Love, Pain And The Whole Crazy Thing
Chapter 37 – Flashbacks to the truth
Flashback:
Early in the morning they went through the normal routines, he woke up with his wife in his arms, they made some breakfast for the two of them and then the newest addition to this followed. She ran into the bathroom, covering her mouth. She hung over the toilet, throwing up her breakfast. He followed her just a moment later, holding her hair. ''Oh god...'' He pressed a kiss on the nape of her neck, his other hand rubbing her shoulder. She slowly got up from the floor and flushed the toilet.
"Feeling any better?" He asked, looking at her.
''No.'' She walked past him and grabbed her toothbrush.
"Honey this has been going on for days already." He looked at her through the mirror now.
''It's the weather.'' She said with a mouthful of toothpaste.
"The weather doesn't do these things to you." He shook his head.
''I have the flu.''
"You sure? You know this might be something else, you're making me quite worried." He said softly.
''What?''
"Maybe you should go to the doctors or something soon-ish."
''Why would I?'' She spit out the toothpaste.
"If it's something serious, I don't know." He placed a kiss on her neck.
''It's probably just the flu Der.''
"But still, if it won't pass, you promise you'll go?" He asked softly.
''No.''
"Baby..." He gave her a little look.
''What?''
"What if it isn't flu?"
''What else would it be?''
"I don't know..." He had thought about this for few days. "You could be.. umm.. pregnant."
''What?'' She looked at him in shock.
"I... I don't know! It's one possibility, we do have a lot of sex and it could happen.." He replied, biting his lip.
''I'm on the freaking pill you moron!''
"Don't call me a moron! And it could be possible."
''No it cannot be.''
"You could have forgotten to take the pill."
''I haven't.''
"You 100 % sure?"
''Yes Derek, I'm 100% sure, how stupid do you think I am?''
"I didn't say you were stupid. God Addison, I'm just listing options."
''Being pregnant isn't an option.''
"Fine, I just thought it could be that, you're nauseas every morning so yeah. Kinda makes me think that."
''It's the flu Derek, it's been going around.''
"Sure, I hope so." He leaned against the sink.
''Excuse me?''
"Flu sounds much better than pregnancy." He replied.
''I'm not pregnant so drop it damn it!''
"God Addison, just get a freaking test."
''No, why?'' She looked at him as if he was insane.
"Because IF, and I'm not saying you are, if you are pregnant we'd know about it." He looked into her eyes.
''I'm not, I'm not going to waste my money and time on something ridiculous like that.''
"Could you for like 30 seconds think about the possibility of being pregnant? It'd make sense. We have sex, you're on the pill, we're reading for exams and stressed, you might have forgotten to take the pill."
''Derek, I'd notice if I forgot, the days are written above the pills.''
"Addie, are you absolutely sure you haven't forgotten to take a pill?"
''Yes, I am 100% sure.''
"We could still get a test."
''No.''
"Please Addison, what if you're pregnant?"
''I'm not!''
"You could be!"
''HOW?''
"God Addison we have sex, it's very possible you'd be pregnant."
''I'm on the pill Derek!'' She yelled.
"You're human Addison! You could have missed a pill or something, just buy a test so we can stop yelling about this in the bathroom!"
''I just told you that I would have noticed if I had missed one! So no, I'm not getting a freaking test!''
"Damn it Addison seriously, what's so horrible about getting a test? It's simple and if you're not pregnant, good for you. I just can't be assed to fight about this so just get a god damn test so that we can be sure."
''No.'' Was her final answer before she left the bathroom.
"Addison!" He called after her before following her. "Why is it so hard to get a test?"
''Because there is no chance that I'm pregnant!''
"We're having sex, there's always a chance!" He sighed, not understanding why she was being this stubborn about this.
''Don't you think I know that?''
"Just get the damn test then!"
''Why Derek? Why do you think I'm pregnant?''
"You've been vomiting for the past week. You might not be pregnant but it's possible."
Addison sighed loudly and rubbed her forehead.
"I'm sorry Addison, but I think we should get a test."
''Will you shut up about it then?''
"Yes, I promise."
''Fine then, whatever.''
"Good, thank you." He couldn't help but flash a little smile. She just sighed. Derek looked at his wife.
''What?''
"Nothing really. When do you want to go get the test?" He crossed his arms.
''I don't know.''
