Hey folks, it's your friendly neighborhood psycho again, just to let ya know, as of posting I am 6 away from 600 reviews. Since I'm such a fun guy, I'm putting up a gift for the 600th reviewer, notes for another epic fanfic I have in the plotting stages. I'll even let the person pick from generalized descriptions of the three in the work. So remember, number 6 is the big winner this chapter!
Still looking for a beta, have been using my alpha (mouse) to help me pick things out, but my verb tense problem is something terrible at times, and we cannot guarantee to catch everything. So please, help a guy out!
Now for responses...
spottedstar2: I DIDN'T MEAN TO! I SWEAR! Updated, and he's got about 2 hours by the end of this chapter.
FairoNeko: Glad you liked it.
Syed Talal Ahsan: Glad you're laughing and enjoying it, sorry about the soreness. As for your request, there's actually very little beyond a superficial viewing, and nothing serious save Shino, and Ino... Sorry, can't reduce it much more I guess.
Kenta Raikiri: Your Inner should be returning to you within a day or so. We all wanna know, don't we?
Celtic Reaper: Glad you're liking this, and updated.
Aracade: APST... a class that should be taught in Konoha Academy... The odds... unknown at this time, I don't think this is good enough for someone to do a follow up, so I'll have to see where the story takes me. Oi, Hinata's my cute little cuddle buddy! Ara ara...
volrath77: Is there a dentist in the audience? We got some cavities here...
The-Eighth-Sin: I do try hard to avoid the easy jokes... but sometimes I will fall, gomen if I fall. I will deal with your pun... ishment later.
HikariNoTenshi-San: Is it inadvertantly or is it subconsciously? Ara ara... teasing people is fun though, so I can't list them all...
Trinity the Kitsune Kunoichi: Thanks, I shall, keep reading! Ara ara... updated.
badkidoh: Thank ya, updated.
geetac: Glad you did.
Unis Crimson: So much you wanna say, welcome to the insanity, hope you're around for the fun!
AkioofWind: Here's some more of the insanity, no Time Paradox needed. enjoy!
90MLLu: Glad to see you again friend. Hope you continue loving it.
Icha Icha: Animal Magnetism
Chapter 36
Shibi knelt over the prone form of his son, barely worrying about the blood stain forming on the coat over Shino's face. He knew exactly what had caused it, and couldn't justly fault him for such a reaction. After all, if he was to start scolding Shino for this, his wife would hound him about his own bout of nasal discharge knockouts while they were dating.
His concern however was more to making sure his son hadn't hurt himself when he collapsed, and that he was comfortable while in the blood loss induced slumber. After straightening out Shino, he settled in next to him, and began planning the courting for his son. After all, it wouldn't do to have his son lose out after getting his chance because he couldn't think properly. Looking over at his wife he felt a small tremor of fear at the gleam in her eyes, it wasn't himself he feared for, but Shino and Naruto. After all, his wife wanted grandkids, and soon.
He might just have to keep an eye on her while she's working in the poison lab. Don't need Naruto trying to figure out how he became 'with child' as a male. That would be an awkward conversation best avoided if possible. Stroking his porn-stache™ he let his mind focused on the problem at hand. How to get Naruto to accept his son as at the least a part of the harem he seemed to be building, especially with that Yua girl. There was something insect-like about her, and Shibi approved of that.
Thinking about Naruto, he remembered the first time he'd met the blond. It had been the day of the Kiyuubi attack, and he had been one of the few council members to support keeping him alive. He could tell even back then that the boy would do great things. His only regret that day was that due to his clan's own troubles he couldn't adopt the boy, until the day that Shino mentioned his feelings for Naruto. It would seem that his clan would be strengthened by the blonde's inclusion after all.
Behind his coat's collar he smirked as he plotted out the best possible way to ensure that even if his son and Naruto parted romantically, they could still support each other politically. With a powerful connection like Naruto, the last of two clans, and through him a bond to the other clans of Konoha, they could truly unite the hive in Shino's generation. And that was good.
Indeed, all of the plans he was making seemed to end well for the good of the hive, each of them would be strengthened, even should they fail. The only unknown element left in play however was one Naruto Uzumaki, who no one could control save maybe Tsunade. And like a bolt of lightning out of the clear blue sky, an idea began forming in Shibi's mind, Tsunade was the closest Naruto had to family, with Jiraiya, Kakashi, and that chuunin Iruka as the remaining members. If he could work through them, he could ensure that the plans were going to work. And plans that worked was very good for all indeed.
