Past, catching up, pt. 1
.
.
.
.
Earlier, an hour before the press conference
Silently, Audrey watched him put the gun back into the shoulder holster that he wore. He hadn't said a word, ever since telling her that he would eventually need to call Kim.
He had simply put on his jacket again to hide the gun, the small spot of blood in the crook of his arm and the dirty white shirt underneath. Drowned in thoughts he held the door open and waited for Audrey to come over.
She took his bag with her, stealthily glancing at him. Had he decided already? That he'd go back and just sign the treaty, whatever to come?
Somehow she didn't have the guts to ask him that right now, as his hand briefly touched the small of her back, leading her outside of the building.
Harry waited for them.
The two men exchanged silent glances, and then all three of them started walking back to the main house.
Jack was glad that Harry was here. Out on the front he could see some reporters waiting for a story. If they'd see him and Audrey… bad. But all three … unsuspicious.
„The ultimatum is not yet expired", Harry remarked silently, as he saw Jack's worried glance at the reporters, „They don't know anything yet of what's about to come." As he said it, he wasn't so sure if he referred to the publication of that video or to Jack's possible resignation.
Jack looked at his wristwatch as they entered the building. Twenty minutes left to decide. He had already bought time, by scheduling a press conference at 11, which the one who was behind this blackmailing must have taken as giving in to the threat.
The place here was crowded with people, all over.
He was glad that he was almost sober again, to shake hands and to keep up the nice smile and smalltalk that was expected of him.
Ms. Montgomery, one of the many assistants already awaited them. Harry tried to block her off, but she wouldn't let him - halting all three of them.
Mr. President - the Chinese President Xin Yapeng demands to speak to you.
She was taken aback by Jack's reaction - not asking her where or when, but only „Why?"
„He… wouldn't say.", she stammered as an answer. „He is waiting in room 7 over there."
That wasn't even ten yards away.
He was there.
There was only one reason why he was here now, twenty minutes before that ultimatum would end: they had received the video, too. To force pressure on him from all sides.
Harry somehow shooed the assistant away again while Jack and Audrey still stood there, exchanging worried glances.
She could see it in his eyes that he didn't want to go in there. He wanted to run - far away from all the painful memories of the past and from the insults that would be bound to this getting public.
You have to go in there, she silently said to him.
I know, he murmured, slightly shaking his head, but I don't wanna go in there.
She knew exactly how he felt. They were back to where they had been, an hour ago. But only this time, he was quite sober and the reality was even worse: because that deadline was another hour closer and the decision still not made. Now even the Chinese had seen what was going on inside this administration.
You have to, she pleaded, again, I beg you.
She reached out and grabbed his hand. Right now, she couldn't have cared less if somebody around here would see it. I know it hurts. I know how you feel, when your past is being dragged out into the light and you're being judged by everyone who shouldn't even have a say in this…
He sighed and looked over to the door of room 7.
Audrey felt his fingers close round hers, taking her hand into a firm grasp. He looked around, took his keycard and opened up an unoccupied room on their right. Harry was still talking to the others to calm the uproar upon the sudden unplanned appearance of the Chinese head of state as Jack tore Audrey into the room, locking the door from the inside.
She stood, her back against the wall, watching him tear his hair.
„Do you really want this?", he asked her. Now they could talk.
„Yes, I do.", she answered. Loud and clear.
He came over to her, slightly shaking his head. „You don't even know what this means, Audrey."
„I do", she spat back, seeing him get angry.
He leant his hands against the wall, framing her head on both sides, almost intimidatingly. „No, YOU DON'T! The press will come to you, too. They will rip everything apart. They will ask you things that I won't ever want anyone to ask you." He desperately wanted her to understand what was going to happen but finally told himself to calm down.
They will doubt if you really never said a word to the Chinese, dragging you into the dirt for saying something. They will ask you why you didn't speak to them but let them do this all to me, dragging you into the dirt for saying nothing, he spoke under his breath, coming closer to her every other second. They will hold you and me responsible for things that we had no control over. He needed her to understand what was really about to come.
„It's not going to be easy and it won't be over in two weeks time. This will stay with you and me for the rest of our lives."
She had nothing to say in return.
Audrey only stood there and looked into his eyes in this barely lighted room.
„But what's the alternative to it?", she finally, silently asked him back.
He lowered his head. „Packing it all in, resign, leave."
„That's not an alternative.", she remarked.
He slightly shook his head and pushed himself away from the wall, turning around, walking over to the other side of the room. „To me, it is.", he said while walking.
„I don't believe you.", she answered, watching his back. „This country is at stake. You won't ever leave now, I know you."
Right, you know me, Jack hissed, while he looked at the world map on the wall in front of him, the speaker's lectern on the podium and the giant star spangled banner that hung from the ceiling. You know me…, he repeated, hissing it again. There was so much anger and hate inside him that he had always tried to kill and to silence.
