Happy New Year to all of my awesome readers! I sincerely hope that 2016 will be an amazing year full of fond and happy memories!
I was on a mini hiatus because of personal / family issues. I am marking this story as complete for now because with the way things are going, I'm not sure when I'll have the time or motivation to write and upload the epilogue. It will eventually be published, but I can't say when exactly that will be. Sorry for the delay and thanks to all who have stuck with it til now!
Botan stood at her window, watching as Hiei and the rest of Unit A departed from the fortress. Amara and Souta were with him, along with five others that she recognized but was not on a first name basis with. They would be okay, she knew that, but that still did not stop her from whispering a quick wish for their safe return to the stars above. She waited until they were out of sight before closing her windows and drawing the thick curtains. She couldn't fall asleep yet - she was far too restless for that - and before she knew it she was at Haru's door.
"Knock knock," she sing-songed as she rapped her knuckles against the door.
Haru answered a short while later, greeting her with his signature lopsided grin.
"What's up?"
"Nothing really, I'm just a little restless tonight," Botan admitted sheepishly.
"Ah, so you're in need of a fun distraction?" he predicted easily.
"Yes, that's exactly it. So, what do you say?"
Haru's rubbed a hand at his chin for a few thoughtful moments before his expression brightened.
"I've got the perfect thing in mind."
"What is it?"
"How about we go snooping?" he suggested roguishly.
"Huh?" Botan blinked. She was inquisitive by nature, but the twinkle in those emerald eyes suggested that emotion-reader was up to no good.
"Let's see what dirty little secrets Hiei's got in his room!" Haru urged as he walked past Botan and towards Hiei's room.
"We couldn't possibly do something so despicable. That's an invasion of privacy!" she reproached as she trailed after him.
Haru paused to look back at Botan, tilting his head in curiosity.
"Aren't you the least bit interested?"
"No," she denied firmly, crossing her arms over her chest with an air of finality.
"Really?" he pressed, raising a brow in an unconvinced manner.
Botan's shoulders slumped slightly as her expression turned sheepish.
"Okay, maybe a little," she confessed.
"Thought so," Haru teased as he pushed the door open experimentally.
He strode in confidently while Botan stopped in front of the room, looking around the hallway to ensure that no one was around to see what she was about to do. The halls were empty and she couldn't hear any signs of the other inhabitants of the fortress; it was a completely quiet and calm night. Taking a deep breath, she entered with cautious strides, half expecting the place to be booby-trapped. Hiei could very well have hidden camera or an alarm set somewhere that would trigger and alert him to their activities. She looked around warily, noting that nothing looked out of the ordinary. The room was dressed plainly and everything had its own place and order.
"He's a pretty neat guy, surprisingly," Haru noted as he continued his inspection of the area.
"Yes, very much unlike you," Botan quipped.
Haru snorted as he continued ransacking the room and Botan bit her lip nervously. Hiei was definitely going to know that they were in here, but if she left right now, she could pin all the blame on Haru.
"Hey, you might want to see this."
Haru's voice pulled Botan's attention to the opposite end of the room, where the emotion-reader was rummaging through Hiei's nightstand, features twisted in confusion and curiosity.
"I don't really feel comfortable prying into Hiei's personal space. We should go," she advised.
"But this isn't his stuff at all," Haru said, beckoning her over with a wave. "I'm pretty sure it's yours."
Botan's eyes widened when Haru pulled out her missing novel and waved it teasingly. She quickly crossed over to his side, blinking in confusion as he passed the book over to her and went off to search through more of Hiei's belongings. Botan couldn't understand why Hiei would have the item in the first place. She distinctly remembered him mocking her for reading romance novels, but it seemed as though he was guilty of the same thing. As she flipped through the pages, her eyes landed on the photo booth pictures of the two of them and her heart skipped a beat. He had kept it all this time and a warm feeling bubbled in her chest as she took in the images of the two of them three years ago. Perhaps he was using it as a bookmark and by the looks of it, Hiei had gotten halfway through the story. He was up to the part where the male had gifted the protagonist with things that she liked—
Botan's eyes widened in realization as she recalled the many gifts she had received from Hiei during her stay at the fortress. He must have been using the novel as a guide to romance and courtship. A smile tugged at her lips as she thought of Hiei reading the book and scoffing at every word as he tried to find some valuable information. He really did go out of his way for her. She returned the pictures to the book and restored it to its position within the nightstand, unable to hide the smile from her expression.
"Wait, why are you putting it away? We should definitely tease him about it!" Haru suggested deviously.
"We absolutely should not!" she admonished.
"Why not? It'd be fun!"
"Hiei will know that we trespassed if we did," Botan reminded him.
"Ah, true. I hate it when you're right," Haru conceded with a pout.
Botan closed the drawer to the nightstand with an air of finality. She moved to tidy up the room and return it to the way it was before Haru happened and caught sight of something peculiar. There was a crumpled up article on the floor near the wastebasket. An unsettling feeling settled in her chest as she picked it up and smoothed it out, frowning when she saw a negative article about herself and Hiei. A moment later, Haru was at her side trying to swipe the article from her hands.
"There's no way you can just pretend you didn't see that, is there?" he asked nervously.
"Why would I do that?" Botan questioned, holding onto the abused piece of paper behind her back so that Haru could not easily reach it.
"Because Hiei's been making me get rid of them before you could see them..." he revealed carefully. "He didn't want you to worry about it."
