Anime Character Humiliation Match ep 36
By Sailor Aries
Disclaimer: We still don't own anything. Of course, Xeria and Babbit are loosely affiliated with Kelly/Arcanum and Sailor Aries, respectively.
And yes, I am well aware of the fact that I'm misspelling all of the Dark General's names. Leave me alone.
It was raining, much as it had been for the last week. Although the stadium was very nice, it was still open-roofed, and thus, the arena became more and more wet as the rain continued to pout down.
"If it keeps up at this rate, we're going to be flooded out of here." Babbit muttered to herself, glancing over to Xeria.
Xeria was watching the TV, which they had brought into the concession stand five days ago when the rain got serious. And they had been there ever since.
"In fact, the arena is starting to look more like a lake than an arena..." Babbit observed.
And there was silence in the concession stand until Xeria's video finished, and she began rewinding it.
"What were you watching?" Babbit asked out of sheer boredom.
"Sore wa himitsu desu!" Xeria chirped happily, but even she was beginning to get fed up with the rain.
Babbit shrugged, and turned back to watch the rain fall. At that point, Xeria quietly disappeared and reappeared, only to dump a cup full of water over Babbit's head.
"Ack!" Babbit exclaimed jumping up, then turning to see Xeria. A snarl grew on her face, and something inside of her seemed to snap.
She threw a nearby thermos of coffee at Xeria while calling down curses upon all Mazoku, and then she began to call curses upon the rain.
Xeria, of course, laughed at Babbit avoiding first the thermos, then anything else that Babbit hurled at her.
When Babbit had run out of things to throw at Xeria, she stopped to catch her breath.
"Oh the rain stopped." Xeria observed. Babbit refused to turn her gaze away from Xeria, but also did not want to take her word for it either. So she simply stood there, glaring at Xeria disbelievingly.
"Well, it couldn't rain for the whole ACHM..." Aries' voice came form the sky, but sounded slightly muffled from inside the concession stand.
"Why's that?" Arcanum's voice, equally muffled, asked curiously.
"It would be a traffic hazard." Aries' voice answered seriously.
"What?" Arcanum sounded surprised.
"You'll see." Aries seemed to shrug.
As the dialogue between the disembodied voices went on, Xeria and Babbit had gone outside cautiously, both levitating to avoid walking through the arena, which had basically become one big mud puddle.
Although it had stopped raining, and the sky had become cloudless and bright, the arena was still sopping wet.
At this point, there was a flash of light, and the stadium was filled with familiar faces.
"Oh, not a Sailor again." Babbit groaned, recognizing the Sailor Moon crew on one side of the stadium.
"It could be worse!" Xeria said happily. She did not specify how it could be worse, but Babbit had the feeling that she was entirely correct.
"Does Utena classify as a magical girl universe?" Babbit mused, looking to the other crowd of people in the stadium. Since, after all, all of the most sickening matches thus far had been the product of when two magical girl universes collided.
"Contestants, enter the ring!" Xeria called. In response, two males entered the ring.
Babbit, interview question in hand, quickly approached one of the two males.
"Ohtori Akio, according to this, you are thought of by some fan girls as a 'sleaze ball', and yet the few that like you are extremely loyal, often going to the level of sending hit men after those who would 'desecrate your name'. What do you have to say in response to this?" She read from the card.
Akio did not answer in words; instead, he seemed to chuckle and smiled charmingly at Babbit, causing a rush of sparkles and roses to mysteriously appear behind him.
Babbit sat and stared at him for a few minutes before concluding that he wasn't going to answer the question. Then, she turned and went back to the announcers table.
Xeria had approached the other contestant.
"Nephlite, Dark General under Queen Beryl. You were the second of the Dark Generals to fight against Sailor Moon. What was your philosophy in fighting the Sailor Senshi?" Xeria asked.
"The stars know everything." Nephlite growled, his voice sounding mysteriously like Piccolo in the earlier parts of Dragonball Z. "So of course they could predict how I could defeat those Sailor brats."
"So then how come you still died?" Xeria asked, gesturing to the halo above his head.
"I did not die to those Sailors! I was killed by Zoicyte in a dirty trick!" Nephlite exclaimed, shooting a dark glare up at the stands.
"Whose gender seems to have become confused somewhere between the sub and the dub, but that's a whole 'nother story." Xeria concluded happily, and also returned to the announcers table.
Never mind the fact that the announcers table was nearly as wet as the arena the contestants were standing in.
"So how are these two going to do fair battle?" Babbit wondered aloud, observing that there were vast differences in the abilities of the two contestants.
"That's easy." Xeria answered with a grin, as a door on the far side of the arena opened to reveal something Babbit had never thought the arena was equipped with: a racing track.
Also near the door, there were two red sports cars.
"Oh no" Babbit groaned. "Please tell me you're kidding."
However, as it turned out, Xeria was not kidding. After a short scuffle among the contestants over which one would get which cat, both were soon on the racing track, ready to begin.
"This race consists of three laps. The objective is simple: make it around the track three times faster than the other one." Xeria explained.
"You know, there would probably be more rules to it if Aries-san actually watched any racing and wasn't basing all her knowledge of it off racing motorcycles illegally in Road Rash..." Babbit muttered to herself, and Xeria paid no attention.
"Ready... Set... Go!" Xeria declared as the stoplight at the "start" line changed in accordance with her words.
Rather than describe the race in detail, the results will be summarized.
On the first lap, Nephlite was in the lead; however, halfway through the second lap, Akio took the lead. Roughly a quarter of the way through the third lap, there was a sudden change in events:
"What is he doing?" Babbit shrieked as she watched Akio unbutton his shirt and climb out on the hood of the car, which was said to be moving at 180 MPH.
"Cruise control?" Xeria said musingly, watching Akio's car begin to drift towards the left, which Nephlite had been quickly approaching from behind.
In a mysterious turn of luck, at that exact moment, the right front tire of Nephlite's car blew out, causing him to swerve dangerously, first to the left, than to the right.
Babbit nearly screamed at the two cars collided. She was not sure what exactly happened next, but Nephlite's car had ended up rolled over on it's hood when it finally skidded to a stop, and she had thought she saw Akio fly off the hood of his car.
But he was never found.
"I guess that makes Nephlite the winner..." Xeria said in an almost wistful tone as Babbit sat by the car wreck, carefully removing Nephlite from the wreckage while caring for his injuries.
"By default?" Babbit asked, raising an eyebrow at the Mazoku.
"I suppose..." Xeria said with a sigh. There was another flash of light, and all contestants and spectators were sent home.
"..." Babbit sat in silence, not moving from where she sat by the car wreck.
Xeria looked up at the sky, which had quickly become overcast again, then teleported herself away, just before the wave of rain began pouring down again.
Babbit looked up at the sky with a dark glare, then stood up slowly and moved back toward the concession stand.
The end
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