Because of You
Chapter 36
Bella's POV
"Duck," Jack said, pointing toward the pond after I'd strapped him into his stroller.
We were meeting Ang, Lilly and Josh for lunch at the Carrie Blake Park, before letting the kids loose in the adjoining playground, but it was feeding the ducks that Jack enjoyed the most.
"Duck—good boy, baby!" I praised him brightly, before he turned his big blue eyes to mine and broke into the broadest grin; his six little teeth on full display.
I returned it impulsively and with added affection, before turning back to the car where Buddy was waiting impatiently to exit.
"Buddy, come," I said, just as he leaped over Jack's car seat and out the door, not needing any encouragement.
Buddy liked the ducks too; though, not exactly the same way Jack did, and I had to make sure he was restrained at all times.
Threading the loop of Buddy's leash through the right handle of Jack's stroller, I made my way towards the furthest gazebo, where I could just make out Ang and the kids waiting.
"Hey, B. Hi, Jack!" Ang greeted us warmly, before I leaned toward her to accept the welcoming kiss she placed on my cheek.
"Hey, Ang," I replied, just as Lilly attached herself to my leg, and chuckling I tickled her chubby cheek. "Hi, Miss Lilly."
"You look so much better today, B," Ang noted, prying Lilly off me and sitting her at the small round table beside Josh, who was happily munching on what appeared to be chicken nuggets.
"Yeah, I'm getting there," I admitted, bending down to release Jack from his stroller, and sitting him on my lap opposite Ang at the table.
Cryptosporidiosis, the doctor had called it. An intestinal bug often found in heated pools that was currently sweeping through the north western populations of Washington. Dozens of kids had been hospitalised with dehydration, and I was grateful Jack had only come down with a mild dose of it. Though, we did have a rough night with him, where for twelve hours straight he couldn't hold down an ounce of fluid, and just when Edward made up his mind to take him to emergency, Jack promptly decided he was over it. He started pulling on my shirt, letting me know he wanted to be fed, and after a couple of hours where we were optimistic it wasn't going to come back up again, all three of us collapsed in exhaustion.
The next day Edward came down with it, throwing up his dinner only twenty minutes or so after eating it, before he fell asleep and staying that way for ten hours. By morning he was completely fine, and despite my best protests, he still got up and went to work. But then that was pretty much the norm for Edward when he got sick.
Me, on the other hand... I was rarely sick, but when I came down with something, I came down with it big. I hadn't had so much as a sniffle since getting pneumonia just prior to getting pregnant with Jack, but when I came down with this bug, I was down for the count. For more than a month straight I could barely get through the day without throwing up. I was nauseous from the time I woke up in the morning, until the moment I fell asleep at night, and because I was unable to properly digest anything I was constantly weak and light-headed. And with Jack only just learning to walk it was the worst possible time to get sick.
There wasn't much I could do but keep myself hydrated with electrolytes and continue taking pro-biotics, but it really knocked me around. Thank god for Ang, because if I didn't have her to help me out, Edward would've had to have time off work. And Edward was, at the time, already stressing me out by the amount of anxiety he was displaying because of it.
As much as I loved him, he was the world's biggest over-reactor, and not the best person to have around when sick.
Reaching into my diaper bag—I got odd looks when I referred to it as a nappy bag, and I didn't want to give Edward any more ammunition against me—I pulled out Jack's lunch. A cheese sandwich and a banana I'd prepared earlier, in a zip lock bag.
Then, removing Jack's woollen beanie from his head, it was early November and winter was already setting in, I kissed his dark, curly-haired crown before handing him a quarter triangle of his sandwich.
Ang only smiled to herself, watching him, before her eyes again rose to mine. "Can you believe he's almost one? Where did the time go?"
"I know," I agreed, my voice dropping to a murmur. It seemed like only yesterday when he was born. What a day that had been...
And before I was aware of it, I smiled, knowing it was raw and completely emotionally charged, but I still couldn't think about Jack's birth without crying.
Angela's smile only broadened in understanding, before she reminded me, "I brought my camera."
We'd been trying the last couple of weeks to get some decent photos of Jack for his first birthday, but he'd been too much of a grumpy-pants and wouldn't cooperate.
"Fingers crossed, this time," I added, ducking just in time to avoid being hit by a particle of Josh's discarded lunch; making Jack laugh.
