Hello everyone! I know it's been a while since I updated, and I apologize...life's been a little busy :) Since it took me long AF to update, this chapter is long AF to make up for the delay. We're nearing the end of Part 1...then it's on to Dangerous Liaisons Volume 2.
In this chapter, wedding bells ring in Dauntless. Eric and Jade meet a major milestone, albeit unknown to each other. It has a few fun little headcanons of how I think a Dauntless wedding would be...strictly my imagination :) Warnings are the usual; profanity and smut...but the smut is a little different this time. Jade finally allows Eric to boldly go where only one man before him has went...read at your own discretion. Enjoy!
-Emmy
ERIC
"Jesus...did we really have to spend all that time arguing about something so fucking stupid," Logan mutters as they board the train.
"Or could the Amity be any bigger pussies than they are already? Shit was a waste of time," Eric agrees. The last bit of rain splatters against the car as it rolls through the now empty city. The guys lean back against the wall, anxious to get back to the compound. They've been at the Hub all day since morning, meeting with the other councils to redesign some inner security workings.
The factionless woman they captured proved to be most useful. Eric was skeptical at first, but her intel has been valuable. Besides another stash house being discovered and several attacks thwarted, she was able to provide something much more crucial.
The factionless are planning to bomb several key events in society. Being that the Founder's Ball is a few days away, security within the venue has to be heightened to the max. It was determined that undercover Dauntless, as well as uniformed Dauntless, would guard the building once known as the Four Seasons, and install cameras in the ballroom. All faces will be scanned and ran through each faction registry. Any person not matched to their facial recognition feature would be immediately apprehended and detained for questioning.
The same will need to be implemented for Choosing Day. Their mole had attended a meeting with a factionless commander, who had mapped out the whole scheme. Their plan is to infiltrate the ceremony, blending in with the other faction families. Traitors on the inside are aiding them, putting their aliases on the choosing registry. They're banking on the fact that not many will recognize them, and plan to join the factions as spies.
The only faction not known to have a collaborator is Candor. It makes sense…there's no way they'd pass the truth serum test, and the Candor eye is too trained to deception. The biggest threat so far is Abnegation. Eric scoffs at the thought. Probably not something they'd have to worry about in Dauntless…with the exception of Four, a Stiff hasn't chosen Dauntless in years. Even if they did, Eric would be immediately on to their plan.
Truth be told, he'd enjoy torturing a stiff during Initiation…though it probably won't happen. His expression hardens as another thought crosses his mind. God help anyone that tries to infiltrate Dauntless with the intent of getting at Jade. There's a known traitor in Dauntless already, and Eric won't rest until he flushes this motherfucker out. Part of him hopes it happens during training.
He'd derive great amusement from torturing and killing whoever is not on his team….an added bonus is the example he'd set for anyone else with ideas about double-crossing him. Eric will not hesitate to erase anyone that comes at Jade with the intent of harm, and he'd especially enjoy making any potential traitors watch helplessly.
Eric pulls a cigarette from his jacket, resolving to take a break from his hypervigilance. At least he's already one step ahead, and Initiation is still a few months away.
"…it's not my fault...I told her specifically not to come out there," Jason is arguing, as Eric tunes in to their conversation.
Jason forces a nonchalant shrug, his expression tense. "Look…she'll get over it eventually. She always does. I'm giving her some time to cool off…this little charade of her moving out is just to get me to chase her. Samantha knows I love her…if anything, she should be grateful I'm doing it now instead of later."
Brady raises his brow. "She should be 'grateful'? Why should she be 'grateful' that you fuck around?" he asks slowly. Eric can't help but chuckle in amusement, shaking his head in disbelief. This he has to hear. Jason is his friend, but it's no wonder he didn't get Erudite in the aptitude test.
Jason exhales, pulling his cigarette from his mouth. "Because if I do it now, I won't need to do it when we get married. Listen...I know I sound like an asshole, but it's the truth. Better to get it all out of my system now. We're not married yet…it's not cheating."
"Okay, is it the same for her?" Logan asks.
"What do you mean?"
"If she got some outside dick, would you have a problem with that?"
"She wouldn't."
"How do you know?"
"I know everything she does, and she wouldn't."
"Okay…hypothetical situation. Say she did go out and fuck someone else…would it bother you?" Brady asks. Jason shifts uncomfortably, not liking where this is going. "If it was a one-time thing I'd be pissed, but I wouldn't give her shit about it. As long as it isn't ongoing, there's really no harm. I never bang anyone that's not a Reserve more than twice…my personal policy," he answers slowly. Eric and Logan glance at each other, then back to Jason.
"You wouldn't care if Samantha fucked someone else, just as long as she didn't fuck him again? The same goes for any other guy she decides to bang, however many there may be? Are you serious?" Eric mutters, staring in open wonder. Just the mere thought of Jade in bed with Ayden, was enough for Eric to arrange his death.
Jason sighs, rolling his eyes. "Of course I would care, but I wouldn't worry as long as it's me she comes home to at the end of the day. I can't get mad at her for something I've done thousands of times," he defends.
"Why do you do it at all?"
"I don't want to look back twenty years from now, realizing how much I missed out. I'm only 21, but youth means nothing in Dauntless. We do dangerous shit that could get us killed. I want to live my life to the fullest, with no regrets. I don't want to put effort into a woman that might not be worth it…but Samantha is worth it in the long run, and despite how I sound, I do love her. I'm going to marry Samantha soon, and that'll be that. But until our names are tattooed on each other, there's really no rules being broken."
Logan shakes his head. "You really think Samantha will marry you? I hate to say it man…." He glances at the others before continuing. "I don't think her moving out was to get you to chase her...I think it was her breaking up with you."
"No…it wasn't. Even if she did, I wouldn't let her just leave. She'll come back…she always does."
Jason doesn't sound so convinced, and neither is anyone else. A pensive expression crosses over him as he gets quiet. The others exchange looks, all thinking the same thing. Jason may not want to accept it, but Samantha is gone… it was only a matter of time before Jason's philandering ways caught up with him.
"Where did she go, anyway?" Brady asks. Sebastian looks up. "She moved in with Rachel for the time being. Been there since the night of the party." Jason turns to him in surprise.
"How do you know that?"
"I read Rachel's texts. Samantha is staying there until housing gets a unit ready for her."
"You and Rachel get your shit straight?"
"Not exactly."
"Then how are you getting her phone?"
Sebastian grips the bar as the train jolts slightly. "I have my ways," he mutters, glancing at Eric. "I've been going through her phone history to find out exactly what the fuck is going on… not really having any luck." Eric nods, lighting his cigarette.
"Figure out who snaked you yet?"
Sebastian shakes his head, clenching his jaw. "That's the thing…I'm starting to think no one did."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, I'm starting to think this 'other guy' doesn't exist."
They all collectively raise their brows, waiting on his explanation. Sebastian tips his jaw at Eric. "Let me ask you something…how many times would you say you text or call Jade in a day? Even though she's with you all the time you aren't working?" Eric mentally calculates for a moment. "I don't know…three or four give or take? Why?"
Sebastian sighs in frustration, running a hand over his head. "I went through Rachel's phone data from top to bottom, going back as far as when she and I were still seeing each other. I ran every faction code I didn't recognize, but not one of them come back to some guy. They all come back to either Jade, Samantha, Leah, work, or me. If there's someone else, I find it a little strange there's no record of him texting or calling." Eric nods thoughtfully.
