Prompt: Could you talk about when Sam came back from Flagstaff?
*Grins evilly*
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-If you were gone it would be as if my bones had been removed. No one would know why, but I would collapse.- Sarah Kane
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Living on his own for these past few weeks in Flagstaff still hadn't prepared twelve year old Sam for the fact that he had to wake up every morning alone and without his family. All his life he had them by his side and ever since he ran away he felt...wrong. He had his own place, he had his own dog, Sam Winchester had everything he needed; but it was still wrong. Lost in his own thoughts, it started too quick for Sam to have time to prepare. One second he was awake and with his dog, Bones, the next second-
Random flashes of light and pain assaulted Sam's vision. He was just about to take Bones out for a walk when he had to fall to his knees due to the blinding pain that grabbed at his head, stabbing at him like a knife. Sam could hear Bones barking by his head as he lay on his legs in agony, the dog's nose nuzzling at his shoulder in worry.
But Sam couldn't focus on anything but the pain that was buried deep in his head. Suddenly, as quick as the headache came, Sam felt almost in slow motion his body fall down, slamming his head on the edge of the table and ending with him unconscious.
"I don't know what to do Bobby…"
Sam watched from the eyes of his brother, seeing the sight of Bobby on the opposite side of the table looked at Dean with pain-filled eyes. He wasn't sure how he knew he was looking from his big brother's eyes but he had no doubt that it was Dean whom he was looking through.
Sam didn't know how this was happening, he didn't even know how he ended up passing out and dreaming-but this dream was so vivid…too realistic for Sam to understand how this was happening but that didn't mater right now, not when he was seeing Dean.
"I know he left because of this-this life" Dean couldn't control the fear and pain in his trembling voice. "…but he didn't even leave a note! I thought-we thought that he-w-was…"
Dead. The words couldn't even come out of his mouth.
"He'll come back when he's ready." Bobby said in the gentlest tone that Dean had ever heard. "Sam is a smart kid, smarter than most people see. He just needs a break-"
"What if he doesn't come back?" Dean cuts through, his real worry trembled from his lips. Dean felt broken inside. No one could see it with the naked eye, but it was obvious to those who knew and love him. "What-what if the real reason he left was because of me?"
"Dean no." Bobby said with conviction. "It's not you, I know it's not about you."
"Sam was frustrated with me, frustrated that I couldn't stand up to dad, that I couldn't help him… not the way that he wanted me to…"
Dean knew that he was failing at keeping up his walls anymore; no longer could he act like he could carry all the weight that went with being Dean Winchester, no longer could he focus on saving people, hunting things…Sam didn't see him as his hero anymore and knowing that made Dean lose all focus on his hunting, how could he when Sam was gone and he had no idea where he was? Whether he wanted to come back or he was never going to see him again. John was furious when he had come back home and was told that Sam was gone. Dean had never been scared of his dad until that day.
John was disappointed in him. He blamed him; thought that Dean should be the one who was missing. He didn't that, he didn't say anything when Dean had told him. He just told Dean to help him look for Sam. But John's dissatisfied silence was ten times worse than any harsh words that John could have said.
"Dean…" Bobby's tone was soft, caring, reaching over the small table to rest a hand on Dean's shoulder. He gripped him firmly, trying to ground Dean back and let him know that this was about Sam and Sam alone. Sam was going to be back, of that Bobby was sure of. When it came to a bond like Sam and Dean, he knew that no matter what they said or did, they would always come back to one another. No matter what. "He'll come back…"
"Not if he had no reason to…" The confession left Bobby unable to speak. Dean kept his gaze down, knowing that if Sam never came back, Dean would be unable to be what made him Dean.
Sam opened his eyes with a gasp, Bones was licking his face rapidly in concern, whimpering in concern as Sam wearily sat up, his back resting against the table. His legs were shaking still and his head still felt like it was on fire.
It was a dream. It must have been...Yeah, it wasn't real-it couldn't have been real. It was all a dream… right? God, he hoped it was just a dream. The thought of Dean blaming himself for what Sam did made him feel sick to his very core; hurting him worse than the headache did. Sam wanted to go back-no, he needed to go back. He wanted to scream at Dean, scream and shout at him, to beg him to believe when he said that it wasn't because of Dean that he left, he was never because of Dean. It was his superhero, he always will be.
He needed to go back, and he needed to go as soon as possible.
"We gotta go Bones." Sam wobbly stood up, Bones helping him up by placing his body by Sam's hand to stabilize him as Sam reached out to grip the wall in front of him. "We gotta go now."
In the back of his mind, Sam half expected Dean to come out and help him back, past memories of the countless times that they had to move off to a new home. How easily they had been able to laugh and talk about anything and everything as they were ready for their new lives.