"Joshua!" Ang scolded him, as Buddy enthusiastically scooped it from the concrete floor; taking Jack's stroller with him.
"Yuck," was Josh's only response, parroted immediately by Jack; though, Jack had no intention of throwing his lunch around. He liked his food too much; exactly like his father.
Five minutes later, with half a banana squished in his fist, Jack squirmed from my arms to the ground before immediately taking off toward the duck pond.
I was right behind him, catching him half a dozen steps later before hauling him onto my hip. "Jack, wait for Momma!" I told him firmly, almost struggling to catch my breath. My energy had only just began returning, and it didn't take much for Jack to tire me out.
Placing him back down on his feet, I grabbed his hand, just as Ang caught up with us, pushing my stroller behind Buddy, with Lilly and Josh beside her; a child safety harness strapped to both their wrists.
I'd tried one of those things with Jack, as well. He'd only looked down at it and immediately yanked off the Velcro strap before glancing up at me with a cheeky grin; looking entirely too much like Edward.
"Duck—duck!" Jack began screeching as a mother duck and a half a dozen or so ducklings floated passed us.
"Okay, baby," I replied, attempting to placate him, before reaching into the nappy bag that was hanging from the handle of the stroller for the little bag of bread crumbs I'd brought along with us. "Thanks, Ang."
"No problem." She chuckled, tying Buddy's leash to a nearby park bench. He was barking away loudly, more excited than Jack was upon seeing the ducks.
"Oh my god..." I sighed to myself, keeping a firm grip on the hoodie of Jack's parka to make sure he didn't nose dive head first into the pond. "I wasn't going to bring Buddy today, but I haven't taken him for a walk in so long, I felt bad for him," I explained to Ang. Adding dryly, "This is despite the fact that he spends his days chasing whatever birds that land on the property."
"You should have brought him around to our place," Ang suggested lightly.
"Ben needs to see firsthand what owning a dog is like."
"Are you kidding? Edward would miss him too much," I joked, being suddenly pulled forward by Jack, whom I'm sure had every intention of jumping into the pond if I'd let him. At not quite twelve months old, he was already taller than Josh, and even though he still seemed so little to me, compared to other toddlers his age he really wasn't.
He was going to be tall! As tall as his father, or as tall as his grandfather—my father is six feet five—we weren't too sure yet.
"You want to swap kids?" Ang proposed, taking Jack's hand and handing me Lilly's.
Lilly was more cautious, and she happily stood beside Ang throwing a single piece of breadcrumb at a time. Josh had dumped his entire bag of crumbs in the pond in one go.
"Do I look as tired as I feel?" I muttered, frustrated at myself. Ang could manage both boys, while just five minutes with Jack had already worn me out.
"Just a little bit," Ang admitted, but when I turned to glance at her, her brow was knotted in evident concern.
I shook my head, rubbing at my forehead, irritated. "I think between this bug and weening Jack at the same time, my body's having a hard time getting back to normal."
"But you're pretty irregular, aren't you, B? That wouldn't help," she reminded me gently.
"Yeah," I conceded, rolling my eyes to myself. I really sucked at being female, sometimes. "I'm probably just being impatient, but I mean, I stopped breastfeeding almost a month ago and my boobs are still tender, and I'm still a bloody D-cup! When did yours settle down?"
Ang only gauged me for a moment, her eyes dipping to my chest, before she answered, looking almost guilty. "About a week."
I only huffed, annoyed that everything had to be so hard for me.
"Maybe you should go and get a blood test, B—to make sure your hormones are settling down and you've got a good level of iron. You've been pretty sick," Ang suggested, picking Jack up with one arm. He was out of bread crumbs and was beginning to lose it.
"Yeah, I probably should," I mumbled more or less to myself, before taking Jack into my arms. "So long as I can keep it from Edward for the time being," I added, my tone automatically lightening. "He's driving me nuts."
Ang chuckled. "He's definitely a worry-wart."
I hummed, thinking about my doofus husband as my smile turned wry. "He has a bad habit of always assuming the worst."
After calming Jack down with a bottle of milk, Ang and I sat by the playground while the kids played in the sandbox. Though, after five minutes, Jack and Josh wanted to do what all the bigger kids were doing—like climb the stairs to go down the slippery slide. I was on my feet from that moment on making sure my fearless son didn't fall and break his neck.
