I wasn't feeling well, not in the slightest. I jolted awake frighten and scared screaming in agonizing pain that I couldn't even begin to comprehend. My breath quickened, I shook, I cried and I was so very terrified of every single thing around me. I was being ripped apart and slowly oh so very slowly stitched back together again in a messy horrific process. I was coughing up blood which stained my white gown and made it a sickening dark red.

Am I dying?

My eyes couldn't focus, everything became muddy colors, hazy and shifting constantly again, and again, and again.

Stop, stop stop! My hands were gripping myself tightly as if to hold myself together. My head was pounding I moved my hands to clutch it hard. Just stop everything needs to stop!

And then it did. The pain gone, my eyes focused on a dark room, my room, I was curled up laying on the floor now, limp and probably looking very lifeless, I was soaked in a pool of my own sticky dirty blood. I tried to move from my position, but then I was hit with searing pain. I gasped or attempting to, my throat was hoarse and burning. I could still taste blood in my mouth a thing I thought I would never taste again.

Help me please! Maybe Grim could hear me, though I doubt it, whatever is happening to me more then likely screwed over Grim as well. It didn't stop me from screaming mentally though.

There was no reply, there wasn't going to be one. Tears came from my eyes again, clouding my vision once more. I was a weak pitiful helpless being. I hated it, I hated it so much, stupid dumb weak body back yet again. It made me sick and angry.

Damn it all to hell!

Then my vision really faded away, but I was still awake full of anger and pity towards my own body.

Footsteps, I heard footsteps quickening and then, the door was thrown open? Did my thoughts reach someone? Or did someone hear my screams earlier before I ended up in this state? I thought no one in this dorm hall stayed over break?

"Iris!" Professor Grabiner? If I could laugh I surely would, of course he would only call me by my first name in a situation like this uh?

I realized feeling was leaving me as soon as he picked me up in his arms, he was gripping me tighter then he should have given the situation at hand, I think.

I was slipping for I could only hear fragments of what he was saying at this point. I think he was crying, I hope not, he shouldn't cry for me, I don't deserve it. I was hating myself more and more by the second. He shouldn't see me like this.

He shouldn't of found me, I would rather rot here on this damn ground indefinitely. I'm glad I couldn't see I couldn't bare to see his expression right now.
I don't deserve to love him, let alone be friends with him. I am such a horrid person.

I don't deserve anything good at all.

Just let me go this is my fault! Leave me here, please! I hate this, I hate everything! I did this to myself dammit!

IhateIhateIhateIhatemy- I finally pass out.

I woke up in his room still barely able to move, covered in warm blankets and a bunch of fluffy pillows underneath me. I felt warm, I felt safe. There was no smell of blood only books. I felt groggy and my eyes could barely open. There was movement, oh he's here.

"Go back to sleep." His voice was gentle and calm, but he himself was not. He was scared, horribly scared for me. How I knew this I didn't know. I didn't question it.

Did you wash and change me? I was in different clothing I think, and I am obviously clean of the blood that stuck and clung to my body before.

He was embarrassed. "No I did not! The headmistress was here, she took care of you before leaving." He then became upset, angry at her? He should instead be angry at me. "Please, just sleep."

So I did. Not cause he wanted me to, but for I was already drifting off anyway.

I woke up, same place. Was I to stay in his room instead of my own? How long has it been? I couldn't tell. I couldn't see him, but I knew he was there.

What day is it? What time is it?

"Its been a day since you...were hurt, the time is 3:41 am." Oh okay.

Do you know what happened to me? Do I need to tell you? Either way I was set on telling him.

"No, not now you still need to rest."

I shook my head, well attempted to. Couldn't move my body much. No I need to tell you, you need to hear it, whatIdidwashorribleyoushouldn'tofhadtodealwiththis! My thoughts were scrambled, my mind was scrambled, I felt shaky again.

"Calm down!" He meant to say it calmly, but he didn't know how exactly, at least in way to make me listen to him. I stopped.

I'm sorry. Was all I could bring myself to say then.

"I know." He said.

Weak and exhausted I passed out again.

"Do you need anything? Do you think you can eat?" Were the first words I heard upon waking again, it was actually morning this time.

No its not like I can move, plus I still feel far to sick to even try to do such a thing I'll just wind up throwing up everywhere. Could you...just talk to me a bit? I feel like I am going to sleep again soon.

Was I under the effects of some magic? I really couldn't bring myself to stay awake long, it could be from the state in am in as well, or both really.

Probably both.

"...What should we talk about?" He didn't know what to say.

I didn't either. Um...did you like the cookies I made for you? I suppose that was better topic then nothing still I felt myself wince at my own inability to come up with conversation topics.