"Today?" He suggested.
''Whatever.''
"Okay." He nodded. "I'm gonna finish my breakfast, join me if you still want some."
''No thanks.''
"Yeah thought so." He walked towards the kitchen which wasn't too far in their tiny little apartment.
''Why?''
"Logical, you just threw up your breakfast, you might not want more." He sat down.
''Right.''
"Yeah." He started eating his omelette again.
''Der?''
"Yes?" He asked, looking up to her.
''Do you...'' She looked at him. ''Do you really think I'm pregnant?''
"I think… what I think is that there's a chance you might be." He replied honestly. "Do you… are we… what if you are... pregnant?"
''What?''
"I don't know. I just... what if you're pregnant? What happens?"
''What what happens?''
"What happens? Are you... happy?" He didn't even know what he was asking.
''Happy with what?''
"I don't know okay? I just... what if you're pregnant? Will you be happy about it or be mad at me and throw me with sharp objects?"
''I won't be pregnant.''
"How can you be so sure?"
''Because I'm on the pill and I'm 21.''
"And being 21 helps you how?"
''I don't know, just pointing out.''
"Exactly. Addison you might be pregnant, that's one possibility." He said, nodding to himself.
''How Derek?''
"I'm not a doctor, yet. But the pill is not 100% safe. It might happen. I don't know everything."
''It's like 99%.''
"Yes, it's not 100%, so there's a teeny tiny chance you might get pregnant."
''Der.'' She sighed.
"Look I'm sorry but we have to talk about this."
''When it's positive, which it won't be, then we can talk.''
"Fine, let's talk about it then." He took a sip of his coffee.
''Thanks.''
"Welcome." He replied shortly, looking at her.
''What?''
"What what?" He asked, still looking at her.
''Never mind...''
He sighed, placing his coffee mug on the table.
''You're not going to be a father Derek, not now.''
"I'm not?" He asked, rubbing his face tiredly so that the little stubble scratched his hand.
''No.''
"What if you're pregnant?" He asked.
''Honey, I'm not.''
He sighed. "Okay, sure."
''Der...'' She started cautiously. ''Do you want me to be pregnant or something?''
"I don't know actually, I think it's not the best time for this but if you are... it wouldn't be that bad. It'd be quite... good. I've always wanted to start a family with you and I know it's soon but... if you're pregnant... I think I'd be quite happy. What about you?" He asked after he had rambled out his answer.
''I wouldn't be happy.''
"Yeah, I thought so." He sighed.
''I'm 21.''
"I know you are, it's pretty young."
''It's too young.''
"Yeah? I know it's not the best time to have a baby."
''Yeah...'' She nodded. ''Will you be sad, or angry?''
"Probably, it would be our baby and... yeah sad and angry would probably be what I'd feel like."
''Oh...''
"Yeah..." He looked into the now empty coffee mug.
''We have time Derek.''
"Yeah but it'd still be our baby. I don't think abortion would be the best idea."
''Abortion?''
"What? I thought you... you were talking... I thought you didn't want to have the baby if you're pregnant."
''NO!''
"You're confusing me very much at the moment." He shook his head. "If you're pregnant, will we keep the baby?"
''Derek, how can you even ask me that?'' Addison was offended.
"I'm sorry, I just... you were talking like... the way you were talking sounded like you wouldn't want to... keep it. I'm sorry sweetie."
''Never, never.'' She shook her head.
"Addison..." He looked up at her.
''Yeah?'' She looked back at him.
"I think we should go buy the test as soon as possible." He said calmly, biting on his lip just lightly after he had said it.
''Yeah...''
"I'm sorry about thinking you would... do that." He sighed.
''I wouldn't ever do that Derek.''
"Yeah... I know." He sighed, shaking his head before he finished his breakfast.
''Do you want to go now?''
"Yeah. I do." He nodded, getting up from the seat.
''Just don't get any hopes up okay?''
"Okay." He sighed, nodding again. "Give me a kiss?"
She pecked his lips. He pecked hers back softly. "Let's go then."
''Yeah...''
He sighed before they walked into the small hall. He took her coat from the hanger.
'"Thanks.''
"No problem." He helped her get dressed in it before he put on his own coat.
They left to the store. A while later they found themselves in front of a drugstore.