An hour later we were on our way back home for Jack's afternoon nap, and as tired as I was feeling, I planned on joining him. During the day, I put him down in mine and Edward's bed, and today I snuggled up beside him, sleeping for as long as he did.
When I woke, I made an appointment to see Dr Kendrick.
. . .
The following week was mine and Edward's third wedding anniversary. Edward took me out for sushi, and while the smell of it churned my stomach, I did my best to keep up appearances. I'd never really eaten it before, and I doubted I ever would again; though, I did enjoy the California Rolls.
Edward bought me a topaz ring—Jack's birth stone—that he'd slid across the table half way through our meal.
"Aww, honey," I murmured, cupping my palm against the far side of his face and pressing my lips to his cheek. "I love it."
He only smiled warmly for a moment before glancing down, his brow etching, and when he again met my eyes, his were serious. "So, baby, Dr Kendrick called today, while you were in the shower..."
My stomach immediately dropped. So much for keeping it from him.
"Oh, right," I replied, the casual tone I was aiming for sounding too forced and all but giving me away.
"What's going on?" he asked, after taking a heavy breath.
"Honey, it's routine now that I've weened Jack, and I know how you get..." I attempted to explain before letting it go. It didn't matter what I said to Edward, how much I reassured him, he would always worry. What had happened with the last ectopic pregnancy had scarred him more than I would ever really know, and I had to stop downplaying his feelings all the time.
At the same time, I knew how much it tore him up inside; it wasn't exactly healthy for him.
"You've got to stop hiding things from me, baby," he appealed to me, his expression suddenly raw.
Sighing beneath my breath, I grabbed his hand and attempting to appease him. "I just didn't want to worry you."
He only gazed at me for the longest time, for what reason I wasn't sure, before he eventually broke the silence. "Honey, when you had pneumonia you weren't this sick. When you had morning sickness with Jack you weren't this sick. This has been going on—for what? Almost two months now, and you still look shattered."
Honey...
Reaching below the table, I curved my hand around his thigh, leaning closer to him. "I'm fine. It's this damn bug on top of my hormones transitioning back to before I was pregnant. It's just knocked me out of whack," I promised him, and while the optimism was over-emphasised for his benefit, I really wasn't too concerned about anything. I always knew intuitively when something was wrong, and this time I felt completely at ease.
Breaking into a begrudging smile, Edward slung his elbow around my neck, and pressed his lips momentarily to the side of my head. "Happy anniversary, you pain in the ass," he whispered into my ear.
"Love you, cheeseball," I murmured back, turning to kiss his lips tenderly.
Pulling back to meet my gaze, his smile broadened and turned somewhat sly. "What did you get me?"
"You have to wait until we get home to find out," I teased him cryptically, not giving anything away.
His brows immediately shot up, a slow smirk growing across his face. "Oh?"
I only scoffed softly, shaking my head to myself. "Is your mind ever not in the gutter?"
"Sometimes," he shrugged a shoulder, entirely too sure of himself, before shoving some salmon concoction in his mouth, "when I'm changing squirt's nappy."
Taking a deliberate breath, I released it more patiently than I otherwise would have. "Do you want your anniversary present, or would you rather mock me?"
He only chuckled but didn't reply, before picking up the menu to scan for dessert. A minute later he motioned to the waiter, ordering us both sushi s-mores.
"So, are you going to tell me what Dr Kendrick called for?" I reminded him, placing the menu back in front of me and folding my arms over the table.
"Oh," he piped up in recognition, before pausing a moment. "She managed to fit you in this Monday at...one, I think."
"You think?"
He jerked his shoulder. "I wrote it down at home."
"Okay," I replied, before adding, wryly, "if I survive Jack's party, that is."
"The little shit is spoiled rotten," Edward mumbled, almost cynically through the natural warmth he used when referring to Jack.
I sighed brashly. "Now that's a nice thing to call your only son, isn't it?"
"What should I call him, then? Snot?" he replied, laughing softly through his nose.
I shook my head minimally to myself, deciding not to take him too seriously before reflecting on it a moment. The first year of Jack's life had gone so fast I'd barely been able to keep up.