"I have not had the chance to eat them, sorry." Oh of course he didn't that was dumb of me to say.

Could you try one now? I want to know your thoughts on them.

"Alright...give me a moment." That's when I realized how blurred my vision was I couldn't see much around me except the things closest to me. I tried to focus on him, it hurt.

Come back please.

"O-okay? Don't worry I am not leaving you, can you still can not see well?"Still?

What do you mean still?

"You talked about it before, though it was soon after I found you." Oh.

I don't remember that...

"Not surprising. Don't try to focus too hard, you will be able to see properly again, given time."

You have crumbs on your face I think.

His eyes widen and he turns away for a moment. "I...sorry."

I laugh, it comes out wrong and I end up coughing hard. Ow laughing not fun.

"Careful your lungs are sore." Could of told me that before.

So?

"There were surprisingly good." Hey!

Of course they were good, I wouldn't try to poison you, I told you that before didn't I?

"Yes well..." He didn't finish that sentence, he didn't know how without being offensive.

You're so silly.

"...Do you think you can manage to eat now? You really need to in order to get better."

I suppose, I don't feel as icky as before. I try to sit up, its quite a struggle and ends with me flopping back down on the pillows. I try again.

"Stop that, you're going to hurt yourself." He gets closer to me and moves my body delicately.

I am sitting up now. Ugh great, its like I'm a doll now. I try to move my hands, they shake. Great can't do this either!

"No need to get so upset you will be better soon." Its more of a demand then anything perhaps to comfort himself and me. Still huh, did my irritation show that much?

Gonna guess you have to feed me as well huh?

"Yes..." He winces at the thought. Don't worry I am not that thrilled either surprisingly. Me a few days ago would of been thrilled at such a thing. Is this why he was upset over Potsdam leaving?

Sorry this is pretty pathetic isn't it?

"No its not." Now he is irritated. He sighs. "I'll be back okay? Try not to freak out while I am gone." He leaves before I can object him.

Here I am sitting alone in this shitty state. I can't do nothing good can I? I feel like curling up in a ball under the covers and crying, but obviously I can't.

I should just stop getting so upset over this, none of this is gonna change by me throwing a tantrum. If these are the last moments I get to spend with him before I tell him everything that has happen to me I should at least enjoy them.

He came back with soup? Is it tomato I hope so I really like tomato. He sits down close to me. Yay it is, though I can't help, but feel something is off?

What is in that?

"What?" He is caught off guard by my words.

Something...wrong? Off? I don't know?

"...Yes there is a potion in it, you have to take it to feel better." Ohhh. That is what I am smelling.

Does...does it taste bad? I can't imagine something like that tasting good, none of my old medications tasted good.

"I'm not sure, either way you must take it."

Well then I guess I'll have to find out, give it to me.

Found out the potion wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, still was pretty bad though, and as much as I try to enjoy that whole experience its just well awkward, very, very awkward. Thankfully whatever potion was in that thing sent me straight to sleep soon after eating it.

By the next day I am more accustomed to this situation much like him and by now I can actually move, to an extend and stand for like a few minutes before shaking and falling down.

Better then nothing though.

So I ask the question I been meaning to ask. Can I take a shower please? I feel filthy.

"You cannot stand for very long Iris."

Oh yeah, good point, can I take a bath then?

"I suppose that would be okay...do you think you can manage...that on your own though?" He was referring to me actually being able to take off my own clothing and being able to put them back on.

Yeah? I hoped so, as comfortable as I was getting around him, I did not need him...ah don't wanna even think about it! I can feel myself getting flustered.

"...Okay then...I'll start the bath for you then." That's when it hit me, I will be taking a bath in his bathroom, and now I was very flustered.

Thankfully by the time he got back I was able to pull myself together again. Okay...gonna go...yeah. I stand up and walk into the bathroom. Alright time to do this.

I don't know how I managed it, but I did without too much struggle take off my clothes and get into the bath.

"Are you...okay?" I could hear from the bedroom. He was very nervous and more then likely blushing.

I had to stop myself from gigging. Yup, doing perfectly fine.

He doesn't say anything else after that. I soak for a bit before cleaning myself up and getting out. Once again without much trouble, I really have no idea how. Seems I have good luck for once.

I dry myself off and get dressed. Man I wish I had something else to change into, but I don't and I am not sure how I feel about him getting other clothing for me...

When I open the door and leave out the bathroom I feel dizzy once more and trip. I close my eyes tight as I fall, and yet don't hit the ground. I open my eyes and gasp I am floating a bit off the ground, I look up. Professor Grabiner looked as shocked as I am.

