Chapter 34

"I'm tired so a cup of coffee sounds better than anything else. This looks good. Do you mind if we talk after our meal? I just want to eat." He asked as he sat down and started eating with one hand. "We should get one of those seats to put James in while we're busy or eating. Much as I like holding you, James, I would have an easier time transferring food from my plate to my mouth if you were sitting somewhere else. Agree?" James grinned while chewing on a fist and kicked his feet in response.

"Actually, we have one. Caroline gave it to us and I've just never unpacked it. It would be a handy thing to have on hand. Want some more chicken or anything?" She asked as she got up to refill her water glass.

"Some more carrots and a glass of water, please. This is very good. Do we have fruit for afters?" She put a bowl of orange sections next to his plate. "Yes, and we also have bananas."

"No, this is enough." Martin ate the orange slices with relish.

James' mouth opened wide when he yawned and Louisa said "Uh-oh! We have a sleepy baby!"

They spoke at the same time. "Louisa, after he's asleep…" "Martin, when you come back down…"

"Excuse me, Louisa. I didn't mean to interrupt you. What did you say?" He asked.

"The same thing you did, I think. We both have something we want to talk about. I'll clean the dishes while you see to him. Then we can talk." She started toward the sink and turned back to look at him "Martin, is everything ok?"

"Yes, of course." He answered without looking at her which was unusual. He always gave her his full attention whenever they spoke to each other. "Hm-m-m." she said to herself.

He read one of James' many children's books while rocking him to sleep. He had certainly turned into a good sleeper – just waking, usually, once a night to nurse. Now, a quick shower before going back downstairs. Louisa had the kettle on when he came in the kitchen and sat down at the table. Again, they spoke at the same time. "What did you want to speak…" and "You wanted to talk…" This time she apologized. "Martin, what did you want to talk about? You said everything is ok, right?"

"Yes, but I'd rather you spoke first. What is it?" He knew he was stalling but couldn't help it.

Excited, she rushed into what she wanted to say. "Ok. I've looked at our finances but want to know what you think. What if I quit my job?"

He looked stunned and shook his head. "I would never've guessed you wanted to discuss that! You know what my salary is and what our investments bring in each month and what our outlays are. If an emergency arose, I still have part of the proceeds from selling my flat in London. So, yes, with careful planning, I think we would be fine. And, it would please me very much if you were here with James instead of some babysitter. I'm confident that you would choose a good one but you should be his primary caregiver and teacher until I finish in the surgery, then we both would be. He's your most important student and there's nothing more important than his welfare. What's brought this on?"

Louisa spoke earnestly "I've been thinking about it ever since he was born. It's like the first time he smiled. I want to be with him when he does something like that for the first time. Not be told about it at the end of the day! If I had to work, it would be different but I agree with you. With careful management, we should be fine. I'll keep my teaching certification up to date and someday, I can go back to work as a teacher again."

He nodded as she spoke and then asked "Have you considered tutoring? And, you thought at one time that some people in the village would benefit from adult literacy classes."

"Yes, I've considered both those things. Since tutoring is usually done after school hours, by necessity, I would be busy with that instead of being with my family. Literacy classes would be the same. I also thought about signing up as a substitute teacher but that's too unpredictable. Can you think of anything else I could do?" She got up and paced the floor as she spoke.

"Not until James Henry starts pre-school. Then you could start in-school tutoring if the board would allow it. Or, you could start adult literacy classes. Does either of those ideas appeal?"

"Yes, very much so! I'll work up a proposal and present it to the board at the appropriate time. You're just pure genius!" She grinned at him and his ears turned red. He would never learn to accept praise!

He cleared his throat to cover his embarrassment and asked "When will you turn in your notice? It has to be soon, right?"

"Yes, I'll do it tomorrow." She sat down again and asked "Now, what do you want to talk about?"

Now, it was his turn to pace the floor and he actually looked almost animated. "Do you remember the other day when you were talking about the mess in the chapel? The blood? Well, it dawned on me that the blood didn't affect me – no nausea, sweating or anything! I bought some really bloody beef liver and it had no effect either. I mean it was dripping blood! I smelled it, touched it, cut into it and even picked it up. Still nothing. I think…I mean it's possible that this means that my phobia is cured. I'm not saying that it is but what if it is?"

She answered calmly "It means you could do surgery again. That's what you've dreamed about. And, I'm pretty sure you won't be doing much surgery as a gp here in PortWenn."

"Yes, you're correct on all points. Where does that leave us?" He stopped pacing and stood looking intently at her.

She shook her head. "No, you tell me where it leaves us. Tell me what you'd really like to do. Surgery again in London? Or stay here as gp? And by the way, if it's true, I'm very happy for you, my love."

"Louisa…What I want is affected by what you want. What you think is best for you and James. Do you think you'd be happy if I were a surgeon instead of the gp here? Please be honest with me."