"He's growing up too quickly," I brooded. "I don't want him to be one."
"Want me to knock you up with another one?" Edward joked lightly. Though, it wasn't even remotely funny because with Jack on the cusp of no longer being a baby, my maternal instincts had only grown stronger and I was secretly yearning for another one.
"You're hilarious, husband," I replied, my tone deliberately sarcastic and making Edward pause.
"Baby, you know we can do another IVF cycle, if you really want to," he put to me sounding hesitant, and whether he was aware of it or not, his entire face was suddenly reflecting his obvious aversion to the idea.
Did I want to do another round of IVF? God no. Did I want another baby? Yes, but at the same time, I was hoping that urge would go away. It wasn't exactly conducive.
I shook my head, pondering the idea for no longer than a few seconds before I was quickly reminded of the absolute heartbreak I'd gone through with both cycles before I got pregnant with Jack. "We were lucky to get Jack last time," I murmured, deliberately omitting the real reason why I'd never put myself, or Edward, through that experience again.
Jack was worth everything I'd gone through, but all the loss leading up to him was not worth another cycle of IVF.
Edward didn't answer, and when I rose my head to meet his gaze, I only shook my head again, reiterating it silently in answer.
No, I did not want to do IVF, ever again.
. . .
Ang had offered to mind Jack for us, and just past nine we stopped by to pick him up.
"How was he?" I asked Ang in a near whisper, just as Ben carried out our near unconscious son.
"He was an angel, as usual. He and Josh are a riot together," Ang replied, smiling secretively to herself before covertly handing me back my house keys.
"Thank you," I mouthed to her, while Edward was distracted chatting quietly to Ben as he bundled Jack up; it was ice-cold outside, now.
While Edward and I were out tonight, Ben had stopped by the house and moved Jack's cot out of mine and Edward's bedroom and into his own. That was part one of my anniversary present to Edward. Part two took place after we were home and Jack was fast asleep in his own room.
"Thanks, guys," I echoed Edward's gratitude, before quickly reaching out to hug Ang.
Then, after covering Jack's head with his favourite beanie, and slipping on his baby Uggs that Rach had sent him after he was born, Edward propped him over his shoulder, wrapped snuggly in a blanket, and we left.
We managed to get Jack in and out of his car seat without disturbing him too much, before Edward carried him down the hall to our room. I only watched, smiling inwardly to myself, as he entered our bedroom, before reappearing a few seconds later with a puzzled expression on his face.
"You moved his cot?" he whispered as a slow smile began to pull on his lips, turning quickly to a full grin as the implications behind it sunk in.
I only rolled my eyes, motioning to Jack's bedroom.
While Edward was putting the baby down, I went into the master bath before getting undressed and slipping into part two of his anniversary present; a silk nightgown.
I was usually content enough to sleep in one of Edward's old t-shirts, and he usually had no trouble removing them when need be. Though, I was hoping this silk ensemble that closely sheathed my body would remain intact for a little while, at least.
Edward tip-toed in the room a couple of minutes later, closing the door quietly behind him; despite the fact that his son was as much a heavy sleeper as he was.
Though, tonight, I suspected he didn't want to risk it.
"He's out cold," he whispered, before he looked up and instantly faltered. With his grin growing shrewd, his eyes immediately zeroed in on my yet-to-transition-back-to-normal chest. "Oh hell, yes..." he murmured more or less to himself, before climbing on the bed and encircling me in his arms.
"Happy anniversary, doofus," I whispered against his shortly cropped hair, almost laughing by his evident preoccupation with my chest.
He had buried his entire face against my cleavage and appeared happy to stay that way, before he looked up and planted his lips to the side of my neck.
"Does this mean they're here to stay?" he mumbled against my skin, his hands now fully cupping my breasts.
"For a little while," I acknowledged, allowing him to lie me back against the bed as his lips merged with mine.
Just as I'd hoped, Edward seemed content to explore my body through the nightgown, his hands running from my chest down past my stomach and hips before he ran them beneath the silk material; while keeping his lips anchored to my mouth and neck.
"You're all woman now, buttercup," he uttered, his gravelly voice fast becoming muffled against my flesh.
"Does that surprise you?" I replied breathily, closing my eyes and allowing my head to fall back against the pillow as he slowly inched the weight of his body over mine.
