Unbidden Memories

by lalaluu

Author Note: Standard Disclaimer Applies. Apologies for the delay. Work and the holidays kept me too busy to write and/or post. It takes an ice day to give me time to do either. Unfortunately, for the Gulf Coast, those are very rare. Much love to my beta, cecelle, who is almost finished with Mist & Vapor (Yea! and at the same time -sob- ), and who probably has it worse than me up in the Pacific Northwest. So I shall not complain too much about black ice. Enjoy the chapter.

Chapter 35

The Night Before

Severus watched as Emmaline went to tell the boys goodnight. He thought the ritual a bit juvenile for the nearly grown young men to go through. However, he did not begrudge her the little things that held her life together. From the sound of it, it had only been Andrew, and later Katie and Kenneth, that had kept her sane for all the intervening years. Faint memories of his mother when he was Andrew's age threatened to surface, and for a while, he let them drift harmlessly outside the range of his consciousness. He remembered…her crying…for days on end, it seemed…his father…drunk…slinking away from her, which seemed to be worse to Severus than if he had hit her…his father pretending that she wasn't there most of the time…was neglect better or worse than abuse?

Sighing heavily, he began reordering his mind, calling on his years of Occlumency practice… He needed to test Andrew's Occlumency further before their visit to the Dark Lord tomorrow night. He wanted to forget about that, but try as he might, it loomed ever larger and more sinister each second. Before today, he might not have even classified the upcoming meeting as sinister at all. It would merely have been another piece of business to which he needed to attend. But being a parent put the situation in an entirely different light. The revelation that he was a parent was not entirely surprising. He had begun to suspect something for a while, especially over the last week. It had been a possibility he hadn't been fully prepared to entertain, but he had assuaged his conscious mind by reminding himself that Emmaline would not have kept something that important from him.

He shook his head momentarily, silently amused at his naiveté. Women, he knew, had strange ways of thinking; most men would call it "crazy." While her explanation had been quite sound, he couldn't stop thinking that Emmaline should have attempted to contact him once the Dark Lord had fallen. She had even admitted to, at least subconsciously, knowing it was his child. He felt adrift in a sea of uncertainty with no anchor and no compass. How was he to hold onto his son, and Merlin help him, how was he to be a father?

Emmaline knocked smartly on the tapestry that led to the Head Boy's room. A muffled, "Come in!" from Andrew, and she peered into the room. "I wanted to say goodnight," she said, smiling at them. Draco looked up from his book and gave her a shy smile. Andrew merely bobbed his head over a long bit of parchment. With a slight frown, she walked over and leaned down to look at it.

"Mom…it's a letter to Persephone," Andrew grumbled, bringing the parchment up to blow on it, thereby shielding it from his mother's view.

"I thought it might have been an essay," she responded lightly, "seeing as it's so long."

Draco smirked.

Emmaline didn't see Andrew roll his eyes but knew he was doing so anyway.

"I'm not telling her anything about today…well, not anything that we wouldn't want anyone else to know."

"I didn't think you were," she said archly. Sighing, she explained, "I was only teasing. I haven't got to tease you about a girl yet. Play along."

He finally looked up at her. "What do you want me to do? Whine? Throw a fit? Accuse you of butting in?"

Emmaline made a face. "You're no fun."

"He's entirely too serious," Draco added his two pence worth.Her face fell for a second, before she broke out into a teary smile. Leaning down to lightly kiss Andrew's hair, she whispered, "Just like his father." Straightening up, she saw Andrew grinning happily and was glad his back was toward Draco.

"And you," she said, turning to the blonde with hands on hips. At Draco's grumpy look, she said, "Don't stay up too late reading. You need your rest for tomorrow."

His face immediately fell. After a shaky breath, he quietly admitted, "I don't think I can go."

"I'm not sure you can get out of it," Andrew reminded him, but Emmaline shushed him with a wave of her hand.

Sitting down on Draco's bed so that she faced him, Emmaline gently placed a hand on his leg. He looked pitiful with a long face and baleful eyes. "You won't be alone…"

"Yeah!" Andrew interrupted.

She shot him a dark look then turned back to Draco.

"I know," he mumbled. "It's just…Luciusmaybethere."

Peering closely as she repeated the words in her head, she finally figured out what he had said. With a determined look in her eye, she reassured him, "I promise I won't let him have a say in your future." Shaking her head firmly, she spoke as if promising herself, "I won't let him."