"That is strange…unless she's deleting them…"
"She's not. I recovered the deleted data, and still no sign of whoever this is. Besides…why would she delete them? There's no reason to…she thinks we're over and doesn't know I can get into her phone. She'd have no cause to hide anything."
Logan knits his brows together. "Just out of curiosity…did she ever actually say there was someone else?" Sebastian cocks his head to the side, not fully understanding. "I asked her point blank and she didn't deny it. I kind of lost my shit after that…" Logan and Eric exchange glances.
"She didn't deny there was someone else, but didn't confirm it either?" Eric asks.
"No, but why wouldn't she tell me the truth, especially when she saw how pissed I was?"
"Because you lost your shit and probably said something you didn't mean."
Sebastian's eyes whip to Eric's as it starts to dawn on him. Eric nods knowingly. "Here's what happened, from my vantage point. Rachel's pissed off and upset, thinking you fucked that slut after you left her that night. She then decides to ghost you, thinking you don't really give a shit if she does or not. You finally get a hold of her and assume there's someone else…but you don't wait for an actual answer. She doesn't say anything, thinking this is what will end it for good. You're so pissed, you don't even realize she never confirmed there's another guy. Let me guess…you verbally annihilated her?" Eric explains. Sebastian closes his eyes, regret stretching his features.
"I told her thanks for the free pussy, though I'd had better anyway. I don't really remember what else, but it was along those same lines. She tried not to cry when I said some other shit that was worse, then I left…fuck…"
"So now she's just going to let you think there's someone else, and eventually there really will be. She figures by the time that happens you won't give a shit anyway, and that'll be that," Eric surmises. Sebastian yanks a cigarette from his jacket, clenching his jaw as he lights it.
"I still don't know how this got so fucked up in the first place. She wouldn't even hear me out…she just assumed…never even gave me an explanation or gave me a chance to fix it. She's even going as far as to make up some other guy that doesn't exist…." He grits out as he exhales. Eric shrugs, deciding to voice the obvious.
"Rachel's in love with you and doesn't want to be. She's going to keep ghosting you and wait this out until you finally give up on her. Question is, are you going to let her?"
Sebastian stares for a long time, a silent understanding between them. He hears exactly what Eric is saying, without saying it. "No," he vows. He leans back against the train wall, exhaling slowly. "This isn't over… I'm not going to play this bullshit game with her either. I'm going to work this out with her one way or the other, whether she's willing or not." He runs a hand over his head with a determined look. None give him any shit, knowing there's not one of them standing here that wouldn't do the same. Eric doesn't know how many times he can tell Sebastian to handle his shit before this goes any farther down the hole.
Especially since Sebastian is every bit as in love with Rachel, as she is with him…though Eric doesn't need to tell anyone that.
The rest of the ride back to Dauntless is silent, each of them lost in thought of their respective situations. Eric realizes he was speaking from experience. Rachel and Jade are best friends for a reason, and this is exactly what Jade would do…and has done. Eric never gave up on her, and now he has her for good…with no intention of ever letting her go.
Eric gazes blankly out at the rolling scenery, briefly closing his eyes. His mind wanders back to the other night, where he himself was finally forced to face what he's known all along on some level, but never wanted to admit. When he stormed out of Jade's apartment after their fight, he swore that was it...He's tired of being on this merry-go-round, utterly sick of this shit.
Women are disposable, especially in Dauntless. Just let her go, he'd told himself. They're never going to stop playing this game, and he's done. He is not that guy...the guy ruled by emotions. He is not that guy that lets women get the best of him, that make him explain himself and actually give a shit what they think or feel.
Or at least he wasn't…until Jade.
As soon as his phone alarm went off, he'd quickly pulled it from his pocket. Panic raced through him when Jade's faction code scanned through the emergency exit…Jade was out in the street, completely oblivious to her intended abductors just waiting for a chance like this. His resolve to cut her loose evaporated, gone as quickly as it came.
As he frantically peeled through the streets to find her, he again tried to wrestle this unfamiliar feeling away. He tried again to convince himself that just because he cares about Jade, it doesn't mean he loves her. He'd always believed men were easily manipulated by love, and that would never be him…he would never allow it. He would never be so stupid as to give a woman that kind of power. He may need, care about, and want Jade, but it doesn't mean he loves her.
But as he realized that fateful night…that's exactly what the fuck it means, as much as he tried to fight it off.
When they had their raw moment of honesty in the street, Eric simply couldn't help himself. Once everything bubbled to the surface, there was no going back. He meant what he said…he'd take it all back if he could. He'd take back this whole revenge plot he set upon, he'd take back the way he approached this whole situation, he'd take back putting Jade on Jeanine's radar, he'd take back ever getting involved with her at all in the first place. What he stopped himself from saying, was perhaps the most important...but he'll never tell her.
Most of all…he'd take back falling in love with her.
As hard as he fought against, denied, and tried to use his Erudite logic to explain it away, there was no more running. As she slept under him after all was said and done, he finally admitted defeat. With his arms wrapped around her, there, in the darkest hours of the night, he laid awake…seeing his soul laid bare.
He's in love with her. He's unequivocally, unconditionally, and hopelessly in love with her. His fate is sealed…and always has been, since that first night at Amity. It doesn't matter how badly she pisses him off, annoys him, hurts him, or panics him…he will still love her, as much as he doesn't want to. Jade will always be it for him, that component that's been missing to make him and his future in Dauntless complete, and there's not a fucking thing he can do about it.
But he also has to face facts.
Jade could never, ever possibly love him the way he loves her…not after everything he's done. Being honest with himself, he's not sorry for any of it; he's only sorry it fucked things up for them now. If he'd known this was going to happen, that he was going to be so stupid as to fall in love with the one crazy bitch literally not capable of being subject to his greatest strength, he'd have been more strategic in his methods. He would've covered his tracks, taking a completely different approach.
But none of that matters…what's done is done. He has her now, and he'll hold on to her with everything he has.
Eric snaps out of his reverie as the train rolls into Dauntless. After going through the scanner, Eric, Sebastian, Jason, Logan, and Brady all make their way through the tunnel. "Looks like some shit is about to go down," Logan muses, the others glancing at him. Today has been a long one, and the last thing any of them want to do is think about work. They know they need to be prepared, but right now they just want to shake the day off and let loose a little.
After checking the rifles into the armory, they head to the Pit. Grabbing a beer, they all sit down on the carved-out rocks. "This fucking bullshit took up the whole day," Sebastian grumbles, taking a swig of beer. Eric lights up his cigarette, nodding silently.
He's thoroughly pissed off this took him away from Jade all…fucking…day, now into the night. He wanted nothing more than to keep her in bed, but duty called. He exhales slowly, glancing at his phone. He's only half listening to the conversation around him when he hears Jade's name.
"What about Jade?"
"I heard Leah on the phone with her earlier, talking about tonight. Since Ashley and Rob are getting married tomorrow, they're just hanging out and doing whatever bullshit girls do the night before a wedding."
"They're at that place that used to be Harbor Point, near Navy Pier," Eric says as he exhales. Sebastian lights up a cigarette, tipping his chin at Eric. "All of them are out there…including Rachel?" Eric nods. "I would assume…where one is, the others aren't usually far. They aren't going crazy because the wedding is tomorrow. Smoking a little weed and chilling."
