Murphy gets to come home and the boys try to help Lila come back to them.
It had been two weeks since Murphy woke up, two fucking weeks, and it was hard on all of them. Because Murphy was now awake, the doctor only allowed one of them to sleep there with him. Visitors weren't allowed to sleep there full stop, but when the doctor told them both to go home for the first time, Murphy almost set the fucking place on fire with them all in it, wanting to burn the place to the ground. So as a compromise, one of them could stay overnight, the other would have to go home and come back during visiting hours.
Murphy had felt incredibly guilty, because no matter how much he loved his girl, it was obvious who he was going to pick. Connor wouldn't leave Murphy's side for a second, not after all that had happened, and Murphy needed to be close to him after Connor had let him see and feel everything that had happened when he was out of it. He was worried he had upset her, being put in a situation where he had to pick his brother over her, he felt like he had betrayed her somehow. She got it though, she wasn't stupid enough to think he was going to pick her, as soon as the doctor said it, she knew it would have been Connor and if Murphy had not been able to make up his mind, she would have told him to pick Connor anyway.
She knew they needed each other, they were both very vulnerable and she wouldn't ever dream of splitting them up. It hurt her, of course it did, having to go home every night alone, to an empty apartment and an empty bed, but she dealt with it. The first few nights were the worst and she hadn't been able to sleep. And when she had returned to the hospital to see Murphy in the mornings, she had looked rough, making it clear she hadn't slept and had been crying. It only made the boy's guilt increase about the whole thing. Being unable to be there for her when she needed them most, for her to be suffering through this alone when they had each other. Connor had asked Rocco to stay with her around the third day, and of course he said yes. Rocco was so happy Murphy was okay, and he too was still reeling from all that had happened, to witness Murphy literally die right in front of them.
The girl was troubled, the boys could see it, fucking feel it, and even Rocco could tell she was trying to deal with shit and failing. She barely spoke now, only if she was spoken to, but most times she would answer with a nod or shake of her head. When Rocco went home with her, he would try and make her laugh, being his usual self, but she would only give him a weak smile, not laugh like she usually would. Her best friend was worried about her. She didn't really feel like Lila anymore, and even the boys had noticed. When she was at the hospital, Connor would watch her carefully, he would see how she avoided eye contact, and keep touching either one of them to a minimum. She had blocked them both every time she was there, successfully too since she had gotten better with her abilities with all she had done with Connor. Murphy hated that she blocked him, but he daren't bring it up, since it just reminded him of the horrible words he had said to her before the accident. That could have been the last time he had ever spoken to her and he had accused her of trying to cause a fight between him and his brother, he was still feeling guilty as hell about it. 'Ye got what ye want girl, aye?! Got us fightin', is this what ye fuckin' wanted?!'
When the four of them were sat in the hospital room, Rocco would tell funny stories trying to make her laugh, Connor would even join in or Murphy, but they never succeeded. Connor had been able to successfully put his own feelings in a box, as always. Locking that box labeled 'Murphy's death' up tight and never to be fucking opened lest it eat him alive. Murphy was here and he was okay, there was no need to even go there in his mind, he'd rather just forget about it. But he was worried about Lila, seeing her so vacant, not being able to feel her. The whole thing had done a number on her, and unlike himself, she wasn't able to just ignore what had happened, to stuff her shit in a box and get on with life like normal. The only way she was coping was to just shut down completely, and he was scared she'd never fucking come back.
It was killing Murphy to watch her. She would sit on the chair like she wasn't really there, not taking part in conversation, not even reaching out to his hand anymore. When he reached out to her she would come to him, but she still seemed so far away. He knew just how bad things had been, he had felt it when Connor showed him, and he knew she wasn't dealing with it well in the slightest. He just hoped once he got home, things would be better, the three of them finally together.
He had finally gotten the okay to go home, he was out of the woods so to speak in life-threatening shit, he just had to deal with his beat-up body and broken leg. But he could cope with that, just as his brother was doing with his broken arm. His own arm was out of the sling now, the sprain gone thankfully, and the stitches in the gash on his head had been removed. He had been itching to leave, he hated being cooped up in this small fucking room with doctors and nurses prodding at him a billion times a day. He hated being away from Lila every night, worried sick if she was alright, if she was sleeping or not. According to Rocco she barely slept anymore, and most nights he would wake up hearing her crying in bed. Connor was excited to get his brother home, for the three of them to finally be together properly once again so he could watch over not only his twin, but his lass too. He would do whatever it took to bring her back to her former self and he hoped Murphy being home would fucking help with that.
