XXXVI. Eyes on the Horizon

"Hermione, dear, you need to talk about it."

Hermione looked at Lily and shook her head. "No."

The two women were sitting in the basement of what used to be the Potter cottage in Godric's Hollow. Hermione was perched on the edge of the bed that she shared with Harry fiddling idly with a loose thread on the blanket, her eyes faraway. As for Harry himself, he was still unconscious. He had come to briefly a couple of hours ago but Hermione had gently coaxed another phial of Dreamless Sleep down his throat after getting him to take the pain and healing potions that Madam Pomfrey had left for him, sending him back into the arms of Morpheus once more.

She desperately wanted him to be awake right now; she needed his steadfast resolve and his unwavering love for her right now. Alas, she knew that he still had healing to do. She would just have to cope with this herself until he was back to full strength.

The bruises on his face were now a blotchy purple with some yellow interspersed throughout. He looked a right mess, but Hermione barely saw any of that.

Hermione had hoped that she would feel better after a good cry and a good night of sleep. She got half of that; sleep had been difficult in coming and then it was constantly interrupted by dreams of Ron pressing her down against the table and doing unimaginable things to her. Hermione cursed her own weakness. She wasn't some pathetic victim. No, she had not just laid there and taken it. She had fought, and then killed her tormentor. She had gotten her justice, her vengeance. Ron was dead, and she had been the one to kill him. Did she regret it? No. Did she feel guilty? No. Then why was she so affected?

She almost laughed at the stupidity of her own question. She knew why she was so bothered. It wasn't because she had killed, or who it was that she had killed. No, she had accepted that she would have to kill at some point and by no means were either of the Weasleys her first kill. She had taken down more than one Death Eater in that fray at the graveyard. She had cut them down with fire and with curses as they fled out of the trees from hers and Harry's efforts.

No, it was what the whole thing represented. The end of innocence. Her eyes had been opened to the harsh realities of this war. At the graveyard, it had been nameless, faceless grunts who she cut down. She had taken a kill shot at Barty, but he was the enemy. And she had missed that shot anyway. No, this was different in that she had known both of her victims for seven years and had even called them friend at some point. But they had turned on her, treated her like trash. Tried to take her pride from her. She couldn't pretend that she was morally superior anymore. She couldn't claim the righteous high ground anymore.

She had forgotten the most dire warning that Nietzsche had taught her in his books. When fighting monsters, one should take great care that they do not become a monster too; for when one stares long into the abyss, the abyss stares back.

Hermione had not quite become that which she fought, but she had flirted with the darkness even before Harry came along. She had been insatiable in her curiosity and thirst for new knowledge and had delved into the darkest parts of magic without any real regard for how dangerous they were. Then Harry came along and she found herself seduced by this dark stranger who soon became her best friend and then her lover. She should have known that staying with Harry after she discovered the truth would eventually lead to something like this.

But Harry had not been there when it happened. The irony of that was not lost on her.

She didn't blame Harry for this though. It was her own fault and she would not go laying the blame at the feet of those who had done nothing but given her the freedom to make her own choice.

Nor did she regret staying with him. She had made her choice because she loved him and that meant that she would stand by him despite the opposition of all of her friends and family. Perhaps that was foolish, naïve thing to do but there was no going back now. She couldn't, even if she had wanted to.

"You can't keep it bottled up inside, Hermione," Lily pressed. "What happened yesterday was horrible, and if you don't let all of that out it will eat you up inside."

Hermione sighed heavily. "Listen, Lily...I know you just want to help, but right now all I want is for Harry to get better so we can plan our next move. I'm not some delicate little doll that's going to break at the first bit of trouble. I can work through this myself."

Lily's eyes grew sad, seeing the girl she had viewed as practically her own daughter for seven years so withdrawn and cold; though, given that said girl was sleeping with her son – her real son – she should amend that relationship a bit; daughter-in-law sounded good to her.

"It's okay to feel regret," Lily told her. "You did something that can never be taken back. I don't think any less of you," she quickly added when Hermione raised her eyes to her, "I just know how it feels to bottle that guilt up."

Hermione shook her head. "I'm not feeling guilty," she corrected the older woman. "I don't regret what I did. It was bound to happen sooner or later. They deserved it. Ron deserved it. Ginny deserved it. I'll never feel guilty for what I did to them. More than anything I think I'm just...sad."

