Chapter 35

Skye felt like she hadn't slept in days.

Which didn't make much sense, considering last night had been one of the very few good night's sleeps she'd had in a while. Honestly, she wasn't so much tired as drained, exhausted from worrying and worn from all the shit going down in her life.

All she wanted was to sink into Derek's arms and kiss him until he was the only thought on her mind, but she couldn't even look at him without hearing him say it again, his voice spiked with venom. Maybe we should also ask Victor Ford for help.

Something inside of her ached every time she replayed the scene in her head. She still couldn't believe Derek would say something like that, couldn't believe he would use something she had trusted him with and twist it too hurt her. She couldn't even find it in herself to really be angry at him, though she wanted to – she wanted to kick him and punch him and scream at him. All she felt was hurt and disappointment.

The pack members were slowly trickling out of the loft and Skye knew that she should leave too, that she shouldn't wait around and let Derek talk to her because that would only make her feel worse, but still she eventually found herself alone with him, the door sliding shut behind Scott and Stiles.

"Skye…" Derek started as soon as they were alone, but she cut him off with one gesture.

"No, Derek." she said, her voice thick with tears. "Don't even start. How could you say that? I told you something about me that I haven't told anyone. I trusted you, and you used that trust to hurt me – just because you were angry at Aiden and Ethan. What would you feel like if I had brought up Kate? I'm sorry won't really cut it." Her voice cracked towards the end and she turned because looking at him made her want to burst into tears.

"I am though." he said so quietly she could barely hear him. "I'm incredibly sorry. I should never have brought Ford up. That was unfair and cruel and I wish I could take it back. I'm sorry, Skye. I really am."

She bit her lip, trying desperately to keep the tears from flowing. "I'm going to go home." she whispered, still without looking at him.

"Please, don't." He sounded completely unlike himself and when she gave him a quick gaze, she almost caved. His eyes were dark with guilt and regret, and she could also see the very real fear that she would leave on his face. "Stay, Skye." he begged. "Please don't walk out on me now."

She squared her shoulders, doing everything she could to keep his pleas from getting to her. She couldn't stay, not when even just looking at Derek made her insides clench with pain. "I'm not walking out." she said quietly. "I just need to be alone right now. I can't… I can't stay."

For a few seconds, they just stood there like this, neither of them looking at each other, then Derek said once again: "I'm so sorry."

Skye swallowed. "I know." she murmured. "That doesn't make it hurt less though."

And then, before she could change her mind, she turned around and stepped out of the loft, pulling the door shut behind her.

"Lydia, wait!"

Lydia didn't need to turn around to know who had called her. She had felt Aiden's gaze on her from the time he'd entered the loft, and she knew him well enough to be able to tell from the look on his face that he'd been meaning to talk to her. Oddly, this didn't annoy or anger her like it usually did. Part of her even looked forward to talking to him.

Still, she feigned annoyance as she turned around. "What do you want, Aiden?"

He smiled and something inside of her fluttered. It took all of her self-control to appear completely unfazed by his smile on the outside when he said: "What I always want – talk to you. Are you going to tell me to get lost again?"

Just a few days ago, she would've done exactly that, but now she couldn't. Not when Aiden and his brother had just promised to lay their lives on the line to protect the pack, not when it suddenly looked like he had something good inside of him after all, not when he was smiling at her like that. Instead she said: "That depends on what you have to say."

Aiden's gaze flickered towards Ethan and Allison, who were both still lingering as if they couldn't quite decide whether they could leave them alone, and he gave his brother a short nod before asking: "Can we talk alone?"

Lydia raised one eyebrow. "Are you going to abduct me if I say no?" she asked dryly, but before Aiden could answer, she already gave Allison a sign that it was okay to leave. In spite of everything, she knew Aiden wouldn't hurt her and she really needed to talk to him, if only to sort through her complicated feelings for him.

Her best friend shot her a glance that clearly meant "be careful" before getting into her car and driving off, followed by Ethan on his motorcycle. Lydia took a deep breath. They were alone. For the first time since Aiden had killed Boyd, they were really alone.

She crossed her hands in front of her chest, trying to create a physical barrier between them, because she could feel the emotional one she had spent so long building slowly crumbling.

"Well," Aiden said, looking more nervous than she had ever seen him, "I guess what I wanted to say is that I'm sorry. For everything. I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of and I've made a lot of shitty decisions and I'm sorry for dragging you into this. I know that what I did fucked up everything we could've had and I'm not asking you for forgiveness, but I need you to know that I'm really, really sorry."

Lydia stood there flabbergasted. She had expected him to say something along the lines of "see, I'm not so bad after all, now let's make out", had expected him to make excuses for what he'd done, but not something like this. Not an apology, not something so… sincere.

Her voice was much softer than he had intended it to be when she said: "I think I'm not the only one you need to apologize to."

Aiden nodded. "I know. And I'm trying. I'm trying to make up for what I've done. Ethan and I both are."

For a while, neither of them said anything. Then Lydia said very quietly: "You're not making any excuses for what you have done."

It wasn't really a question, and Aiden shot her a strange look before saying: "I wanted to, in the beginning. But then I realized that there weren't any. Sure, Deucalion gave us power and the only family we ever had, but we went too far. We – I should never have killed innocent people for him. It doesn't matter what he did or didn't do for us. I shouldn't have killed innocent people for anyone."

Lydia bit her lip. She couldn't believe that this was still the same Aiden standing in front of her, the ruthless, cold Aiden who would do anything for Deucalion and even more to get what he wanted – the Aiden who was so clearly one of the bad guys. This Aiden in front of her was someone else, someone who regretted his mistakes and wanted to learn from them, someone who apologized and made amends and could maybe, one day, be considered good.

She wanted to kiss him. But there was still a small of part keeping her where she was, a small part that still doubted him. Did he really mean what he was saying or had he just made it all up to get her back? Had he really changed or was he still manipulating her while pretending to be a different person? (But then again, the regret in his eyes looked so real and he had said that he wasn't asking for her forgiveness. Why did her life have to be so goddamned complicated?)

There was really only one way to find out. She would have to wait for the fight against the Scavengers so she could see if Aiden was telling the truth – if he really wanted to help them, if he was really trying to make up for everything he'd done.

"I have to go, Aiden." she said. Her voice, that stupid, treacherous thing, was trembling. "Thank you for telling me all this, but I need time to think about it. I'll see you tomorrow."

She didn't look back at him as she turned, got into her car and drove away. She thought that if she saw the look on his face, she might change her mind.