You Might Die Trying
AN: I know it's been longer than it has been over the past few updates. Sorry for that. Sometimes things happen in our personal lives that slow the movement of this world. A quick thank you to all of you who reviewed the last chapter. I am trying to finish this. We've only got a few left… and your words of support for this story help me get through these final chapters. So thank you.
With that said, enjoy this update…I should have the next one up soon.
Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's.
Chapter 34: Wide River to Cross
"I'm only halfway home, I gotta journey on.
To where I'll find the things that I have lost.
I've come a long, long road, still I've got miles to go.
I've got a wide, wide river to cross."
- Buddy Miller
Derek awoke with a start. Meredith was still sleeping peacefully beside him, seemingly unfazed by his movement. His head fell back against the pillow, his eyes closed in relief. It was just a dream... a nightmare. Meredith was alive. She was breathing beside him. She wasn't dead at the hands of Dr. Taylor. She wasn't screaming for him to save her. She was alive. His arms tightened around her sleeping form, reassuring himself that Meredith was in fact there; that she was the woman he was currently holding in his arms. He tried to slow his breathing, to have some control over his body, but his body rebelled, choosing instead to breathe heavily and sweat. The warmth of Meredith's body was warming him even more, but he would not allow himself to move. Not when she was beside him. Not when she was alive. Not when she was so afraid of him leaving her. He would not give truth to her fears. He would not give her one more reason to doubt him.
His eyes opened slowly, taking in their surroundings. Outside, nurses, doctors, and patients, moved through the hallway. Some slow, some fast. It didn't really matter. All that mattered was that they were moving. As he watched the ebb and flow of the hallway, he noted the stops and stares that they received from numerous staff members of the hospitals. It wasn't just the nurses. Doctors passed freely, staring intently inside of the room, looking for any hint as to what had happened. Derek ignored them, not wanting to give them any encouragement. It wasn't until a familiar woman stood in the doorway that his gaze pulled from the hallway.
"I didn't see you walk up," Derek said quietly.
"I was hoping to talk to you today." Detective Cameron said, ignoring his comment.
Derek looked down at the sleeping woman in his arms. "Can't it wait?"
"I'm sorry." Detective Cameron frowned. "It needs to happen now."
"He's dead." Derek argued. "It's not like charges need to be filed."
Meredith stirred beside him. She turned in his arms, looking up at him with tired eyes. "What's going on?"
"Dr. Grey," Detective Cameron said, "how are you today?"
Meredith's movement stopped. She watched Derek's face as he reacted to Detective Cameron. She saw the anger flash in his usually bright eyes. She saw the lines of a frown beginning to form. She placed her hand on top of his, squeezing gently. She turned towards Detective Cameron and gave her a faint smile. "I'm fine."
"Good." Detective Cameron nodded. "I was just talking to Dr. Shepherd about interviewing him today."
Meredith tightened her hold on Derek's hand. "Oh, well, I suppose that - "
"No." Derek argued. "I'm not doing this today. Not when...." he took a deep breath. "Not when it means leaving you alone."
"Derek, I'm fine. You need to do this. Nothing is going to happen to me in the few minutes that you're talking to Detective Cameron."
"Don't say that."
"Say what?" Meredith said, confused. "Say that nothing is going to happen to me? I'm in the hospital, Derek. Our friends surround us and the man that wanted to hurt you and hurt me is dead." She turned and looked up at him, her hand still clutching his. "You need to do this. This has to be over with. I can't... we have to move on. We can't keep living with this hanging over our heads. It needs to be laid to rest. You need it to be...and I need it to be. I need this to be over."
"Mer..." Derek breathed.
"I'll be right outside," Detective Cameron said as she moved towards the door. "Let me know when you're ready," she added as she exited the room.
Meredith curled into Derek, her head resting on his chest. "This needs to end, Derek," she whispered. "Talk to Detective Cameron."
"I won't leave you in here alone," Derek said, placing a warm kiss on top of her head. "You know that you aren't... what I mean is that I can't leave you in here alone. I could never forgive myself if something happened - "
"Nothing is going to happen, Derek." Meredith repeated, pushing herself off of his chest slightly. "You need to do this." She leaned forward, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. "I'll be here when you're done."
Derek closed his eyes. "I'm not ready." He admitted softly. "I don't want to remember everything... I'm not ready."
