OK, so we're already AU for Thor 2. Most of that movie will still happen later in this universe. But obviously not the reunion scene

Chapter 31a – Thor/Jane Interlude 1 – THAT Conversation

What the hell do you say to the Asgardian god you're obsessed with when you've just found out he very likely has absolutely no intention of banging your brains out as you'd hoped? It was a difficult question for Jane Foster, and she wasn't accustomed to difficult questions that had nothing to do with astrophysics. So she stood and shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably, unable to meet Thor's eyes. Jen had been fast, discreet and succinct getting her information across.

"Thor says they don't go in for extra-marital sex on Asgard," the smaller woman said quietly, meeting Jane's eyes squarely. "You might need to change those plans you and Darcy were giggling about."

It took Jane a moment to process, the words seemed so unlikely, and then she screeched "Say what?" in a voice so loud everyone looked at her. And that bastard Loki smirked at her across the room. Honestly, if Jen and Clint hadn't already smacked him, she'd go right over there and do it herself. Maybe she should anyway, he was still owed one for Erik Selvig, in her opinion. On the other hand – he was a scary bastard. Maybe not.

Thor gave her a concerned look, and she did her best to smile at him reassuringly, all the while running over their past interactions in her mind. He'd made his interest clear with his looks, his protective attitude towards her, but he'd never made any sort of move until he and his friends were on their way back to Asgard. And then he'd only told her that he would come back for her, and kissed her hand. It was Jane who had thrown herself at him and kissed him – and he had looked really quite startled.

He'd kissed her back very satisfactorily, though. The memory of his warm mouth on hers had sustained her through the long, lonely nights since. The strength of his arms holding her off her feet, his strange armour pressed against her as she clung to him; those were the sensations that had stayed with her.

Jane found herself blushing as she remembered that kiss. And curiously, Thor was blushing too, as he talked to Barton. And then Jen and Clint were walking away, leaving Thor and Jane staring at each other across a distance that seemed almost as long as the damned Bifrost was reputed to be.

"I want – to be somewhere private with you," Thor said at the same moment as Jane said;

"Let's get out of here."

Except, where the hell was she going to take him? Her apartment was obviously out of the question. If she invited him there she'd feel like she was declaring herself a whore, and – well, she didn't want to be that to him. The lab, she decided. No, the gym. She'd started building a new machine there, as Tony had a terrible habit of pulling apart and 'improving' everything she built in her lab.

"Come on, then," she beckoned. She really didn't intend to offer her hand, but somehow it was clasped securely in his massive one anyway. She shied a nervous look at him. Somehow he seemed even bigger than she remembered, absolutely towering over her.

If she'd been tall enough, Jane would have disconnected the speaker in the elevator through which JARVIS promptly started playing smoochy music when they got in. Instead she shot it a dagger look and the music at once became subtly quieter. The elevator got to the gym in double-quick time – JARVIS had learned to be wary of Jane and her penchant for disassembling things that annoyed her – and stepped out into the darkened room. Jane was about to tell JARVIS to turn the lights up when Thor dropped his hammer on the floor – oh dear, that was going to leave a dent – and pulled on her hand, turning her to face him, lifted her clean off her feet and started kissing her as though the world was going to end.

Wow.

Okay.

For several minutes Jane lost track of absolutely everything but the feeling of Thor's mouth against hers, his huge arms curving protectively around her, his thick golden hair under her hands…

Right, time to stop this.

Well, maybe a bit later…

In the end it was Thor who drew back first, setting her gently down on her feet, and then dropping gracefully – dammit, the man – god – did everything gracefully – to one knee and pressing his lips against her hand.

"Forgive me, my lady."

"Er – what for? I already forgave you for disappearing when I got the letter you left with Steve to give to me." It had been ADORABLE, and explained everything, from the shattering of the Bifrost, to Loki's disappearance, to his fear that she might somehow become caught up in the mess that was New York or targeted by Loki, to his asking Steve and Tony to protect her afterwards.

"For – dishonouring you. For thinking of dishonouring you." He cast those stunning blue eyes downwards, looking ashamed of himself. "I should not have touched you so."

"Oh, Thor, no," he looked even more distressed, and she promptly went to her own knees. "That's not what I meant! I meant – I wanted you to. Maybe even more than you did." She put her finger under his chin, and he let her lift his face to meet her eyes. "For almost two years, I've dreamed of nothing but being with you," she whispered. "In every way. I – Jen told me that you said that Asgardians don't have physical relations outside of marriage," she was proud of having managed that without using the word sex. "But you should know that on Midgard, most people choose not to wait, they choose to test their relationship first by finding out if they're physically compatible."

Damn, that was a smart speech. It gave her an out for having shagged a fair few guys. And it also gave her and Thor an excuse to find out if they were physically compatible.

"I suppose – there is a great discrepancy in your size and mine," Thor mused. "You fear that I would hurt you?"

Jane stifled a laugh. "Not on purpose, and not unless your physiology is different from that of a human man," she assured Thor, who promptly blushed while shaking his head. "No, I mean – oh, hell, this is really embarrassing."

"Then let us not speak of it," Thor said promptly, "I would not for a moment have you suffer any kind of discomfort on my behalf!"

"No, we need to have this talk. When I say compatible, I mean there are things that some people like to do in bed that others don't."

Thor only looked more adorably confused, and Jane had a sudden thought. "Wait. You've never been married?"

He shook his head with an affronted look.

"You're a VIRGIN?" she hadn't intended to shout the word, but somehow it seemed to echo around the gym.

"If you mean, have I ever lain with a woman, no, I have not," he said a bit stiffly, his cheeks flushed red. And then his eyes widened. "But you have lain with other men." It wasn't a question.

Jane flushed to the roots of her hair. "Yes," she admitted, unable to look at him. "I have."

"I see." He turned away, ran a hand through his hair distractedly, paced a few strides away from her. "The – Donald Blake, whose clothes you once gave me. He was one such?"

"Yes." Jane had never felt such deep, scalding shame. Not even when her mother caught her necking with her first boyfriend. "Thor, I wish I hadn't. I wish our customs were the same as yours, because if they were I would have waited for you." She was on the verge of tears.

Thor turned back, the desperate look in his blue eyes piercing her to the heart. "Jane. My lady. It is not that. I feel – I fear that you may find me lacking."

"In what possible way?" Utterly bemused, Jane stared at him.

"In that I lack the training to please you. I – I love you, my lady Jane. There has never been another maiden, in all my years, whom I wanted to be with. Until you. I would do anything for you. And now you tell me that we must test first, before you choose me, and I have no skills, no training with which to pass your test, and I shall surely fail." He looked completely distraught.

What in the Nine Worlds could she possibly say to that? Jane wondered, staring at him.

A/N: I TOTALLY intended to write this scene as a comedy. And then I ended up with pathos and oh my god THOR. Just. WHOAH. I'll need to write another interlude once I get over wanting to hug him and make it all better. Dammit Thor why did you have to go all honourable and noble and totally take over my comic relief scene?