"Did he think that I was too weak and softhearted to see it?" she questioned worriedly. Her brow furrowed as she turned her attentions back to the exposé and continued to read its disheartening message.
Haru shook his head quickly.
"Nah, Hiei knows you better than that. He probably just wanted to save you from the added aggravation."
She supposed it was a kind gesture on his part and perhaps ignorance was bliss, but seeing that many demons still held doubts concerning the ambassadorship program and a majority of those doubts revolved around her specifically was enough to break her confidence.
"Hey," Haru began, snapping her out of her thoughts. "This is exactly why Hiei wanted to get rid of them. They'll only mess with your head."
"I suppose you're right," Botan relented, allowing Haru to take the article and dispose of it.
"C'mon, let's go have some real fun," he whined, bumping his shoulder against hers. He flashed her a bright smile as he wiggled his eyebrows mischievously. "I heard a rumor about the medical wing being haunted by the ghosts of the dead. Wanna check it out?"
Botan nodded mutely as she allowed Haru to lead her through the fortress, all the while her mind was swimming with reservations and concerns over her own abilities. As of late, she had been so preoccupied with Hiei that she did not even realize that she becoming an obstacle to the ambassadorship's success. This was such a crucial time for everyone and it hurt her to think that she was a contributing factor to its less than stellar success.
Hiei was furious, but he did an excellent job of letting his rage simmer quietly beneath the surface. Crimson eyes trailed the Spirit World's Special Defense Force as they examined a group of humans who had foolishly wandered into his world and inadvertently ended up in the crossfires of his battle against the opposing faction. The idiots at Spirit World had somehow gotten it into their minds that Hiei's group was the one that inflicted the injuries on the humans for the sole fact that they were the only ones remaining. The battle was every bit as cutthroat and dangerous as he liked it, but the victory was quickly becoming soiled by the fools in front of him. He hadn't harmed a single human; any injuries they sustained were from the now deceased enemy, but the SDF had always looked for every opportunity to prove that demons were as vile as they believed and this time was no different. He did not appreciate the accusatory looks that had been thrown his way or their vindictive words. He had killed others over far less, but he was in a position of power now and he had to hold back. His soldiers were looking to him for direction and if he attacked out of anger, they would follow without hesitation. And then there was Botan to consider. She certainly would not be happy if he was tried for treason against the Spirit World because he could not control his anger. He concealed his clenched fist in his pocket and concentrated all of his will on keeping calm.
"I thought we had come to an agreement," the blue-haired arrogant man spoke. "You are to return any humans that cross the border unharmed."
"We weren't the ones who broke the agreement. It was a third party. One that we have disposed of," Amara attested truthfully. "If you want to punish someone, then maybe you should turn your attentions to the remains on the battlefield."
Shunjun's eyes shifted towards Hiei.
"You are the temporary ruler, aren't you?" he started pointing an accusing finger at Hiei. "Maybe you should start acting like one and take responsibility for the actions of your people."
"That's not how things work here," Souta snarled in defense, hand gripped tight on his sword. "Why don't you just ask the humans themselves and see that we weren't the ones who attacked them?"
"The emiko is also the owner of an artificial jagan. Who's to say he hasn't already wiped them of their memories?" Shunjun taunted, his tone caustic. "It's sounds like something your kind would do."
Souta tensed irritably, but Hiei stepped forward before his soldier could charge.
"Don't waste your energy," Hiei spoke. "This one is in love with the sound of his own voice. His words hold no credence or meaning and anything he says should be immediately disregarded."
Souta snorted his consent, backing down with an amused smirk as he sheathed his weapon. When Hiei was convinced that none of his team would make a move, he advanced until he was a few feet away from the SDF. His eyes narrowed as a dark energy crackled around him ominously.
"If I wanted to kill those humans, I would have killed them. I wouldn't leave them alive and I wouldn't bother manipulating their memories," Hiei stated plainly. "Now get out of my sight before my patience runs out and I temporarily forget about the political alliance between our worlds."
He allowed his energy to spike up threateningly and noted the way a majority of the group lost their will to fight. They might have been on the same level of strength as him during the bout against Sensui, but while they had peaked, Hiei continued to grow stronger. Shunjun either did not realize or was too blinded by his own pride to care as he refused to stand down, his own energy rising to the challenge.
The blond female stepped between them, putting a hand on Shunjun's shoulder.
"Come on, our priority is the humans. You can have a pissing contest with Hiei the next time you cross paths," she urged.
Shunjun's blue eyes remained on Hiei's as he sneered.
"I'm not sure what the ferry-girl sees in you. She's always been on the slow and strange side, but one day even she will see your true colors. And when that day comes, I just hope I am there to witness it," he mocked, before turning away.
It took every bit of Hiei's will to refrain from doing something foolish in retaliation to the haughty spirit's words, but he somehow managed to dial back his bloodlust. Killing a member of the SDF would surely have severe repercussions on not only him, but Mukuro as well. Shunjun simply wasn't worth it. He watched silently as they rounded up the confused humans and accompanied them out of the area.
"Man, Spirit World is so judgmental. They act like they're the superior race and it drives me crazy," Souta said as he kicked a stray pebble in frustration.
"I know what you mean. I can't stand them either," another soldier grumbled.
Amara glanced towards Hiei, meeting his gaze with a look of understanding.
"You okay?" she asked.
"I'm fine," he answered tightly, before turning to face the group. "Tend to your injuries and prepare for the return trip. We leave in an hour."
