Chapter Thirty five
"And even as the time for me to leave come
I can face it with a smile
It is so good that I found you"
~ (天狼を抱く夜空となりて)
It was spring again and Rurihime felt that this would be the best spring that she ever had. Unlike before, everything was well and she was certain that things would continue to be well.
The war has ended and Hiraizumi was safe. With the aid of the ryuujin was well as Hinoe- who announced his real identity, there was a true peace agreement. Even though many still complained about it, the truth was that this was a very good treaty.
It will last and the war will finally end. Even if there was another war, it would not involve them.
Spring was here and then it would be summer. She would place lotuses in her room again as they had been the reminder of how a miracle could happen. Even though everything was now peaceful, she still planned to do so because the lotus had become very beautiful to her due to what it represented.
She was very happy and it was also because she finally had the proof that her husband loved her.
When he had returned, she immediately ran to him and the state of his wounds then made her even more worried. Even though the others quickly assured her that there was no need for her to worry anymore, she was still unable to remain calm.
Everything…the worry and the fear all poured out. As she embraced him tightly, she began to cry.
"What is it that upsets you now?" Yasuhira asked although he did not push her away, and this was actually a sigh of how he cared for her. However, she had been greedy.
"…you are safe, you are safe." She whispered over and over. "I am so glad! I have been so afraid today…"
She was sure that she would never forget what her husband. To most people, this was probably something that they regarded as more then normal. But for her, it was almost impossible.
She felt his arms being placed on her back and one hand was actually rubbing her back. He was not gentle, because he did not know how to do so, but this mere action was a sign. (1)
"There is no need to cry." He said, and his voice was not hard at all.
Later on, she heard about what had happened in regard to Tamako. She could not deny that she would miss the other woman, but she was very glad that the other was finally reunited with the husband that she loved so much.
Kunihira himself actually admitted that this might be better and he announced that he would finally begin to live his own life. This did involve him divorcing Tamako and making Iwako the proper seishitsu. Which was just as well, as she gave birth to a son.
Saku remained in Hiraizumi but the other said that she was starting to slowly understand her brother. The same went with Kurou and Nozomi.
Kurou decided to remain here as well and it seemed that many of his companions would do so. Hinoe was an exception as he was going back to Kumano although he promised to visit now and then. Masaomi and Atsumori both expressed a desire of going to where the rest of the Heike were but they differed from Hinoe by wishing to stay in Hiraizumi a bit longer.
Speaking of the priestess and the others, Rurihime sighed, as this was enough to affect her mood. She had little dealings with the others as she used to excuse of helping Iwako with her pregnancy. However, this was a lie.
She was too ashamed. In addition to her shame, she did not wish to repent as she knew that she would do the same thing again if she needed to.
The other two was still polite and possibly even friendly to her, but the gap was there. It was not just what she has done, but what Yasuhira has done as well. He was her husband and she had supported him fully: she still did.
It was easier with Saku as Saku was not close to Shirogane, nor had she been there at that moment. Most importantly, Saku was not from a completely different world.
However, this did not matter that much. The main thing was that Hiraizumi was safe. Her husband and child would be the ruler of this place.
She thought of her mother and she decided that she was very lucky: because her husband had survived.
Her parents had arranged this marriage as they wished for her safety back then. If she had the knowledge of Yasuhira that she now has, she would have spoke against the marriage as he was so different from her. What he regarded as a waste of time might be the basic necessity to her.
Yet she has not regret of her marriage. She was in love with this man and was happy being his wife. All that she wanted was to be by his side.
As for him…she knew that he cared for her. She was special to him.
That was enough.
The lotus was not blooming yet but there were a variety of other flowers. They were different from the flowers in her parents' home that had been looked after most carefully in order for them to bloom in abundance, but she felt that these wild flowers had their own beauty.
Kneeling down, she began to gather them.
"…oneechan."
A little girl was nearby with a bunch of flowers and upon seeing Rurihime, she rushed to her side and tugged her sleeves.
"This is such a pretty kimono." She child was clearly very young by not realising that only one person would dress like this, as well as having such a long hair. "Are you a princess?"
Rurihime answered her with a friendly smile. She was like many women who wish to have a daughter that she could dress up. Therefore, she allowed the young girl to wear her outer most kimono and was immediately glad at having done so upon seeing how overjoyed the child was.
"Oneechan, you are such a nice person. In return for letting me wear the pretty kimono, I will give the pretty flowers to you." The little girl said. "I will plait them into your hair for you. Wouldn't they be very pretty?"