What Eric doesn't mention, is that he doubled Jade's security for the night. He knew she was going out there, and six Dauntless patrols are five minutes away, a few on top of the building with her…reporting her every move.
Logan puffs his cigarette as he glances around the Pit. "Shit, I'm down…after today, getting baked sounds pretty fucking good." Sebastian nods. "Yeah…Rachel can't avoid me on top of a skyscraper." He glances at his phone, finishing his beer. "Next train is in an hour…let's meet at the yard."
Just as they move to leave, the distinct sound of the council beeps from Eric's phone. "Goddamn it," Eric swears, tossing his cigarette. He hasn't seen Jade all day, and it's really pissing him off on an unreasonable level. This is more bullshit he'll have to deal with before he can get to her. Scowling as he reads the text, his full attention is captured.
Intel received, urgent. Underground holding room, two factionless in custody. Attempted breach.
Eric jerks his head up. "You guys go without me…I'll meet you out there." The guys nod and stand, as Eric stalks his way to the elevator. He mashes the button for the underground layer, his heart beginning to pound. Jeanine certainly didn't hire the brightest of the factionless to do her dirty work. As determined as she is to get to Jade under the guise of a "factionless" abduction, she certainly didn't think this through or plan it very well. The same thought echoes over and over in his mind, convincing him a little more each time.
He should go to Erudite, put a bullet in that cunt's throat, and just be done.
JADE
"Did…fucking…not…."
I desperately bite back my smile, failing miserably. Rachel shakes her head, a wide grin stretching her face. "You are such a fucking liar! I don't know if you know this, but there're actual witnesses…"
"Who!" I demand, feeling my face turn red. Samantha, Leah, Ashley and a few others watch our mock heated exchange with their mouths hanging open. Rachel takes a hit of the bong, pointing it in my direction.
"Me, bitch! Here I am, minding my own business, just looking for the bathroom, when the strangest noise was coming out of the top room…."
My face flames as she barely contains her laughter. "….to where I push the door open, to see Jaxon's naked ass in the air, and you holding the bed rail for dear life. Gotta say I'm a little surprised. Didn't think he had it in him. Looked like he gave it to you pretty good!" she giggles, as my jaw drops.
"What, did you stay and watch or something? How long were you there?"
"Don't judge me…it was kind of hard to look away…"
Taking a swig from my flask, I shake my head. "Okay fine…but it was only once, and not something I care to think about...especially since he may eventually be my stepbrother," I gasp in laughter, tears welling in my eyes. Ashley turns to me in surprise.
"What do you mean, your stepbrother?"
"My Mom is dating his Dad, and who knows what might happen. It might be a little weird at family dinners if our parents found out."
We all burst into giggles again as I take another hit from the bong. The sweet lift is a welcoming feel, making me close my eyes and enjoy the summer breeze wash over me.
A huge, bright moon has bathed the city in a beautiful glow since the rain passed earlier, leaving the sky crystal clear. We headed out here with a few others, drinking, smoking, and just having a low-key night. Since Ashley is pregnant and getting married tomorrow, we didn't want to get too crazy. But tradition calls for one last hurrah with your girls before getting hitched.
As the night had worn on, the girls and I got pretty inebriated and loose-lipped. We've been on the roof of what used to be known as Harbor Point, sharing our stories of growing up Dauntless, recalling some things I'd rather forget. Though Ashley is an Amity transfer, she has many salacious stories to our surprise and delight.
"Shit…I might just sleep out here tonight. I don't want to move," I murmur, Leah quirking her brow as I pass her the bong. "Yeah, but you know Eric will lose his shit if you don't go home." She yawns, looking at her phone with a frown.
"I texted Brady a while ago but he hasn't responded…."
"He probably hasn't had a chance. They just got back from the Hub not long ago."
"Just got back? It's really late…"
Shrugging, I take a sip from my flask. "Eric texted me when he got back, but said he got delayed with the council." Leah purses her lips in surprise.
"What's going on?"
"Don't know...he can't tell me."
"Is he going to come out here?" Rachel asks.
"Don't know…didn't invite him."
"Why not?"
"Tonight is for Ashley...it's Dauntless tradition to spend the night before your wedding with your girls."
I take another hit, exhaling slowly. "Besides…I'll be Goddamned if I become of those chicks that get a boyfriend and shoves her friends to the side. I don't know what I'd do without you bitches to keep me in line," I laugh, giving a grateful smile. Leah rolls her eyes sarcastically, chuckling to herself.
"Dealing with your psycho ass is absolutely a full-time job, but one I'm glad to have," she agrees. As I look at my friends, a sudden rush of emotion comes over me. Getting serious for a second, I gaze somberly.
"Really…on a serious note, thank you for everything. I know being my friend can be difficult and my bullshit has affected your lives more than once this past year, but you never gave up on me. It's rare to find true friends, and I love you guys."
They all glance at each other in surprise. Tears prick the corners of my eyes, not used to expressing myself so freely. Ashley smiles, rubbing her baby bump.
"You're not going all Amity on us are you?" she teases.
"No…just seeing things in perspective for once."
"Yeah, well…certain situations bring that out in you. I get it."
She gives me a soft smile as my cheeks redden. My friends exchange knowing glances, I practically read their minds. I know there's been a significant, visible change in me these past few days I won't even try to deny or explain away. But before we can delve any deeper, my phone beeps with a text. Smiling when I see Eric's code identifier, I open his message.
"You guys mind if I cut out a bit early? The train is coming through soon," I say, snapping my phone closed. Ashley shakes her head, smirking as she leans back in her chair. "Uh-oh…looks like someone just got summoned," she teases, making me purse my lips.
"I did not…Eric just got finished with the council and isn't coming out here. With all the shit going on in the city, he's a little on edge about us being far from the compound."
"Why? We're Dauntless…we'd be the ones that would be called to handle shit if it got loose..." Leah remarks.
Shrugging, I take another sip. "I don't know what the fuck he's worried about…half the Dauntless patrol guards are up here tonight." Frowning, I look around me, realizing something I didn't before. There's a lot of Dauntless up here…while it is a common spot for us to hang out sometimes, there're more than usual …and they're carrying their rifles.
While not unusual for Dauntless to carry hand firearms out in the city, it's a little strange they'd be here in full combat gear with tactical weapons…. I shake those thoughts away, deciding not to go too into it. They probably just got off shift from the patrol, that's all.
Samantha tosses back the rest of her drink, nodding toward me. "I'll go with you…I've got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow and need to get some sleep." She stands up, preparing to leave. "I forgot to tell you…I'm still going to help with the setting everything up, but I won't be able to do breakfast."
"Why not?" Leah asks. Samantha gives a sad smile, taking a deep breath. "I have to be at the housing office tomorrow morning…they have a new unit ready, and I have to get the palm reader fitted to my hand." A silence falls over us, not quite knowing what to say. In an effort to lighten the mood, Samantha brushes Rachel's shoulder.
"I'm finally getting out of your hair… your bathroom is yours again," she laughs.
"Shut up…you know you can stay as long as you want," Rachel says firmly. Samantha looks down, exhaling slowly.
"I know and I love you for it, but it's time to get my life together… I need to go full speed in doing it."