Addison sighed as a minute later they stood in front of the shelves with the pregnancy tests. He scanned the shelves, running a hand through his hair. Addison sighed. He sighed as well just a moment later. "Which one?"
''I have no idea.''
"Me neither." He just looked at them. "There are so many."
''Yeah...''
"God... how do we choose one?"
''I really don't know... I don't want this.''
"What do you mean you don't want this?"
''To do this test.''
''I know, sorry. But it's the only way to find out."
''Yeah...''
"Umm... which one do you think is the best?" He asked a while later.
''All of them, I don't know, you choose.''
"I'm a guy." He pointed out the very obvious. "How am I supposed to choose a test?"
''Why should I know then?''
"You have the right parts." He shrugged. She rolled her eyes and sighed. ''Let's get this one then.''
"Yeah?" He looked at the one she was holding, feeling relieved for not having to choose.
''I guess.''
"Okay then." He answered and they started walking towards the cash register.
She took his hand. He walked a bit closer to her, lacing their fingers together. She rested her head against his shoulder. Derek placed a kiss on her red curls before they reached the cash register. She felt herself getting nervous.
"Hey." Derek greeted the guy behind the counter, taking the test from Addison, placing it on the counter.
''Good morning Sir.'' He took the test and scanned it. Derek gave a little nervous smile to him, giving Addison's hand a subconscious little squeeze. She simply looked down.
''That would be $15,95 please.''
Derek let go of her hand, taking his wallet, paying him with a $20 bill.
''Thank you.'' He gave back the change. Derek gave a little smile. "Have a good day." He said before they started walking out of the store. Addison walked behind him quietly. He waited for her, taking her hand in his silently, not saying one word. She looked at the pavement. He bit on his lip nervously while they walked.
They soon reached their apartment, a little too soon for her at that moment. He sighed a bit before opening the door, turning the key he had put into the lock. They stepped into the apartment. She silently hung up her coat. They both were quiet, not saying anything. He shrugged off his coat. She sighed and rubbed her face. He put away his coat, looking at her after he did. She looked up at him. He bit on his lip slightly. "Are we going to do this now?"
''I guess.''
"Oh... okay." He nodded, still looking at her.
''Okay?'' She raised her eyebrow at him.
"Yeah. We're actually doing this... well you are but I'm here, you know?" He rambled slightly.
''Don't Derek.''
"What?"
''Don't give me the 'I'm here with you, no matter what' speech. Because right now, I'm not okay, I'm freaking out and that's your fault because there is no way that I'm pregnant.''
"Addison you know it's possible, I just wanted you to know I'm here for you." He replied before looking down to the floor.
''Don't.''
"Fine, just do the test okay?"
''I will.'' She took the test out of the bag and went upstairs.
He watched as she went, leaning against the wall. Should he go or not? A few seconds later he decided to stay, he'd just freak her out or something. The house was quiet for at least a two minutes. Now it was his turn to freak out. He got up from the couch and started walking circles in the little living room. After a few seconds a yell was heard from upstairs. He looked up, starting to walk towards the sound. "Addie?"
''DEREK!''
"Are you alright?" He practically ran up the stairs, two steps at the time.
''If you think me having a heart attack is alright then yes!''
He opened the bathroom door. She was standing there shaking. He looked at her, his eyes widening. "What is it?"
''I- it's positive.''
His face dropped, his heart skipping a beat or two. "What?"
''It's positive!'' She yelled.
"It's positive." He repeated. "Holy crap it's positive."
''Oh my fucking god!'' She cursed.
"It's fucking positive." He closed his eyes, feeling like he was going to pass out any minute. "Oh my god."
Addison's hands were still shaking, holding the test.
"Are you sure?" He asked, taking some support from the wall.
''No I'm not sure, I'm joking here because it's so funny!''
"Hey no need to be mean! I'm just asking because it's wow..." He rubbed his forehead.
''No it's horrible!''
"Oh god you're pregnant." He mumbled.
''I can't believe this.''
"Wow..." He shook his head. "This is..."
''Too absurd for words.''
"Oh my god." He rubbed his chin with his hand. She walked out of the bathroom.
"Where are you going?"
''The doctor's.''
"Like now?"
''Yes, now.''
"Oh, okay" He replied, following her.
They left for the doctor's. Sometime later a doctor led them into a room. Addison let out a nervous sigh as she walked into the room. Derek took her hand in his slowly, giving it a squeeze.