The days were peaceful and that was probably why his mind was actually quite idle. At the very least, that would be Yasuhira's excuse in regard to why he was suddenly thinking of his marriage in such an uncharacteristic manner.
He had been sixteen when he learnt of his marriage and he accepted it without any hesitation as it was a good marriage. It gave them connection and this was even like an acknowledgement of their power.
As for the bride herself…there was nothing really wrong with her. Besides, she was going back to Kyo. Initially, he has been a bit alarmed at seeing his future wife as someone a bit hysterical and demanding, although this seemed to be only at the first day.
Much to his surprise, she was actually the very opposite. Despite the unwelcoming environment, she was not daunted. He had never been friendly to her but she continued to seek his company. In time, he actually slowly adjusted to it. It was mainly because she did not annoy him, and there were times when her questions were actually quite perspective.
The only time that he had been seriously irritated due to her was when she went to stay in the temple after the birth of their son. Not only did this look bad for him, he even had to go and reason wit her.
Perhaps his sister-in-law, rather, the woman who had been his sister-in-law, was right in what she said. Rurihime was someone who was beside him and said the things that he wished to hear. At the very least, she understood him.
Not that he needed to be understood, he quickly added in his head, but it was better to have one less person accusing and condemning him.
She was not the ideal wife, but then he did not have such a thing. However, he felt that she was a suitable wife. It would be useful if she was very capable, but that was not the main thing. What he really wished was one who would accept him. The truth is that someone who did not would not be able to stay beside him.
They would either go away themselves, or he would end up driving them away. He was not patient enough to hear conversions. (2)
One the very first night they spent together, she had asked him about love. He had laughed at her, but this was actually something important, because it seemed that his wife must love him in order to be of assistance to him.
A capable but reasonable woman might easily decide against helping him. Rurihime, however, was of more use to him as she loved him enough to do all these things.
He doubts that his actions could easily be accepted by those who loved Hiraizumi. It could only be accepted by one who loved him. It has been like that and it would probably continue being like that.
It was useful for him to have a wife that loved him, but not all those who loved their husband would be useful to him. If it has been someone then the result would probably be quite different.
Perhaps it was better to say that Rurihime loved him the way that was most convenient to him.
He thought that way as that was how he had thought all of his life. After all, it was not possible for him to think in a different way when he did not understand it.
His son would be a very interesting child…
Then he saw her…his wife.
She was waving to a little girl and it was obviously someone not smart enough to recognise her identity. After all, the people here would not dare to behave in such an intimate fashion with his wife. She usually would not regard this as proper so what she was doing now was a bit surprising.
However, this event was ending so it did not matter. There was no need for him to go and stop it.
When the little girl left, his wife turned around as that was where the road was. At this, he saw that her hair was actually decorated with a variety of flowers. In addition, she was holding some flowers in her hand.
"Yasuhira-dono, are you patrolling the area?" She asked and she suddenly smiled. "Aren't these flowers pretty?"
She was said to be beautiful and as a result, many called her a doll in scorn. After all, in addition to her appearance, she was always dressed in extremely fine and elaborate clothing. As a result, there was a rather surreal quality to her appearance.
But then, she was born from a woman whose beauty lead her to her death as a man saw it as a toy that he wanted to play with, as well as the descendent from a woman who used her beauty to rise to an extremely high position.
To Yasuhira, one's appearance had always been something that he regarded as trivial. It did not matter as it was not important in anyway.
However, if he was forced to make a judgement then he would say that it was not bad.
Not bad…this reluctant admission was actually his highest compliment.
"Are you a peasant girl?" these were the words that always come out. "But the wild flowers…Shirogane once said something about it."
"What did he say, Yasuhira-dono?"
"Why would I remember something so foolish?" he retorted.
Yet he did remember.
"To me…miko-sama is more like the wild flower then the warrior like figure in the stories." Shirogane had said.
No, that was not true. The other had been looked after too well. She was a flower that was carefully cultivated.
His wife, however, was different. A cultivated flower that survived in the wilderness. Perhaps it was time for him to actually look after it.
Although this just refer to the very basic care.
"…I am going to go and visit some temples as I need to talk to some of the monks about what has happened." Yasuhira began when it was clear that one of them needed to say something, or he would need to ride away. "Even though it is not necessary for you to be there, it might not be bad if you are there."
Was this an invitation? Rurihime was not certain. However, it was an opportunity she was grateful for.
"If Yasuhira would allow me." She said as she stretched her hand to her husband, who had talked to her without getting down from his horse.
"What are you doing?" Yasuhira asked dryly, referring to her hand, which he looked at, but did not take.
"That was what Yasuhira-dono did before."