"You're always fucking surprising me," was his response that was practically a growl his hands now fully beneath my nightgown; his fingers probing along my skin.
"Ma-ma," Jack's voice suddenly whimpered through the baby monitor that sat on my bedside table.
"Fuck me sideways," Edward groaned, relaxing his weight on me as if in defeat.
"Honey!" I reproached him, before reaching over to grab my phone and opening the video app. Jack was stirring, about to pull himself up on the side railing of his cot. "Shhhhh, baby. Momma's here," I spoke as soothingly as I could manage—in light of the energy my husband had begun to awaken in me. "Go back to sleep."
With bated breath Edward and I both watched Jack through the screen of my phone as he flopped himself back on his belly, fussing softly for a further minute before he finally fell silent again.
"Jesus," Edward muttered in relief, running his hand stiffly back through his hair before pulling us both to our knees. Then in one movement, he pulled my nightgown up and over my torso, before hastily tearing his clothes from his body.
The momentum had now increased and had become rushed in the event that Jack woke again; turning what I had hoped would be a restitution with my husband in our bed once more, into just another quickie while the baby was asleep.
It's not that Edward and I needed any length of time to reach that physical affinity with each other. Still, I missed the carefree abandonment that was once our sex life, and any hopes of recreating it again were evidently premature at this point in Jack's life.
I consoled myself with the feel of Edward's hot heavy body as it collided back into me behind his release, and the knowledge that for the first time since before Jack was born, Edward and I could fall asleep with our damp bodies naked and tangled around one another.
. . .
Four days later was Jack's first birthday party. He'd woken earlier than usual. He was still getting used to the new environment of sleeping in his bedroom, and I knew unless we got him to take an early nap he'd be grumpy the entire day. We ended up driving him around for two hours while he slept in the car, and by the time his party started he was full of beans.
It was a crazy day, exacerbated by the fact that Jack was hyped up on sugar, courtesy of Uncle Emmett and Pixy Stix, and overstimulated by the dozens of people who turned up for his birthday. He got more toys than we knew what to do with, not to mention a cubby house that Emmett and Rose had bought that Emmett and Edward were going to build the next day. Esme and Carlisle had also sent him an expensive looking rocking horse that we'd saved for Jack's birthday; despite it arriving by UPS more than two weeks earlier. Neither Edward nor I knew what was inside the giant box, and the look on Edward's face when he helped Jack tear off the wrapping was one of surprise, if not slight appreciation.
I'd been holding my breath the entire day, unsure how he'd react over it, and it wasn't until I was positive I hadn't detected a hint of anger in his expression that I was able to release it.
It was another hurdle where his parents were concerned, and another where we both come out of it unscathed. Or rather, where Edward had learned to separate his feelings for his parents from their past actions.
Ang volunteered to take the photos for the party, starting out with Jack dressed in the outfit we'd picked for his birthday, to opening his presents, blowing out his one candle on his Mickey Mouse birthday cake, and ending with him in nothing but a nappy, practically head first in his "smash cake" as he attempted to eat it whole.
By the end of the day, he was completely exhausted, and covered from head to toe in blue-dyed icing. Edward took him in the shower with him, and he was asleep in his arms before we were able to clean the remnants of cake from his hair.
"One birthday down, another twenty to go," Rose joked as she helped me clean up afterward before fixing something easy for dinner.
She, Emmett and EJ were staying overnight like they usually did whenever they visited, and with Edward and Emmett watching football with EJ in the family room, I was grateful for the help.
"This year has gone crazy fast," I professed with a wistful sigh, taking the lasagne out of the oven.
"I barely recall EJ's first year, I was so sleep deprived," Rose added dryly, as she placed utensils on the kitchen table.
I chuckled softly before checking the baby monitor on my phone. Jack remained sleeping so peacefully that my heart momentarily ached in my chest.
My one and only baby was no longer a baby, and instead of celebrating this milestone in his life, I really just wanted to cry.
"You okay, baby?" Edward asked me simply, curling his fingers around my shoulder before planting his lips quickly to my temple. He was obviously roused from the TV by the smell of the freshly baked pasta.
"Yeah," I answered, pulling myself quickly together, and Edward clearly misconstruing my melancholy for exhaustion—I was that too—squeezed my side before sitting down at the dinner table.