He did not wait for a response as he walked ahead, needing to distance himself and clear his head. If there was one thing that Hiei could not stand, it was being belittled and mocked by those who thought themselves to be better than him. He wanted nothing more than to wipe the smug look off of Shunjun's face, and perhaps if things were different, he would have. Not much had changed between the three worlds when it came down to the heart of the matter, but Botan was trying hard to make a difference. Unlike the majority of her people, she had never been judgmental towards demons. He wondered how she came to be so different from the rest of them, before giving up. He had learned long ago that attempting to understand the ferry-girl was a futile effort.
Still, the thought of her alone was enough to temporarily quell the boiling rage and bloodlust. Although he hated to admit it, he found himself eager to wrap up the expedition and return to the fortress. Botan had promised him an answer that was long overdue.
It had been two days since Hiei and the rest of Unit A departed. In that time, Botan had done her best to amass a collection of articles and reports that had been published since her stay in the fortress. She hadn't found the opportunity to read them yet, as she was always called away or distracted with her duties, but they remained in the back of her mind; tugging at her attention incessantly. Even as she sat at a table in her room, engaged in conversation with Ayame through the videophone provided by the Spirit World, she found her thoughts wandering back to the articles.
"Lord Koenma tells me that both you and Kasumi are doing a fantastic job in your respective territories. I'm so glad to hear that you've been adjusting well," Botan said as she smiled at her somber looking friend through the video screen.
"Thank you," Ayame replied in her reserved and calm way.
"So, how do you like this world? It's completely different from ours, isn't it?"
"Yes. It took me a while to fully understand and adapt to the customs, but this is the first step to tolerance and understanding. I believe Lord Koenma was on the right track when he proposed this idea."
Botan nodded proudly.
"That's right! Although he may act like an immature brat at times, he really does have the mind of a great leader."
Ayame nodded her agreement.
"How have you been faring on your end?" the dark-haired ferry-girl questioned.
"I'm doing fine," Botan answered. "Everyone has been very kind to me."
Ayame's purple eyes dithered from the screen for a moment in an uncharacteristic show of hesitance and Botan frowned.
"What's wrong Ayame?"
"I saw the papers," she started.
Botan's expression dropped, but she quickly forced a smile.
"Those are all just nonsense…" she tried to explain.
"They are the honest opinions of the people of this land. You should pay more attention and be more careful, Botan."
"I don't understand…"
"Your relationship with Hiei is treading dangerous waters. People might just assume you're blinded by your feelings for a demon and that's the only reason why you trust them so much."
"Hiei and I have been friends for years. If our relationship changed, that wouldn't mean that I couldn't do my job."
"I know that, but the rest of the world does not," Ayame replied. "You're in the limelight now. What you do and say; who you love – it all matters."
"Yes, but I…"
"I know you, Botan. You rush into things thoughtlessly because your heart tells you to, but I'm asking you to use discretion and think it through fully. Remember, this is bigger than all of us."
Botan was silent as she processed the advice from one of her oldest and truest friends. Ayame was speaking strictly out of her professional duty. She had always been able to see the bigger picture and look at things with a discerning eye, which is exactly why Botan always trusted her judgment and valued her advice.
"I hope I haven't upset you," Ayame said suddenly.
"No, not at all," Botan cut in quickly. "I just have a lot to think about."
"I'll leave you to it. And I'll support whatever decision you make in the end."
Botan's eyes widened slightly at the unexpected show of emotion. She smiled softly this time and nodded.
"Thank you."
The connection ended and Botan let out a sigh. She shuffled through her nightstand, pulling out the articles and spreading them out on her bed as she took a seat before them. A majority of them took a stand against the ambassadorship program, listing its supposed flaws and negative consequences. Of course there was a general theme of distrust towards the Spirit World and its intentions, and Botan supposed she could understand that. But what really shook her was the mini blurb about herself. The writer insinuated that she was too distracted by her infatuation with Hiei and that her work was insubstantial and biased in the worst way. It hurt to see herself being painted in such a light and she was ashamed that she was a factor as to why the intellectuals of the demon world believed that the proposal would fail. As she continued reading through different articles, she found that she was always a point of discussion. Even worse, Hiei's reputation and sense of judgment were being dragged through the mud as well.
There was obviously still a lot of prejudice and distrust between the worlds and the thought of a ferry-girl and a demon being together was something that many could not fathom. Perhaps it was selfish of her to think only of herself when there was such a large weight on her shoulders. Maybe she had gotten caught up in everything. Lately her mind had been stuck on Hiei after all. The last thing she wanted to do was jeopardize this opportunity for the worlds to unify.
The sounds of an alarm interrupted her musings and nearly threw her off of the bed in surprise. This one was different than the first one she had heard before with Hiei, ringing lower and at a slower frequency. As she entered the hallway, she accosted the attention of one of the staff.
"What's going on?" Botan asked.
"Our troops have returned," the leopard demon announced proudly.
Botan's eyes lit up as she watched everyone else convene towards the main gates. When the shock wore off, she followed suit and felt her heart do little flips in her chest at the sight of Hiei. Her legs carried her over to him and before she realized what she was doing, she had already embraced the fire-demon out of pure joy and relief. She held on to him tightly, sinking into him as his hand settle in the small of her back.
When she realized that the room was quickly becoming filled with others, Botan reluctantly released him, a slight blush dusting her cheeks.
