Good Meets Bad

Chapter 35 – Forgive and Forget

WARNING: This chapter was not beta read; I only proofread this.

Genre: Romance, Humor, Friendship, Hurt and Comfort, Drama, Action

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Fairy Tail, Hiro Mashima does.

She gave me a smile

Told me to wait and see

And she hugged me so tight

I could barely breathe

The moment Erza spoke, Mira detached herself from Lisanna and ran to the redhead, hugging her as tight as she could. Erza went rigid in her arms and tried to return her embrace but failed, sighing in the end. She lowered her head solemnly. "I'm sorry I disappeared without saying anything, but we really need to talk."

"As much as I'd love to ask you why you did go away, let's talk indeed," Laxus said, sighing. He turned to Laki. "Could you please leave us for now?"

The purple-haired woman nodded, turning to the exit the room. "I understand." As the door closed shut, they fell into a deep silence. Erza was currently having trouble breathing, and the words she wanted to say were clogged in her throat. No one else planned to speak while they waited patiently for her to do so, but it was prominent that she was having difficulties.

Sucking in a deep shuddering breath, she held it and exhaled slowly. She bit her lip and looked away. "I… I know you a-are still mad at Gray for what he did," she started. She visibly flinched at the blaze of fury that could be found on her friends' faces and swallowed thickly. "But please understand that he was merely lost."

"I can't," Natsu muttered. He too was avoiding eye contact, his stare directed at the floor. "He could've shared what he was feeling with me, or with Loke. But no, he decided to keep it to himself and allowed himself to be manipulated by some woman he didn't even know. I refuse to understand that."

Loke briefly met Erza's eyes and immediately looked away. "I agree with Natsu. He had us. I can't fathom how he fell into the pits of despair."

"If you were really his friends, you would've noticed right away," the redhead exclaimed, her face red with a clash of ire and shame. "If you guys watched his back for him, he wouldn't have had to rely on someone else to relieve the despair he felt. I'm not saying this because I'm siding with him. I know what he did was wrong and I accept that, but I know how he felt."

A gasp escaped Mira's lips and she covered them, her eyes wide with realization. "That's right," she whispered, her voice shaky. "Y-You—You're in love with Jellal."

Another wave of silence washed over them as they all directed their stare to Erza who continued to look at the floor. She could feel their gazes digging holes into her soul, but she didn't waver. Her breath hitched. "Yes." Her whisper was barely audible. "I loved him and I still do."

"W-Where is this going?" Levy's brow wrinkled in confusion. "Are you saying—," she began but Erza already spoke.

"Yes."

The bluenette's eyes widened.

"I am here to tell you that I am guilty for being happy when Lucy was shot," Erza said, her voice dropping. She heard them inhale sharply and she fisted her hands. "I… regret feeling that I was complete. To feel so glad that my rival was gone before my eyes while my love was suffering greatly was a horrible mistake, but my mind was clouded and I wasn't thinking straight."

"But you didn't do anything bad like Gray," Lisanna said, refusing to look up from the ground.

Erza chuckled softly, her eyes filled with pain as she stared at them through her thick lashes. "I was about to." She clenched her fists tighter. "I wanted to get rid of her. I wanted to kill her. She was a threat. She screamed danger. She could be the reason for Jellal's downfall and I refused to ignore that. But when I saw Gray pull the trigger and Lucy dropped before my eyes, I was jumping in happiness. However, deep inside I also felt fear. I imagined myself being the one to do that, and when you guys spoke to Gray, I was relieved I wasn't in his shoes."

Laxus eyed her, his face impassive as she continued speaking. No one could tell what was on his mind, but no one dared to ask. "But he knew," Erza mumbled. "He knew what I was thinking, and when my thoughts flew out of his mouth, I suddenly realized how disgusting I was."

The blonde heaved a sigh. "I don't disagree with that." He disregarded her wince and said nothing more.