You're not doing this are you?

He shakes his head.

How do I get down?

"I'm not sure..." He is looking at me in confusion and awe.

I try moving around, it doesn't do much. Please help me.

He carefully walks towards me and pulls me down. I fall into his arms afterwards feeling heavy and exhausted.

Ugh thanks. Just lay me down in bed I think I am going to pass out again.

He does that and I fall asleep once more.

"Can you bring yourself to speak?" Another question asked upon me waking the next morning. I look at him in confusion.

Oh yeah...I'm not actually speaking am I?

"No you somehow managed to enter my thoughts."

Somehow managed?

"Yes usually if one were to communicate with another mentally that person would feel a prick in the back of their mind, they could then open their mind to whoever tried to connect in the first place. In my case with you I felt no such thing, one moment I couldn't hear your thoughts then the next I could, it was how I knew you were in danger. I cannot fathom how you managed to keep this connection for so long given your current state."

I don't know either it just feels so natural and easy...when you say you can hear my thoughts, you mean just the ones directed at you...or?

He struggled to answer. "I can hear some other distant thoughts yes."

I panicked. Like what? Give an example?

"You hate yourself, or hated yourself for being in the situation you were in when I found you. You kept screaming it in your mind. You...felt as though you deserved what happened to you. You are far too hard on yourself."

I am speechless, he heard that? All of that? I'm not sure what to feel about it. So I do what I usually do, change the subject. I'm going to try to speak now okay?

He was a bit relieved to be leaving that old topic, though he was upset about it as well. "Okay then, but if it causes pain, stop."

I nod my head and attempt to speak. "H-hier-" I wince this is really hard. I take a deep breath and try again. "H-Hieronymous." Ha I said it! I smile brightly at him.

"E-excuse me?" He looks away from me.

"Y-you c-called mee Irisss c-can I n-no-" My voice starts to hurt. I stop speaking. Can I not call you by your first name?

"...In that case yes it would be fine to say." He looks uncomfortable.

Okay, uh did I say it correctly? I wasn't quite sure...

"Yes you did manage to do so..."

Do you not like it? Should I stop?

"No this is fine. Just not...use to hearing it from a...student."

Friend, I am your friend right now, not a student.

"I suppose so..."

Yeah whatever. I am just feeling pretty happy with myself for being able to call him by his first name.

On the fourth day I brace myself and force myself to tell him everything. The more I tell him the more angry he looks and feels, though he manages to not yell at me, I don't know how, or why he would even try not to. He doesn't stop himself from scowling and muttering under his breath though.

He is so pissed off, I am too after saying everything aloud, I sound so stupid, so very stupid!

See? This is why I don't deserve all that kindness from you. I am a horrible person.

He grits his teeth and glares at me. "...Never, ever do something like this ever again or I will make you regret it, understand? You are to tell me if anything is ever wrong with you, no matter the circumstance, no matter how small it may seem, you shall be open and honest with me from this point onward do you understand Miss Araceli?"

Yes.

"Good then." What?

Aren't you going to punish me?

He looks as though he is going to laugh. "Oh do you really think I won't? I was going to wait until you were better to tell you, though I suppose now is fine as well. Once you are well again, you will meet with me once a week and try to figure out what exactly is wrong with you, and if it can be controlled. That and of course considering the danger you put yourself in, you will be receiving 20 demerits."

Ouch, there goes all, but five of my merits. Back to the beginning for me gonna take me the rest of the school year to get them back again, but... Do you hate me now?

"What?" There is still anger in his voice when he says it.

"H-hate me?" That's all I needed to know.

He becomes silent for a moment, I don't think he is gonna answer until- "No, I am just extremely disappointed in you. Why would you do this to yourself, you could have died!"

"I-I know that."

"Then why?"

At first Grim told me not to tell anyone so I listen, then I thought whatever it was would go away, but it didn't, it stayed got worse, everything got worse. I...already caused so much trouble and...I just...just didn't want to be a burden, I just wanted to for once in my life handle something on my own without having to rely on others. I just don't want to bring others down with me...I'm sorry. How can you not hate me? You really just should. I was so stupid and way in over my head.

"I couldn't do that even if I tried."

W-why?

"Like I said before, you aren't a burden and you are far too hard on yourself at times. You need to learn to rely on others, you cannot fix everything on your own, you are still a child, and even if you weren't there are moments in time where everyone needs someone to depend upon... So please stop taking everything on your own, I do...think of you as a friend. So just please let me help you."