"I'm sorry… I was just…" she explained nervously.
"Don't apologize," he told her quietly.
"Alright then," she replied with a hesitant smile.
The two stared at each other wordlessly for a moment and as the relief of seeing him safe and sound began to dissipate, Botan only began to feel more anxious. Before he left, she was so sure that they should be together and she promised him an answer, but things had changed and she was once again unsure of what to do. She opened her mouth futilely, but Hiei was quicker.
"I have to report to Mukuro," he mentioned, eyes averting towards the hallway that led to Mukuro's throne room.
"Of course," Botan nodded, releasing a breath that she didn't realize she had been holding. "You should absolutely go and do that."
"Hn."
When the two made no move to leave each other, Haru made his presence known with a well-timed cough.
"Well, this is awkward," he joked lightheartedly.
Hiei tore his gaze away from Botan and instead turned to glare at the emotion-reader.
Haru continued to grin, unaffected by the icy glower sent his way.
"Go on. We'll meet you outside when you're ready," the orange-haired demon urged.
The fire-demon did not bother providing a response, but he did meet Botan's gaze once more. No words were needed and she nodded at him before he headed to the throne room.
"Is something happening outside?" she asked when Hiei was out of sight.
"It's custom to greet the returnees with drinks and food. The weather's pretty nice, so we might as well enjoy it."
"That sounds wonderful!"
"Yup, it's tons of fun. I'm sure you'll love it."
As Botan looked around, she noticed that the entire fortress had seemed to awaken with the ringing of the alarm. The cooks were running towards the kitchens, while the medical staff had gone to tend to the injured. She noticed some of the staff carrying chairs and tables outside, where they began setting up for the feast. The fortress really was one collective entity when she thought about it; people of all different backgrounds and personalities coming together to form a cohesive and functioning community. As they ventured outside, Botan helped to set things up as best as she could, although they had told her it wasn't necessary. To be honest, she needed something to distract her from her dilemma. She had no idea what she would say to Hiei when he eventually got her alone.
"Hey there, ambassador," Amara greeted good-naturedly as she settled next to the ferry-girl.
"It's good to see you back safe and sound, Amara," Botan replied. "How are you? And how was the expedition?"
"It was pretty kickass at first," Amara said. "Then it turned kind of sour."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, we made it to the northern territory easily enough. There were a group of ogre demons trying to claim Lord Mukuro's land and these guys weren't your usual slow, big and dumb ogres. They had the speed and intelligence to match their strength."
"Are you alright?"
"That I am," Amara answered with a proud smirk. "The fight was amazing. We won, of course, but it just so happened that a few humans got caught up in the fray."
"Oh no," Botan lamented. "I hope they weren't hurt."
"They were slightly injured, but not by us. I think we incidentally saved them from the ogres by showing up when we did."
"Well, that was good timing," Botan stated in relief.
"Yeah, but then the damn SDF showed up and got the wrong idea," Amara said bitterly. "Or maybe they knew exactly what they were doing. We told them that we hadn't harmed the humans but they didn't want to believe us. And to make matters worse, that blue-haired jerk was especially keen on taunting Hiei. I'm surprised that he held it together so well."
"Shunjun…" Botan muttered. "He's always had a deep dislike for demons. Especially ones associated with Yusuke."
"He tried to goad Hiei into a fight, but Hiei got them to leave with a good old fashioned threat."
"That's good," Botan said, thankful that it hadn't escalated further. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I know firsthand how critical they can get."
Amara shook her head.
"You did nothing wrong."
"Still, it's embarrassing to think that my own colleagues could act so childishly," Botan admitted.
"Eh, we've got tons of jerks in this fortress too, so I know how you feel."
The two women smiled at each other in understanding, before Amara's grin turned devious.
"Looks like your mate has arrived."
Botan's smile dropped as she followed Amara's gaze. The ferry-girl promptly began sputtering intelligible words as Hiei advanced towards them.
"He is not my—we aren't—"
The brown-haired warrior laughed heartily in return.
"I think I hear Souta calling," she lied.
"No you don't!"
"Later," Amara teased as she wiggled her fingers in a mock wave before heading off in another direction.
Botan glared at the other woman's retreating form, promising to pay her back one day before turning to view Hiei. All previous thoughts flew out of the window when she saw him in front of her. He had cleaned up, sporting a red shirt and his signature black pants, but the thing that stood out the most was the fact that he had made use of the silver chain she bought for his hiruiseki.
"Hey, you finally wore it!" she exclaimed happily, pointing to the item hanging around his neck.
"The old one was destroyed in the most recent battle," Hiei answered simply.
Botan pretended that she did not see his eyes avert in a way that indicated he was only lying to protect his pride as she nodded in understanding. Even though she was conflicted over everything, just having Hiei near was more than enough to put her at ease. She loved him more than she could ever voice, but she feared that it was not enough.
Within the span of a few seconds, Botan's expression changed from warm to wistful. Hiei had always been able to read her easily, but this time, he could not find a cause for the sudden change in her demeanor. Something was on her mind; something he was sure that he would not like. Before he could inquire as to what it was, she was pulled away.
"Hey Botan!" Souta called out. "Can you show us how to do that snores thing?"
Botan stifled a giggle.
"It's called s'mores. And of course I can," she answered, before sparing a quick glance in Hiei's direction. "I'll be right back."
As soon as Botan left his side, he felt another's approach. He didn't need to turn around to detect that it was Haru.
