Disclaimer: Nope.
A/N: I'm back and I'm all yours for about 2 months, then I'll have some personal vendettas to carry out before classes start in October. Until then, there will be 2 chapters per week, perhaps 3 on occasion; I'll have to think about that. I'd really like to end this story soon, so I'll have to pick up the pace. Somehow I always hugely underestimate the length of my stories. Here's one super long chapter for having made you wait so long for an update.
Chapter 36 – Step 1: Don't miss a beat
(Month 2, Week 2)
The room had a natural feel to it with the rich shades of Brazilian cherry hardwood floor and the green plants set either on the floor or on the low Japanese style tables hugging the walls. The minimalistic furnishing style radiated freedom and tranquillity. A sound system in the corner played relaxing Asian chill-out music, which added to the all-around feeling of peace.
Each couple was set on a floor mattress adorned with several light blue and green cushions with intricate patterns. Apart from House and Cameron, there were 4 other couples, their age ranging from early thirties to late fifties.
The workshop leaders, Ai and Christian, set on their own mattress in front of the group. Ai was a typical Japanese woman of a small stature with long, black hair and dark eyes, while Christian was of an average build with short curly reddish-blond hair. Both of them seemed completely at ease while they explained the nature and the specifics of the workshop. Afterwards, it was time for initial introductions of the couples, which House followed with a distinctly bored expression on his face.
Once the couples were familiar with each other, Christian spoke, "You are all here for the same reason. You have come across an obstacle in your relationships which you can't solve on your own. You've come here to ask for help. And that is fine. We're all still learning. No matter what you were taught to believe, relationship skills don't come naturally. You acquire them over time and often it takes many failed attempts to get it right. You are here because you have found that special someone, but you have not yet mastered these skills. You are willing to try to make your relationship work, because you love your partner. As you've discovered, love sometimes isn't enough and that's where we jump in."
Christian smiled lovingly at Ai and clasped their hands. House had just enough time to imagine that they were caught in a 7th heaven universe with the shrinks starring as the ever understanding parents and them as the unruly kids who were always in need of a lecture, before Ai continued, "Relationships are like living organisms; they grow and change with time. Perhaps some of you expected that your relationship will always be the same as the day you married. It can't stay the same, because you're not the same people as you were back then. You grow and change and so should your relationship. If you don't follow that principle, then you will soon become estranged. You will forget to talk and show affection and it won't be long before you will be nothing more than strangers living under the same roof."
Two women in the group solemnly nodded while their husbands appeared grim.
Ai smiled warmly at them and said, "The good news is that we can change that. We'll start with something easy in this session. We all know how important are conversations, but there will be enough time for that later. Today, we will focus on regaining the physical closeness."
"Oh goody, an orgy," House interjected.
"I'm sorry, Dr. House, but we only have orgies reserved for our sex workshop," Ai joked.
House turned to Cameron and inquired, "Now why didn't we sign up for that one instead?"
He ignored her annoyed expression and turned back to the therapists. "Is it still possible?" he asked hopefully.
"It's all full," Christian informed him with a smile.
"A shame," House sighed.
"Let's continue, shall we?" Christian commented, still amiably, and then proceeded without waiting for a reply, "As Ai said, in this session, we will focus on developing intimacy. You will learn once again how to show affection for each other, because apart from verbal expressions of love, it is the small touches, kisses and hugs, which can sometimes express even more than words. We'll start with an easy exercise that will hopefully relax you and bring you closer together."
He caught Ai's gaze, signalling her to continue and she began giving instructions, "Please sit so that you are facing each other with the partner."
After the group rearranged themselves, she carried on, "Now, husbands, take one of your wife's hands and place it against your chest; wives do the same with your husband's hand. Remain in that position. Good, now close your eyes and concentrate on my instructions."
House did as he was told though not without some heavy sighs and annoyed glances.
"Now concentrate on your partner's breathing, feel how their chest expands."
He always thought of these exercises as childish. Holding hands, breathing, visualisation… None of that ever changed anything.
"Try to synchronise your breathing. Slowly. Take your time."
Geez. He'd gladly do anything but this… Her breaths came and went in slow and deep exhales. He could feel each of them as clearly as his own. She was all game and he knew it. He had no choice but to follow along.
"Relax. Take your time. Concentrate only on your partner's breathing and slowly try to match it with your own."
He tried to focus on the task for the first time. Her hands felt warm against his and he could hear her gentle exhales over the background music. The whole situation made him feel uncomfortable in a completely new way. He wanted to run away as fast as he could but he was rooted to the spot.
"You're doing great. Now we'll change the pattern."
Ai's voice felt as if it came from a great distance and he could hardly remember that they were surrounded by several other couples.
"While one of you inhales, the other will exhale. Take your time."
This time, it was even easier to comply with the demand. Soon, their breaths felt like tidal waves cleansing the shore. Like a chemical equilibrium; two opposing reactions sustaining the status quo; changing while remaining perpetually the same.
"Very good. Now for one last time, you will again synchronise your breaths."
Only now did House realise that Ai's voice came from a different location. She must have moved during the exercise.
"Very good. Feel the connection."
He did feel it. Their breaths were one as if they came from a single person and not two.
"Good. Very good. Now you will slowly open your eyes and release you partner's hand. Take your time. There is no hurry."
When he once again became aware of the surroundings, the first thing he saw were her eyes and he was captivated by them. It took him several moments before he was able to put up his defences and tear his eyes from hers.
"Remain seated as you are," Christian instructed, "and focus on what you are feeling at the moment. Let those feelings wash over you."