"Derek." Meredith swallowed. She shifted closer towards him, placing her forehead onto his chest. "I didn't want to remember it either. I wanted it to be a nightmare and nothing more." She took a deep breath. "But the thing is... it wasn't. It happened. And I don't think... we can't live like it never happened, Derek. You made me confront it yesterday, and now.... now it's your turn. You have to do this. For me and for yourself. We can't... move forward from this until this is over."
"I know, I just..."
"Do this, Derek. For me."
Derek reopened his eyes and found himself looking straight into the beautiful blue depths of Meredith's eyes. She was pleading with him. Begging him to be strong, so that they could move past this. So that they could move forward together. He knew he needed to do this. He knew the minute Detective Cameron had walked into the room. She needed him to do this, and he needed to do it for himself. The darkness that surrounded them would under disappear until this part was over. Until the stories were told, and a man who was already dead, was recognized as the man that did this. It was that simple. Meredith had started the process, now he had to finish it.
"Okay." Derek nodded. His arms tightened around her slender frame. "Okay."
He raised his head and looked towards the door. Detective Cameron stood just outside, her back facing them. He reached his hand over to the nurse's call button, choosing to press the button instead of calling out her name, needing any bit of time he had left before the questioning began. His hands trailed up along Meredith's arms, suddenly needing to feel her. To know that she was alive; that she was safe in his arms, that no one could touch her here. The door to their hospital room swung open, revealing one of their many nurses. On a normal day, Derek would say "hello." He would talk. He would be kind and want to know the nurse that was helping him. But today, he wasn't in the mood. There was too much going on; too many emotions swirling inside of him like a washing machine.
"Are you two okay?" Nurse Debbie asked.
"Yeah." Derek breathed. "Could you get the detective outside?"
Nurse Debbie glanced at him, annoyed. "Is that all?"
"Yes - "
"No." Meredith interrupted. She looked at Derek. "I can't be here when you..." She turned towards Nurse Debbie, giving her a small smile. "Could you page Dr. Yang for me?"
"Fine." Nurse Debbie snapped. "Is that all?"
"Yes, thank you," Meredith said, beating Derek to the punch.
Nurse Debbie rolled her eyes at them before she turned and walked out of the room, letting Detective Cameron know that they were ready for her on her way back to the nurse's station. Detective Cameron glanced into the room, watching them for a moment before she began to walk back inside.
"Are we ready now?" Detective Cameron asked.
"Yes." Meredith nodded.
"I'm sorry, Dr. Grey." Detective Cameron frowned. "You can't be - "
"She knows that." Derek growled. "There is someone coming to take her out of the room while we do this."
"Derek..." Meredith sighed. "There's no need to - "
"It's fine," Detective Cameron said, shaking her head. "I just wanted to make sure that you were both clear on how this was going to work."
"We are," Derek said firmly.
Meredith pinched Derek's arm. "Stop it."
"Ow." Derek cried, pulling his arm away from her fingers. "What was that for?"
"Stop being mean to her."
"I'm not - "
"You are." Meredith smirked. "So, stop it. She is just trying to do her job."
Detective Cameron shifted her feet uncomfortably. "I can wait outside until the person comes to take Dr. Grey out of the room."
Meredith shook her head. "There's no need. She should be here in a few seconds."
"It's not a problem if you two would like a couple more minutes alone."
"We're good." Meredith nodded. "But thanks."
Derek's arms maintained a firm hold on Meredith, unwilling to let her go any sooner than he absolutely had to. His gaze remained trained on Detective Cameron, watching as she breathed and moved around the room uncomfortably. He swallowed past the lump that was forming in his throat. "What kind of questions are you going to be asking me?"
Detective Cameron looked up meeting Derek's gaze. "I just need your side of the story. From beginning to end. I'll only be asking questions if I need more information about a certain part of the story."
"It's not a story." Meredith whispered.
"Mer?"
"This isn't a story." Meredith breathed. "It isn't fiction. This happened. It happened to me and it happened to Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Taylor kidnapped me. He terrorized me. He almost killed Dr. Shepherd and he almost killed me. So... this isn't a story. This isn't something that we're just making up for fun. These things happened. The heart, the notes, and the phone call. It all happened - "
"Dr. Grey." Detective Cameron interrupted. "I didn't mean to - "
"No." Meredith snapped. "You called this, what happened to us, a story and we have the scars to prove it. This is not a story."
"Meredith, I don't think she meant anything by it," Derek said gently.
"I don't care."
"Mer..."
