Let Your Heart Hold Fast

Chapter 36

Neal was still crying, his body trembling in her arms. Elizabeth tried to get the boy to calm down and after several minutes of her gentle, soothing whispers in his ear, he finally started to relax.

"Shhh….it's okay, sweetie. It's okay, I'm right here," Elizabeth whispered. Once Neal had stopped crying, Elizabeth picked him up and took him over to the sofa. "Neal, can you tell me what has you so upset? What happened?"

Neal looked like he was going to start crying again, but with Elizabeth slowly rubbing his back, he remained calm. "It's okay, sweetie…..I just need to know why you're upset. Why did you bite Daddy?"

"He was hurting you, Mommy. I saw it. And you were crying," Neal cried.

"What are you talking about, sweetie? Did you have a bad dream?"

"No, I saw it, Mommy."

Elizabeth was still confused. "What did you see, Neal?"

"He was holding you down, Mommy, and he wouldn't let you up."

Elizabeth was beginning to understand the situation, but couldn't believe it. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Never in a million years would she have pictured herself in this situation and she had no idea what to do. Did she tell Neal the truth? Or should she make up some hopefully believable story? How do you explain something like that to a five year old, no matter how smart he is?

"When did you see this, sweetie?" she asked gently.

"Last night," Neal answered with a sob. "I woke up and you were gone. I needed you, Mommy. I looked for you and when I found you, Daddy was hurting you."

"Oh, sweetie…" Elizabeth had no idea where to start. "Daddy wasn't hurting me. We were just having mommy/daddy alone time, that's all."

Neal looked up at Elizabeth, confusion written all over his face. "But, you were crying, Lizbef."

"I wasn't crying, sweetie," Elizabeth said as her mind was racing to come up with a good answer. "I was happy, so I was…I was singing."

"It didn't sound like singing, Lizbef," Neal answered, doubtfully.

"Is that why you weren't answering Daddy this morning, Neal? Were you mad at him because you thought he was hurting me?"

Neal nodded. "I don't like it when you're hurt, Mommy."

"Sweetie, Daddy loves me. He'll never hurt me, just like he'll never hurt you, okay?"

Neal still didn't look completely convinced, so Elizabeth continued. "Neal, do you know how I hug you and kiss you all the time to show you how much I love you?"

Neal smiled at that. "I hug you and kiss you all the time, too, Mommy."

"You sure do, sweetie. Me and Daddy hug and kiss, too, and sometimes we do other special things that mommies and daddies do because they love each other. That's what you saw last night, honey. We were just showing how much we love each other."

"Will I do that someday, too?" Neal asked.

"Of course, sweetie, but you have to wait until you're married, okay?"

"Okay, mommy. It didn't look like fun, anyway," Neal answered with a grimace on his face.

Elizabeth couldn't do anything but laugh, relieved to have that particular conversation over with. "How about we get you some breakfast now?"

Just as she sat Neal's breakfast down in front of him, she heard the front door open. "Eat up, sweetie, okay? I'm going to go talk to Daddy."

Peter was unfastening Satchmo's leash when Elizabeth joined him in the hallway. He didn't look any calmer, so she figured she still had her work cut out for her. "Well, I figured out what's wrong with him, hon," she said as soon as Peter stood back up. "Apparently, he came into our room last night, when we were a little occupied."

Elizabeth nearly laughed when Peter's face went completely pale. "How did we not hear him, El?"

"Like I said, hon, we were a little occupied. He thought you were hurting me, Peter."

Peter's face paled even more. "He thought I was hurting you? Surely he knows I wouldn't hurt you."

"Apparently, not, hon. Maybe there's more to the story than what I got out of him, but at least he understands now that you weren't hurting me."

Elizabeth took a few minutes to tell her husband everything that she and Neal had talked about. Once she was done, they walked into the kitchen to find Neal feeding some of his pancake to Satchmo.

"Neal!" Elizabeth scolded. "How many times do I have to tell you that we don't feed Satchmo from the table?"

"But he looked hungry and he really, really wanted pancakes. I was just sharing with him."

Neal stopped talking the second he realized that Peter was right behind Elizabeth. Peter grabbed a plate from the cabinet and sat down next to Neal. After filling his plate with pancakes and bacon, he finally turned to look at Neal.

"Hey, buddy…Mommy told me that you were a little confused about what you saw when you came into our room last night."

"Not anymore, Daddy. Mommy said you were just showing her how much you love her."

"That's right, buddy. But, why did you think I would hurt Mommy?"

Neal grew really quiet and looked like he didn't want to answer.

"I'm just curious, Neal. I thought you knew that I would never hurt you or Mommy. Did something happen to make you forget that?"

"No," Neal answered quietly. "I just remembered how William used to make Jenna cry. He always hurt her and I hated it."