"Mom…"
"How?"

Emmaline looked over at her son and then back to Draco. "You two have to promise me something."

"What?" asked Andrew.

"Anything," Draco responded.

"You can't tell Severus what I'm planning," Emmaline cautioned.

"What are you planning?"

"…Okay."

"Draco!"

"What?"

"You can't make a promise without knowing what you're promising!" Andrew retorted indignantly.

"I don't care. And, anyway, I trust your mum. Don't you?"

Emmaline surreptitiously placed an Imperturbable Charm on the door to Severus' quarters. "I'm going with you guys tomorrow night."

"No!"

"You are?"

"Yes. I'm going to stand for you, Draco."

The boy stared silently into her eyes for a few moments, gauging her sincerity. Finally, he simply said, "Thank you."

"Are you sure about this, Mom?"

At the sound of Andrew's voice, she turned toward him. "Yes," she nodded. "And Severus will stand for you, Andrew."

"Oh. Is that…okay?"

Smiling, she replied, "It will be." As she got up, she bent and kissed Draco on the head. "Now, you both should get some sleep…" She kissed Andrew again. "Though I'll probably make you take a nap tomorrow afternoon, since the ceremony begins at midnight…" She stood at the door and looked back at them. Draco looked solemn while Andrew seemed worried. "Don't worry about me. Worry about school and girls, because I promise you, those will still be there after tomorrow night."

Draco smiled slightly at that, but Andrew's expression did not budge.

"Sleep well. If you need me, don't hesitate to come get me." With that, she lifted the spell on the door and left. They were nearly grown men, after all, and could take care of themselves. Mostly.

Emmaline stepped back into the room, and Severus' next thought was And dammit, how am I going to convince her to join me in my bed? Truthfully, it had been on his mind throughout the afternoon and dinner. He had been only mildly uncomfortable at the dinner table, ignoring the insipid Gryffindors as best he could. It had helped that even Andrew, who was normally very friendly with them, had kept to himself. In fact, the boy seemed quite introspective, and Severus knew he had a reason to be. Then, Albus entered the Great Hall and twinkled knowingly at him. He had subconsciously reached for Emmaline's knee, wanting a familiar reassurance, but luckily remembered just in time that Draco was sitting in between them. He had only locked eyes with the headmaster for a split second, but he knew it was ample time for the old man to have gleaned enough about Severus' day.

He jerked his head up at a light touch on his arm. Emmaline stood before him, smiling slightly.

"You shouldn't stand out here brooding all night," she gently admonished him.

"No," he sighed. After a pause, he added, "There is much to think about." Observing her solemn nod, he felt compelled to ask, "Should you be alone tonight?" Instantly, he tried to amend his question, "That is, with all that has happened today...well, one would think you should have company…"

This time her smile was reflected in her eyes. "I'll be okay." Then, the devil of a woman smirked at him. Smirked! If he hadn't wanted to alienate her, he would have lashed out with a scathing rebuke. Instead, he had to settle for a Very Black Look. Unfortunately, it did not have the same effect on her as it did most people.

"I wonder…" she murmured.

"What?" he asked sharply after she failed to continue.

Shaking her head, she clarified, "I just wonder how many mannerisms Andrew might pick up from you. He could stand to learn one or two of your patented glares, I think."

Nearly growling, he took a step closer to her, bringing them to within an inch of each other, and glared down at her. "Andrew," he ground out, "will not end up anything like me!" He softened only slightly when she frowned.

"Not everything about you is a character flaw, you know," she observed.

"Hmph," was Severus' inarticulate reply as he paced away.

Emmaline was lying in bed, trying to still her racing mind so that she could go to sleep. It seemed incredulous to her that so much had happened in so short a time. All the things that had come out during the day…all the things that had happened in the States…all the things that had happened since she had come to England…

When she noticed the tall, dark figure in her doorway, she was not surprised in the least. "Can you not sleep?" she asked him softly.

After a moment's hesitation, he replied, "No," in a defeated voice.

She sighed as he cautiously approached her bed. As he sat down on the edge, she turned to face him. "Right now, I'm not sure I'll ever sleep again." She could imagine his smirk.

"I have had many nights where I have thought the same thing."

"Oh?"

He turned slowly to face her, and she heard the smirk in his voice this time. "Of course, I didn't have anyone to commiserate with at the time," he confided.