Rocco had driven them home, telling them he'd be around at dinner time with some food for them all, and after saying their goodbyes, the boys went off inside the apartment building. Murphy had crutches and Connor was right by his side, a hand on his back as they got inside the elevator. They didn't speak, they were nervous. It felt weird now between them and Lila with her being so distant. It was almost like they were unsure how to act around her. When they opened their door and walked in, she was making the bed. She turned to look at them, giving them a weak smile before continuing her task. Murphy's heart dropped. There was no hug, no kiss, not even any words, just a weak ass smile that was more of a grimace in his opinion.
The place was spotless and smelt like bleach, Rocco had warned the boys she just cleaned whenever she wasn't at the hospital, how she would mutter to herself that the place had to be just right for Murphy's return. Murphy and Connor looked to each other, worried as they shucked off their coats. Murphy propped his crutches against the wall, and he limped over to her as she smoothed out the bedding quietly. He swallowed thickly as he reached out to her, taking her hand hesitantly, afraid she would bolt or something.
She flinched, seemingly not even noticing he was there and she looked to him with wide eyes. He felt a stab in his heart when he caught a quick glimpse of the raw pain hidden in her blue eyes, but then just as quick as it was there, it was gone, as she successfully shut down once again.
"Missed ye m'girl." He frowned, pulled her to him. He wrapped his arms around her tightly, burying his nose into her hair and letting the cinnamon scent soothe his heart from everything that had happened. She was tense, and she just stood there not hugging back for a moment, it only made the pain inside of his chest increase. She was so fucking far away from him and it felt like he was dying all over again.
"Please love, come back te me." He whispered pleadingly, tearfully, almost mirroring her own words that she had said to him when he hadn't woken up yet.
He heard her take a shaky breath and then he felt her arms wrap around his middle. He clenched his jaw, fighting the onslaught of tears at the feel of her finally hugging him, and he squeezed her tighter. He felt her body shaking and then he heard it, her small broken sobs as she clutched to him tighter. It broke his heart, but he was happy she was crying, because it meant she wasn't just empty like she had been. She was allowing herself to feel for the first time since he had woken up. Connor walked over slowly, he had been watching from near the door and he could feel his own tears welling up, feeling his shared pain with the girl when Murphy was still out of it. He came up behind her, encasing her in his arms and his brother and he held them tightly. The three of them just a tangle of bodies for a moment as the girl's sobs increased. Murphy was crying along with her, unable to stop himself at hearing her pain behind her cries, and it was taking all of Connor's sanity not to cry, trying to be the strong one of the three like he always was.
They stayed that way until Lila had cried it out, Connor being the first to move away. He kissed the top of her head, squeezing his brother's arm, before moving off and going to lay on the bed. He was exhausted, physically and mentally. Murphy held her for a moment longer, and when he moved away, he noticed she wouldn't look at him. He took her face in his hands and tilted her face up, giving her no choice. She blinked her tear stained eyes up at him, looking at him like she was so scared he wasn't even real, like it was all a dream and Murphy was still back at the hospital, not awake. He swallowed hard and rested his forehead on hers.
"It'll all be alright m'girl, ye'll see. M'here now, not goin' anywhere." He tried to soothe her, stroking her hair. She closed her eyes and nodded.
She knew he was okay, he was there, he was talking, he was alive. But she was finding it so hard to deal with that moment he had flatlined. The blinding terror that had gripped her soul so hard she feared she would be following along right after him. She felt a little better though after crying, she had stuffed it all down just to get by, just to preserve her sanity for each night she was apart from the pair of them. But now they were home, she could try and sort through her emotions and just being around them, having them hold her like they did, it eased some of the tightness in her chest.
Connor cleared his throat and the pair turned to look at him, now sat up in the bed.