"Oh, sweetie…..I'm so sorry that you had to see that," Elizabeth said as she sat down next to Neal. "William isn't a nice man, though, remember? And Daddy will never treat me like William treated Jenna."

"I know," Neal whispered. "But I forgot."

"Well, we'll just have to remind you more often, then, I guess." Elizabeth smiled at her husband, but quickly dropped it when she saw the serious look on his face. Giving him a quick shake of her head, she turned back to Neal. "Finish up, sweetie, and then go up and brush your teeth, okay? When you're done, come back downstairs."

Neal took a last bite and then climbed off the chair and headed upstairs. Once he was gone, Elizabeth turned back to Peter. "What was that look all about?" she asked.

"Come on, El…..doesn't it bother you that he thinks I could hurt you?"

"Peter….." Elizabeth looked at her husband in frustration. "He's been with us for less than six months. He was with William and Jenna for over a year. And he's only five years old, remember? He doesn't always know how to process the things he sees and hears."

"I know, but it still bothers me." Elizabeth laughed at the pout on Peter's face.

When Neal came back downstairs, Peter herded him into the living room and onto the sofa. Neal sat there, kicking his legs against the sofa as he watched Peter pacing in front of him. Elizabeth had no idea what her husband was doing, so she just sat back and watched things unfold.

"Neal, I'm really sorry that you got scared last night, buddy. Maybe next time you can knock before you come into our room, okay? Now, I know you were upset, but I still want to talk to you about the fact that you bit me this morning. That's unacceptable, little man."

Neal suddenly found his knees to be of great interest. "What do you have to say about that, Neal? You know better than to bite someone."

"I'm sorry, Daddy," Neal said miserably. "I didn't mean to bite you. Your hand just got in my mouth."

"I think you did mean to bite me, Neal. You were throwing a tantrum and you bit me."

Neal looked sheepishly up at Peter, but didn't say anything. "Like I said, I know you were upset, but you shouldn't bite, okay? So, I think if you spend another fifteen minutes in the corner, we'll call it good."

"I won't call it good," Neal pouted. "I'll call it bad. I don't want to sit in the corner again."

"Well, maybe next time you won't bite, right? Let's get this over with, little man. Then we can get back to our plans."

Neal followed Peter glumly to the chair that was still sitting in the corner and climbed into it. Peter smiled at the sad frown on the boy's face. Neal's big blue eyes and pouty lips made it awfully hard to discipline him sometimes, but Peter shored himself up and looked at Neal. "Fifteen minutes, kiddo."

Fifteen minutes later, Peter called Neal out of the corner. Neal got out of the chair as fast as his bum leg allowed him, moving over to where Peter and Elizabeth were waiting. "Finally!" he said dramatically. "I think your timer thingie is broken, Daddy. I had to be there forever!"

Peter rolled his eyes, causing Elizabeth to laugh. "It was only fifteen minutes, kid."

Elizabeth picked Neal up and sat him on his lap. "Neal, Daddy and I have a surprise for you."

Neal twisted around in her lap, causing his elbow to jab her in the chest. "A surprise? What is it?!"

"We're going on a little trip, sweetie. We're going to take you to meet your Uncle Andy and his family."

"Who's Uncle Andy?"

"Andy is my brother, Neal. He lives in a place called Providence with his wife and three kids. I think it's time you finally meet them, so we're going on a little road trip."

"Today?" Neal asked, his excitement bubbling over.

"Yep. We're leaving as soon as everyone's ready."

"Yay! I love road trips!" Neal yelled. "I think."

Forty minutes later, they all piled into the car. Neal was excited to have Satchmo riding in the back seat with him. He was even more excited when Elizabeth pulled out a second surprise for him.

"Neal, look what I found on the doorstep this morning. It was addressed to you and Peter and it's from Mozzie. Do you want to open it?" Elizabeth held up a small Christmas bag that had a picture of a snowman on the front.

"Yes, please!" Neal took the bag from Elizabeth and eagerly ripped it open. Peter flinched at the scream of excitement that came from Neal when he finally got it open. "Peter, look! It's Frozen! Can we listen to it? Please?"

Peter groaned when he realized that Mozzie had given Neal the soundtrack from his favorite movie. Now, not only would he be stuck in a car with an overly active five year old for three hours, but he would be stuck in a car with that five year old belting "Do You Want To Build a Snowman" at the top of his lungs, over and over again. It didn't help that Satchmo had joined in with Neal, adding his own howling to the cacophony of sounds. Looking over at his wife, he realized that she was enjoying everything that was going on. It looked like he was on his own.