She took a sharp intake of breath and continued. "L-Let me cut to the chase, a-alright?" she whispered hesitantly.

"Go on," Loke said tiredly. "Just... tell us why you have to humiliate yourself in front of us."

Erza dug her nails in her palms and said carefully, "Gray… he… jumped off the school building just recently."

Their eyes widened and the redhead laughed bitterly. "I don't know what he was thinking of during that time, but I know that it was a dead end for him." She exhaled with a shudder. "He must've been so shrouded with regret that he didn't know what else to do."

Juvia fell to her knees. "G-Gray sama d-did what?"

"Is he…" Natsu paused to gulp, "dead?"

"No!"

Erza was clearly having trouble with breathing. She heaved in deep breaths and couldn't stop panting. Sweat dripped from her chin and to the floor, and her eyes were wide with fear. Natsu looked disturbed at her rash response, but Laxus understood it. He looked at her with a tender gaze, knowing fully well that she was hurting.

"Erza." His voice sent shudders down her spine. She whipped her head up to meet his eyes. "He's still alive, isn't he?"

The redhead swallowed the lump in her throat. "Is—Is that so wrong?"

"No," Laxus whispered. "It's a great opportunity."

Mira blinked in confusion. "What are you talking about, Laxus?"

The blonde sighed before running his fingers through his hair, his lips pressed into a thin line. "I think it's about time we have a talk with Gray. We should settle this once and for all." He frowned. "I don't like the idea of everyone fighting, and I know that Gray didn't want to harm anyone. I accept the fact that he was out of his mind, but we can't erase what he did."

Erza tossed him a relieved stare, and she released a heavy exhale. "Thank you… so much…" her voice cracked and she turned to the door.

"Let's go."

The walk to the hospital was silent. No one attempted to start a conversation, and their shoulders were tense. The building loomed over them, and as Erza took a trembling step inside, they followed right behind her. She spoke to the nurse softly and she replied rather quickly. Erza then lead them to the elevator. They got in and for the short while that they were there, still no one spoke.

There was a ring and they all stepped out on the third floor. The hallways were filled with visitors quaking with worry, and there were nurses pushing a gurney. The air was thick with the smell of disinfectant, the walls so white that they found themselves looking towards people's clothes. The uneasy tranquility was an unending, even as they stopped walking. They stood in front of Gray's room, the door suddenly feeling like an entrance to hell.

"He's…" Erza paused to gather herself. "I don't think he's awake, but p-perhaps he is."

Loke heaved a sigh. "Hopefully he is. As much as I dread going in there, I want to fix this mess."

The redhead gave him a small smile. "L-Let's go in then." With those words, she gripped the door and slowly slid it open. The sight before her unfolded, and her eyes widened.

"Erza?"

She fell to her knees, staring at the messy-haired boy who was leaning against the headboard. His eyes looked tired, and his skin was still deathly pale. But nevertheless, he looked better than before. There was a blanket over his legs, and the bandages around his head were demanding for attention. He frowned in worry and was about to ask her what was wrong when his breath suddenly hitched and his eyes grew wide with terror.

The words he was about to say lingered on the tip of his tongue and he fisted his hands in the sheets. The little bit of color left on his face disappeared, and he bitterly looked away. Glaring at the floor, he asked, "Why… Why are you guys here?"

Natsu was the first to speak. His voice was laced with danger and at the same time, concern. "Erza told us you tried to commit suicide." He narrowed his eyes. "I'm here to ask you why."

Gray clenched his fists tighter, his jaw tense. "I don't have to answer that."

"You have to!" the pinkette barked, his face full of anger. "I just want to know why!"

The raven-haired boy closed his eyes. "You don't have to know..." he whispered. "It is my burden alone."

"That's the root of this dilemma."

Everyone looked at Laxus who had his arms crossed over his chest. He sighed. "You can't keep bearing that problem alone. You tried once to fix it without telling us, and now look at what happened," he said and gently gestured to his wounds.

