Ricky POV
A week ago Ruben stops by the apartment and brought me the video tape of Bob abusing Amy. After I put my children down, I went to the living room and put the video in. At first it was not bad, but then it started getting worst and worst and all I could do was cry. I was hurting for her and myself. I couldn't help to think about my own childhood.
Flashback
"Ricky are you ready for your lesson"
"No please dad, don't" I said crying
"Why the hell you crying, boys don't cry" and he slap me a cross my face and I started bleeding from my lips
"Let me show you how to be a man" and he started taking his clothes off
End of Flashback
That night I cry myself to sleep. I was woken up by Valerie because she need it a diaper change, after I change her I check on John too. When they went back to sleep I went to my room and I notice Amy journals. I decide to read them because I wanted to know how she became this beautiful person. I started from the first one she wrote when she was 6 ½ years old. That when her adopted mom started getting sick and knew that she was going to die. After reading the first one I fell asleep.
Days pass by and I did the same thing everyday, I took care of my children and read Amy journals. Time to time I would check in with my parents, the Juergens, the Bowman, Dr. Field, Mr. Boykewich and Ruben. They always make me give them updated on how I am doing and the kids. And they would stop by sometimes.
Today John and Valerie turn a month. I can't believe it being a month since Amy death. I miss her so much and the kids too. It being hard and I being a mess but I am glad is summer and I am going to do everything I can to make sure my kids are alright and I survive this pain. I am still reading Amy journals and sometimes I read them to John and Valerie so they could know the kind of mother they had. The first few were really innocent, but then I got to when she was 9 years old. That when she got lost for four months and her foster parents didn't report it, she was in the street and she witness so much stuff, but the worst was seeing somebody die right in front of your eyes. OMG Amy how you survive and I started crying. God how could you let that happen to an innocent child, we didn't deserved that. I would protect my kids no matter what and I would never let them feel the pain Amy and I felt growing up. The night was ruff, I was frustrated and angry and John and Valerie notice and they couldn't stop crying. I decide that I had to see Dr. Field because I can't continue being this angry. In the morning I took John and Valerie to my parent house and then drove to Dr. Field office.
"Good morning Ricky. How you doing and how are the kids?" Dr. Field said
"Valerie and John are fine, getting really big, God bless them" I said with a smile on my face
"I could imagine, just wait until they get older, you would have more fun with them"
"I can't wait or at least until they sleep through the night"
"What being bothering you, I know it hard because of Amy death but this seem different seen I saw you last week"
"Ok since Ruben gave me the video of Bob abusing Amy, I am having nightmares. And one night I couldn't sleep and I came across Amy journals and I started reading them. At first they were really innocent and I even read to John and Valerie, but then I reach when she was nine years old and she was lost and she saw all those things and she use to live in the streets and so on." I said crying
"I know Ricky, it hard and I can't believe it either."
"I miss her so much, I get so angry every time I think about how this life took her from me and reading all this things doesn't help me. And john and Valerie had notice that I am angry and I am trying. I am really trying because I know I have to survive this for my kids, but I don't know how too. I don't know how I am going to live the rest of my life without her. I swear if it wasn't because of those kids I would have joined her." I said crying hysterical now.
"Please don't say that, don't give up, and never said you want to take your life ok. I can't even imagine how much it hurt but she wouldn't like you to give up in life. If Amy could hear you now, she would climb out her grave and slap you. So don't ever let me hear you said that again. I know you guys went through a lot so young and it not fair. But Ricky you need to learn how to move on, for your safety and your kids. You could get sick and those kids need you now more then ever. Look even after all Amy went through she was still a happy person. She lives her life and wants more. Learn from that, just held on to the good memories you have of her. You would survive this I promise and you would see that in time it would hurt less"
"I am scare that I would not make it, that I will be a bad father. That something might happen to my kids because I was too angry to realize that it ok to let go. I am scare to live my life and feel like I let her down, like I forgot about her. I can't let go of her, I can't."
"I know what you mean. You don't have to let her go by moving on. You just acknowledging what happen and learning how to live with it. You would never let her down because you doing all she wants you to do is loves those kids. So trust me no matter where she at, she watching over you guys."
"Thank you, I really need it to hear that" I said wiping the tears out my face
We continue talking for two more hours. He told me to continue reading her journals and after I read it them to take a deep breath and let it go. What happened in the past should stay in the past and theirs is no reason to dwell on it. After I left I went to the cemetery to say hi to Amy. I spend another hour talking to her and crying. When I was ready I pass by my parent's house to pick up John and Valerie.