When they finally arrived at his brother's house, Peter was barely holding onto his last thread of sanity. They had listened to the soundtrack no less than five times and he wanted nothing more than to throw the damn thing out the window. Once he had finally told Neal that they were done listening to it, Neal started whining and complaining. Peter had always thought that it was just a joke that kids always asked the "Are we there yet?" question, but he learned rather quickly that it wasn't a joke. Neal had asked that stupid question every five minutes for the last thirty minutes. When Neal wasn't asking that question, he was complaining about being too hot or too cold, or that he was hungry and thirsty, and finally that Satchmo was laying on him and drooling on him. Peter felt like his head was about to explode, especially when he realized that they had to make the trip home in just a few days. He suddenly felt immensely guilty, too, as he remembered how many times he and his brothers had done the same thing. How did his parents survive all of that?

Parking in front of his brother's house, Peter let out the deep breath he had been holding. "We're here!" he said to whoever was listening. Elizabeth, who had been sleeping for the last fifty miles, woke up and stretched. Peter glanced into the rearview mirror and sighed. Figures that the kid would fall asleep right at the end.

Elizabeth opened the door and got out, allowing Satchmo to get out on her side, too. Peter stepped out of the car and stretched his stiff back and legs as much as he could. Looking up at his brother's house, he noticed the door open and his youngest nephew flying out onto the porch.

"Uncle Peter! Uncle Peter!" he yelled excitedly. "You're here." Peter watched as he flew down the steps and stopped right in front of Elizabeth. "Aunt El! Did you bring us anything?"

Andy Burke, who was following closely behind his son, scolded him for his lack of decorum, before greeting his brother and sister-in-law. "Well? Where is he?" he asked quickly. He was most anxious to meet his new nephew and had been waiting for far too long.

"He's sleeping, Andy," Peter growled. "Fell asleep the last five minutes of the trip."

Elizabeth leaned into the backseat. "Neal, sweetie…..we're here, so you need to wake up. There are a few people that really want to meet you."

Neal opened his eyes slowly, trying to focus his gaze on Elizabeth. "Are we there yet?" he asked sleepily.

Once they were inside, Neal sat shyly in between Peter and Elizabeth, with Satchmo at his feet. He was snuggled into Elizabeth's side, trying to hide as much as he could, but at the same time trying to check out all of the people staring at him. Peter had already introduced them all, so Neal already knew that the people in front of him were his Uncle Andy and his Aunt Jackie, and his cousins Ella, Evan, and Camden.

Peter and Elizabeth were trying to keep the conversation flowing, so that Neal wouldn't feel uncomfortable. They knew that he could be painfully shy, so they were hoping to help him loosen up a bit. After almost an hour of them all talking back and forth, Neal started squirming, and before too long, he pulled on Peter's shirt and whispered that he needed to go to the bathroom. Peter thought that it might be a good time to get the kids to interact a little.

"Cam, do you think you could show Neal where the bathroom is?" Peter directed his question to his youngest nephew, who was a year older than Neal.

Neal looked up at Peter with a panicked look. "Peter!" he cried. "I want you to take me!"

"Hey, buddy…Cam's going to take you and I'll be right here when you get back, okay?"

Neal looked like he was going to argue, but Peter could tell that he didn't want to look scared in front of his cousin. Instead, Neal stood up on slightly shaky legs and followed Cam out of the room, only looking back at Peter and Elizabeth once. Once he was gone, Peter explained to his family a little bit about why Neal was nervous. His brother and sister-in-law knew what had happened with Edward Bennett, but he wasn't sure how much Ella and Evan knew. They were both sixteen years old, so he figured that they could handle hearing most of it.

"He just needs a little time to get used to you all and to feel comfortable," Peter explained. "Once he does, you'll never get him to stop talking."

Peter's words were, of course, perfectly true and by the next morning Neal was acting like he had known everyone his whole life. Ella had become fiercely protective of the little boy, seeing to his every want and need. Evan pretty much steered clear of Neal, but only because he was too focused on talking to his girlfriend every five minutes. Cam and Neal had become fast friends and before too long they were getting into all kinds of mischief.

Andy and Jackie were overjoyed to see the relationship that Peter and Elizabeth had built with Neal. Andy had always thought that they would be wonderful parents and had been sad when that never happened for them. Now, he was excited to see the love and awe in his brother's eyes every time he looked at Neal. He was looking forward to many father/son trips in the future, where he could watch their relationship grow even more.

Their second night there, Peter and Andy built a blanket fort downstairs for Cam and Neal and ended up staying in the fort with them. Being in a strange house had made Neal just a little clingier, so Peter didn't plan on going too far away from him. He and Andy enjoyed their time with their sons, playing games and telling stories. They probably let the boys eat too much candy and Peter prayed that Elizabeth didn't find out just how much Neal had eaten.