Nodding, we all understand what she means. She loves Jason, but she knows it's over and doesn't want to dwell in her broken heart any longer. I'm actually a little jealous. Samantha is a lot stronger than I ever was, and she's handling this like a champ.
Leah exhales, a puff of smoke circling her. "Well shit…maybe we should all go. It's late and I need to get some sleep, but I'm feeling a little randy…but Brady's probably sleeping. Maybe I'll wake him up when I get back if you know what I mean," she says saucily as we all giggle. I poke her in the shoulder, raising my brow suggestively. "Shit, you could've just banged one out with him in one of the rooms downstairs…we did it all the time when we threw parties. You should've just invited him out here," I tease.
"Yeah, you should've, I don't know why you didn't," Brady's voice suddenly booms.
Startled, we turn to see Brady, Jason, Sebastian, and a few other guys approaching. Brady smiles at Leah, and she returns it. "Well, you found us anyway," she giggles as he pulls her into his arms.
I hear Samantha inhale sharply. Looking up, I follow her line of vision to see Jason's gaze locked on her. Looking as though he's working up the courage, he starts to walk toward us. My eyes narrow almost to slits, an instant protective feeling coming over me.
The absolute balls on this motherfucker to show his face here right now…
"Hey," he greets timidly, though we offer not one word in response. To my amusement, I notice a bruise on his jaw, and what looks like scratch marks on his cheek. I smirk in satisfaction.
Samantha went easy on him...she should've cut his balls off for what she walked into that night.
"Jade…can Samantha and I have a minute?" he directs his question to me, but his eyes are locked on her. I jut my chin. "That's up to Samantha… we were just leaving," I snap back, crossing my arms. I raise my brow in challenge, as he looks like he's about to say something but remembers himself. Part of me is disappointed he doesn't pop off.
I would love a reason to flatten his sorry ass, other than hurting my best friend.
I glance at Samantha. Her eyes have filled with tears again, her chest heaving as she turns away. She purposely avoids Jason's eye, and I know it's because she's afraid she'll give in. Looking him up and down with a sneer of disgust, I turn to her. This is none of my business, and she needs to be the one to decide to walk away.
"I tell you what…I'll make my way down, just text me if you're going to stay." Samantha shakes her head, looking at me squarely. "No, I'm coming with you." Jason's furious glare burns into our backs as we turn on our heels. My eye catches Leah, and I signal that we're leaving. She nods, gesturing to Brady. I know he'll get her home safe, so I don't wait for her to join.
"Sam, Jade…wait up…"
Though Samantha doesn't, I turn to see Rachel slamming the rest of her beer. She tosses it in a nearby trash can, making her way toward us. She stares straight ahead, blatantly ignoring Sebastian's attempt to catch her eye. "I'm coming too," she declares, without so much as a glance in his direction.
My eyes can't help but shift between Sebastian and Rachel, amused at her obvious snub, and even more amused at how much it's pissing him off. Sebastian's hands clench at his sides, his eyes narrowing in frustration. He says something to Logan, then takes a step in our direction. Logan steps in front of him, and from what I can see, says 'don't make it worse'.
Rachel catches up to us, linking her arm with Samantha's. I glance at the two of them, exhaling loudly. They both look to be on the verge of tears, desperately putting on a brave face. The door slams behind us as we make our way to the stairwell. "Look…if you guys want to go handle your business, I'm not going to give you any shit about it…I'm the last person that could ever judge," I say gently as we begin to our descent.
They glance at each other, both silently in agreement to not fold. "No…I've looked the other way a million times before, and each time I've sworn it would be the last. That's a promise to myself I'm finally going to keep," Samantha grits out, taking the stairs two at a time.
Rachel nods in determination, setting the same pace as Samantha. "Agreed… I absolutely fucking refuse to let myself be affected by an asshole that doesn't give a shit about me. He came here just to piss me off, and I'm not going to waste my time with his immature bullshit," she snarls, almost tripping on the step.
I struggle to keep up with them, both fueled by their anger and heartbreak. "Okay," I concede, seeing this is not the time to bring it up. I don't bother with small talk as we get near the ground, knowing each of them needs a minute to collect themselves.
As we leave the building and head toward the train tracks, we walk in silence. I'm at a loss on how to handle this because it's usually me in their position. I can't help but laugh at the irony of the situation.
How the fuck did I, the one in the most fucked up, tumultuous relationship out of everyone in my group of friends, become the one on solid ground?
Before I get the chance to ponder the insanity any further, the ground starts to rumble. The three of us take off in a jog, the train's headlight becoming wider. We pull ourselves into the train as it passes, still silent. Samantha sits on the edge, staring blankly at the passing city. Rachel and I sit on either side, still not certain what to say or do. We roll through for a few minutes when Samantha finally breaks.
"Goddamn it," she hisses under her breath. A low, guttural cry escapes as she puts her face in her hands. Alarmed, Rachel and I glance at each other before I put my hand on her arm. "Sam…" I start to console when she finally looks up, her eyes filled with angry tears.
"I kept telling myself it would stop once we got married, but I was just being stupid. I can't do it anymore," she cries, her voice cracking with grief. Rachel and I immediately each take her hand, letting her get it out. Samantha shakes her head, tears streaming down her cheeks.
"I just can't fucking do it. I can't pretend that I'm a fucking idiot, believing every lie he tells me about what he's doing when I'm on shift, or when he's having a 'boys night'. Whenever I see a new baby born in Dauntless that's Jason's spitting image, I can't pretend not to notice, or do the math…Jason and I have been together for years. While I loved him, he certainly never gave a shit about me…"
I rub my thumb over her knuckles. "This isn't your fault, Sam. Jason's a fucking asshole. Always has been, always will be…some men grow out of it, and some don't. You're not an idiot for hoping someone you love will eventually grow up and treat you the way you deserve. But you know something?" Samantha turns to me as I continue.
"By knowing that you deserve better, and not putting up with this shit any longer, you are finally turning back into the badass Dauntless bitch I've known and loved since we were toddlers. She might've been lost for a while, but she's coming back. I've missed the fuck out her…and I'm proud of you." I turn to Rachel, giving a small smile.
"That goes for you too."
Rachel just gives a sad smile, looking down at her lap. I know from experience there's nothing I can really say or do to make them feel better right now, so I don't press the issue. Shrugging, I gaze at the twinkling lights of Chicago.
My personal stance is that romance is way overrated.
After going through the scanner, we say our goodbyes and I head for the elevator. My nerves begin to tingle, as the car carries me upwards to Eric's penthouse. "Get it together," I mutter.
It's been a few days since our little confrontation, the night that changed everything. He's been extremely busy with the council all of a sudden, things he can't talk about. We haven't had much time for each other lately, though no fault of our own. Though we've of course been intimate when we've seen each other, there's still a bit of awkwardness if only on my part. I've been trying to come to terms with our relationship, also coming to realize what I didn't understand before.
Or rather, what I've known all along, but didn't want to admit.
Ever since we embarked upon our affair, my life has been twisted upside down and inside out. I've become someone I don't recognize. The Jade Crawford I've been before Eric, would never…ever…have reacted the way I did to the thought of him being with another woman. I've always believed that love wasn't real. I've always believed the concept of love was a psychological mind fuck. I didn't believe two human beings could be devoted to only each other, defying human nature as a whole. But, as usual, I had to find out the hard way.