"Derek, what happened to us is not a story."
"I know," Derek said, rubbing her arms gently. "I'm bald, remember?"
Before Meredith could respond the door to their hospital room burst open, revealing a very frazzled Cristina. "You paged?"
"Cristina." Meredith breathed. "I need you to get me out of here."
"Is everything ok?" Cristina asked, looking around the room.
"Everything is fine." Meredith nodded. "Derek needs to talk to this Detective and I can't be here."
"Oh," Cristina said. "Okay. So, you want to - "
"Let's go for a walk." Meredith interrupted. "It would be nice to get out of the room."
"Okay." Cristina agreed. She grabbed the wheelchair in the corner of the room and wheeled it over towards the bed. "Let's go."
Before Meredith moved she glanced at Derek. "Are you going to be okay?"
Derek placed a warm kiss on her lips. "Go.... before I change my mind."
Meredith gave him another kiss before she began to move. Cristina reached forward, helping her into the chair. Once she was settled, Meredith grabbed Derek's hand once more. She waited to speak until he looked down at her. "I love you."
"I love you too," Derek smiled.
"Okay." Meredith smiled. "I'm ready."
"You two make me want to vomit." Cristina said, rolling her eyes as she lead Meredith out of the room.
Meredith laughed slightly as they made their way towards the door. She turned her head slightly, giving Derek one last look before Cristina wheeled her out of the room, leaving Derek alone with Detective Cameron.
XXXXXXXXXXX
Cristina pushed Meredith quickly down the hallway. She weaved and zigzagged, dodging people in an effort to shield Meredith, to protect her from the stares and the ever-present gossip at Seattle Grace. And she knew that there was a part of her that still didn't know what to say to Meredith. She didn't know what Meredith needed, what words could offer her the... comfort or reassurance that she needed. It wasn't until they reached the elevators that her feet began to slow. Her heart began to pound. She wasn't good at this. At the mushy, comforting, supportive crap that everyone else seemed to be naturally good at. It wasn't her. She was harsh and abrupt. She was unemotional. She didn't know how to be the person that Meredith needed her to be right now, but she wasn't going to run away. Not this time.
"Cristina." Meredith smirked.
"What?"
"Aren't you going to hit the button?"
"Oh." Cristina swallowed, reaching forward to punch the down button.
"It doesn't have to be different, Cristina," Meredith said softly. "You don't have to...you don't have to change who you are. I know who you are and I still like you."
Cristina released a nervous laugh. "It is different."
"Nothing's changed."
"Everything has changed, Mer," Cristina said, breathing heavily. "You... none of us knew if you were alive. We didn't know if you were okay. You were just... gone. That changes people. It's changed all of us."
Meredith shook her head. "It doesn't have to."
The elevator dinged and the doors open. Cristina pushed Meredith inside before hitting the button for the basement. The doors closed as Cristina leaned against the back wall. "Izzie came home. She came home and found Derek on the floor in your bedroom in a pool of blood. You were gone. We didn't... none of us knew where to look. We didn't know what to do. Derek was in surgery and you were gone." She took a deep breath. "Everything has changed, Mer. This is our reality now. You almost died, and not because you grabbed onto a bomb trapped inside of a patient. This was calculated. This was one of our own trying to hurt you. It changes things."
"Cristina..."
"There was a moment when you first came back. Burke had taken Derek to see Taylor and I was sitting with you. You were fine until you started dreaming." Cristina's voice trailed of, unsure of herself. Unsure of this was the right thing to be telling Meredith, especially now, when she was in such a fragile state. But somewhere inside of her, she needed to tell her, to confess to running before they moved forward. "I tried to wake you up, but you wouldn't stop screaming. You wouldn't... all you wanted was Derek and I couldn't help you. So I ran. I left you alone in that room."
Meredith closed her eyes. "I was dreaming that I was back in the car with Taylor. That he was..." She took a deep breath. "He was trying to kill me, but I couldn't... he was choking me."
"Mer..."
"I don't blame you for running, Cristina. In my dream I was trying to get out." Meredith whispered. "I was trying to run. If I were you I would have ran too."
"You needed me, and I - "
"There was nothing you could have done." Meredith interrupted. "It was a dream... a nightmare. It wasn't your fault."
Cristina glanced at Meredith. She saw the defeated posture of her shoulders. She saw the tears that were pooled her in her eyes that she refused to let fall. She saw the way her hands her grasping at the armrests of the wheelchair, as if she were holding on for dear life. Slowly, she reached forward and placed her hand on Meredith's hand. "It wasn't your fault either."