"Martin, I was raised in this village. It's been my home and I never thought about living anywhere else. Until I met you. If you think you'd be happier in London working in a big hospital again, doing surgery again, then by all means go for it." Her face and voice were calm.

"Until you met me. What does that mean?" He needed clarification of what she was saying.

"I mean until I met you, PortWenn was my home. Bert and Al were my family. They still are and I love them but I belong with you and James Henry. Not to sound god-awful mushy, which would make me really uncomfortable and I'm positive you'd hate – mine and James Henry's home is with you where ever that is. Clear now?" She asked.

If he ever needed proof that she loved him, this was it. He sat down and reached for her hands. "That means so much to me. I never expected you to say that! I've been thinking about what it would mean to be top of my field again. To be respected by my peers again. To be a surgeon again! Then I realized that doing surgery again was the only reason to leave here. I'll never feel as much at home here as you do but there's no comparison to living here and living in London.

She shook her head in humorous disbelief and said in a wry voice. "Yet you consistently call this the village of the damned or village of idiots. But I do agree with you when you say there's no comparison between here and London! But what do you mean when you say that surgery is the only reason to leave here?"

"I'm saying that, if possible, I want to be a surgeon again. But I don't have to live in London to be a surgeon. There's a very good hospital in Truro and it's less than one hour away. I called Chris and talked to him." He looked at her hesitantly and said "Don't get upset. It wasn't…I mean I didn't say anything about…well, about my phobia. I didn't talk to him about it before you. I just said that I want to talk to him. They've invited us for a visit and dinner this Saturday if that's alright with you." She nodded her head yes and said she'd love to see Carol again. "I'll call him in the morning to tell him we'll be there. But, this whole conversation means nothing if my phobia isn't cured." He didn't sound overly anxious which confused her a little.

"I'm afraid that you'll be totally miserable if all this doesn't work out and you have to stay here as gp. Please keep a level head about this. I couldn't bear it if you were even more unhappy here than you are now." She couldn't help but worry about what would happen if he had to stay in PortWenn. She meant what she said about living where he would be happiest but if his phobia wasn't cured and he once again had to stay here as gp, would he ever he happy? How would that affect her life to say nothing of James Henry's.

"No, no. Don't worry about that. I've actually done some soul searching and it's made me realize that I'm actually not unhappy here as a gp. As I said a few minutes ago, there's no comparison in living in London and living here. Pollution or fresh air? Traffic, constant noise and crowded streets or the beauty and quiet of PortWenn? No public school for James Henry so a crowded, impersonal school in London or the school here where his mother attended and probably will teach there again? So, if I can't be a surgeon again, I'm still a doctor with huge responsibilities and challenges. And, to repeat what you said a few minutes ago, I wanted more than anything to go back to London and work at Imperial as a surgeon – until I met you. I couldn't take you away from your home, your family, where you're so happy. I belong where ever you and James are." He sounded earnest and sure about what he said. "Clear now?"

She was stunned by this news. "Martin, thank you for saying that. But let's be absolutely sure – if your phobia is cured, you would be happy working at the hospital in Truro as a surgeon instead of London. And if it's not cured, you would be happy to still be the gp here in PortWenn. And you actually like living here. Did I state what you just said correctly?"

"Yes, you did. PortWenn is a beautiful, healthy place to live and raise a child. And acting as the gp here is very rewarding. As evidenced by the healthy menu choices at Bert's, some people are beginning to listen to me. There are a couple more issues but they can wait." He sat back in his chair looking tired but happy. Or at least as happy as he could look!

"No, please. Let not leave anything on the table. What are the other issues?" She didn't like unresolved issues.

"If my phobia is cured and I no longer need a consulting room, we'll have two rather large rooms to add to our living space. If my phobia is not cured and I'm still the gp, we may want to think about looking for a bigger house. Especially as we want another child." He raised his eyebrows as a silent question.

She nodded in agreement. "Prices around here just continue to go up so it won't be easy to find another house that we can afford. Especially without my salary. But, we don't have to decide anything tonight. Now, my issue." He looked quizzically at her and she continued. "When I was at the doctor's office yesterday for my check-up, he gave me the all clear to resume exercising and sex. I'm looking forward to swimming again but not nearly as much as having sex with you. Does that appeal to you?"

He didn't answer her directly. He stood and pulled her to her feet, pressed her against his groin with those big hands on her bum and kissed her until they were both breathless. When they broke apart, she rubbed against him and giggled softly. "Oh my! I'd say you're definitely interested! We don't actually have to go upstairs you know. We might wake James up and that would never do. Ever tried sex on your exam couch? I'm willing." And she walked toward the consulting room with a flirtatious smile directed at him. Later, they both agreed that as well as this effort went, they still needed much more practice. As a matter of fact, they practiced again that night.