"What do you want?" Hiei asked impatiently, already knowing that whatever Haru had to say would not be good.
"Don't kill me, but Botan kind of found out about the articles."
Hiei frowned in annoyance.
"You were supposed to get rid of them before she saw them," he accused.
"I know, but it sort of just… happened while you were away," he defended, running a hand through his orange locks distractedly.
Hiei had the feeling that Haru was omitting something, but he did not have the patience to investigate.
"And?"
"Honestly, she seems to be a little shaken up by it..."
"You only had one task and you couldn't even do that right," Hiei scoffed, shoving his hands into his pockets.
"You're the one who left the article lying around in your room," Haru grumbled under his breath.
"What?"
"Nothing!" he laughed nervously. "She's coming back now, so I'll leave you two lovebirds alone!"
Haru raced off before Hiei could interrogate him further and the fire-demon rolled his eyes. He took a seat on one of the benches and listened as Botan's footsteps drew closer.
"I was going to bring you some s'mores, but I figured you wouldn't want to eat it around all these people," Botan announced. "So instead, I decided to surprise you with your favorite drink."
She held out a bottle of cinnamon whisky with a triumphant grin. Hiei arched a brow in confusion and Botan took a seat beside him as she passed the bottle to him.
"This is what you always had back during the tournament," she explained. "You drank it like it was going out of stock, so I figured I'd just bring you the entire bottle and forego a cup."
He wasn't surprised that she noticed such a minute detail and he accepted the bottle with a grunt.
"Were you hurt at all in the scuffle?" Botan asked, as she scooted closer towards him. "I heard it was a tough battle."
"I'm fine," he answered curtly, taking a sip of the drink straight from the bottle.
Botan leaned in closer, examining him for any injuries and frowning when she surveyed his physical state.
"Would it kill you to get some medical attention after a fight?"
"I don't need it."
She huffed lightly, lower lip jutting out in a pout. Her expression was presumably meant to guilt trip him into letting her heal him, but instead, all of his attentions were caught on her pink lips. She let him kiss her before he left on the excursion and he wondered if she would allow the same now. Leaning in, he ignored the fact that others surrounded them and that a few of their nosier companions were most definitely watching his actions. Before he had the chance to close that final distance, her hands were on his chest, pushing him away.
"Hiei!"
"What?"
"We're in public and I'm pretty sure the others are not-so-subtly watching us. Besides, this isn't the time or place for any of that, mister!"
Hiei grunted dismissively as he took another drink.
"Don't be mad, you know I'm right."
He refused to answer, so she childishly poked his arm.
"Are you going to give me the silent treatment now?"
"…"
"Hiei?"
"..."
Botan wore an amused smile.
"Well, in any case, I'm glad you're here. Even if you choose to sulk for the rest of the night."
"I don't sulk, woman."
"Then what do you call that cute little pout on your face?"
His eyes narrowed slightly at the remark and Botan giggled.
"See? You're totally sulking."
"And you're deflecting," he retorted. "You still owe me an answer."
All traces of amusement vanished from Botan's expression as she looked at him seriously.
"I know..." she hesitated. "But tonight, I just want to spend time with you and not worry about the past or future. Let's just be here in this moment."
He wanted to receive an answer now, but he also knew that pushing her would be detrimental to his cause, so he simply remained silent instead. A moment later, he felt her place her hand over his and he tensed at the sudden contact. He looked down at their intertwined fingers and squeezed back reassuringly. The two were silent for a while and Hiei watched as the sun set in the distance and day gave way into night. Nothing else happened over the course of the night and nothing else really needed to. It was the least he had ever done with a woman, but it was the most intimate he had ever been with anyone before. She didn't even know what she was doing to him and it worried him that while he was so sure of his own feelings, she was so conflicted over hers.
The next morning, Botan had organized her wardrobe, cleaned her room and dusted the furniture. Busy work always helped to clear her mind and allow her to think better, but even after the thorough cleaning, she was still at a loss of what to do concerning Hiei. She felt completely torn between two very important factors of her life and was unable to find a clear answer to her situation.
What she needed was some solid advice. Ayame had already spoken her piece and Botan was curious as to what Koenma might have to say about all of this. She set up the videophone and dialed into Koenma's office. He had always been a great support system and friend and she knew that he would tell her honestly what he thought about all of this.
"Good afternoon, Lord Koenma," she greeted.
"Botan, is everything alright? We weren't scheduled to discuss anything today, were we?"
"I only wanted to check in," she explained. The ferry-girl examined the prince before frowning. "You look worse for wear, though. No offense."
Koenma pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly, before shaking his head.
"It's nothing."
"Oh come now, you know that I can read you like a book. Something is clearly wrong," Botan insisted.
"Some of the SDF is staring up a fuss with the council. They say they've had a run in with Hiei and they claim that he and the rest of the demons are volatile and untrustworthy."
"That's ridiculous! I heard the story and from what I was told Shunjun was behaving despicably! I'll testify myself if I have to!"
"That's noble of you, Botan, but I'm afraid your opinion might be discounted."
"Why?"
"Your history with Hiei is complicated. It would be your word against Shunjun's and he already believes that your judgment is clouded by your feelings."
"…"
"I can handle it, though. Ryohi is claiming differently than what Shunjun's faction is saying and we have the humans as witnesses. You don't have to worry," he reassured.
"I'm still sorry that I couldn't be of more help. Although I am the ambassador in this territory, it seems like my words are worthless."