Lily pounced on the small opening presented to her. "What are you sad about?"

Hermione shrugged, turning her attention back to the bit of blanket that she had pulled into her lap. "Just that it ever came to this, I guess. I can't take the moral high ground anymore." She almost giggled. "I've lost a large piece of my arsenal when it comes to arguing with Harry." She looked over at the sleeping man fondly. Her voice was quiet when she spoke next, "What will Harry think of me?"

Lily smiled sympathetically. "Harry loves you," she said with conviction. "That isn't going to change now. You did what you thought was right."

Hermione nodded. "I did what I had to do...I did what I had to do."

There was a tapping noise from the trapdoor and Hermione and Lily both tensed, looking up with their wands drawn.

Hermione leaped nimbly from the bed and walked slowly over to the ladder as the tapping sound continued in triplets separated by a pause that lasted little more than a beat. Was this some sort of code? She glanced back at Harry wishing that he was awake now to tell them whether or not this was a threat or a friendly sound.

Finally, deciding it was best to get it over with, Hermione flicked her wand, opening the trapdoor. She was tensed and prepared to start throwing spells at the first sign of danger but she relaxed when she heard a familiar caw and Rune flew in, something rather large clutched in his talons.

"Crookshanks!" Hermione gasped, running forward to pick up her familiar who was glaring mutinously at the large raven, who was flying back out of the trapdoor. Hermione scooped up the large feline and cradled him close to her breast, feeling him purr loudly at the affection, though he still looked quite grumpy. "Oh, I'm so sorry I forgot about you! I didn't see you and I didn't think to look for you or Rune. I'm so sorry!" Crookshanks just looked up at her with a looked that said he'd forgive her...this time.

Rune cawed loudly and flew back inside with yet more items clutched in his claws and one in his beak.

He landed on the desk and deposited his load, then glided to the bed where Harry was laying and began hopping around him and cawing as if he were trying to wake the boy up. When Harry did even stir, the bird pecked him lightly on the hand. Still no response. The raven's head darted back and forth, then looked at Hermione, giving a cry that Hermione swore said 'what did you do to him?'

Hermione scowled at the bird, then flicked her wand again, closing the trapdoor. She walked over to the desk to look at the letters and newspaper that had been left there, while Rune hopped over to the nightstand and peered curiously at the potion bottles there. He trilled softly, tapping his beak against the bottle of Dreamless Sleep Potion.

Hermione just ignored him and opened the first letter. It was from Bill, letting her know that he and Charlie were safe and were warding Shell Cottage so that none of the Order could find it. The second letter was from Luna, telling her that she and her dad were doing the same to their house.

Hermione sighed. Well, at least she knew that they were all safe. She wondered about Nymphadora, but thought it best not to try and contact the young Auror, just in case she was being watched.

She picked up the Daily Prophet and went to sit back on the bed. Lily watched her the whole way, her eyes filled with worry. Crookshanks had curled up on Harry's chest while Rune had taken up residence on the dark wooden headboard of the bed.

Hermione took up her previous spot and pulled her legs up under her before unfolding the paper. The first thing she saw was a large picture of Harry, which had been taken during the battle at the Graveyard, she could see herself in the background of the photo. Unlike most photos in the Wizarding World, this one did not move. She assumed it was so that people could see Harry's face clearly. Her own face was out of focus.