When the boys finally fell asleep, Peter and Andy stayed awake for several hours, talking about everything that had happened, as well as what the future held for Peter, Elizabeth, and Neal. For the first time, Peter gave voice to some of his greatest fears of what the future held for them, and even though Andy didn't have the answers, Peter felt better just getting it off of his chest.

Finally, Peter and Andy fell asleep, too, both of them lying down next to their sons. Peter wasn't sure if he could fall asleep on the hard floor, but it only took him a few minutes. Unfortunately, it wasn't too much later that he woke up to the sound of Neal moaning. Peter thought that Neal was probably having a nightmare, but instead the boy woke up complaining that his stomach was hurting. Before Peter could do anything, Neal threw up every bit of candy he had in his stomach, most of it landing on Peter's chest. Neal's moaning was soon superseded by Peter's groaning, as the man berated himself for not paying attention to just how much candy Neal had eaten. Yes, being a daddy was harder than he thought.

After a restless night, Peter woke up with a stiff back and an uneasy feeling that something was wrong. Looking around, he was surprised to see that he and his brother were the only ones left in the blanket fort. Figuring that Cam and Neal were probably watching television or raiding the refrigerator, Peter stiffly climbed out of the fort. He was a little surprised to see that it was only six o'clock in the morning and that the living room and kitchen were both empty, and he felt the first fluttering of panic fill him.

As he slowly made his way through the quiet house, his panic started building with each empty room he entered. He definitely didn't want to alarm Elizabeth, knowing that Neal being missing again would send her into a full panic. Instead, he went back downstairs and shook his brother firmly until he woke up.

"Andy! The boys are gone. I can't find Neal and Cam."

Andy's eyes flew open and he looked at his brother in confusion. "What?" he asked.

"I can't find Neal and Cam," Peter answered desperately. For the first time he realized that Satchmo was missing, too, and a part of him calmed down at that fact. If anything had happened to the boys, Satchmo would have done everything he could to alert someone.

Andy could see the panic rising in his brother's eyes, and decided to take control of the situation. "Don't worry, Pete. They can't have gone far. Camden knows better than to go anywhere without telling us."

Peter wished he felt the same confidence in Neal's ability to stay where he was supposed to, but he didn't. "Well, Neal has a tendency to wander off sometimes," Peter admitted to his brother.

"Peter, they're still in the house somewhere, because the alarm didn't go off. We had one installed last year, because Evan sometimes does this sleepwalking thing. Last year he actually unlocked the door and walked out into the snow. Luckily, our neighbor was getting home from a late shift and found him walking down the road. We put the security system in the next day."

Peter looked relieved at his brother's words. "Where could they be in the house, though? I looked almost everywhere before I woke you up."

Peter was surprised to see the smile that came over his brother's face. "I know where they are," Andy said as he led Peter down the hall. Peter was even more surprised when his brother stopped in front of a small closet underneath the staircase and opened the door to reveal two little boys sound asleep on an air mattress.

"After Cam read the first Harry Potter book, he asked if he could turn this closet into a "cupboard under the stairs" like the one Harry lives in. Jackie didn't want to squash the boy's imagination, so we cleaned it out and turned it over to him for a playroom."

Peter's knees felt weak with his relief and he was slightly embarrassed at the panic that had filled him. Neal was sound asleep on the right side of the air mattress, his curly locks falling over his eyes. It looked like the boy was due for a haircut. Peter marveled at the innocent look on Neal's face. He looked so peaceful laying there with his arm wrapped around Satchmo's neck. Satchmo looked up at Peter with a goofy dog smile on his face. He looked as if he had no intention of ever leaving Neal's side and Peter felt a rush of gratitude for his dog.

"What do you say we let them sleep a while longer before we wake them up?" Andy said. "I don't know about you, but I could use a couple more hours of sleep."

Andy headed back to the blanket fort and crawled back inside, but Peter chose to head up to the room he was sharing with Elizabeth. He felt at peace knowing that Satchmo was with Neal, as he crawled into bed next to his wife. Minutes later, he was sound asleep.

Author's note: I bet you all thought I was going to have Neal go missing again, didn't you? Nope, I just wanted to jar Peter a little bit, lol. I don't know about you guys, but I love it when he gets all worried and protective of Neal.

What did you all think of the aftermath of the "Neal walking in on Peter and Elizabeth" scene? Poor Elizabeth had to do some smooth talking, didn't she? I thought she handled it pretty well.

I'm also wondering what you all think of the extended Burke family. Adding non-canon characters to a story can be a little tricky, but I usually don't mind them if they're done right. I hope you all don't mind mine too much. I just always think it's fun to explore the backgrounds of these characters that we love so much.

Thanks so much for sticking with me on this story. You all make writing so much fun and I wish I could write every day.