"C'mon, family meetin'." He said seriously, scooting back to lean against the headboard. Lila blinked at him for a moment but she watched as Murphy moved over to the bed sitting to Connors right. She heaved a sigh and went over, sitting in front of the pair. It almost felt like she was about to be scolded by her parents. She noticed the boys were sat so close their arms were touching, she wondered if they did it on purpose or if it was the subconscious need to touch each other after everything that had happened.
"Now, I know we've been through hell the past few weeks Lila, fuck knows I was right there wit' ye, but I'll not be havin' ye withdrawin' from us. I'm not stupid, yer shuttin' down so ye don't have te deal wit' it, but sweetheart, it's goin' te eat ye alive if ye don't sort through it, aye? If ye have te cry, then ye fuckin' cry, if ye need te cling te Murphy like a wee babe, then ye fuckin' do it. None o' us are gonna judge ye for doin' whatever ye need te in order to cope lass. Me and Murphy had our time in the hospital te work through it, but ye've been here wit'out us, and it's clear it's taken its toll on ye. So now's yer chance to let it all out." He said sternly, always the one to protect and care for them.
Connor had his chance to make peace with what happened. Every night at the hospital he would sleep in the bed with his brother, gripping him tightly. He could breathe in his scent, feel his heart under his hand, he could feel him mentally as their connection became strong once more. But poor Lila hadn't had that chance to make peace with what happened, to see properly that Murphy was in fact okay. Because he knew just as she did, it felt surreal that he was there. But Lila was here every night with only Rocco to keep her company, in the bed alone, she had withdrawn so much she barely even held the lad's hand, and that was only when he had given her his usual Murphy puppy eyes. But they were all back together now, and Connor wasn't about to watch her get further and further away from them, because they fucking needed her. They both needed her to just deal with it in any way she needed so that she could go back to being sassy Lila, their sweet girl they loved so much.
Murphy hadn't said a word, he already knew his brother was planning on talking to her because they had spoken about it. Murphy felt somewhat guilty she had switched off like this because he had fucking died. He knew it wasn't his fault, the whole thing had been way out of his control, but to see how broken she was, it really hurt him. Lila blushed embarrassed and looked to her hands, it felt like Connor was calling her out. She had detached herself from everything, trying to push it out of her mind and not think about it, because when she did, it just replayed over and over in her mind like a horror movie on a loop. She knew Murphy was safe, he was right there looking at her, but its like something inside of her was still stuck on the fact he had died. She had experienced a lot of death in her life, and she knew better than anyone that life could be short, that anything could fucking happen. And this, this was like a rude awakening, and that at any point, the boys could get taken away from her, and there wasn't a fucking thing she could do about it. She was scared, more than scared even, and she didn't know how to deal with the lack of control over the situation. So she had resorted to going to autopilot so she didn't have to deal with it at all.
Of course the boys picked up on it, she had blocked them at first and she knew they would have felt it. But then being numb became so second nature to her she didn't even have to block them because there was just nothing there anymore. But now, with both boys sat there staring into her soul, with Connors words basically calling her out, she could feel the fractures form on the protective shell she had cocooned herself in, as if the boys themselves were chipping away at it piece by piece. She knew she needed to let it out, she had so much hidden away inside of her that she had been trying to stuff so far down, and it was trying to reemerge. Her defense was to shove it all the way back down, but she knew Connor was right. Because she had lost a part of herself in doing so, and if she continued, she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to come back.
And so, she listened to the twin with the most authority, the twin who always looked out for them, who always knew what was best, even it if was something that wasn't pleasant. She cried. She sobbed for hours on end, sandwiched between them both as they muttered soothing words to her and held her. Murphy had cried right along with her, feeling every ounce of her pain as the dam broke and they were once again connected. It hurt him so deeply to feel her and see her this way, to know it was over him. He was overwhelmed by the intensity of her love for him that this whole thing would do this to her. Even Connor struggled to keep his shit under wraps as he held her, watching his twin and his lass cry like this, and he took some of his own advice, crying with them and letting it out. Because if they didn't, they'd never be able to move on from the horror that the past few weeks had been for them both. They all cried until there was nothing left, and they passed out in bed from exhaustion, being worn out. But they had felt better, they had let all of their heartbreak out, their grief, and now they could move on to getting better and just living life again.