HARRY POTTER STILL AT LARGE

CROUCH FUNERAL TURNS TO HORROR

WEASLEY FAMILY ATTACKED, TWO DEAD

Hermione scanned the opening article which detailed Harry's known life so far, up to the killing of Albus Dumbledore. The article continued on page three, so she turned to said page and read what was typed there. The story about the attack at the graveyard was detailed here, somehow twisted around to implicate Harry as one of those that had instigated it and declared him a known Death Eater accomplice. There was no mention of Barty turning on his father save for a brief mention that Harry had last been seen at the graveyard chasing the youngest Crouch when he tried to flee. The next part of the article under the smaller headline YOUNGEST WEASLEYS SLAIN. Hermione read through it too. Apparently, the story the Order had given was that Harry had broken in and killed Ron and Ginny for no reason. No pictures were shown of the bodies, perhaps because then they would have to explain why Ronald had had the word RAPIST carved into his face and his genitals had been utterly mutilated; for starters, that didn't fit at all with the narrative and it certainly didn't fit with Harry's modus operandi, which as far as the Wizarding World knew, only consisted of blasting Dumbledore off of a tower and killing Jimmy with a Killing Curse, the last of which was complete rubbish as it had been Bellatrix that had killed him. Nowhere in the articles did it mention that Harry had been helping them fight off the Death Eaters at the graveyard or that anyone but Harry – who wasn't even there – had been involved in the fight at the Burrow.

Hermione made a disgusted noise and tossed the paper on the floor, where it promptly disappeared and reappeared folded perfectly on the desk. Hermione scowled but refrain from commenting.

A hand landed on her shoulder and she flinched, quickly moving away from the touch, an image of Ron reaching for her flashing through her mind. She looked up at Lily, who was eyeing her sadly. "It's okay, Hermione," she said softly, sitting down next to the younger girl. "No one is going to hurt you here."

Hermione nodded and chastised herself for letting something so small as a touch affect her so. She just hoped that she didn't react like that when Harry touched her. She didn't think she could stand to see the hurt in his eyes if she did. He wouldn't blame her, she knew, but still.

"What was in the letters?" Lily asked.

Hermione glanced over at the letters on the desk. Lily could just go and read them herself. No one would stop her. Hermione knew why she didn't though. She was trying to get Hermione to talk, even if it was just something trivial. Hermione wanted to stay silent just for the sake of it, but she knew that Lily would just worry about her if she did that.

"Just Bill and Luna," she told her.

Lily hummed. "Are they all right?"

Hermione nodded. "Yeah. They're safe. They're updating the wards around their homes so that no one from the Order can find it. Bill said something about making sure only a select few people would be able to enter. Harry and I included. And you, of course. Luna is doing the same and Bill is gonna be going over to help them set up some extra defenses. He knows a lot of stuff like that, being a Curse Breaker."

Lily nodded. "He's good with Runes. So are you."

Hermione smirked. "I'm okay with Runes. I can translate really well but actually manipulating them is something Harry excels at."

Lily shook her head. "You set of the Runes for the ritual and they worked flawlessly."

Hermione nodded. "I got lucky."

Lily laughed. "Hermione, stop being so modest. It doesn't suit you. It wasn't luck, it was knowledge."

Hermione smiled this time, truly smiled. "Harry said the same thing before we even did the ritual."

"He's a smart boy. I would say I raised him up right, but I can't take credit for that." Lily looked miffed. "To think he turned out so well after being raised by Voldemort."

"Actually," Hermione corrected. "You have Barty Crouch Jr. and Regulus Black to thank for that." She looked at the trunk at the end of the bed where Harry's journal was stashed. "He wrote a bit about it. How they were his closest companions. Then Regulus disappeared and it was just him and Barty. Harry won't say it, but he missed Regulus a lot when he disappeared. He's dead now. He also misses Barty. Even now, I'm sure." She looked over at Harry. "Silly boy. He doesn't know when to give up on his loved ones. This is the second time that Barty has seriously injured Harry. Had I not followed them and had I not been able to get Madam Pomfrey to fix him, I think Harry may have died. I don't know if that was what Barty wanted, but he certainly isn't giving me much reason to believe that their friendship can be mended."

"Why would you want them to mend the friendship if he keeps hurting Harry?" Lily asked with a bemused expression on her face.

"Because," Hermione said in a tone as if she were explaining something that was obvious. "He needs friends. Right now, he has me, and to a lesser extent Luna. I know he has Charlie and Bill as allies but they aren't his friends. Not yet. Neither are Tonks and Fleur. Barty is his oldest friend and besides myself the only one he has left. I have to hope that they can reconcile their differences, for Harry's sake. Everyone needs friends, even him, despite what he would have us all believe. Barty too, I'd imagine."

"If Barty cares as much about Harry as you say, then why hasn't he come over to our side? It seems like his loyalty to Voldemort trumps his friendship with Harry." Lily's voice was a bit clipped.