I tried to deny that the thought of Eric with another woman didn't hurt me, but it did. I'd tried to convince myself it was a knee-jerk reaction, I responded in the heat of the moment when tension was running high. But that night, I just couldn't do it anymore…I can't keep turning a blind eye to what the truth really is, no matter how much I wish it weren't.
I'm in love with Eric… that's the first time I can say that and actually mean it.
What I finally see, is the huge difference in loving someone and being in love. I did love Ayden, but I can't honestly say I was in love. I'll never fully get over the guilt of hurting Ayden the way I did, but I know now that it would've been worse if I'd stayed with him out some sense of obligation. That's not love…and it's not fair to Ayden.
I can't give Ayden my heart, because I already gave it to Eric a long time ago. I can't even pinpoint the exact moment it happened…all I know is that it did.
But I also have to be realistic.
Men like Eric don't love...they keep. Men like Eric will always be married to their positions as leaders first, and love has no room in their lives. Eric may need me for political gain and faction obligations, but that's where it ends. He's rooted in Erudite, not Amity. His Erudite mind simply calculated that I'm the most logical choice. I'm not an idiot, and I know that love is just not a part of him.
Nor would I ever manipulate him by telling him how I feel, or expect him to pretend to love me when I know he doesn't.
Eric may keep me for the time being, but he won't ever truly love me. He'll eventually move on and break my heart, as all men such as him do. But as crazy as it sounds…I don't care.
I don't want to do this anymore…I don't want to keep running from something I'll never really escape anyway. Though this will no doubt be a disaster and eventually leave me with a broken heart, I won't know unless I give it a chance…a real chance and not subconsciously look for a way to sabotage my own life. It doesn't matter that he couldn't possibly love me as deeply as I love him. I want to be happy… and Eric is what I want, for as long as it lasts.
For my own selfish reasons, I'm going to take this leap of faith for however long it may be, enjoying the ride to its inevitable end.
The elevator opens, breaking my train of thought as I make my way to the outside palm reader. Once the green light appears, Eric's door unlocks and I step through. His penthouse is dark, with only the kitchen light on over the stove. The faint waft of recent cigarette smoke hits my nostrils as I near the bedroom, making my nose wrinkle. It's one of Eric's habits I could definitely live without. Pushing open the bedroom door, a smile breaks over my face.
Eric is laying on his massive bed, sound asleep. It looks as though he tried to wait up and just couldn't make it. As I strip off my clothes, my eyes can't help themselves from roaming over Eric's muscular form. He's bare-chested, laying on his back with both hands under the pillow. His chiseled chest rises and falls as he breathes deeply, his ab muscles rippling from their efforts. I feel my abdomen clench, as all the blood in my body seems to pool in my lower belly.
At that moment, I decide that bothering with clothes would be a waste of time.
Naked, I silently make my way towards the bed. Trying to make as little noise as possible, I gently and slowly pull the sheet down, exposing the lower half of his impressive physique. He wears only a pair of boxer briefs, the black mesh snug around his muscled thighs. "Mmmm," I can't help but whisper, the apex of my thighs moistening in anticipation.
My fingers skim the elastic band as I gently tug them down. Eric still doesn't wake. His erection springs from the fabric, igniting a fire inside me. Moving my hair to the side, I grip his cock and begin to stroke.
Eric finally begins to stir with a groan, as my tongue swirls around his sensitive head. He props himself up on his elbows, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His gaze finally locks on mine as he looks down, making me giggle. He starts to sit up, but I push him back down. "Lay down," I command in a seductive whisper. He stares for a long moment, starting to comprehend. After licking several wet stripes up and down his length, I take him fully into my mouth, all the way to the base.
"Fuck," I hear him rumble, twisting my hand in conjunction with the rhythm of my mouth. "Mmmm," I whisper in response, the vibrations visibly affecting him. His large hands slowly wind into my hair, urging my head to go faster. Time to show him who's really in control here. I keep my mouth on his dick, reaching up with both hands and pushing them from my hair. I suck for a few more seconds, slowly releasing his cock with a wet pop. He picks his head up to watch me kiss up his abdomen, his chest, his throat, then finally his mouth.
We remain locked in a scorching kiss until I break it and sit up. Eric watches me through hooded eyes, stroking his swollen cock in anticipation. When he grips my hips to place me on it, I push him back down again. "Not so fast," I growl with a sinful smile. Curiosity brims in his eyes as I nip at his jaw, then turn and get on my knees. Straddling his face, I push my sex down on his mouth, covering his body with mine.
Eric's tongue immediately makes sharp, commanding strokes over my clit, making my eyes close and my mouth open. Lowering my head, I take his cock back into my mouth with the same roughness he's showing. His thick, tattooed arms lock around my waist as we pleasure each other at the same time, neither of us showing the other any mercy.
His balls start to tighten in my hand, his telltale sign that he's close. Swallowing him whole, I rub them between my thumb and forefinger gently. "Ohhh…." I hear him rumble, as I get near my own completion. His hands grab my hips and push me upwards until I'm back on my knees. He spreads me wider with one hand, while his tongue dives between my folds. "Fuck Eric," I rasp, feeling two fingers now working with his tongue.
It becomes clear this is now a competition, one of which I have every intention of winning. Hollowing out my cheeks, I suck him as hard and fast as I can, feeling my eyes start to water but not caring. We remain in the furious battle to make the other come first, knowing we're both mere seconds away.
The evidence of his pleasure skids across my tongue, at the exact same time I feel mine drip down my inner thighs to his cheeks. Panting and spent, we release each other from our mouths and try to catch our breath. Finally finding the will to move, I sit up and turn around slowly. Eric's eyes are closed, his mouth rounded in bliss. Giggling, I cover his body with mine again and bring my mouth to his.
"Best fucking way I've ever been woken up before," he growls after we break for air. He tightens his arms around my waist, his hands skimming up and down my back. I bite kisses along his jaw, one hand stroking the side of his hair. "We aren't done yet…save judgment for the finale," I whisper, reaching down with my other hand to grip his dick firmly. I tease his head over my clit and opening, feeling him instantly harden again. Eric's hands slide down my back to grip my ass, as I sink him into me wholly.
"Mmmm," I moan, closing my eyes as we set our rhythm. My hands push against his chest as I sit up, swiveling my hips and taking him as deep as I can. He snaps harder with every thrust, our familiar sense of fire and urgency building. Before long, my hair is falling in golden waves around my shoulders, our tempo increasing to an almost rabid pace. "Fuck yes…come on Jade," he urges, sitting up and taking my nipple into his mouth.
The sensation is enough to make me dizzy. A hardened look dawns in Eric's eyes, as overpowering lust consumes us both. At that moment, something feels like it's been unlocked inside me, making me want to do something we've never done with each other before…but right now, I want him to do it more than anything.
Without warning, I move up and off him. "What's wrong," he asks in confusion as I reach for his nightstand. I don't answer, just throw a wicked smirk over my shoulder. I grab the small bottle of lube, crawling back towards him. He looks at me in bewilderment, not quite getting it yet. Still on my knees, I lean over to grip the bedrails. Eric squirts some lube in his hand, rubbing his fingers together. He shifts so that he's behind me, gripping my hips. He slams into my core, setting a punishing pace until I push back against his chest. Snaking my hand over his neck, I turn to face him.
