"So tell me," says Goggles, "when did you become such a badass?"

I smiled at him, but refused to answer.

They would not find it such a happy story.

Instead I got to work, "who wants sushi?"

Everyone laughed as I had made the fire, but not with me.

They were still nervous, and the dark howling and freezing night made them inch closer to the fire.

I could hear Octavia whispering to the two guys, stories she must have heard about me, probably from Bellamy, probably not, considering we only had a few months together. I wasn't that important anyways, it was not like I was ever her brother's girlfriend. Nevertheless, to my ears, she was not painting me in a friendly light as the champion fighting pitbull for the Academy. They didn't help me concentrate as I went to work.

I went to butcher the more snake-like beast.

I started with the skin, pulled it back, then pulled up the body with ropes I had made from strips of thick bark and reeds from the river. They were fascinated with the process and I let them in on some tricks. It was the least I could do if I was trying to help them survive.

When I began pulling out the spine, tasting the juicy eyes, and licking my fingers is when I caught them staring.

They eyed my arm and bloody face, and refused to let me in on their jokes and stories. I knew their trust would not come, because of my unwillingness to fraternize with them, my deadly skills, and because they were smart. They shouldn't trust me. I valued my life more than theirs, and if it came to it, I would always choose me first.

It was just the way of the world. Just because you were stuck with people, didn't mean you had to befriend them. If they so much as thought of killing me, they were going to regret it. I didn't have to say it, because they were already treating me like a rattlesnake in their kitchen.

Nevertheless, I was still going to share my overwhelming amount of food.

I wasn't that anti-social.

All the while, I worked around their happy faces, and move to my seat, tearing off a piece of the cooking meat and begin eating. Now the first meal has begun, and chewing and eating what had tried to kill me hours ago, makes me feel like a true hunter.

The giant river-serpent tasted burnt in my mouth, and that was better than raw.

The meat went down better than anything I had in awhile, and I knew that was because it was real, for once not artificial. The others gave mixed reviews. Clarke and Finn were having a hard time eating, but Octavia and the guy crushing on her 'Goggles-guy' had dug in when they saw me take the first bites.

Even if I am eating radiation, I thought, at least it tastes good.

"Badass," Goggles says again, enjoying the meal, "spill. Are you ever going to tell us your story?"

"Yeah," Octavia chimed, "when did you become such a killer."

My eyes glaze over, I can see Kelvin's body slashed on my bed. Guns were so much more efficient than knifes, and the sight of his innards becoming outwards, I would forever hate knifes, guns were better, always better. With that gory image, I shake it from my head.

"I am not a killer," I lie.

"Then when did you become such a badass," Goggles repeats, louder this time.

I hummed at the loud guy, "Probably about the time you pussied out of jumping in the water and helping me kill our dinner," I shoot back and everyone laughs again.

"Where did you get your tattoo," Spacewalker asks right after, "what is it?"

"A Tiger," I say tearing into the meat with my front teeth, "I got it when I joined the Academy, it's tradition."

I had a feeling Bellamy's sister would have something to say to that, "Bellamy doesn't have one. You said everyone gets one?"

I smile at Octavia, "oh, he has one," that makes the guys laugh, and now Octavia looks pissed for some reason.

It's easy to talk to them.

We don't exchange names and back stories yet, maybe because we are so tired.

I don't mind. It helps be stay detached.

Clarke, and I guess Octavia, were my priority along with a broken Wells back at home base. If, he was still there when I got back. I checked my wound. I had wrapped it with a piece of my jacket, but it had become inflamed as I was preparing dinner for us, and so I didn't want to look at it too long. It wouldn't help me sleep.

Talking about sleep, "I will take first watch," I say climbing into a tree and sitting on one meaty looking branches. Octavia stares at me in wonder for a while and I wink back at her giving her a command to sleep. She obliges my commands. She isn't so bad once you talk some sense into her and we all have full stomachs now, so sleep should come easier.

I refused the pleasantness of resting my eyes.

I have the first watch I remind myself, whenever I yawn, instead of closing my eyes, I pinch my legs until the pain is enough to keep me up. My will is stronger than my need to sleep, I tell myself. I watch the others.

Clarke takes the longest to go to sleep, then when the fire dims to a low burn,

and that is when the real magic happens.

I mutter, my face cast in a blue glow, "Oh wow!"

It was like I was looking at a sea of stars, but all around the forest floor, in the fauna, the trees, and I am enraptured by the blue neon lights. The brilliance of the luminous plants makes everything look alive with a pleasing color of bright aqua. It quickly becomes my favorite color, and I count the various plants until I get too tired to think. I sit that way for a few hours, my eyes drooping, until Finn awakes and then puts a finger to his lips. He wants to sneak off. That's fine with me, I think, as long as he doesn't take Blondie with him.

One less person to worry about, I remind myself, and then I am awoken by conversation.

I curse myself for falling asleep.

Clarke is speaking to Finn, "You went to the river?"

"I figured it was worth it," he says and gives Clarke something to drink.

I smile at his friendliness. He must really want her bad to walk a mile and bring her water. Bellamy could learn something from this guy. He teases her, and she him, than they go play in the dirt. It's all cute but I am still looking at the glowing blue night-time forest. I have never seen something so beautiful, and for once I am glad I will never return to the Ark. That world, in space, feels like the dream now.

This life, it is so much better.

"Hey badass girl," the Goggles guy's friend says up to me, the more intelligent of the two, "do you ever sleep? I mean how do you have this much energy," I don't say anything. He appraises the beautiful night world, "wow, what a view. This is better than being locked in a cell, am I right?"

"Can I help you," I tell him, upset that no one has relieved me of my post and now they are touching the glowy fauna stuff like they are babies playing and not seeing the danger. God, it was like I was their mother.

"I never introduced myself," says the guy, "my name's Monty Green," and he points to a sleeping Goggles that is cuddling with a sleeping Octavia, "and that's my best friend Jasper Jordan."

"He isn't very smart," I say to Monty Green.

Monty shrugs, "I disagree. You should have seen on the Ark, he could-"

"That wasn't a question," I interrupt, "do you want to take my spot Green. I need sleep too." Green doesn't like my attitude, but I am cranky so his opinion means less to me. He doesn't make eye contact with me again, and I don't blame him.

I have not been much of a people person since my confinement, and long before then.

Even back on the Ark, I could name the people on my hand that I fraternized with, Bellamy knew it too... probably was the reason why I was flattered he ever talked to me.

"Bellamy, give me strength," I whisper his name as I walk over to the forest floor they were sleeping in before.

I just didn't see the point of being friendly to people you had no use for, it just wasted time with people you really needed. Like right now when I would rather be with Bellamy, or smell Caleb's hair, or run my hands through his father's hair, compare the both, see which one I would love more. It really didn't make sense, Caleb had inherited his father's hair, his nose, but his little green eyes, those were all mine.

Instead of feeling guilty that I left my son behind, I find a already settled place and nestle down where Clarke had slept.

I had at least a few hours till sunrise,

and I wasn't going to waste them gawking at the radioactive scenery,

even if I really wanted to.

I close my eyes, count to a hundred, and imagine Caleb's eyes,

he childlike wonder that grows in them,

and the warm brown hues that reminds me so much of his father.