Little did he know, on a rooftop not too far away, another person was plotting in a similar vein to him. Hiashi Hyuuga was considering his daughter, and how she had long held affections for the unpredictable ninja. Maybe it was time to grant his blessing for her to pursue such a relationship. After all, it would be beneficial to have a powerful ally like Naruto, his having two clans to rebuild would mean that his daughter would no longer be the heir of the clan, and at the same time avoid Hanabi being branded as a branch member, recreating the rift that had just started to mend. He'd just need her engaged and preferably married to the boy before her twenty-first birthday. Not enough to rush things, but enough to ensure that the plan worked smoothly.
And since Naruto would be restarting two clans, he'd accept that the boy wouldn't be exclusively married to Hinata. In fact having a harem of women might even help Naruto in the long run. After all, with his strength and stamina, he'd likely outlast what any wife could take in a given night. Besides he'd need all the help he could get in the diplomatic realm, and while Hinata might be gifted at that, she lacked the backbone for politics.
For the most part, he couldn't blame anyone but himself. He had turned so cold to her after his wife's death, and she looked so much like her that it hurt. That's why he pushed her, wasn't it? Hanabi was easy, she grew up just like he expected, so why did he fail with Hinata? Was he not pushing her enough? Too much? In the wrong direction? There were just too many questions he was asking himself, and not enough answers for his like. But this... this might just be the first step he could make towards making amends. He should probably make it seem like he's crushing her dream of marrying Naruto at first, then he would surprise her with the boy and get to see the ultimate blush. It was so cute the way his wife had blushed, he just knew that Hinata's would be even more so.
First he would talk to Tsunade-sama about joining Hinata with Naruto's clans, and through that forming a firm alliance with them from the very beginning. The Hyuuga clan might have to share the secrets of the Byakugan with any offspring, but that could be dealt with when it arose. After talking with the Hokage, he'd try to convince Naruto privately, knowing that the blonde orphan would resent being ordered what to do in such a personal field. A little give and take with the rules would make things easier all around, and that was good for all involved.
A few yards away, on top of the same rooftop, Tsume smirked down at her children running around in the general chaos of the Konoha citizenry. Thankfully, she and most of the rest of her clan had managed to get breathing masks quickly, thanks to the early warnings of their partner dogs. She would have saved her children, but they were just so fun running around like psychos.
However, looking down at them, she knew that they had to grow up and move on with their lives. Hana was a successful veterinarian, and Kiba had finally learned to clean up his room, but still they needed to start a family of their own, get some pups running around for her to spoil.
After all, she'd put in her stint as the strict mother, it's about damn time she was the doting young grandma! And since Kiba seemed more interested in teasing Hinata than chasing her, she'd have to trust in Hana. Wasn't too hard to do so though, since her daughter had done nothing but make her proud throughout her entire adult life. First she tamed the Haimaru Sankyodai trio into an effective unit, and then she took over as the head of the pursuit shinobi, and still found time to hold a successful veterinary practice. The only thing Tsume wished her daughter was better at was her domestic pursuits, she sutures instead of sews, blackens instead of cooks, and Tsume did not dare think about her cleaning practices.
Needless to be said, sterile is not a state a room should be, save for medical reasons, especially when one spends all day steam blasting every square inch of every surface. Tsume spent the next three days trying to get Kiba to stop crying about his favorite chew toy being melted to the floor. He still hid every time that she got near a sink with anything resembling a bucket.
Yes, if she'd have to say, she'd pick Hana. And since she seemed interested in the blonde brat, she'd help him out. Maybe a little training in his animal instincts would get him charging at her daughter instead of away from her. And he'd been living alone since he was young, so he knew at least what he was doing, if not then hopefully at least one of the pack he was forming would. That brat would definitely make an interesting alpha. And that was good, since the alternative was so boring.
Letting out a laugh, she never once suspected that anyone else was plotting about the blonde, let alone the green beast of Konoha, Maito Gai. After being tackled and literally dog piled by half the Inuzuka clan's dogs, Ino had duct taped the breathing filter over the jounin's mouth. As she was leaving, she muttered something about there being enough mental scaring thank you, and shuddered a lot.
