to explain herself to him. "Like I give a shit! You made the choice to touch me. I didn't ask for that. And you have absolutely no right to criticize or question why I walked out that door. No. Fucking. Right."

"You didn't ask for it?!" He turns away from her and groans to himself, irritably running his hands through his hair. "I wish you would stop being so elusive. You are such a pain in the ass!" He says quieter, leaving his back turned. "You were begging for it. You said so yourself." When he turns back to face her, it seemed like the storm in his eyes was dissipating. Instead of vehemence, he looked… hurt.

It wasn't something she was expecting, and once again, it threw her off. Now it just appeared indecent if she were to continue raising her voice, so she's whispering again. "I… I changed my mind."

"Why do I find that so hard to believe?" Sighing, he glares down at her with an expression of agony. There's a beat of silence before he slowly sits down next to her.

No.

She tells herself to move away from him, but her body stays incredibly still.

"I told you to tell me to stop if you didn't want it. If I remember correctly, you said nothing. What's the point in lying to me now?" He was exceedingly close to her at this point, the short distance making the air feel thicker.

"I'm not lying." She breathes, watching his every movement closely. Yet even as he moves towards her, she stays still.

"Why did you leave?" He asks, tremendously calm. "I wanted you to stay... more than anything…" It was obvious that it was coming, but Jessica does nothing as he leans in and kisses down the side of her neck. "I wanted to keep going…" A visible chill shoots down her spine as he breathes in her ear.

Swallowing hard, she balls her fists, trying to focus. "I already told you…"

When his tongue brushes her skin, she bites her lip to stop from letting out any noise. "I don't believe you." He pulls at the bottom of her shirt, making the wet kisses harder than before. "Tell me the truth now." He commands, but doesn't stop to look at her.

And there it was. An order. But just like she was able to tell strangers her name, she didn't feel the effects. They simply weren't there. She didn't have to tell the truth. She could lie to his face right now, and he would have no choice but to accept it as fact. Then again, getting more evidence that the pills were still working, shouldn't she try to kill him again. At least try?

The same thoughts that came into her head at the table came to her now. Except they were about twenty times faster.

Kill him.

Fuck him.

Stop.

Yes.

No.

Keep going.

Idiot.

Do something.

Not again.

Stop him.

Maybe it was because it all happened so fast, or maybe it was because everything had been building up inside her. But whatever it was caused her to erupt, overflowing with a river of thoughts that were stuck in her mind from the past.

Quickly, she shoves him away from her and back into the couch, causing him to wince. Before she can control herself, she's shouting. "You want the truth, asshole?! You asked me if I didn't want it. You didn't ask me if I didn't want you. They're two very different things!"

She stands up and takes the antagonist stance in front of him, completely ignoring his reaction. "You fucking piece of shit! You stole me away from my life and you think I could ever care about you?! In any way?! Not emotionally, and certainly not physically! It's like you're extraordinarily oblivious! Like you've completely forgotten what you did to me! What you're doing to me! Get your head out of your ass! I can't stand how naive you're acting!

"So yeah. Maybe I wanted it. As in sex. Because like the psychopathic control-freak you are, you forbid me from having sex with anyone else! But because I let you touch me once, Do. Not. Think that you are entitled to my body. I don't care what you do, or what you make me do, but You. Will. Never. Own me.

"This whole thing was just one big fucked-up mistake. Listen to me when I say: I. Do. Not. Want. You.

"You're irredeemable, Kilgrave. Nothing you do will ever give you a fresh start, and definitely not with me. You. Are. Not. A goddamn. Hero. It's cute that you think you ever could be. Real fucking cute. But I'm not going to stand here and tell you that we're okay. We will never be okay. We will never be close. We will never be intimate. Get. Over. It."

Jessica was raging. It felt like she was going to throw something, or break shit. But she just stands in front of him, nearly trembling with fury.

Kilgrave, however, went through different shades of emotion through her tirade. Startled, appalled, angry, frustrated, humiliated… heartbroken. Like she had torn out his love and slapped him in the face with it… repeatedly.

But after that… he just looked… empty. Not empty in a depressed way… but empty like there was nothing left. No more anger, no more sadness, no more love. Just nothing. Blank. It was an odd look on him. Uncomfortable even.

There isn't time for anything else, before they hear some shuffling and Ruby runs out of the bedroom in her robe. She must have heard the shouting and it scared her awake.

"What's going on?! … Kilgrave?" She asks in a mouse-like tone, glancing at Jessica, but mostly looking towards her lover.

Kilgrave doesn't speak, and neither does Jessica. There's just a long stretch of tension as the three of them glare at one another.

The worry for Kilgrave quickly translates into anger towards Jessica, and Ruby is the first to snap. "What the bloody hell did you do to him?!"

Before an answer can be given, Kilgrave stands up and walks to Ruby, languidly. "Let's go." He mutters to her and takes her hand, pulling her into the bedroom.

The door closes idly.

Jessica is left standing alone, in the dark, immediately regretting every lie that just came out of her mouth.

Author's note:

Well let me tell you, I just about died when I saw how many people left reviews on the last chapter! Glad you all enjoyed the way it was written! PLEASE KEEP EM COMING! I LOVE IT! NOTHING GOES UNREAD! :D

Now, the plan was to keeping going into the morning of Day 73 in this chapter, but the scene I wanna do is probably gonna be pretty long so I decided to save it. Besides, this chapter was a decent length on its own. So if you feel like you've been cheated out of an explanation… SORRY NOT SORRY. It'll all make sense soon my friends :)

Lastly, I have to give another shout out to Deyo for this chapter. He helped give me ideas about how Jessica and Kilgrave would interact in this specific scene, and his input was extremely helpful!

LOVE YOU FAM!