"We don't need lube for that, you idiot," I whisper against his jaw.
Eric can't hide his surprise, freezing for a full second as it finally registers what I want him to do. He brings his mouth down on mine hard, sliding his hand down to grip my ass again.
"Are you fucking with me?" he grits out, giving my ass a hard, sharp slap.
"No...it's just taking you a minute to catch up, and you're about to lose the opportunity. But I do want you to slap my ass again like that..."
Giggling, I turn my face back to the head of the bed. Eric has a sharp intake of breath, rapidly squeezing more lube into his palm.
Eric bites kisses along my back, making his way up to between my shoulder blades. He hooks his arm around my waist, bringing me up higher. Trying to catch my breath, I grip the bed rails so hard they're in danger of snapping. Eric's breath is hot on my ear, then his teeth sink into my neck. A tight coil forms in my midsection, as his thick fingers tease my entrance.
"Fuck," I rasp, the anticipation driving me crazy.
His finger begins to stroke my sensitive bundle in a lazy circle, making me see stars behind my closed eyes. As he continues to stroke, his other hand snakes it's way over my stomach, to my breast, then finally to my throat. He turns my chin so that we're facing, his mouth claiming mine. He breaks our kiss after a minute, studying my face for any sign I've changed my mind.
Giving him a small smirk, I simply nod in reassurance I want to do this.
His arm falls from my chin, his fingers trailing down my back. Closing my eyes, I try to calm my nerves. This isn't the first time I've done this, but it's the first time in a long time, and only Ayden has been the one to do it.
Eric's fingers continue to stroke my sensitive nub, as his other hand massages the lube. He lines himself up with the area he's been forbidden until now, hesitating for a split second. Unable to restrain himself a moment longer, he pushes in.
"Oh my God," I can't help but exclaim, the initial fleeting pain singing through me. As Eric goes faster and deeper, it's replaced by pure, unadulterated pleasure. "Fuck…Oh…fuuuck…," he stammers incoherently, the tightness sending him to a new level of ecstasy. We remain lost in pure bliss, each getting used to a new pleasure. A fine sheen of sweat breaks over our skin, our cries echoing off the walls. I don't know how much time has passed when Eric abruptly pulls my grip from the bed rail.
Sitting up partially, he props himself on his elbow with one harm, while the other hand holds my hair in a ponytail. I grip his knees for balance, letting him control the pace as I bounce up and down. "Come for me," he orders through clenched teeth. By the desperation in his tone, I know he's not going to last much longer. I move with more force, feeling my body make the familiar climb. With one last hard push, Eric slaps my ass with stinging force. The combination makes me feel a deep snap of my insides. Euphoria overwhelms me as I ride the delicious wave of my release.
I'm still facing away as Eric pulls my body down over his. Kissing my neck, he runs his hands from my wet thighs to my stomach, stopping to cup both of my breasts. He gently massages them, as my arms snake over my head to stroke his hair. We silently stay in this position for a while, not wanting this feeling to ever end. His large hand cups my chin, turning my face to his.
We don't speak for a long time as we come down, giving each other fleeting kisses. With a deep, satisfied sigh, I finally sit up with difficulty. "The fuck you think you're going," Eric rumbles, hooking his arm around my waist to draw me back. Grinning, I pull him up with me.
"I think we are going to take a shower…get your lazy ass up."
Eric raises his brow in amusement, following me into the bathroom. His shower is huge, with floor-to-ceiling marble and a see-through glass door. The length of it alone is almost the same as my entire bathroom. It has a digital panel, controlling the overhead rain/waterfall setting above us, and the three body jets on the side.
Eric programs the rainfall setting as we step in. The warm water feels like heaven after such a strenuous sack session, but I have a feeling we aren't done for the night. At least I hope not, I giggle to myself.
Lathering his body wash into my hand, I massage it into his skin. I take my time, grazing every inch of his thickly muscled frame, with added attention to my favorite parts. Our mouths meet in a slow, sensual kiss as warm, soapy water cascades down our flesh. Eric breaks it and turns me around, picking up my shampoo.
He washes my hair, making my head go back on his shoulder. "That feels so fucking good," I murmur, closing my eyes in pleasure. Eric exhales, planting a kiss on my neck before turning me back around.
"When we move to the new place, I'll do this all the time."
Caught off guard, I'm too surprised to respond. Eric's cold blue eyes cloud in determination, waiting on my reaction. He said it as if it were fact, like we didn't have a huge blowup about this already. I don't want to refuse out of spite…I don't want to refuse for any reason. As much as I don't want to be, I'm in love with Eric and want to see this through to the end. Being stubborn will only delay the inevitable, and it's time I break my pattern.
My hands shake as I take a deep breath, touching my lips to his lightly. Every fiber of my being is tingling with anxiety, as my head and heart immediately go to war with each other. But in light of my personal revelation, it's time to face facts and listen to my heart this time.
Eric brushes a strand of hair from my forehead, searching my face intently. His expression hardens, visibly preparing to strike down any argument I present.
"Let me be clear, Jade…I'm not asking this time. I'm going to do what I should've done when-"
I hastily press my mouth to his, cutting him off. I take both sides of his face in my hands, willing my voice to remain steady. Oh my God, I really can't believe I'm about to do this, but it's now or never.
"Threats aren't necessary, Eric… my answer is yes."
Now he's the one caught off guard. We stay locked in each other's gaze for a long moment, an unfamiliar air between us. A smile pulls at the corners of his mouth, as he walks me back toward the shower wall. He reaches down, hooking his arms around my thighs. "Like I said, not a question…but I like your response," he murmurs, wrapping my legs around his waist. He slides into me once more, our familiar rhythm beginning.
We once again become lost in our own world, shutting everything else out. All the uncertainty, heartache and longing I've felt these past few days evaporates. A sense of relief I haven't felt in a long time overcomes me, as well as a sense of...peace. By the reverence of his touch coupled with the force of his need, I know the feeling is mutual. As we stand entwined under the gentle water, we express this with each other the only way we know how.
Eric buries a hand in my hair, turning my face. "Jade," he growls, surging into me. "I want you here with me now, for good. There's no reason to wait, and I'm not going to." My heart skips a beat as I place my hand on his cheek, my thumb skimming his lips.
"Agreed…" My voice is barely above a breathless whisper.
Surprise registers on both of our faces, neither one of us expecting that. I simply can no longer deny a simple truth; though my anxiety over taking this step is through the roof, and the intensity of what he makes me feel is overwhelming, I want to be here…
I want to be with him.
His eyes search my face, swallowing hard. "Jade…" his voice is a strangled whisper. My heart leaps to my throat, wondering if he'll finally say whatever he can't seem to get out.
But he doesn't.
Our passion reaches its' peak, making us explode at the same time. The sheer force is so intense, we sink to the floor in unison. Panting, we remain locked in each other's embrace as we ride out the aftermath. Kissing him lightly, I plant my feet and try to stand. "We better get up before we drown." Eric keeps me in place. With an intense gaze, he hooks his fingers under my chin.
"Jade…I meant what I said, it wasn't just the moment."
"I know you did...and so did I."