As a lone tear drifted down Meredith's cheek, the elevator doors opened, startling both of them. Cristina moved, grasping the handles of the wheelchair, before she began to push Meredith out of the elevator.
"What are we doing down here?" Meredith asked as they moved through the hall.
Cristina remained silent. Her hands gripped at the handles of Meredith's wheelchair.
Meredith's brow furrowed. "Cristina?"
Cristina continued to walk Meredith down the hallway until they reached the door that would seemingly lead them to their past, to a time that seemed simpler because all they had was each other. They were fresh interns, learning how to live in Seattle Grace. There weren't any complications yet. There wasn't any judgment. They were all there together. They were just five interns trying to stay afloat.
Cristina pushed at the door, wheeling Meredith through as she held the door open with her right leg. She heard their voices before she saw them.
"Meredith!" Izzie said, her loud voice echoing in the quiet hallway.
Izzie's feet began moving, until she was standing beside Cristina, looking down at Meredith. "How are you, Mer?"
"I'm fine." Meredith said softly.
George and Alex made their way towards them slowly, both offering Meredith small smiles of encouragement.
"Grey." Alex smiled.
"Mer." George breathed. In air of relief filled the hallway.
Meredith dropped her chin to her chest, embarrassment folding her body.
"You don't have to say anything," Izzie said. Her hand reached for Meredith's shoulder, squeezing it gently. "We just…" She looked at her friends. "We all just needed to see you."
Alex sighed. "Give her some space, Iz."
"Alex." Izzie frowned. "I'm just trying to – "
"Guys," Meredith interrupted. A hint of anger laced her tired voice. "I'm not made of glass. You don't…what I mean is…just let's try to act like nothing – "
"That's not going to happen." George said, shaking his head.
"George…" Cristina warned.
"I appreciate what you're all trying to do," Meredith said. "But I need this…I need time where it seems like nothing has changed. Time where we're just five interns again. I need you guys to do something for me that I know Derek can't. He can't forget. But you guys… I need you guys to forget right now so I can have normal conversations. So, I'm not the victim anymore."
"We can do that." Cristina nodded. She turned towards her three friends with a hard glare on her face. "Right?"
"Whatever you want, Mer." Izzie added. "George? Alex?"
They both gave Izzie a slight nod of their heads.
"Okay." Meredith said, giving them a small smile. "So, fill me in."
As Izzie began to fill Meredith in on the latest of the hospital gossip, unease settled into the pit of Cristina's stomach. She knew what Meredith was trying to do. She knew the game Meredith was playing. She knew it well. But distractions would only get you so far. Reality would find its way of creeping in. In dreams. In conversations. In relationships. Reality would find Meredith, just like it had found Cristina when she was nine years old.
XXXXXXXXX
It was an hour later before Cristina brought Meredith back up to her room. Meredith's body sagged in the wheelchair, her exhaustion beginning to settle in. As they rounded the corner Cristina's footsteps slowed causing Meredith to look up. Outside of the hospital room she shared with Derek, she saw the Chief talking to a young woman.
"Do you know her?" Cristina asked.
Meredith shook her head. "I don't know."
As they approached the room, Cristina called to the Chief. "Chief?"
The Chief turned, giving Cristina a quick glance before his eyes fell upon Meredith. "Meredith…"
Meredith stared at the woman in front of her. Blood was caked to her clothing and her hair was in a messy ponytail. Meredith allowed her stare to drift upwards until she reached the woman's face. Images of Dr. Taylor and the car wreckage flashed in her tired mind, but it wasn't until their eyes met that she knew.
Meredith gasped. "You were there."
The Chief reached out to Meredith, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Meredith, she tried to see you the day you came in but we wouldn't let her. She came in this morning to try again. She wanted to make sure that – "
"You saved me." Meredith interrupted. Tears fell from her eyes, but she didn't care. She didn't care if she was making a scene or if it caused people to whisper about her more. "You saved me." Meredith repeated as a sob left her mouth.
"Samantha." The woman said, reaching forward to touch Meredith's hand. "My name is Samantha."
So, Samantha is back. Next time we'll catch up with that... and slowly but surely, this story is coming to an end. We've got about 2-3 chapters left. Thanks for reading... and I hope you enjoyed! Drop me a line!