It didn't take long to pack, he didn't take much to begin with. His backpack swung around his back, Sam knelt down by a panting Bones, burying his face by the dog's shoulder and he hugged him close to him comfortingly. "Thank you Bones…for being here…but it's time to go."
Bones wagged his tail anxiously, tilting his head in confusion. Sam sighed sadly, and opened the door and set out, one hand holding on to Bones while the other hand held onto a case that was holding what little positions he owned. He couldn't bring Bones with him, knowing that he had to leave Bones behind but he was going to make sure that Bones was in good hands.
Sam had kept tabs on his family and thankfully, that hadn't moved away yet. A part of Sam hoped they had stayed in one spot because they were waiting for him. It was a foolish hope but he hoped to God that he hadn't completely ruined their relationship.
"What a cute dog!" Sam turned his head behind him to see a middle-aged man and woman by his side, looking down at Bones with affection, who was clearly loving the attention since he was wagging his tail eagerly at the sight of new people. Without permission, the woman knelt down and started ruffling Bones' golden hair and the man (her husband judging from the silver band on his left finger) was by her side watching his wife with the most adoring expression.
"Do you like him?" Sam asked, still holding onto leash.
"What's not to love?" The woman said grinning happily as she allowed Bones to lick her face eagerly.
"Then you can have him." Sam said, putting the leash in the husband's hands and walking away, ignoring their look of surprise and pleasure. Bones would be better off with a family who didn't hunt werewolves on a regular basis.
It took a while but eventually Sam was back. Back at where he knew Dean and their dad were currently living and thankfully the Impala was still there, parked in the sun and it gave Sam a new bust of eagerness to know that he was home…although it was the motel that was giving him the real problems. Sam looking at the motel door like it was a new form of a creature, unsure how to even start the attack. How was he going to pull off this conversation-"Hi guys, missed you, can I come back home though I had left and didn't tell you where I was going?"
Yeah like that was going to work perfectly.
But this was Dean he was talking about. John would never trust Sam again but John would still love him. But Dean? If Dean had reacted like how he did in Sam's dream, how could Dean ever forgive him? He left him, abandoned him and had them all think that he was kidnapped or dead…any other family would never forgive him for this…all other families that weren't Dean. Even through all that, if anyone would still love him and still be there for him, it was Sammy's big brother. It was always going to be Sam and Dean, always and forever. He needed his brother…more than that it was like Dean was ingrained in his soul. He couldn't live without him.
Sam stopped his pacing, crossing his arms around his chest although it wasn't cold. Dean was there…he had to go home. And if Dean didn't want him back, he would just go one to prove to him that he was sorry and that he would always love his brother. When it came to Dean, he could never stop caring for was impossible for him.
Taking a deep, shaky breath, Sam stepped up to the door and gave a swift knock. Before he could even blink, a disheveled Dean opened the door before Sam even had time to finish knocking. Sam was momentarily shocked at how he could have gotten to the door so fast when a thought sudden occurred to him: Dean had seen him pacing outside the door, and he did nothing because he was waiting; waiting for Sam to make the first move and see if he really did want to come home.
And there was no way that Sam would deny his brother that.
"Hey Dean." Sam tried softly, blinking rapidly as he felt the tears start coming before he had time to prepare. Dean looked at Sam for exactly one second in pure silence before he knelt down on one knee and pulled Sam into a fierce, tight hug that was somehow too tight and perfect and the same time. Sam fisted his fingers on the fabric of Dean's shirt, pulling him closer against him just as Dean did the same. "You're back…" Dean whispered. Small and childlike and it caused Sam to just break.
Sam's body trembled with the strength of his tears, his whole body relaxing at the loving embrace of his big brother. Sam felt his shoulder where Dean's head lay grow wet and he realized that Dean was crying, actually sobbing at having his little brother come back. Dean rarely showed such raw emotions like this, but when it came to Sam, all bets were off. The strength of Dean's love for him would never cease to amaze him and ensure that he knew his love and devotion for his brother would never go unrequited.
"I'm so sorry Dean." Sam's voice broke in misery, everything in him breaking without his permission. "I'm so sorry I left. I missed you so much-I wanted you to come with me just I wasn't going to be gone forever-I should stayed."
"It's okay Sammy." Dean didn't hide the crack in his voice, his fingers running through Sam's brown hair in a calming rhythm while his other hand was rubbing soothing circles on Sam's thin back. "All that matters is that you are here." The grip was tight like Dean thought Sam would slip past him once again and Sam kept his own hold just as tight.
They were finally together. His real family, the only family he needed was right in front of him, safe and sound with his arms wrapped around Sam in such a protective manner that was so loving, that Sam couldn't bring himself to let go of his big brother.
And Dean didn't mind it at all.
I hope you liked it! The next chapter will be one of my own ideas about Dean going missing and Sam looks for him. I even added a new creature that the show hasn't had but their books have!