I bring my lips to his, smiling against his mouth. He eventually releases me, both standing with difficulty. Eric shuts the water off while I wrap myself in a towel. As I'm drying my hair, Eric wraps his arms around me from behind. He smiles at me in the mirror, nuzzling my neck.
"I'll have your things moved in by the end of the week. You don't have much, so it shouldn't take long."
"What do you mean 'have them moved'? I'll do it myself…"
"Because I can have it done faster, for you."
Turning, I stand on my tiptoe and wrap my arms around his neck. "I don't want people going through my shit…no one but me is going do it," I declare firmly. Eric narrows his eyes, cocking his head to the side.
"What don't you want them to see?"
"Nothing…would you want people going through your shit?
"They wouldn't."
"You don't know that."
"I'm a Dauntless leader, they wouldn't risk it. But that's neither here nor there."
"Well, I'm not on the council so it's a moot point."
Eric touches his forehead to mine. "Maybe not, but you're mine…so they wouldn't dare." I start to protest again when he silences me with a kiss.
"Jade…it's not a big deal. It'll be done in a day…don't argue just to argue. You have to get used to me handling things sometimes."
"Why is that?"
"Because I take care of what's mine…and you are mine. Besides…."
Eric touches his forehead to mine, his jaw set in determination. "I meant what I said. There's no reason to wait, and I'm not going to…and I won't let you stall either."
I open my mouth to argue again when a little voice tells me to pick my battles. Deciding to drop it, I let him lead me back into the bedroom.
Besides…this is one concession I'm happy to make.
THE NEXT DAY
I zip up the back of my dress, inspecting my reflection in the long mirror. "Wow," I murmur in awe.
Leah twirls her finger, motioning for me to turn so she can inspect her handiwork. "Okay good," she sighs as I spin around. "I was worried that yours might not be long enough since your legs stretch up to your neck, but it's just right." She turns to Rachel, scrutinizing the hemline. "Here…this needs to be centered." Rachel looks at me wide-eyed, as Leah jerks her dress from behind, then pushes Rachel in front of the mirror. "Perk your tits up a little…the support band is under them." Before Leah can do it herself, Rachel hurriedly complies.
"Well shit, they do look better," Rachel says with a giggle under her breath. Leah has moved on to Samantha, making certain our dresses are perfect. "Just let her go…she's in rare form right now. Her designs will be in full display tonight for the whole faction, and she's a little nervous," I whisper, turning back to the mirror.
Ashley's wedding is going to begin in a few minutes, and we're all a little jittery. We want everything to be perfect for her, and if that means Leah microscoping every detail, we're going to gladly let her. Staring at myself again, I can't help but be amazed that's me staring back.
A black orchid is tucked behind one ear, with my silvery blonde hair flowing in soft, shiny layers. My tan makes the green color of my eyes pop, accentuated by the light rim of black eyeliner. But the true showstopper is my gown.
In faction tradition, the bridesmaids wear the color of the Dauntless at the ceremony. Leah of course designed and made it to those specifications, and she truly outdid herself. Our gowns are a beautiful, floor-length iridescent garnet with black lace overlay, our shoulders bare. The back plunges low, almost to my spine. Onyx-colored beading adorns the hemline, catching the light. I'm used to seeing myself in basic black work clothes, or combat gear…never in a creation as exquisite as this.
"Leah, I'm truly jealous of your talent." I spin around, watching the garnet shimmer.
Leah glances up with an excited smile. "Thanks….I'm just glad we got them all made in time. It was a race against the clock for a second there." She tucks her orchid behind her ear, inspecting her reflection. "You look gorgeous… I know Brady will be excited to see you coming down the aisle." I grin and giggle when she blushes.
"Oh yeah? Eric is going to see you coming down that same aisle… after he sees you in that, he might get some ideas of his own," Rachel says with a laugh. My heart jumps. I hadn't thought of that. Waving my hand, I quickly change the subject. "We better get up there, it's almost time!" We each link arms and giggle as we make our way out.
I try to calm the butterflies in my stomach, stepping out to the roof with the others. The girls and I set everything up earlier for the traditional ceremony, and it came out better than we expected. The awning over the ledge is adorned with black orchids and the customary torches are already lit. The torchlight against the setting sun gives a romantic, ethereal feel, providing an unusual ambiance in an otherwise gritty place.
Dauntless weddings are always held on the roof of the Initiate entrance to the compound. The Dauntless believe that where you began your life in the faction, is where you begin your new life as a married couple. The bride and groom recite their vows, exchange rings, then my favorite part; they embrace each other, jumping off the roof together into the net below.
In Dauntless, you begin your marriage the same way you began your new life on Choosing Day; with courage and a leap of faith.
My eye sweeps the crowd, packed in a sea of tattooed and black-clad bodies. Since Rob and Ashley are on the upper tier of Dauntless hierarchy, it seems all of the faction has shown up. I turn my gaze to what serves as an altar, feeling my breath catch.
Rob's best men have already taken their place with him, standing in the usual row. They're of course wearing all black, with collared shirts instead of jackets. Our men don't dress up, and that's as good as it gets. Eric stands behind Rob, waiting for the ceremony to begin. His short hair is perfectly groomed, the sharpness of his outfit making him look even more masculine and rugged. Though Eric hasn't seen me yet, my heart flutters at the sight of him.
Tearing my eyes away, I turn to see Ashley waiting on Kevin's arm behind us. Since non-Dauntless borns typically have no family within the faction, it's customary that another leader gives them away. I give her an excited little smile, and she returns it, taking several deep breaths. "God, she looks gorgeous," I whisper to Rachel. She leans in lowering her voice. "I can't wait until Rob sees her…that's my favorite part of a wedding…" Just then, the music starts as we prepare to walk down the aisle.
Samantha goes first, carrying her bouquet of black orchids. Though I'm behind her, I can imagine her face as she tries to avoid Jason's gaze, impossible to miss. To my satisfaction, a look of longing and regret is etched in his features. Serves the asshole right…he didn't know what he had until he lost it.
Leah goes next, making her way down the aisle. Her head turns slightly in Brady's direction, standing with the rest behind Rob. Brady's chest starts to heave ever so slightly, a smile breaking over his face. Leah is a true vision in her creation. Her golden-bronze skin is luminous with the contrast of her dress, her amber-colored eyes radiant. Her chestnut hair wisps across her shoulders, adding to her grace. Brady gives her a little wink as she takes her place behind Samantha, giving him a small smile in return.
Now, it's my turn.
I take a deep breath, clutching my bouquet and praying that my untrained feet don't trip in these heels. As I make my way down the aisle, several hushes go through the crowd. Looks of awe are thrown my way, making me feel a bit self-conscious. Just then, my head turns in Eric's direction. His lips are parted slightly, with a small smile I've never seen on him before. I can't help but return it with one of my own, my pulse starting to race.
I can't ignore the clench of my abdomen either. It's impossible, the way his eyes are smoldering into mine. My breath catches, and for a moment it's like no one else is there. A sense of sadness comes over me out of nowhere, giving my heart a strange pang.
This is probably the only time I'll ever walk down an aisle like this, seeing Eric at the end.
Stop it. Today is not about you, I command myself sternly. I take my place behind Leah, as Rachel begins to walk. She looks absolutely stunning, her auburn hair shimmering against her skin. Her bright blue eyes are glowing in the torchlight as she keeps them focused straight ahead, no matter how much Sebastian's gaze is burning into her. I bite my lip, feeling a little sorry for Sebastian. His expression is pained, and he can't tear his eyes away from her. As soon as Rachel takes her place behind me, everyone stands.