Some moments later, he spoke again, "There is another exercise we will try now. This one will be the last one today, so I want you to really focus on my instructions. Women, please hold out one of your hands with palm facing upwards and men, place you hand on top of it, so that your palms touch. Now men, hold out your other hand, palm facing upwards and women, place your hand on top of it. This way, each of you will have one of your partner's hands to look at. If you feel uncomfortable, just try to relax. Take a deep breath and try to focus on the instructions. "
At that point, Ai took over, "Take a good look at your partner's hand. Notice its details. Take a moment to appreciate its uniqueness. Is it bigger than your hand? Smaller? Notice the feeling of the skin…"
As Ai guided them through the exercise, Cameron was overcome by a feeling of complete calmness. She enjoyed the feel of his skin against hers and she felt close to him in a way she never did before.
"…Take a moment to appreciate all of those little details."
She studied his hand, tried to burn the image into her memory, because she knew that normally he'd never let her look at any part of him for this long.
Christian continued, "Now I want you to notice that this hand you're holding right now hasn't always looked quite like this. It actually started off a lot smaller. There was a moment when this hand was one of a baby, grasping out for the first time..."
Following Christian's instructions, Cameron let her mind run free. She was taken to the past, imagining what he was like as a baby, a toddler, a small child…
"…Take a moment to imagine all of the things these hands have done."
She remembered how he told them about two months ago how he looked for mummies in Egypt and she could now vividly see this small blue-eyed boy crawling in dark narrow corridors. It brought a smile to her lips.
Ai continued, "Now keep playing through that slideshow in your mind and let it move forward again. Watch the hands continue to grow and change. Imagine what these hands looked like the very first time you touched."
She still remembered that day almost three years ago; her job interview with the great Gregory House. She was impossibly nervous and hasn't slept a wink that night. The moment she first stood face to face with him, she immediately felt his powerful presence and she was sure then, that she had no chance of getting the job. He would never choose her. And when he did, it felt as if the whole world stopped on its axis. It took one of his remarks to shake her out of her stupor. She at once apologised and held out her hand. He took it.
"Try to see in your mind what these hands looked like all the different times they've been with you…"
Those moments were few but she treasured every single one of them.
"…Notice how all these events, all this history; from when these hands were little baby hands to when they first met you… All this history has brought you to this moment right now. Holding these hands, noticing what they look like, how they feel… Take a moment to appreciate that."
She suddenly felt the weight of emotions start to weigh down on her. They already had so much history, so many moments that meant everything, yet nothing…
"And now project these hands into the future. Notice them aging, growing old, imagine how they change. The skin gets wrinkled, perhaps more pale…"
She imagined what it would be like if they stayed together. If their relationship didn't already have a set expiration date. She swallowed heavily as tears began gathering in her eyes.
"…Take a moment to appreciate all of the possibilities for these hands."
All of the possibilities she would never know. Silent tears of sorrow slid down her cheeks.
"Notice how far these hands have come and how far they have yet to go. They have been through an awful lot, and we can't predict exactly what the future will bring. For the moment, though, these hands are here, these hands which were once those of a baby and will one day be those of an old person, they are here, now, in this moment. For all that has happened to them, and for all that is yet to happen, they are here now, in your hands. And you have a choice about how you want to hold your partner's hands. This moment is in your hands."
She could only wish that were true.
"Given the big picture of your whole lives, of your relationship… What's important to you right now? How do you want to hold these hands? What really matters to you here in this moment?" Ai concluded.
If there was any doubt left in her mind before, then there was none now. He mattered.
"You can let go of each other's hands now," said Christian, "and take some time to acknowledge your emotions. You can talk about them with your partner if you want or simply hug each other. We'll give you a few minutes."
As House met her eyes again, he wasn't surprised to notice the tears. Quickly glancing around the room, he saw that all of the women had teary eyes and even some of the men. The room was thick with emotions and it unnerved him. What was he supposed to do now? When he looked at her again, she made the decision for him as she hugged him tightly and he found that he didn't hate it. Even more, it felt kind of nice. He must have been hypnotised by all of that psycho babble. Or brainwashed. There was no other explanation.
Before the session ended, the couples were given their homework: at least one repeat of the breathing exercise, an eye contact exercise that Ai and Christian demonstrated and most importantly, a no sex rule. The rationale being something about different kinds of intimacy and… House was still too caught up in trying to rationalise his emotions and distracted by Allison being pressed tightly against him, to really listen or even protest. The only other thing he heard was something about lots of hugging, cuddling and holding hands.
A/N: I've got all of the sessions planned already, which should make writing the next couple of chapters reasonably fast. I've got to say that Google has been quite unforthcoming when it came to these things but I suppose it would be too easy if you could get a full workshop plan online, wouldn't it? Psychology is one of my spare time research topics so I know this and that, but if there are any experts on the subject, you can freely criticise my methods.
I really am a stickler to everything proper and in accordance to natural laws, unlike certain shows, House included. They bend scientific truth any way they like it and then we have medical students who learn the wrong way how to handle an epilepsy attack, but that's a story for another day… At least I would be happy if they actually listened to their medical advisors and while they're at it, they might as well hire a couple of psychologists so the characters won't act as if they had a multiple personality disorder.
The second exercise in this chapter was taken from YouTube and you can probably find it if you search for "couples mindfulness". There's something I've got to ask you here… How detailed do you want me to be with the psychological techniques? I figured that you'd prefer if I didn't write every single word the psychiatrists said and rather summed it up in places while including House and Cameron's emotions. If you have any preferences about that, I'm pretty much open to suggestions in that department.