Hermione shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe he thinks he can keep Harry safe if he's the one coming after him. He's had several opportunities to kill or capture Harry, but he hasn't taken any of them. Doesn't make any sense at all."

A small click of Rune's beak drew her attention but the bird was seemingly just trying to get Crookshanks' attention. Said feline was pointedly ignoring him though, which made the bird extend his wings and fluff himself up before cawing again. Crookshanks just looked at Hermione and lazily flicked his tail.

Hermione shook her head at the antics of the two animals. "I can't help but think he's playing with Harry. Trying to push him toward something. I hope not. Harry doesn't like being treated like a puppet. He's not just some weapon to be pointed in whatever direction one chooses, he's a man. He deserved better than the lot he was given."

Lily reached over and patted Hermione's hand and Hermione fought to keep herself from flinching. "Things will get better."

Hermione nodded. "I hope so."

XXXX

Harry awoke, healed, a week later. His bruises had faded and his body had completely recovered thanks to the potions Hermione had been feeding him. The first thing he noticed upon getting his bearings was that he was in the basement of the Potter House in Godric's Hollow. The second thing he noticed that there was an unmistakable tension in the air and it seemed to be centered around Hermione, who was acting a bit more closed off than usual.

She had not noticed that he was awake yet, as she was sitting on the edge of the bed, a book laying open in her lap, but she wasn't reading it. Harry knew this because she had not turned a page in several minutes. Her shoulders were sagged but still somehow stiffened, like she was carrying a heavy weight on them. One hand was absently playing with the hem of her shirt. Harry recognized all of the tell-tale signs of a Hermione who was deeply troubled by something. He wondered if it had anything to do with why they were in Godric's Hollow rather than Grimmauld Place.

He made to sit up, but Crookshanks sitting on his chest made that action somewhat difficult. He glared silently at the cat, who gazed blandly back, clearly unfazed by Harry's annoyed expression. Harry laid his head back against the pillow again. "Hermione?" he called in a voice that was rough from disuse.

Hermione practically jumped off the bed in fright as Harry's voice broke the silence. She spun about, eyes wide and her breathing hitched. "Harry? Oh, you're awake!" Her expression grew considerably brighter and she crawled across the bed to him, her hands picking up a protesting Crookshanks and setting him aside so she could check on Harry.

While his bruises were mostly gone, a bit remained around his left eye, nothing overly noticeable though.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, eyes roaming over him but her hands never quite touching him.

Harry winced as he again tried to sit up. "Stiff," he answered honestly.

Hermione nodded, biting her lip, then the gently help him pull himself up until he was sitting with his back against the headboard. "Do you need anything?"

Harry shook his head. "No. No thank you." He looked around at the basement again. "What happened? Why are we in Godric's Hollow?"

Hermione bit her lip again and her eyes went downward as the started fiddling with the hem of her shirt again. Harry instantly became even more worried. Why was she nervous? Why couldn't she meet his eyes? What on earth had happened?

"Hermione," he asked worriedly. "Hermione, love, what happened? What's wrong?"

Hermione was clearly distressed and he could see tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Harry felt his heart clench. Seriously, what had happened to make her this way. He hadn't seen her this worried or upset since she had returned from her parents' house after Obliviating them. Had something happened to her parents? Had something happened to his mother? The others?

"Hermione, please," he coaxed. "Talk to me." He reached out to take her hand and she flinched away before he could. He himself recoiled at the obvious rejection and raised his eyes to hers. If anything, she looked even more upset now and the tears were falling freely.

"I'm sorry," Hermione gasped out. "I didn't mean to...it just happened..."

Harry was even more confused now. Was she referring to her reaction just now or something else.

"Don't be sorry, Hermione," he said in the most comforting way he could. "Just tell me what's going on."

Hermione sniffled and took a deep breath. "I think it would be easier to just show you." She stood up and went outside the curtains surrounding their little corner. Walking to the desk, she picked up something there and came back, closing the curtain behind her again. This time she didn't climb back on the bed, but stopped at the side and handed him the object.

He looked at it and realized it was a copy of the Daily Prophet. Curious, he unrolled it and looked at the headlines on the front page. The first two were no surprise to him. He had expected as much, but the third caught his attention. He flipped to page three and read through the article a couple of times. When he was done, he rolled the paper back up and tossed it aside, not caring if it vanished when it hit the floor.