It's time for the bride.
Ashley can't stop smiling as Kevin escorts her on his arm, beaming as she makes her way to her groom. My breath catches at the sight of her, never seeing her this way before. The dress that Leah designed and made gives her the appearance of an angel. She's never looked more beautiful than she does at this moment.
Dauntless tradition allows for a small amount of white, but mostly black or garnet. Leah absolutely nailed it. Ashley's gown is a fitted, cream-colored sheath with a black lace bodice and a garnet gem studded hem. Her pregnant bump is beautifully accentuated by Leah's design, making her even more feminine and graceful. She wears a black orchid behind her ear, and she's positively glowing.
Tears prick my eyes, watching Rob see his bride coming down the aisle.
Rob is looking at Ashley like they're the only two people in the world. The obvious love he has for her, and her for him, takes my breath away. People go their whole lives searching for what Rob and Ashley have, and I'm happy to be a part of such a beautiful ceremony.
Kevin gives Ashley's hand to Rob, which he takes eagerly. Max smiles down on them from the ledge of the awning, picking up the small paring knife on the table before him. "On this day, you once again make a choice. If that choice is each other, symbolize your commitment the same way you dedicated your life to Dauntless, " he commands, handing the knife to Rob. He makes a small incision in his palm, dropping his blood over the bowl of steaming coals. Ashley takes the knife from him, gently making the same. Once her blood drops on the coals, Ashley hands her bouquet to Samantha, taking both of Rob's hands in hers.
"Let us begin."
As Max talks about the importance of faction, love for each other, and having the bravery to navigate life together, I glance at the groom's side. My eyes lock with Eric's as Rob and Ashley begin to recite their vows. All of a sudden, everyone else has disappeared….it might as well just be the two of us here. We keep our gaze on each other as Rob and Ashley make the biggest promise of their lives.
"Do you, Robert, vow to take this woman to be your wife, here in the witnesses of your faction…."
"I do…."
"Will you love, honor, and cherish her…."
"I will…"
"Will you fight for her, protect her, and keep her true to the ideals of Dauntless…"
"I will…"
"Will you have the courage to lay down your life if it means sparing hers…"
"I will…"
"Will you stand by her through better or worse, sickness and health, war and peace…"
"I will…"
Max nods to the tattoo artist, who gets his laser ready. "Do you accept that just as her name is one with your flesh, your life is one with hers?" Rob holds out his hand, his eyes locked with Ashley's. "I do…" The artist holds the laser over his finger, where 'Ashley' is quickly inscribed. Ashley repeats those same vows, her eyes never leaving her new husband. Once 'Robert' is emblazoned on her finger, it's time for the traditional wedding bands.
"Place the ring on the left hand, vowing with this 'with this ring, I thee wed," Max instructs. After repeating their vow, they each slip Erudite-lab-created platinum bands on the other's finger. A small smile pulls at Max's mouth as he looks between them.
"By the power vested in me as the head of the Dauntless faction, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride…"
The last word barely leaves his mouth before Rob grabs Ashley, bending her backward and kissing her soundly. Tears are slipping down all our faces, as the crowd erupts. As I clap and cheer with the others, my eye catches Eric's again. A hint of a smile plays on his lips, but he otherwise shows no emotion.
Now, for the best part.
Max's voice rings clear throughout the crowd. "On your Choosing Day, you began your new life in Dauntless in this very spot. You did so without knowing what was ahead, but excited for what was to come. Today, you take that same leap of faith, only into your new life as one. By taking this final step together, your union will be complete. Leap from this ledge and start the rest of your lives…."
Rob steps on to the ledge, holding out his hand to Ashley. Looking nervous, he glances below them. I know he's nervous about doing this, not because of jumping several stories, but because Ashley is doing this while pregnant with twins. Sensing his apprehension, Ashley quickly puts him at ease.
"Baby…I know you got me…we're doing this together…"
Rob searches her face for a minute, still uncertain. He touches his forehead to hers, wrapping his arms around her. "You ready?" Ashley nods and smiles. "Let's do it," she responds wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. Rob grins, kissing her soundly.
"One…two…three!"
In true Dauntless fashion, the crowd roars and pound the back of the chairs as Ashley and Rob fall from the ledge together. Wiping my eyes, I throw the obligatory rice after them, cheering with everyone else before we head down to the Pit for the reception.
"They're so lucky," Rachel whispers, wiping her own eyes. Nudging me with her elbow, she gives a sideways smile. "I have a feeling that the next time we do this, you'll be the one leaping from the ledge…" Though Rachel doesn't know it, her words are like a knife in my heart.
That's the one thing I know will never come true.
At that moment Eric walks over, pulling me into his arms. Rachel takes that as her cue to leave, glancing between the two of us with a smile. "I'll meet you down there," she calls over her shoulder, catching up with Samantha and Leah as they blend into the crowd. Without warning, Eric brings his mouth to mine. Startled, I break away and look at him wide-eyed. We're never affectionate, and never in public.
"What was that for?" I ask breathlessly.
"Because I felt like it… you should've seen the way everyone was looking at you. Better remind them you're off limits."
Grinning against his mouth, our lips meet again in a slow, deep kiss. "We should get to the Pit…the reception is about to start," I murmur, though the only place I want to go right now is straight to his bed. Brushing a strand of hair from my forehead, he leans in close as everyone else leaves.
"Let's wait a minute…"
"Why…"
" I want to look at you in this light for a little longer," he whispers.
The playful smile drains from my face as that feeling overcomes me again, making my breath hitch in my throat. Eric's eyes search my face, looking almost…nervous? Giving him a questioning look, I brush my fingers over his jaw. "What is it?" I ask softly. He seems to snap himself out of his temporary spell, touching his forehead to mine.
"Nothing…I was just thinking that it wasn't right that you were up there with Ashley…"
Alarmed, I pull back. "What? Why the fuck would you say that?" I demand. Eric kisses me again, touching his forehead to mine. "Because the bride is supposed to be the most beautiful woman at the altar, and she wasn't…you put them all to shame," He whispers. My heart blooms in my chest as our mouths meet again, that shivering sensation rippling through my whole body.
"Let's get going…I don't want to miss the toast," I insist, reaching down and lacing my hand with his. As we make our way to the stairwell, I can't help but steal a look at him from the corner of my eye. I'm still trying to figure out how everything that's happened, was only in the span of a year.
As much as my life has been upheaved, torn apart, and eventually come back together, in a warped way, I'm glad it happened the way it did. Though this relationship has been a fucked-up mess from the start, I'm finally starting to see what everyone else has.
I am fucked-up…always have been, always will be. I accept that…Eric accepts me. He doesn't feel the need to change me, 'fix' me, or 'heal' me, as Ayden did. Eric knows I am who I am, and has the ability to handle me the way I need, even if I don't like it sometimes. He's what I need, that fire that burns inside of me, even if he doesn't feel the same love I feel for him.
Our union may be a toxic, fucked-up mess at times, but it's the only thing that I've ever felt was truly real in my life. I'm a mess, and Eric is a mess….but he's my mess, and I wouldn't have it any other way…
At least for now.