Koenma gave her a sympathetic look, brows furrowed as he sighed.
"We all knew that this wouldn't be easy. It will take time and effort to change century's worth of distrust and unrest. But we are moving in the right direction."
Botan remained silent.
"Botan?"
"Sir, do you think that my feelings for Hiei hindering your efforts to unify the worlds?"
"Why would you even ask such a silly thing like that?"
"Because it seems as though no matter how hard I try to separate my personal life from my work, people will only focus on the fact that I care about Hiei and use that against all of us," she explained. "I've seen the articles... public opinion isn't very high nowadays."
"There are many roadblocks in that path we've chosen to pursue, Botan," he stated. "Public opinion is always fickle; you shouldn't dwell on what you can't control."
"But isn't that the whole point of this ambassadorship? To change the people's opinions?"
"Change takes time," he reasoned. "Even if they try to use your feelings as a reason to discredit your judgment, it doesn't mean that they are right. You're doing an excellent job in Mukuro's territory. Don't ever doubt that."
Botan those words sounded empty to her. It seemed as though there was a very simple solution to all of this and her expression fell.
"Botan-"
"I have to go."
The ferry-girl ended the connection numbly. The media had been printing articles about her ineffectiveness this entire time and Hiei had gone out of his way to ensure that she never saw them. Ayame had provided her with a much needed wakeup call in an effort to protect Botan's and Koenma's best interests. Koenma was going through his own problems back home and had tried to shield her from the fact that she could not even use her new position to help him in the slightest. Everyone was protecting her from the obvious truth that her own feelings were a detriment to the success of her duties. All of these recent events were floating around in her mind, weighing her down heavily. She felt torn between her responsibility as the ambassador and her feelings for Hiei. It just wasn't fair. She didn't want to choose between the two, but it was starting to feel as though she had no other choice.
Hiei met Mukuro's gaze, wondering why she called for him in the first place.
"Why am I hearing about your run in with the SDF through Koenma and not from you?" she inquired finally from her seat on her throne.
"Because it wasn't relevant to the excursion," Hiei replied curtly, not in the mood to deal with the backlash of the encounter with the elitist fools of the Spirit World.
"Hiei."
"What?" he bit out angrily.
"Tell me what happened," Mukuro demanded calmly.
"Nothing happened," he asserted. "They falsely accused us of harming humans that the ogres had injured and had the luxury of walking away with all of their limbs in tact."
"A member called Shunjun is claiming that you were unnecessarily hostile and aggressive."
"I wasn't any more hostile and aggressive than he was."
"Good."
"I should have killed him when I had the chance though," Hiei added.
Mukuro smirked, resting her cheek in her hand.
"Yes, I'm sure all three worlds would be a better place without a pompous fool like him, but it's a good thing that you practiced self-restraint. Your relations with the ferry-girl are enough of a hot topic as it is. The last thing we need is another scandal on our hands."
"Hn."
"Speaking of, how are things faring between the two of you?"
Hiei paused to think. He knew that something was different between them. Botan was holding back, but he did not know why.
"I don't know," he admitted.
"Even after all this time?"
"It's not me, it's her. She is still wavering."
"I suppose it's natural, given the circumstances."
"It's testing my patience."
"Well, we all know you could stand to learn a little bit more in that department."
"You're one to talk," he retorted with a smirk.
"I suppose you're right."
"Was that all?" he asked.
"Yes," she answered. "Koenma has explained that the situation should die down with time, but I wanted to hear the story from you first. I will let you know if anything further develops."
He nodded and saw himself out of the throne room. Without giving it much thought, he headed over to Botan's chambers. The door was already open, so he let himself inside. When Botan took notice of his presence, she gathered the papers that were lain out on her bed and threw them behind her.
"Hiei! What have I told you about knocking?" she admonished as she walked over to him.
"The door was already open," he answered plainly.
"That's besides the point," she muttered, before shaking her head and realizing that her point was lost on him. "So… what brings you here?"
"I think you already know why I'm here," he said, taking a step closer so that they could talk at a comfortable distance. He noticed the way her expression fell and he steeled himself for her response.
"I'm sorry, but I still need more time."
"You were sure of yourself before I left. What happened between then and now?"
"A lot of things have happened in such a short while. I found the articles for one..." she said, revealing them.
Hiei's eyes drifted over to the papers on her bed briefly, before returning to meet Botan's gaze.
"They're all nonsense," he told her.
"But they weren't completely unfounded," Botan pointed out. "Ayame also had a few eye-opening words for me and then there was the whole situation with the SDF."
"I fail to see what that has to do with us."
"I couldn't even help. All because everyone thinks that I'm somehow unable to do my job while caring for you," she filled in.
"So, your feelings for me are a mere burden?" Hiei concluded defensively.
"That's not what I said."
"I didn't realize it was so easy to change your mind, woman."
"I haven't changed my mind about anything. I care about you, Hiei. But maybe the rest of the world isn't ready for that."
"I don't care about what my world or your world thinks," he declared firmly. "And neither should you."
"But I do," she revealed. "We've worked very hard to bridge the gap between our worlds and yet, there are still many people who don't understand; who don't want to understand. I care about what they think, because I want them to learn. I want them to see what I see. But if we push them too far, it might do more harm than good."
"So what are you proposing? That I give you up for the sake of the masses?"