She couldn't help the smirk on her face this time. "I see," she replied knowingly. Then with a sigh of frustration, she changed tack. "I've told the boys to come get me if they need me. I don't think…"

"They are nearly adults," he responded, lifting the covers and climbing in bed beside her.

With a great sigh, she folded her arms over the duvet. "Yes, I suppose they are," she admitted reluctantly.

Severus lay quietly next to her for so long that she thought he must have fallen asleep. When he spoke, she could tell he was pulling words out as if it was hard to do so, as if he was scared to do so. "I have always had a healthy dose of fear when going before the Dark Lord. After all, it is only natural to feel fear as a part of self-preservation. That is one reason man has always feared the dark. We can't see what is around us; we imagine terrible things lurking nearby, and the fear of the unknown puts us in high alert." He paused, and Emmaline kept silent, giving him time to chase his thoughts. "Tomorrow, not only will I be going before the Dark Lord, but my godson and my – son – will be going with me."

Emmaline nodded to herself. She had spent nearly eighteen years as a worrying parent.

"I have seen Hogwarts students be inducted," he continued. "I was one of them myself. But I cannot fathom how I am going to get through tomorrow night." On the last sentence, his voice warbled for the first time during his musing.

Emmaline found one of his hands with her own and squeezed tightly. "I know. And I know that you will get through it." Turning to lay on her side, she brought her face close enough in the dim light to see his lips pressed closely together and his eyes staring up at the ceiling. "You are as prepared as you ever will be – "

"No, Draco – He needs to master Occlumency. He's worse than Potter…"

Stroking his upper arm soothingly, she asked, "You've been teaching Harry how to Occlude?"

Severus frowned. "I've been trying to; he's finally managed to do well enough that Albus has taken over his training."

"And you haven't had time for Draco."

In an almost anguished voice, he replied, "No."

"I'll talk to him tomorrow."

"You cannot teach him in a day…"

"No, I agree, but a foundation can be started, and if it's a strong one, he'll be okay. For one night, he'll be okay."

He released a breath, and she began stroking his face in an effort to help him relax. "I hope so," he whispered, clearly tortured by his inaction towards his godson. Emmaline continued to caress his face, neck, shoulders, and chest until he grabbed her hand and held it still and fast to him. They lay awake for a while, listening to each others' breathing and heartbeats until finally they slipped into sleep together.

"Mom!" Andrew poked his head in the door to his mom's room. "I – " He blinked a few times as he took in the sight of his parents in bed together. First, he noticed that his dad's arms were around his mom. Second, he noticed that they still had nightclothes on. Third, he noticed that he was still standing in the doorway. Withdrawing quietly, he shut the door as soundlessly as possible.

"Is she awake?" asked Draco, startling him.

"What?" He turned around quickly, his back now to the door. "Oh, yeah, they're – um, yeah, she's…well, she's still asleep. I don't think we should wake her," he finished, shaking his head emphatically.

Draco looked at him with a questioning expression. "Are you sure she's alright?" he asked, gesturing toward the door.

"Yes," Andrew nodded. He kept nodding while striding into their bedroom determinedly. Emerging with their cloaks, he stated, "We should go check on the Re'em." He threw Draco's cloak at him and walked out the door without a further word.

Andrew was walking so fast that it wasn't until he was almost to Hagrid's hut that Draco caught up with him.

"Hey, what's with you this morning?"

"Nothing," Andrew replied tersely.

"Not nothing. Are you worried about tonight?"

Andrew stopped so suddenly that Draco had to walk back to him. "Yeah, but…this is…something else." Draco frowned. "Then what's wrong?"

Andrew glanced furtively at Draco. "I – I can't tell you."

Draco's brow furrowed. "I thought we told each other everything."

"We never agreed to that!"

"Well," Draco drawled as he looked around, deliberately stalling for effect. "We didn't do so explicitly…"

"Oh, so like you're going to tell me everything Lucius put you through?"

Draco blanched slightly. "No," he replied shortly. "Going forward though…"

"Yeah, it's a good idea," Andrew admitted. He and Draco shared a look. "But I can't tell you…"

Draco's exasperated growl made Andrew feel sorry for the other boy, but there were still some secrets that needed to be kept. "Look, I can't tell you, because it's not my place to tell," he said forcefully. In a more considerate tone, he added, "Mom will tell you if she thinks you should know. Okay?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "Let's just check on the Re'em."

"Okay," Andrew replied softly as he watched Draco stroll away from him.