That was true, but he ignored the issue as he did not want to create questions that he did not want to think about.
He actually dismounted. (3)
"…Yasuhira-dono?" Rurihime was so shocked that she almost dropped the flowers in her hands. "What are you doing?"
"Are your eyes mere decorations?" he muttered. "What does it look like I am doing?"
He was just going to take her hand when he suddenly felt him being pushed down.
"What are you…" he began angrily, but suddenly stopped.
He has been forced into lying on the ground while she was on top of him, her arms preventing her from crashing onto him. Her long hair was spread around, covering the grass.
However, there was a third colour beside the green grass and her long black hair.
A red that he truly thought that he would not see again.
"Forgive me, Rurihime-sama. I did not mean to strike you."
She was bleeding…the blood came from her chest…her heart.
Sitting up, he tore his cloak off and placed it into her hands before he pressed her hand and his cloak against the wound. Once that was done- which only took a few seconds, he pulled out his sword to confront the enemy.
"You!"
It was not a stranger- it was the very opposite. The man whose bloody katana just ran through his wife was one of his father's most trusted servants. He had been a face that Yasuhira was familiar with since a child.
"Do you know what you are doing?" Yasuhira began, his sword barely preventing the other katana from stabbing him.
"I am delivering the punishment that you will not escape from, although it is much better then what you deserve." The man sneered out. "You are worse then the lowest of all animals, Fujiwara no Yasuhira, as you would kill your own father."
"How did you find that out?" Yasuhira demanded. "How many others know?"
He was not asking these questions because he wished to know, but because this was a way to buy him time. Having bit his finger, he was using the blood to write the remaining runes down.
If it was just he himself, then he would be acceptant of this. After all, it was a deep sin and all sins would be punished. The punishment of death, as the other said, was much better then what he deserved.
Yet he was not alone. He did not understand why, but he knew that he could not let his wife die. Therefore, he would do whatever he had to do in order to end this.
The figure that he had one arm around was very calm as she had not moved at all. However, this was not really a good thing. He had always been a practical man, but he truly felt as if she was slipping away.
"Punishment would come, but you would not be the executioner." He said as he drew the last symbol. Perhaps this man deserves that much. (4)
What had happened had been so fast that Rurihime herself was not certain of what exactly had took place. She was just thinking about how lucky she was to be able to ride beside Yasuhira when she suddenly saw that man.
Like Yasuhira, she knew who he was. However, her instinct informed her that she was not able to trust a woman whom she had known to be trustworthy before. Therefore, she acted before she even comprehended herself.
She pushed Yasuhira down and at the last moment just before she fell, she knew that she was right as the other was drawing out his katana.
The next thing she felt was the blade piercing right into her.
At the very first moment, she felt a deep pain that reminded her of childbirth. However, the pain did not last very long.
The flowers she held were spread around her, mingling with the ones in her hair, or was it the other way around?
There were not the lotus, but they were still beautiful.
Her husband was making her press his cloak against the wound. This finally made her notice how serious the injury must be. The cloak was black, but she could easily see her own blood.
However, it was not painful and her husband was even holding her, her body pressed right against his. Although this might merely be his way of making sure that she was pressing the cloak over the wound, she was not uncomfortable.
He was chanting now, and this was followed by a loud yell. Something must have happened, but she did not wish to know. She did not care.
"Make sure that you press that cloak against your wound." Yasuhira interrupted her as he pressed her hand to emphasise it. "I am going to lift you up."
"Yasuhira-dono's horse is gone." She whispered. This being the first thing she noticed. "Yasuhira-dono, your clothes…"
The front of his cloth was covered in blood.
"Don't talk, save your strength." He ordered. "I will take you to Benkei-dono, who would treat your wounds."
Was it possible? It did not matter, he would concentrate on getting there. His horse had run off due to fright at what had happened, so he would carry her back.
Despite his instruction of not talking, she continued.
"It feels strange like this." She whispered.
"Why did you do this?" he said softly- finding talking loudly too difficult.
"Does Yasuhira-dono still not know? I love you, I want to do something for you." At this, she smiled. "I finally did something for you."
"I do not need you to." Even now, he could not say the truth.
I do not want you to.
"I know that," she said with her smile being slightly sad. "Yasuhira-dono does not need me to do anything for you, yet I wish to do something for you. If I could help you to do something…anything, then I would be happy. Yet apart from this one act, I have never done anything that you are not able to do yourself."
He was not walking as fast as he could, but why did it seem as if he was making no progress at all?
"I am so glad that I came here." Rurihime whispered, and her voice was barely audible. I am really glad that I am Yasuhira-dono's wife."