It being two weeks and everyday I continue reading to John and Valerie about Amy. I am not as angry as I was a couple of weeks ago. But it still hurt not to see her, hug her or kiss her. Anyway the more nice things we read about her the more calm we all get.
Amy Journal
Today is July 24 and it the first day at band camp. After we settle in, my roommate and I went down to the lake where everyone was hanging out. While we were grabbing drinks, I felt someone staring at me. I look around to see who it was, when I came eye to eye with this gorgeous guy. I couldn't move. We just stared at each other for like it felt like a lifetime. It was like we were the only one in this world. I just wanted to grab him and hug him and never let go. His heart was calling me and I knew that I was safe with him. I know he is my soul mate and we were destined to be together now and forever. Then somebody bump into me and when I look back he was gone.
End of Journal
"I remember the day. Actually today is July 24 guys. What a coincided that today is the day that I met your mother, the day I knew we were destined to be together" I said laughing and looking at John and Valerie smirking at me.
Flashback
I just saw the most beautiful angel I ever seeing. Is like she drop out of heaven. I couldn't stop staring at her. My heart was aching for her and I knew I love her already. If it is the last thing I do in this world is protect her and make her happy. She my soul mate and I know we are destined to be together now and forever. Then someone bump into her and I took the opportunity to get closer to her, my body move itself toward her.
"Hi beautiful" I said and she turn around surprise and blush
"Hi and you don't look bad yourself" she said flirty and I blush
"This is going to sound weird but I feel like I know you"
"It kind of weird, but the feeling is mutual. It like we were destined to meet"
"That exactly how I feel. That they is an energy bigger than us pushing us together and all I want to do is grab you in my arms and protect you and make you happy" I said surprising myself on how open I was with her.
"Is like we are soul mate" she said kind of shyly
"Yes we are"
"Do you think is true, because who talks like this and we haven't even introduced ourselves"
"I am Ricky Underwood and I don't know if it is true or not, all I know is that my heart is calling you"
"I am Amy Weathers and my heart is calling for you too. And don't worried we could figure this out together" she said laughing and all I wanted to do was kiss her.
"You right let just enjoy ourselves here and get to know each other"
"Hey this could be the start of something big" she said and I grab her hand and we walk away talking about our lives.
End of Flashback
"Oh guys, the day was amazing. I never felt that way before until I saw her. Funny, how she also felt the same way too. For the first time, I knew that I didn't want sex from her. I wanted her for the rest of my life." I said and then Valerie and John started to laugh.
"Why are you guys laughing at daddy? I know it crazy and if someone hears our story they won't believe that we love each other before we met. But don't worried one day you guys would find your soul mate and you would understand what I am talking about" I said and I kiss them goodnight and I went to sleep thinking about my Amy.
Today is August 04 and it was the first night that I made love to her.
Flashback
I just had finish telling Amy all the things I went through in my life and how I use to sleep around. After everything I told her she still kiss me. I knew that she wasn't judging me because we had similar past, but I though she would push me away because of all the girls I slept with and I had a girlfriend back home. But she didn't, she kissed me and from there it let to a more passionate kiss. We kept kissing and then she took my shirt off.
"Amy we don't have to do this" surprising myself when I said that. I am not going to lie I was scare. I knew I love her but I had never being with someone that I love and I was self conscious about it.
"Ricky we go home tomorrow and I might not see you for the rest of my life. You think I would let this opportunity pass. I want to make love to you tonight; you don't know what tomorrow might bring"
I kiss her more passionately and laid her in my bed. I took her shirt and her bra off. I started kissing her neck to her chest, to her breast and down her stomach to her belly button, to her jeans. When I reach her jeans I took them off and then I took off her panties. When I reach her feet with her underwear I started to kiss her feet going up her leg and her thighs. She kept staring at me with those beautiful hazel eyes with so much love and I went up to her mouth and kiss her more passionately. I then took my pants and my underwear off and she stared at me up and down with so much lust. I went to kiss her again all I wanted to do was taste her. I want all of her. She kept moaning every time I kiss her and ran my finger through her body. Then I enter her nicely and slowly. I didn't want to hurt her, she jump a little but then pull me closer to her and moan in my ear and stuck her finger nails in my back. That night every pain, hurt and sadness we ever felt was erase. It was just the two of us and no one was going to change that. I made love to her for the first time in my life and I knew that this was the beginning of something big, just like she said when we first met.
End of Flashback
Oh Amy I miss you so much. I can't believe you are gone. It only being two in half months and I am crying myself to sleep every night. It was just yesterday that you were in my arms. But I have to be strong and live without you for the sake of our kids. I love you so much and when the time is right I know in my heart that we will be together because our love goes beyond this life. I fell asleep and kept dreaming about Amy.