With the amount of cake Edward had consumed that day it was honestly surprising that he could still be hungry, and while Rose and I ate sparingly—all sugared-out from the day's candy haul—Edward, Emmett and EJ easily finished off the large pan of lasagne in one serve.
I was distracted for the most part. It'd been a long day. I was tired on top of mourning my baby, while excited for the next year of his life, at the same time. Perhaps if I was more in tune, I would have been aware of the awkwardness that began to grow between Emmett and Rose.
Edward, on the other hand, didn't miss a thing, and just as I was about to get up and start clearing the table, he threw his fork down against his empty plate and burst, "Okay, what the hell is going on with you two?"
Straightening up surprised, I turned from Edward to Rose just in time to see the guilt spread blatantly across her face.
"There's been a development," Rose began before releasing her breath, "about Christmas."
I only raised my brows in question, just as Edward vocalised what I hadn't directly spoken, "What development?"
We were planning on spending this coming Christmas with Rose and Emmett, and other than that I was unprepared for what this development could be.
Maybe I was being naïve.
"Carlisle's got some kind of medical conference in Seattle on the twenty-third. They're going to be in town, and asked if they could spend Christmas with us, as well," Rose explained tactfully, while looking like it pained her to admit it.
From beside me Edward expelled his breath, groaning with it and muttering something that sounded like "fuck me sideways".
"We told them we'd already made plans with you guys," Emmett added quickly, obviously reacting to Edward, "and, well, Mom asked if you wouldn't mind if they—"
"Forget it!" Edward interjected sharply. "We'll do Christmas next year."
"You sure?" Rose put to him. "I can tell them it'd make you guys uncomfortable."
"Yeah, and then we'd be the assholes," Edward muttered, his expression completely darkening, before he rose from the table so abruptly he caused it to screech a couple of inches forward across the timber floor.
He immediately stormed from the room with Emmett hot on his heels, while EJ only stared after them in bewilderment.
"EJ, go with Dad," Rose directed him, before turning to me with a sigh and shaking her head lightly to herself. "I'm guessing it's a 'no'."
And I knew with her and Emmett remaining neutral in the entire fiasco with Edward, Esme and Alice, it wasn't exactly easy for them, either.
"He's slowly getting there," I replied, lowering the tone of my voice. "I mean, he's okay about cards and gifts for Jack, but then he threw out the card his mother sent him for his birthday."
"I can't say I blame him, really," Rose said, shrugging a shoulder as her attention zeroed in on me. "What about you, Bella? If Edward was okay about it, would you be?"
I thought about it for a moment, realising I had become completely impassive towards Esme and Alice now. I was no longer angry despite the fact that I would never forget what they'd done; that it had shaped both me and Edward into the people we were today. The only thing I was able to do was see the positives in it and put it behind me, but in saying that it was always going to be harder for Edward.
"I guess I'd be okay," I answered, getting to my feet and stacking the plates together. "I mean, it'd be awkward, no denying that, but then Esme is Jack's only grandmother. I do want him to know her."
"You know she cried when she found out you'd named the baby Jack?" Rose disclosed, not sounding nearly as casual as she no doubt intended to be.
Unloading the dishes in the sink, I paused before dropping my forehead to my palm. "Please don't let Edward know that."
Rose only threw me a semi-apologetic smile.
"It's been almost ten years," I muttered more or less to myself.
Ten years since I'd have the first ectopic pregnancy, ten years since my mother died; ten years since Edward disappeared, making us all believe he was dead; and ten years since I'd gone back to Australia and returned with my life firmly entwined in the lie Esme and Alice created to keep me and Edward apart.
It almost felt like another lifetime ago. In fact, I barely recognised Edward today in the boy he once was. As much as his anger was just as prevalent over his mother's actions, he'd long since grown up and had learned to place it well below his other priorities.
"What has?" Rose asked, before her expression suddenly smoothed out in realisation. "Oh, god, it has. Jesus that seems so long ago, now."
"I know," I murmured, before my natural defence mechanism immediately reminded me of the only thing that redeemed it all; mine and Edward's first day. That it'd been almost four years since that night in the snow.
Four years this coming February when Edward walked into my restaurant and back into my life.