"Hi I'm Dr. Smith." The doctor introduced himself.
''Addison Shepherd.'' She shook his hand.
"Derek Shepherd." He momentarily let go of Addison's hand and shook the doctor's. Dr. Smith nodded at them, motioning towards the chair. "So what are you here for Mrs. Shepherd?"
''Erhm...'' She sat down on the chair. ''I'd like to get a blood test done... because I think I'm pregnant.''
"Oh... what makes you think so?" The doctor asked as he got some supplies for the blood test.
''I took a pregnancy test earlier and it turned out to be positive.''
"Okay, so how old are you?" He watched them as Derek stood behind her, biting on his lip nervously.
''Twenty-one.''
"Was this a planned pregnancy?" He asked. "Roll up your sleeve." The doctor advised as he put on his gloves.
''No.'' She responded, rolling up her sleeve as he told her to. Derek nodded at her answer. "Okay." The doctor took her arm and started.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Derek placed his hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze as the doctor drew some blood. She tilted her head to the side to look at her husband. He gave a little kiss on her forehead. "It'll be okay." He whispered softly.
''I hope so.'' She whispered back. He nodded a little, resting his forehead against hers. The doctor rolled her sleeve down again.
The same day Derek and Addison were sat in his parents' living room. His fingers were linked with hers and in the inside he felt all bubbly and happy. Addison on the other side, was feeling the complete opposite. His fingers softly played with hers as he watched his father step into the room. Gabriel gave them a smile and put the coffee mugs down. Derek gave Addison a quick look as he picked up his mug, smiling at Gabriel. "Thanks."
''No problem.'' He sat down next to his wife. Theresa leaned against his husband's chest, watching his son and his wife. Addison uncomfortably picked up her mug.
"Addie, sweetie, you can't drink that..." Derek mumbled at her, giving her a quick look. She shot him a look.
"Honey I'm serious." He said, trying to ignore the look he was getting from her.
''Derek, shut up.'' She hissed.
"Fine Addison." He replied, looking away from her, moving his gaze to his parents.
''Is something wrong honey?'' Theresa asked her son.
"No nothing's wrong." He replied, giving her a smile. "Nothing at all."
''Alright then.''
Derek nodded, taking a sip of coffee.
"Are you sure?" Gabriel looked between the couple.
''Yes.'' Addison said annoyed.
"Yeah." Derek replied, taking few more sips of coffee. Gabriel raised his eyebrows slightly.
''Would you like some cookies?''
"Yeah, sure." Derek made a smile, nodding. She smiled and got up.
"Need any help?" Derek asked, almost wishing she'd say yes so that he'd have a reason to leave the room.
''Sure honey.''
"Okay." Derek nodded and got up from the couch, placing his coffee mug on the table. Theresa walked into the kitchen. He followed her quickly, not looking ay Addison. Once they were in the kitchen Theresa turned to her son. ''Honey?''
"Yes mom?" He asked, his arms crossed, not knowing how he should feel.
''Is everything okay between you and Addie?''
"Yeah, yeah, we're okay." He nodded, a little smile tugging at his lips before he sighed. "I think we're okay."
''Really?''
"I... yes... something happened and yeah. I think we're okay." He nervously started fumbling with his fingers.
''Do you want to talk about it?''
"I don't know really, I'd want to but Addison... she'd kill me." He replied.
''Why?'' Theresa frowned.
"I-" Should he tell her? "She's... we'rehavingababy."
''WHAT?''
He took a deep breath. "Mom... we're having a baby."
''Derek you're kidding, tell me you are.''
"I wish I was." He replied, shifting uncomfortably.
''Oh. dear. god.''
"Maybe you should sit down or something."
She nodded her head as she sat down in shock. Her only son, her only, twenty-one year old son, was having a baby. He leaned against the counter, watching her as he bit on his lip. Once again he crossed his arms. "Mom... are you alright?"
''She can't be pregnant Der. I was the one who got her on the pill when you two still dated...''
"She was nauseas for like few days and today I made her do the test and... it was positive. We went to the doctors and he took the blood test and... yeah..." He mumbled.
''Dear god, Derek.''
"Mom..." He shook his head, watching her reaction to this. Theresa looked up at her son.
"We're having a baby." He said under his breath.
''Do you want this?''