However, now that his mind was clear, he was a staunch supporter of Naruto in his youthful fight to preserve his fiery flames of youthful purity until after the youthful ceremony of marriage. And he had the most perfect youthful partner for the spirited and fiery youthful youth. It would be a youthful match made with youthful fiery passion and youthful splendor of flaming youth. Besides, it would unite his own youthful squad with Kakashi's hip and cool squad. Maybe the father's of the two squads could bring harmony between the two squads and allow Tenten's youthful seedlings of love to blossom into the beautiful and youthful spring flowers of fiery romance. Indeed that would be most youthful, and being youthful was good for everyone.
For was it not written in the tenants of youth that "Youthful youthfulness, is youthfully youthful!" He had noticed since the chuunin exams that Tenten seemed to have her target focus shift from the sadly unyouthful Neji, to the fiery, youthful and hardworking genius that is Naruto. And while he was saddened that it was not his prime example of flaming youthfulness, Lee, that Tenten had fallen for, he was still pleased to see her taking an interest in someone who might return her youthful interest.
Indeed it was decided, once Naruto had finished with this most youthful jutsu, he would seek permission from Tsunade for the two teams to work more youthful joint missions, so that Tenten's youthful smoldering feelings might blossom into a roaring flame of passionate and youthful love, and she may stand out to the youthful Naruto. And eventually the two orphans may find solace in their love for each other. Should he fail to do so, he would do two hundred laps around Konoha on his thick, luxurious, and youthful eyebrows!
Yes, this plan was most youthful, and would unite the two youthful orphan teams together, and allow them to form a deeper, more burning youthful bond through their shared fiery experiences. Never once did he stop to consider that Sakura wasn't an orphan, that Tenten or Naruto didn't want his help, or that he was still standing around wearing a neon orange dress with a green spandex Speedo underneath, giving people on the streets below eons of nightmares to come.
Striking nice guy pose number 152, and smiling so hard that the ping could be heard even through his muffled mouth, Gai never suspected that he was causing angels to weep in terror. Nor did he suspect that others were plotting Naruto's future. One however, was not.
Inoichi was a man that was very proud of what he'd accomplished in life. First there was being a ninja, and the head of the Yamanaka clan, and then there was making his floral business thrive, then the birth of his daughter, and finally how she had come into her own as a kunoichi. Recently however, he realized he wasn't young anymore, and that made him worry about someone to take care of his little girl after he was gone. She might have been a beautiful and fully grown woman, but she still needed someone to watch out for her.
He knew that her interest in the Uchiha brat was only a consideration because Ino wanted to fit in, and even more than that, she didn't like losing to others. However, even then he knew that there was someone else for his little princess, and it was the last person she'd ever admit to liking publically. Her top rival for Sasuke, and the woman she was now working so hard to prevent from getting to Naruto and ruining Ino's chances, Sakura Haruno was the woman that his daughter had a crush on. And he supported her choice fully.
While it was true that they'd be unable to have a baby in the traditional method, there were alternatives, and his princess would likely have already considered them all, since she wanted to be a mother someday. The thought of little grandkids running around made Inoichi's breath hitch as he thought about being a grandfather, he was getting old!
Now, the only problem seemed to be Sakura's budding affections for her other teammate, Naruto Uzumaki. It wouldn't have been too much of a problem, save that if she was to choose him, Ino would likely start in on her mule-headed rivalry act again, and it would just be a self-destructive spiral of lust, love, and loathing.
Maybe he could use Sakura's attraction to the blonde brat to his daughter's advantage. After all, his daughter wanted to be a mother, and Naruto could help them get that dream. Be it through teaching either of the girls that gender changing jutsu of his, or getting more involved physically.
Oh yes, their love would bloom to be a magnificent flower, possibly a lily, and he'd be there to help nurture it every step of the way.
Meanwhile, deep in the woods, at a secret location, Naruto sneezed for the fourth time in a matter of ten minutes. He really hoped that no one heard him, or that he wasn't getting sick. The last thing he needed to find out was that the jutsu reacted weirdly if one was sick during it. Suddenly an old wives' tale crossed his mind that made him laugh; maybe someone was talking about him.
If that was true, he'd probably have been sneezing the entire month long. But still, he hoped that if it was that, they were at least being nice about it. Tying off the last piece of his grand master plan, he paused to try and figure out something.
Looking around he asked out loud to no one in particular. "How do I make a lot of pheromones at once?"