"I know that you never cared about this program, but it means a lot to me. Completing it successfully for me is like taming the dragon for you: a nearly impossible feat, but worth it in the end. You gave up everything to get to where you are now ... and now, maybe I have to do the same."
"No," he replied firmly with a shake of his head. "Don't make the same mistake I did. You can have it all, you just need the courage and the will do so."
"I don't know if I can," she replied honestly, eyes downcast as she frowned.
They were so close; a few days ago he was sure she was feeling the same way as him, but somehow, everything had changed. It seemed that no matter how close he thought he had gotten to her, she always moved farther away. He told himself that Botan was different than the others, but in this very moment, he couldn't help but see that perhaps she did share some of the prejudices of her world. She was afraid to move forward in their relationship because he was a demon and she was a ferry-girl. Shunjun's earlier words rang clearly in his mind, clouding his vision and fueling his irritation.
"I find it ironic that you've been going around teaching equality and tolerance this whole time, but you won't apply those same principles to me," he noted acidly.
"That's not true."
"And now that you've reached a higher position, you feel it will tarnish your reputation if you were seen with a demon in any way other than a political one," he concluded.
"That's not what I meant at all and you know it!" Botan defended.
But fire-demon was past the point of listening to her excuses.
"I can't change who I am any more than you can change your origins," he stated lowly.
"I don't want you to change."
"Then what do you want from me?" he pressed.
"I…" Botan trailed off uncertainly.
Hiei sighed. He was tired; physically, mentally and emotionally. Every time he thought he had her, she moved farther away. Every time he thought they had come to an understanding, something went wrong. He was tired of trying make her understand how he felt. He was tired of losing her. He was just so tired.
"What do you want from me?" he asked her again, more harshly this time. "Because I've given all that I can and it's still not enough for you."
"I just want to make the right decision."
His anger was reaching the boiling point but he refused to take it out on her like he had done countless times in the past. He clenched his fists at his side and released a deep breath.
"I told you I would wait for you, but I don't intend to wait for the rest of the world to accept us," Hiei warned her. "You need to figure out what you want and then find me."
With that said, he walked out of the room, ignoring the unshed tears in Botan's eyes.
Botan took the articles and deposited them in the trash. She had read them more than necessary and they were actually starting to do more harm than good. She was surprised that Hiei had left without blowing up, as he usually did, but his calm exit shook her up more than she expected it to. He almost seemed resigned in that moment and it hurt to think that she could have brought him to this point. She didn't even mean to have that conversation yet, but he caught her red-handed with the articles and things sort of just played out that way.
She wandered into the courtyard and took a deep breath, wondering how they had gotten to this point.
"Everything okay?" Haru asked as he took a seat beside her.
"No, not really. My indecision is only hurting Hiei and that's the last thing I ever wanted to do."
"I promised I wouldn't butt in…" Haru trailed off.
"All you ever do is butt in," Botan reminded him lightheartedly.
"That's true, so do you want my honest advice?"
"Sure."
"Sometimes love just isn't enough to make a relationship work," Haru said, looking out into the distance. "Sometimes outside forces are too big and formidable and love can't overcome it."
Botan was completely taken aback by his statement, having previously believed that Haru was a hopeless romantic. She wasn't sure if she agreed with what he was saying, but he was well versed in emotional topics, so she listened as he continued.
"I mean, look at you two. You're polar opposites. He's the leader of this world. Head of Mukuro's army. Master of the Dragon of the Darkness Flame," he counted off. "You on the other hand, are a pacifist ferry-girl from the Spirit World. You aren't a fighter. You don't fight for him. And you're kind of wishy-washy when it comes to him."
Botan's jaw dropped at Haru's callous words.
"Maybe Hiei needs a strong demoness by his side; someone who understands our culture and can support him fully. They don't have to love each other to be good for each other. I mean, what good is love if it can't even keep you together?"
"Love is enough," Botan defended. "Because I love him, I've defended him. I've stood by him. I've supported him. I would do just about anything for him."
"Everything but be with him... All because you're afraid of what others would think."
"I don't care about their opinions. I just don't want them to use my feelings against me. And I don't want this to hurt Hiei's reputation either!"
"Hiei's strong. It hasn't bothered him yet and it won't in the future. But you, you're a bit different. And it's understandable. You're not from this world. I could see how this would be a deal breaker for you. You just can't take the negative backlash. Most people couldn't."
"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not weak or fragile and I don't need to be protected by others. I can face the negative opinions and I can complete the ambassadorship."
"Can you?"
"Yes!" Botan exclaimed lividly. "I absolutely can."
Haru smiled proudly.
"I knew you could. You just needed to be reminded of it."
"Huh?"
"Believe in yourself. As cliché as it sounds, it actually works. Rather than using your feelings for Hiei as an excuse, let it become a source of strength. Fulfill your duty as an ambassador without sacrificing your happiness."
She knew deep down that she couldn't ever be truly content unless the fire-demon was at her side. Even if she let go of him and the worlds united one day, she would still be alone and full of regret. She wouldn't be happy without Hiei - without trying to make things work between them. It was as simple as that.
"...You're right."
"I was just telling you what you already knew. You just needed a little help getting there," Haru grinned, clasping his hands behind his head as he settled more comfortably into the bench.
"That was risky little game!"
"But it worked," Haru winked.
"It did," she nodded as she stood up and turned towards the main entrance. "And now I know what I have to do."
"That a girl!" Haru cheered as she hurried back inside.