"I think I do." He simply answered. "But the question is... does she? I know she'll have this baby... but will she be happy is a whole other thing."
''How did she react to it then?''
"I don't know exactly but... you saw how she was acting towards me there."
''Well... it's a shock...''
"Yeah... what did you do when you found out that you were pregnant with Nancy?" He asked quietly, he needed to know if it was just Addison or if all women felt like this.
''Well I was 25, and we were trying for a family Derek.''
"God..." He rubbed his forehead. "How did this happen? This wasn't supposed to happen, not now."
''Are you having it?''
"Of course, I mean... yes I think." He mumbled, rubbing his forehead.
''You think?''
''It is.''
"And she's not the kinda woman who just goes and... does that." He shook his head.
''You sure?''
"She's my wife."
''She is.''
"Holy crap we're having a baby." He mumbled, looking at her.
''You have to tell your father.''
"Oh god are you serious? She's going to kill me."
''Well yes Derek.''
"I can't tell him now! I just can't tell him that we're having a baby."
''Don't make me keep this secret.''
"Mom you can't make me tell him."
''He's your father.''
"I wasn't even supposed to tell you yet."
''Derek, we're your parents, please.''
"She's going to kill me in my sleep with a pillow."
''Please.''
Derek sighed shaking his head. "Mom..."
She gave him a pleading look.
"Fine." He simply replied. He really couldn't say no.
''Give me a hug.''
He took a step towards her and wrapped his arms around her mother. She hugged him tightly. ''My baby is having a baby.''
"I'm not your baby anymore..." He smiled, resting his head on her shoulder.
''You'll always be my baby.''
He let out a little laugh, smiling. "Good to know."
''You can do this.''
"I hope so..." He whispered, nodding his head.
''I know so. How far is she honey?''
"I... only few weeks." He replied, shrugging.
''Der?''
"What?" He asked.
''Doesn't she take the pill anymore?''
"She said she hasn't missed any pills." He answered, pulling back from the hug.
''You take after the Shepherd's men then.'' Theresa sighed loudly.
"What do you mean?" He asked, furrowing his eyebrows together.
''Well...'' She sighed. ''The Shepherd men all have strong sperm.''
"Ew I did not need to know that mom." He screwed up his face.
''Well, it's true Derek.''
"Could we like... stop talking about sperm?" He didn't really want to know about his father's sperm or his uncle's sperm, nor anyone else's sperm.
''Twins also run in the family, as you know.'' He had twin sisters.
"Maybe I'm an exception." Oh dear god, please.
''I hope so for you.''
"Oh gosh..." He shook his head.
''Don't think about that now okay?''
He slowly nodded. "Yeah, I shouldn't think about those things now. But really? You want me to tell dad?"
''Yes Derek.''
He nodded. "We should go back before they start worrying."
''Yeah.'' She gave him one more quick hug and kissed his cheek. He gave her a kiss on the cheek as well. "The cookies." He reminded her after the hug ended.
''Oh right.'' She quickly got them. ''I love you Derek, I trust in you.''
"I love you too mom." He replied quietly before they walked back into the living room.
Addison and Gabriel were in a conversation. Derek watched them from the doorway, suddenly afraid.
''Come on.'' Theresa whispered to him. Derek gave a little smile, following her further into the room.
''Gabriel, Derek and Addison have something to tell you.''
Derek's eyes widened slightly, wow this came a lot sooner than he had thought. Addison looked at Derek shocked.
"What is it?" Gabriel smiled, looking at Addison and then at Derek. She shot him a 'don't you dare' look. He sighed. "Dad, Addison's pregnant."
''What?''
"She's pregnant." He repeated.
''DEREK!'' Addison hit her husband.
"Ouch!" He rubbed the spot. "Don't you hit me!"
''I told you not to tell!''
"I only told mom who told me to tell dad! Besides you know she would have told dad anyway!"
''Then why the hell did you tell her?''
"She's my mother for god's sake! Of course I told her!"
''We only just found out!''
"She asked if we were okay since you were giving me glares and ignoring me the best you could!"
She shook her head at him, getting up.
"Addison..." He shook his head.
''Leave me alone.''
"Addison." He raised his voice slightly.
''NO!''
"Addison please." He looked at her.
''No.''
"Addie..." He bit on his lip.
''Addison.'' Theresa tried as well.
''No.''
"Addison please don't do this now."
She left the living room upset.