Lieutenant Appreciation Day

In the beginning of January we always have Lieutenant Appreciation Day at the Seireitei. It seems an odd time to me, like they should have it further away from Christmas, but they never consult me about such things. All of the captains do a little something different. Some buy gifts, others take their lieutenant out for dinner or lunch, others…have different ideas. Now, technically I give Kira gifts, but why makes them something he really wants when instead I can have fun? I like the day to be an experience. He knows this, and dreads the day whenever it approaches.

Today is Lieutenant's Appreciation Day. I've decided to do something a little different this year, and I'm pretty sure it's going to knock his socks off.

When Kira first got into the office, he walked cautiously, checking all corners before making it to his desk and gently sitting into his seat. He opened his drawer to pull out his pen very slowly, probably because one year I stuff an inflatable clown in there. During that year, as soon as he opened the drawer the clown started inflating rapidly, practically knocking him back. Once it was fully inflated he could see the true majestic form I had picked for him. It was truly the creepiest clown I've ever seen, and I find clowns moderately creepy just on their own. It was massive and towered over him all day. At the end of day, surely when he expected to escape it, I casually asked him "you're taking it home, right?" He gulped and nodded, wrapping his arms around the hideous beastly clown and lugging it home, where I'm sure he promptly offed it with his zanpakuto and buried it in the garden, hopefully under a cross so that it didn't resurrect.

Nothing happened with the drawer this year.

I saw him eyeballing the ceiling. I imagine he's remembering the time when he accidentally mentioned to me that he was sad that we hadn't had a white Christmas. For that appreciation day I had wired the ceiling to shoot foam out all day. White foam = snow. Get it? Of course it was a lot of foam, a whole lot of foam. Like maybe 6 feet of foam (the wall of foam was taller than him at least). Also, I made him clean it up. That part was probably mean, but the look on his face when I handed him the mop was worth it.

I didn't do anything to the ceiling this year.

He eyeballed his drink, ill at ease. He sniffed at it and then put it down. That was probably because of the time I accidentally poisoned his tea. I really do mean accidentally, but I've never managed to convince him it wasn't on purpose. I had bought him a collection of exotic teas, had picked one at random, and made it for him to be ready and waiting when he got in, as a nice surprise. Turns out he was allergic to it. That wasn't my fault, the poor dear it allergic to half the things in my cupboard and I don't keep well enough track of it all. After he went to anaphylactic shock and I rushed him to squad four, I just knew he was going to think I did it on purpose. Please, if I was going to poison him…again…it would be something fun. He knows that. I want something that makes him rave like a lunatic, not cause his throat to close up.

I hadn't done anything to his tea this year (or last time either!)

I noticed that he kept watching the door like a hawk. He was jumping at every footstep that went past. He was most likely recalling when I sent him a dancer. You know, the type that looks like a normal shinigami and then they start taking their clothing off and dancing around? I thought it would be amusing, but I wasn't prepared for the expression on Kira's face. I thought he was going anaphylactic again. I did get a lovely picture of him with the dancer lounging on him mostly naked (the dancer, not Kira, although I would have taken a picture either way), his face absolutely mortified. I keep it on my desk, where he has to see it whenever he puts papers on my desk.

But I hadn't ordered anyone to show up on the door this year.

I waited until after lunch, and then I waited until right before he was off of work, before I gave him my present. He was jumpy by the point, nervously looking at every shadow that approached him with suspicion. He looked up and watched my approach like he was watching his doom come for him. I had a large box in my hand and a wide grin on my face. He paled.

"I have something for you, Izuru," I said to him. "Happy Lieutenant's Appreciation Day!"

"You…don't really have to…I'm feeling sick I think I'm going to go home now…we can…wait…" he blurted out various excuses. I ignored them all, like he knew I would.

I put the box on his desk. "Open it," I told him. "But, carefully."

He swallowed and then nodded, steeling himself to open the box. His hands trembled as he flipped open the lid.

He blinked in surprise.

"What…" he said.

"It's a bunny!" I said happily, pulling the little guy out. He was pure white and fluffy, with long floppy ears. "Isn't he adorable?"

"A…bunny?" Kira asked.

"Well, I asked around and found out that you wanted a pet but didn't want to ask me for permission to have it in your quarters. I thought a bunny would be good because sometimes you remind me of a very sad rabbit," I explained.

"Oh," he said. He looked at the bunny, his expression softening. I handed him over to Kira.

"See, he likes you," I said. I had purposely gotten a very laid back seeming bunny. While the others in his pen had been hoping away he had been sleeping in the corner. I figured someone as jumpy as Kira would want a mellow pet. "I have a pen for him too, but he's housetrained."

"I…," Kira actually sounded choked up. "Thank you," he got out.

"You can leave a little early today," I told him, erasing any doubts he might have of me still pulling something on him before he left.

It was fun enough to just watch him freak out all day, and I didn't even need to do anything. Besides, that kid needs something to cuddle now and then.

Ulquiorra: That was…surprisingly nice of him.

Orihime: Can I have a bunny, please?

Ulquiorra: I can perhaps get you one of Szayel's lab rats.

Orihime: Er, no thanks. I already tried that and my mouse got away. I see him at night sometimes because he glows in the dark.

Ulquiorra: Szayel gave you a mouse? Perhaps we should take you to the healers and have you inspected. You don't glow in the dark now too, do you?

Orihime: Only sometimes.

A/N: They've really made glow in the dark rats and mice in a lab experiment. Who knows why? Maybe Szayel was behind the wheel.