I start to cry and I do so for a good while, he doesn't stop me, he just sits there and lets me do it seeing how much I probably needed to in the first place. I been through so much, and I am sick and I am tired. When I finally stop he hands me a handkerchief I clean myself up and sit there for a bit more thinking of what to say.

Then I find myself laughing uncontrollably. You are insane for being friends with me.

He smirks at me. "So are you."

You deserve a better friend then me.

He smirks. "Well until I find myself one I am stuck with you aren't I?"

"G-guess so."

Another day has passed since then and I come to terms with something. "I feel quite tiny in your bed." By now I am able to speak small sentences without much trouble.

He smirks. "Yes you look as though you are going to be swallowed up by it."

"Very funny. Uh also where is Grim?"

"Grim?"

"My Grimoire?"

"Oh that thing ." After he learned what Grim was like he was not too enthusiastic about meeting them. "Probably still back in your room? You have to supply that thing with blood for them to function yes?"

"Yeah...could you get them for me please? They need to know what happened to me."

"If I must." He teleports away and a few moments later reappear. "Here have it." He throws the book on the bed. Wow I never thought I would see him mistreat a book, then again Grim is more then a book...

I open Grim up and they immediately speak. "Holy fuck you look like shit!" What a great compliment to receive...

"What a eloquent Grimoire you have there." He says with bitter sarcasm.

"Hahaha, look at me, I am a snooty snob. Oh shut it grabby! So...explanation girl pretty lost now."

I recap the situation, well attempt to every once in a while I got to stop cause Grim makes a snarky comment towards Hieronymous.

"So seal broke and grabby been taking very good care of you... Sorry I wasn't there to help you when it broke, but one moment I was feeling good the next...not so good."

"Oh okay."

"So...asshat you gonna stop staring at me?"

"What?"

"You heard me, as much as I know you love books, you really shouldn't be focusing on me, shouldn't you I don't know, be checking out that pretty girl curled up snugly in your bed?" Oh so I am now deemed pretty?

"I-" He looks ready to burn Grim alive a hundred times over.

I interject. "Just ignore Grim! They have the habit of...being like that..."

"I have no idea how you manage to put up with that damn thing, What a peculiar personality it gained."

"G-gained?" Was starting to get hard to speak again, especially after yelling like that.

"Yes, Grimoire's are uniquely made for each person it is bound to, you may have a replica...of Violet's Grimoire, but the moment it became bound to your blood, it gained a personality suited to you."

...You sure about that suited part? Don't ya think I would choose something more...kinder?

"You could change it you know, you would just have to learn how to do so, perhaps when Petunia re-"

"Um hey helloooo, I am right here, floating! Humans are such horrible things to deal with. You should be proud to have me girly, even more so now!"

And why would that be?

"The fact I have to spell it out for you is bad enough! Your seal broke right? Whatever was sealed in me more then likely came undone too, meaning you can read me, like really read me, and use me properly now."

That was all it took for me to reach out to grab Grim.

"Oh now you want me, nah I think I'll just leave, head off to some far away place where I am actually appreciated and loved."

"Grim!" I scream and whine. Books topple off one the nearby book shelves. Wow...what?

"Oh...well that is new. Okay...I'll listen..." Grim floats hesitantly towards me. I grab them.

"...Iris stay calm...please avoid destroying my room." He is trying his best to not be upset at me, oh goodness.

I didn't mean to do that...

"I know, but you are heavily tied to White Magic, which happens to deal a lot with emotions, yours of which are not the most stable right now given this predicament." Guess that's one way of saying I am a emotional wreck. "Also would you mind turning that wretched thing off? I understand you are very interested in what is ever in that book, but please do this at another time, when you are better."

"Oh boy toy wants alone time with you how cute!"

I would of hesitated doing so, but after that comment ... Grim turn off now.

Grim tries to squirm in my hands as a way to protest, but then became a lifeless old book once more.

I hate doing that, giving orders to Grim, they really don't mean to do bad or anything, plus its not like it can stop me from making me do whatever I want it to do. I don't want to give orders against someones will.

"Iris it is a book nothing more, you shouldn't have to feel bad about it, especially seeing its disagreeable personality."

I nod, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

A little while later I feel the need to ask a certain question that's been on my mind for quite some time. "Can I ask a weird question?"

"Nothing has stopped you before, so why start now?"

"Can I please touch your hair?"

"...My hair?"

"It uh looks really soft you know? You can touch mine too, but uh its a bit tangled now seeing I haven't gotten to brush it or anything?"

"...Okay." He sits down next to me on the bed and I reach over. Its so soft! I smile brightly as I continue messing with it. He looks pretty calm, huh.

"Like this?"

"W-what?" I giggle at him.