Hiei believed in her and now it was time for her to believe in herself. She would prove all the doubters wrong. She would successfully complete the ambassadorship and continue to work at unifying the worlds. She would make things work with Hiei and she would stay by his side. She could have it all. It was within her grasp and she finally had the courage to take it.
Hiei stood on the rooftop, looking out at nothing in particular. He had made many mistakes when it came to Botan and he did not want to add to them by pressuring her, but this state of stasis that they were in wasn't good for either of them. If she chose to let him go in the end, he would have to allow it. He did the same to her, after all.
"There you are! I've been looking all over for you!"
Hiei turned to see Botan walking over to him. If only she could understand the surety that he possessed when it came to them. If she trusted him, they would be all right. If she believed in herself, she would know that they would be okay in the end. If only she knew just how deeply his feelings ran, then she would-
Hiei's trail of thought ended as an idea formed in his mind. He was never good with words, but he could show her everything in his heart. He had done it before subconsciously and he could do it again. He would be surrendering his privacy, but that was something he was willing to momentarily give up. He began walking towards her with a clear and firm resolution. This would be his last chance.
"Hiei?" she questioned when he invaded his personal space and grabbed a hold of her shoulders. The moment his hands made contact, the jagan glowed as his subconscious flowed into hers. Botan's eyes screwed shut as he showed her everything he possibly could. He started with their third date on the roof, when she released the first locks around his heart. He showed her just how deeply her act of gifting him his mother's hiruiseki stone affected him and the gratitude and emotion he felt that led to his selfless act of giving her a chance to break the bet. She felt his pain during the inevitable fight three years ago and his shock when he met her again. She felt his regret that night of the victor's banquet, when he mentioned that he should have never let her go. She felt his longing when they parted ways at the end of the tournament and his resolve when he decided that he would get her back. He showed her all that had transpired at the fortress and let her experience just how deeply his feelings really ran before breaking the connection and giving her control over her mind once more.
Botan's eyes fluttered open when it was over and she was quiet as she processed all that had just occurred. He knew that it must have been a lot for her to take in, but it was his only option. He had no other way of proving to her just how serious this was for him and just how sure he was that they would be fine in the end.
"What... what was all that?" she asked.
"I showed you my memories associated with you. But memories aren't just recollections. They're dyed with feelings and the things that I can't easily say," Hiei explained.
"And that memory of us after Genki's birthday?" Botan asked confusedly, as she tried to piece everything together. "Was that real?"
He nodded.
"It was. I had intended to break things off and end the bet if you decided to separate yourself from me, but you stubbornly resolved to stay by my side. I ended up locking that memory away for obvious reasons."
"Oh, Hiei..." she breathed out, overcome with emotions as she tried to make sense of the sudden onslaught of memories. "So... everything that I felt just now... that was all from you?"
He nodded wordlessly.
"You really did love me back then," she stated softly, brining her hand up to rest against his cheek. "And even now, you still do."
His gaze bored into her own, so sure and certain.
"Did you doubt me?"
"No," she said, shaking her head and removing her hand from where it rested against the warmth of his skin. "It's one thing to hear you say it and another entirely to feel it for myself, is all."
"I thought you should know the full truth... about everything," he confessed. "And now that you do, I'll respect whatever decision you make in the end."
Botan took a deep breath.
"To be honest, I already made up my mind before you came here and my decision remains the same. Things between the two of us haven't been easy. Sometimes it feels as if we're going in circles and sometimes it feels like we're heading straight for a brick wall. For all the changing we've claimed to have done, we still fall back into our immature ways. Our worlds hate each other and no one really understands what it's like loving someone so different."
Though she was only listing the reasons that they shouldn't be together, Hiei found himself waiting for the silver lining. It was entirely unlike him, and maybe the woman's optimism had rubbed off on him, but he knew that this wasn't the end. He held her gaze evenly as she continued.
"But despite all of that, I still want to be with you," Botan confessed. "I don't care about the obstacles in our way or the people who may try to come between us. I'll fight for you, Hiei. I won't give up on us because you're worth it; because I love you and I'll never be happy if I let you go now. I'm sorry if I caused you any pain or made you feel like my duties and obligations were more important than you. I just hope that even after all of this, you're still willing to be with me."
"I never stopped," Hiei admitted easily.
Botan smiled, eyes shining as she stared back at him.
"Then, I guess there's really only one thing left to do," she announced, staring at him expectantly.
He lifted a questioning brow and Botan's smile widened.
"You need to ask me out… for real this time," she said.
His expression sharpened into a confident and assured look. That he could do.
"Go out with me, woman," he demanded, in the same brusque and tactless manner that he did three years ago.
Botan brought a hand to her mouth in order to stifle her laughter.
"All this time and you still haven't learned the proper ways of wooing a lady!" she half-heartedly scolded.
"Hn. And you're still deflecting," he countered as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer.
Botan sank into the warmth of his hold, the corners of her mouth lifting into a smile as she kissed him softly and sweetly.
"How's that for an answer?" she asked.
"You'll have to say it again," he smirked. "I didn't quite catch that."
Woohoo, Hiei and Botan are officially together! Like I mentioned at the start of this chapter, this story is going to be marked as completed. The epilogue will come whenever it comes. I can't make any promises because things are a bit rough for me right now. I have a few other HB stories in the works and I hope to publish them in the future, so please be on the lookout for them.
Thank you for reading 37 chapters of craziness. I am blown away by the amount of support this story as received. It's been an honor writing for you guys.