"Well, obviously I wasn't there, but I'm getting the feeling you were."

Hermione still wouldn't meet his gaze.

Harry sighed. "Come here," he requested, waving her over.

Hermione hesitated, then climbed on the bed and crawled over to him. He reached for her slowly, giving her time to prepare herself. He wasn't sure what exactly was wrong, but he knew that he needed to be patient with and considerate of her. Hermione stiffened up but did not flee as she had before. Gently he took her hand and waited until she seemed to adjust to his touch, then pulled her slowly to his side. She settled beside him against the headboard and he wrapped one arm around her, making her freeze again. He waited, lightly rubbing her arm comfortingly. Slowly, she began to relax in his embrace.

They sat in silence and Hermione, taking deep breathes and pushing the memories of Ron assaulting her out of her head, leaned her head onto Harry's shoulder, closing her eyes and letting his presence surround her. His warmth, his smell, the steady rhythm of his breathing. She was glad that the curtains were drawn around them. While she knew Lily would be ecstatic that Harry was awake and finished with his potions regimen, she wanted this quiet time just to them. She knew it was selfish but right then, she didn't care at all. She needed this. She couldn't let herself stay in this dark place anymore. Eyes on the horizon, Granger!

Hermione sighed. Harry was waiting for her to speak. He didn't say anything more to that effect, but she instinctively knew that that was what he was waiting for. She could take as long as she needed. He could be patient, for her. That alone gave her the comfort and strength she needed to open her mouth and tell the story.

"After you went down, I chased Barty off," she started. Harry turned toward her and his embrace tightened just a bit. "It was horrible...there was so much blood. I brought you back to Grimmauld but I knew I couldn't help you. I don't know enough about healing and I didn't want to risk making it worse. So, I took the map you borrowed from Fred and George and went to Hogwarts. I went to the hospital wing to find Madam Pomfrey. With McGonagall as Headmistress now and Madam Pomfrey working with the Order, there was no way she would agree to come out and help you. So...I stunned her...and kidnapped her."

Harry raised a brow at this but said nothing, waiting for her continue.

Hermione cleared her throat. "I sat in the chair for hours keeping my wand on her while she healed you. When she was done I Obliviated her and sent her back to Hogwarts. You were under the influence of a Dreamless Sleep Potion so I guessed, rightly so I might add," she added that little bit with a hint of her old confidence, getting into the groove of her storytelling, "that you would not be coming round for some time yet. I realized that your mum wasn't in the house with us and I got worried. I hadn't heard from any of the others either. We still haven't heard from Tonks yet either. I hope she's okay...anyway, I went to Shell Cottage to check in on Bill, Charlie and Fleur, and they were all safe. Then I went to Luna's house and she and her father were safe as well. But your mum, she wasn't at either place. I don't know where Tonks lives so I couldn't check there but Luna told me that your father, sorry, James had been insistent that she go with him from the graveyard. So, Xeno went to get Bill and Charlie while Luna and I went over the hill to the Burrow."

She shifted in her seat, cuddling closer to Harry, her anxiety flaring back up at the mention of the Burrow.

"I scoped the place out with my Omnioculars and discovered that Lily was there, being kept in the parlour with Remus to watch her. Ginny was in the kitchen. When the others arrived we decided that they would disillusion themselves and wait outside while I went in and tried to get your mum out without a fight. However, when I got there, Ginny was gone. I knocked on the door and Ron answered. I wasn't prepared for him and spun a yarn about you and I having a falling out. That still makes me feel all wrong to think about. He bought it a little too much and kissed me. I tried to shove him off but he wouldn't go."

Her breathing was picking up as the memory. She could feel those hands on her again. She began to fidget in Harry's embrace and he shushed her gently, letting her know that it was him there and not Ron. His voice calmed her just enough to continue the story.