After my wedding and Jack's birth it was the most significant moment in my life. I still thought of it almost every day—I could still recall every single detail. Rod Stewart was on the radio ironically singing 'This Old Heart of Mine', while I was deep frying prawns. I was still almost literally reeling from what Alice had revealed the day before that my mind was far from what I was presently doing. My heart hadn't stopped racing since that moment, while my hands—not to mention my entire body of skin—trembled uncontrollably.
The only thing I could do with any clarity was replay Alice's confession in my mind, over and over; that it'd all been a lie, every day of the last six years. All of it. Edward had never broken up with me, and he'd never met anyone else; he'd been living just as miserably as I had, being made to believe an equally as callous lie.
And that he missed me.
It was then that Ang came into the kitchen, her entire face lit up into an almost over exaggerated smile, and for a moment I only gazed blankly at her.
"B," she exclaimed, her voice almost failing in her excitement, "Edward's here!"
I was fairly certain my heart came to a screeching halt, and drawing in my breath on absolute impulse, I dropped the egg lift I was holding, before clamping my palm to my chest. Only I had no words; my mouth opened and then closed again without a sound.
"He told me he wants to speak to you!" Ang went on to add, in an almost whisper, so emotionally affected on my behalf her eyes welled in tears.
"He-he does?" I stammered in near disbelief, my heart rocking my entire being; in fact, I was beginning to feel like I was losing my sense of continuum.
She only nodded, before grabbing my elbow and dragging me to the register, where we were safely concealed by the glass cabinet.
There he was.
He was sitting at a table for two in the far corner of the restaurant, dragging his fingers back through his hair, and yanking on his collar—all the very same mannerisms I'd once been intimately familiar with—clearly aware of all the attention centred on him. He was wearing a navy EMS uniform, and his hair, while always attempting to defy gravity, was shorter than I'd ever seen him wear it.
I only continued to stare at him, feeling myself all but sway on my feet, while my face burned brazenly. I almost didn't recognise him. He was twenty-five, a grown man, and gone was almost all resemblance to the eighteen year old boy I'd once known.
Before I was aware of what I was doing, I spun on my heel and walked back to the kitchen. I needed to get control of myself, because right then, I was coming apart.
"Okay, breathe, B." Ang was suddenly before me, gripping both my arms at my sides and peering closely into my eyes.
I was hyperventilating and I'd barely been aware of it.
"D-do I look okay?" I remember asking, not nearly as cognizant of how unbalanced I could feel myself becoming.
In response, Ang only laughed softly. "Hang on a minute, you have lettuce in your hair."
After straightening me out, she all but shoved me back out into the crowded restaurant toward him. Several times I almost stalled and backed out, but my legs kept propelling me forward as if on auto-pilot.
When I was within a couple of feet from him, he picked up the menu, bringing it in front of his face, as if he was using it to shield himself from all the gawkers. Jessica Crowley most especially; her mouth was all but literally hanging open, exposing her tonsils.
His hands were shaking, I noticed, and I wondered whether he was feeling what I was at that moment, because for me there were absolutely no words to describe it.
"—Where do you keep your mugs?" Rose suddenly asked, tearing me back to the present moment, while my body continued to react from the almost tangible energy the memories alone had stirred within me.
"Right side of the dishwasher," I answered remaining preoccupied, before stealthily ducking my head around the corner into the living room, seeking Edward.
He was chatting easily with Emmett as the pair of them continued watching the football, and gone was the hostility on his expression from only a few minutes before.
With a small internal sigh, I moved to pull myself back to the kitchen, when Edward turned and caught my gaze. His brows immediately raised, his expression conveying the two-worded question he often asked me.
You okay?
Tilting my head to the side, I smiled, letting him know I was fine, when he decided to push it and wink.
With my smile turning to a cynical smirk, I turned back to Rose, when the sound of Jack's screaming suddenly projected loudly through my phone.
"I'll go, Bella," Edward volunteered, sounding somewhat exasperated.
He returned to the kitchen not a minute later carrying Jack; the both of them splattered in regurgitated Mickey Mouse birthday cake. And while Edward looked comically resigned, not to mention on the verge of throwing up himself, Jack only laughed; smearing the muck further into his pyjamas and his father's cheeks.
"Aren't kids wonderful?" Rose said, her tone a perfect mixture of repulsion and amusement.