He frowns. "Why do you always smile at me like that?"

I pull my hand away from him and look at him confused. "Like what?"

"Nothing..."

"What no, come on." I whine.

"You always seem so joyful in my presence." I do? I suppose that's because...

"That's...cause I enjoy being around you silly!" I'm not liking where this topic may go time to change it. "...Hey do you hate my sister Twila?" I am not sure why I choose that as a topic I guess it was the first thing that came to my mind.

At first he is confused, but then he looks angry. "No I do not."

"You sure about that?"

"What Miss Mallory did to you was heinous, I wish you would of came to me about that, she should be expelled, no she will be. She caused harm to not only you, but to your familiar as well, she has already had a record of hurting and attacking other students, so it was bound for her to be expelled sooner or later."

"No! Please!" She can't she just can't!

"Iris I am sorry I understand she is your relative and you care for her, but you should not. She has treated you horribly since she got here, how could you still care for her?" He seems upset at me now too.

"Cause she's my family!"

"They have treated you unjust as well have they not? That is one of the reasons you left them yes?"

"...Yeah, but still...wait is that what Potsdam is doing right now?"

He sighed. "More then likely...yes seeing I sent a message about what she did to you."

"I didn't get to say goodbye to her..."

"I'm sorry."

"She's stuck with them, they were horrible to her too you know? Not as much as me, but still...she doesn't deserve this! No one should ever deserve something like this!"

He doesn't say anything he just sits there looking away from me, ashamed? For once I can't really tell.

"I..I hope she finds happiness in the future."

"I'm sure she will in some way."

I change the topic again not wanting to feel angry and upset right now. "We should have hot chocolate."

"Why?"

"Its Christmas isn't it?"

"Well yes...but-"

"But nothing, we are gonna have hot chocolate!"

He manages to chuckle at that. "Alright then I'll have it sent here." Oh he can do that? Huh.

After a while it arrives and I sip away happily. "Man I love hot chocolate, though I love coffee and tea as well."

"What types?"

"Oh ummm green tea and black coffee."

He looks very surprised by this. "Really black?"

"I...really suck at making coffee...so I got used to drinking it black..."

He laughs like really laughs. I stare at him dumbfounded. He tries to stop himself, but he can't. Aw, how cute! I find myself smiling and giggling in response.

Afterwards we finish drinking our hot chocolate then he gets up heads over to a nearby bookshelf, pulls a book from it, and hands it to me. "Here."

I stare at him blankly. "Are you...giving me this?"

"Yes...why else would I hand it to you?"

"So...I can borrow your books sometime?"

"This one you can keep, as for the others as long as you return them back in good quality I don't see why not."

"Hell has frozen over."

"Excuse me?"

"To receive something like this...it must be that. You...you are being so sweet to me! I don't know to do with myself! Especially after what I did, goodness, this is wow." I shake my head. "Thank you, really just thank you!"

"I feel as though you do not know the definition of the word sweet." Heh, he trying to remain all distant and cold, how cute.

I giggle. "I understand it very well and you are sweet, sometimes...at least."

Once it became dark I realized something else. "You haven't been sleeping have you?"

"Yes I have..." He has bags under his eyes, he looks exhausted! How did I not see this before?

"No you haven't and if you have you haven't slept well enough, also...if so where have you been uh sleeping?" I kinda stole his bed.

"In another room nearby...we have empty ones Iris." Okay...

"Still you haven't slept much like I can feel the tiredness oozing off of you." If I focus at least.

His response was quick. "You can what?"

"Sorta tell how you feel as sometimes? Its weird like I just wonder how you feel and sometimes just know? Though only sometimes, nothing else okay? Not like I can hear your thoughts."

He calms down, though its obvious he is still upset over this new knowledge. "I won't try to do it okay? It just happens. Sorry."

"It's fin-"

The door is swung open. "I'm back!" Potsdam sings her words full of cheer. Hieronymous groans.

"Hello Professor Potsdam..." So I guess its done huh? Twila is gone, for good.

"Hello there little flower bud, how are you feeling today?"

"Better? Still can't move around much, it still hurts to speak sometimes, but yeah I'm getting better though I still get dizzy and nauseous at times too..."

"Excuse me, but mind explaining why you were gone for so long? Its been five days!" He is pissed off for sure. Though I am really curious too, why was she gone for so long?

"Oh hush now Hieronymous, I was going to explain that." She stops to sigh. "It would seem Miss Mallory has disappeared without a trace, not only her, but many other wildseeds from other schools have been reported missing as well."

A/N: So this is the end of part one, part two will start sometime in October, anyways if you like my story please leave a comment.