"I blasted him off of me but he came back. He trapped my hands and tried to push me down on the table but I fought back and the next thing I knew I was on my back on the floor and he was choking me. I clawed and hit but nothing was working. So, I gouged his eyes with my thumbs." She looked down at her hands. Was that a bit up dried blood under her nails? "Then, I mutilated him...and killed him. The whole time he was attacking me, no one came to my aid. No one. They were right in the next room and not one of them came to help me. Your mum, she was held down by some spell of Remus' but Remus and Ginny just let it happen..." she trailed off, seeing the look in Harry's eyes. The cold, deadly fury and the rigid set of his jaw. She had seen that look before; when he killed Neville, when torturing Dolohov and just before he beat him to death with a wooden chair. "It's okay, Harry. He's dead. He can't hurt me or anyone else anymore."

Harry nodded stiffly, his nostrils flaring. "Tell me," he said. She knew what he meant, but he continued regardless. "How did he die?"

Hermione took a deep breath. "I gouged his eyes out first to get him off of me. Then, I castrated him with a cutting curse, multiple times...then I hit him with the Killing Curse."

Harry looked her in the eyes, something akin to pride coming forward there at her words. "Good." He was glad the bastard had suffered first, even if his suffering was all too brief in his mind. "What happened next?"

Hermione launched back into her tale. "Ginny insulted me, and you and kept screaming so I killed her too. Your mum and I fled here while the others went to their own houses. They couldn't have helped me...the Order knew we were coming and had attacked as soon as I was inside and occupied with Ron. We all made it out and I don't think there were any other casualties for the Order than those two...And that's it really. We've been here just waiting for you to get better so we can make our next move."

Harry nodded, obviously still angry. "I think it's time to move up our timetable," he said. "The longer we sit idle and do nothing, the more time Voldemort has to rebuild his power. We've dealt a crushing blow to him with the killing of all of those recruits. His forces are reduced to a handful. Barty, Wormtail, Yaxley, Greyback, Rabastan and Rodolphus, Amycus, Alecto, Mulciber...none but these few remain. The rest are either dead or in prison. The only one among them that would give me any challenge is Barty and Voldemort himself. I'll be honest, I don't know if I have the power to defeat Voldemort but I have to try."

He winced as he turned to stand up. Hermione gasped and scrambled to help him stand. "Be careful, Harry. Don't push yourself too hard too fast. Take it slow."

Harry scoffed. "After all this, a bit of stiffness isn't going to kill me." He stretched, feeling his muscles loosen and his joints pop loudly. He then cracked his neck pleasantly. "Ah that feels good. Okay, where is Rune? We need to send word to Shell Cottage and the Rook that I am back up and going. We also need to get in touch with Nymphadora; find out what's been keeping her out of communication."

"Rune's been gone for three days," Hermione told him. "He went out the other day and hasn't come back yet. He's around somewhere though because he keeps leaving the paper just outside the trapdoor for us."

Harry opened his mouth to speak but just then a loud tapping noise echoed through the room from the direction of the trapdoor. Hermione threw open the curtains and ran over to the trapdoor to let the raven in while Lily poked her head out from behind her own curtains to see what was going on. She spied Harry, who had followed Hermione out from their 'room', and ran to him, wrapping him in a warm, motherly hug.

Harry winced again and lightly patted his mother on the back. "Don't fret, mum," he said. "I'm all right."

Lily shook her head. "First your arm and now this. If Barty doesn't quit trying to leave you alive he's going to kill you!"

Harry barked a laugh at that. He couldn't contest her logic on that one. Barty seemed content to avoid killing Harry directly but his methods left something to be desired; Harry could and would attest to that.

Rune's cry drew their attention back to the present moment and the bird flapped over to Harry, settling on his shoulder with a letter in his beak, which he waved in Harry's face, urgently telling him in his own way to take it and read it quick as it was important.

Harry, sensing the urgency of his familiar, took the letter and tore it open with no regard for the state he left the seal in. He unfolded the parchment and read through the short and straightforward message scribbled there in Nymphadora's untidy scrawl.

"Damn," he murmured, after he finished.

"What is it?" Hermione asked, seeing the change in Harry's stance. Something was wrong. "What's happened? Is Tonks all right? Bill? Charlie? Luna? Did the Order get to them?"

Harry shook his head. "No. It's worse. The fools are making their move. They're going to attack Voldemort directly."

XXXX

A/N: All right. That's that chapter done. Just one more and then the Epilogue left to go. I want to thank everyone who has stuck with me this far. Leave me some feedback and I will see you all soon.

-Atrocity.