Out of a sudden, he turned around again, „YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME!", he shouted. „Tell me, for how long have you known me, Audrey, huh? HOW LONG? A month altogether, over the course of the past ten years!? Now you wanna decide over my life and tell yourself you know how I think?" He couldn't hold this back.
„I've known you long enough, Jack!", she shouted back and started walking towards him. „I remember everything as if it were yesterday!", referring to the time that they had spent together.
She stopped in the middle of the room.
Silently for a moment they looked into each other's eyes. „This was ten years ago.", he breathed. „And in-between were the ten worst years of my life."
„I know that, Jack.", she silently answered him. „I was there, too."
She watched him standing up there, between the banner and the rostrum, in a mood between crying and exploding of anger.
„I saw it all", she murmured, „every no that you spat back at them. Every hit that you took… for this country. You won't leave now. This is who you are."
He took a deep breath. „Do you really wanna see who I am?", he provoked her, waiting for her reaction. As she didn't answer anything, he stormed back to the banner, grabbed it by it's edge and ripped it off the wall in one jolt.
She stood there, watching his back, saying nothing, hoping that he'd finally come to reason again. The star spangled banner lay at his feet.
Out of breath, Jack stood there, watching what he had done. If they hadn't been in here, he would have set it on fire just to show her in what mood he was.
„I gave up too much for this country already.", he began. „I let people down who I should have protected instead of this country. I ruined my own life and so many others'."
„You didn't ruin your life.", she derogatorily answered, „Look at yourself in the mirror. You're free, you're safe and you're the head of this state now, got money, Secret Service protecting you…"
The longer she spoke, the more he shook his head „But that doesn't change any more what already happened before I got here, Audrey."
He let go of the fabric and turned away from it, back to her. „I'm going to tell Xin that he shouldn't worry. I'm going to resign and whoever follows will sign the treaty or discuss it again."
„Parker won't sign the treaty."
He didn't even react or look at her as she said that. Jack stepped down from the rostrum and went past her, to the door.
„Is this about Agent Walker?", Audrey called after him.
He stopped. Turned around.
„Don't you…" dare call out here name, he wanted to say. „You really think you're gonna hold me back by reminding me of one more thing this country took from me?"
„No." She shook her head. „But I know you killed her. Harry told me everything about that day… that you shot her. And it wasn't this country that took her away from you."
Jack felt his hear sink. He stared at Audrey, anger boiling inside him. But anger at who? Harry for telling her? At Petrovsky for making him do what he had done?
Audrey went a few steps towards him. But as she saw the sad look in his eyes, she stopped again.
„You really think this is about Renee?", Jack asked her, silently.
Maybe, she silently breathed.
He shook his head. „This is about you and me, Audrey.", looking into her eyes, „And I don't want to repeat the mistakes that I made in the past… all the times I put the lives of my family second to the country."
Hesitatingly she went another step towards him, unable to say one word.
He looked into her eyes, silently, as she stopped a few feet in front of him.
Jack…, she silently began speaking, but she didn't know what to say. This outburst of anger that he had had- she suddenly realized it had only been anger towards himself.
She wished to say something like you didn't do anything wrong, to him, but she knew that saying it would be a big lie and would make nothing better.
The closer the moment came when he would have to make that decision, the more it all overwhelmed him, just like today morning. „I don't want to do this.", he whispered, „I won't sell our lives out for the greater good."
Hesitatingly she approached him, unsure if he would freak out once more or stay calm. She framed his face with her both hands. „What if I want you to do it?"
„You don't even know the consequences of this, Audrey. You don't know how it feels to be on a never-ending guilt trip."
„You think I don't?", she grabbed him harder, looking into his eyes, „I do." Right in front of her stood the man whom she had watched getting tortured over weeks and months, „I could have ended all your suffering at once, but I didn't."
„That's not comparable to…", he started, but she interrupted him-
„I know exactly how a never-ending guilt trip feels like, Jack.", she hissed, „and you're gonna have one if this treaty fails and a war starts. You won't enjoy your life any longer then."
He remained silent. One way or they other, he'd be on a guilt trip, they both knew.
She cupped his cheek with her hand, forcing him to look into her eyes. „Whatever comes, Jack… I forgive you in advance for tearing me into it.", she told him. „And for anything else that ever happened and you hold yourself responsible for."
He closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against hers. She had made it impossible to say ‚no' now.
Audrey still knew that he wanted to say no, resign and leave this all behind.
She grabbed his hand, holding it tight. „You're not alone in this, when you go out there. We were in this together, all these years… and no matter if the public knows about it or not" she forced him to look into her eyes, „this is who we are."
He knew she was right.
And she knew he'd do the right thing.
.
.
.
All my dear reviewers, yes you were right - that thing really resolved to quickly and was in need for some closure -
And I promise, there will be an Epilogue... some day.