"There is something that you can actually do for me." He suddenly said, finding each step much harder. After all, each step signified time passing. "Stay alive."
It was foolish for him to say this as he knew the truth. Yet perhaps…perhaps it could happen. After all, did not she do what may be regarded as impossible?
She suddenly reached out to touch his face, and despite how cold her hand should be, the touch was rather warm.
"I was foolish by wanting Yasuhira-dono to cry for me." She whispered. "Yet that single tear is more precious then anything."
A single tear had fall and it landed onto her outstretched hand.
"I…am…crying?" he whispered in disbelieve.
It was only a single tear, yet it was a single tear shed by him.
"I love you…Yasuhira-dono." As she said this, she closed her eyes.
"Rurihime…Rurihime!" all of a sudden, he was able to yell again and he was even shaking the body in his arms.
However, she continued to smile with her eyes closed.
"…I am sorry, Rurihime." He whispered. He, who almost never apologised to anyone, actually said this to someone who would never hear it.
Yet he had to say this.
She was dead because of him, she received the wound that ought to have ended his life.
All of a sudden, the body in his arms was too heavy for him to carry. Therefore, he actually knelt down with her in his arms. He held her against him even though the body was now cold and still.
What he lost…he could never regain. (5)
Rurihime died…he would never see her again.
Only a single tear was shed, but when has he ever cried? Even though he did not shed any more tears, there was a deep pain and numbness that prevented him from doing anything. (6)
Hiraizumi was safe, but she would not be there. This matter which he had never given any thought of was suddenly very important.
He knew himself well enough to be able to say that he would be able to continue everything normally, ye the also knew that he would never be able to forget her.
Yet he would never see her again, he was sure that she would be going to the sacred lands.
He was the last type of men who would think about what ifs, yet he kept on thinking of this: what if he would see her again? What would he actually tell her?
He did not know how long he remained there, but it must have been much longer then what he thought as the sun was beginning to set and the wind was becoming more chilling.
His cloak was still in her hands as she had obeyed his orders very faithfully. With one hand, he shook the cloak out and let it wrap around her body like a shroud.
He must get her back and the maids would cleanse her body for burial. She was always a bit vain so he would grant her indulgence.
His wife truly seemed like a doll now as she would never move again, nor would the smile disappear.
Notes:
(1) Yes, this is basically the most romantic action that is done by Yasuhira. All he did is holding her back and then rubbing her back. But then, given the type of person that Yasuhira is…initially, Yasuhira would actually be rubbing her back gently, but I then realised that this is too out of character, even at this stage.
(2) This really relates to a review that I have seen in regard to YasuhiraxNozomi pairing. That person said that this pairing is not really suitable because Nozomi would never be able to accept what Yasuhria does. In addition, she feels that the type of women that Yasuhira need is one that is able to accept this as well as one that is very capable. By this, she actually means political capable. However, I do not really agree with this, because I feel that Yasuhira would not be the type of man who would wish to rely on his wife. Therefore, I feel that he would never actually have an ideal wife. In addition, I feel that when one loves someone, they would simply be in love. Therefore, Yasuhira could just end up being in love with someone like Rurihime. I feel that Yasuhira would actually never change, so the person with him has to accept this.
(3)One of my 'Yasuhira actually does care for Rurihime' moments. After all, the fact that he actually bothers to notice her appearance and actually thinks that she looks nice. Then, the reason that he dismount is because unlike before, he did not just want to hoist her up, but he wanted to put her on the horse properly
(4) I thought that I would get Yasuhira to kill his enemy this way, partly because I don't think his swordsmanship is that good. However, it seems that his onmyodo skill is quite good. In the game, there is a scene when the PC was going to charge at him and while the others were worrying about her doing so, Yasuhira was really calm. It turned out that the PC is unable to move and he will say didn't Shirogane tell her that he learnt onmyodo when he was younger? I also feel that in the actual game, Yasuhira himself accepted his death as he felt that this was the punishment that he deserves. But in this story, he didn't as he wanted to save Rurihime.
(5) This is not just referring to Rurihime's death, but the fact that he lost someone who actually loved him and even accepted his actions. It is the idea that he would never be able to find such a person again.
(6) Even though I feel that it is possible for Yasuhira to love someone and cry for them, the idea of him weeping (even in a dignified way) still seems a bit too much. Therefore, I feel that he would be the type to only shed a few tears. However, I believe that him not crying is not an indication of him not caring for her at all. I feel that he could still be able to feel a pain. In fact, he react his grief by suddenly stopping doing anything.