Levy stepped forward reluctantly, her voice shaky as she spoke. "Y-You know w-we're here for you. If you just t-tell us w-what's going on inside your head, m-maybe we can help you."

"Don't you guys hate me?" It seemed so much like a question that no one noticed that he meant it as a statement.

"Hate is a strong word," Mira said softly under her breath. "To be honest, I… I can't bring myself to hate you, Gray."

The said boy looked up from his white knuckles and to her. His shoulders relaxed slightly at the tenderness in her gaze. "You're always so kind, Mira," he whispered. "I don't deserve that."

"I c-can't bring myself to hate you t-too, Gray," Lisanna said, her words rushed and her face flushed. "Why can't you accept that?"

"I don't deserve it."

"Stop degrading yourself," Natsu growled, and if the mood wasn't so heavy, people would've wondered how he knew such a complicated word. "You are my rival, but you are also my friend. I'm angry at you, but I don't hate you for what you've done."

Laxus' lips curled in a small smile. "You took the words right out of my mouth."

Gray stared at them in exhaustion and awe, surprised at how they could even stand before him. He wasn't worthy of their concern or love. He didn't deserve to be friends with them. He was a scum, a horrible human being. He didn't even know how to differentiate himself from criminals anymore. If Lucy hadn't stepped in, would Jellal be dead by now? Sometimes the thought still haunted him, even as he was sleeping. He couldn't get it out of his head.

He heard someone inhale and he looked at Loke. The boy rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Gray… you're my best buddy. And even though I was very much surprised that you could actually fire a gun, and at our friend, I still couldn't hate you. Somehow, I know you wouldn't have done it if you approached us instead of Minerva."

"No need to dwell on that," Gray mumbled. "What's done is done."

"That is true," Mira said with a sad smile. "But we can still fix this. If you just tell us how you feel—"

"I have nothing to tell you." His words sliced her and she flinched. "Like I said, this burden is mine alone to bear."

Erza looked at him helplessly. "But Gray… why not just… tell us what you thought of when you were pulling the trigger."

His eyes widened and the memories of that vile night resurfaced. He clutched his head and mentally cried out in agony, unknowingly mumbling words under his breath. At last, he exhaled and opened his mouth to speak. "I… I was hesitating," he started. "I didn't want to shoot him, but Minerva's words were conniving and I couldn't raise a finger against her. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I wanted to go back and stop."

"Why didn't you?" Levy asked. Her lips tugged down into a frown.

Gray shrugged. "Honestly, I-I don't know. I wanted to stop, but those… those horrid words were leaving my lips so quickly that I couldn't stop myself. When I fired the gun, I apologized to Lucy. I couldn't stop myself and for that I was livid, but then Minerva shot me too and I felt so much regret. I hated myself for making Jellal suffer. I was… I was very frustrated at myself."

"Are you saying that you were unaware of your actions?" Laxus asked. He was staring at him with his intimidating eyes but he remained unfazed.

"I was aware of them." Gray laughed bitterly. "The problem was that I didn't control them."

"Did you try to?" Natsu asked. It was odd to see him so serious, but then again, this was not a matter that they should be laughing at.

The boy on the bed shook his head. He closed his eyes. "You can scream at me for not trying, but I didn't really have strength to try. I was tired."

"I'd be yelling at you if we weren't at the hospital right now," Laxus said, sighing. "But I guess I do kind of understand what you feel."

"You don't." Gray's voice was cold. "You could never understand how I felt while I was doing the unexpected. And you could never know how much pain I went through after it happened."

"Why didn't you just do self-harm?"

Everyone's heads whipped around to stare at Lisanna who jumped in surprise at their reactions. She raised her hands in defense. "I-I'm not saying he should've started cutting instead! B-But why d-did you think of jumping off a building rather than that?"

Gray's gaze lingered on her longer than the others, unspeakable emotions swirling in his dark blue orbs. "Cutting would take forever. Cutting is just a relief, and it doesn't last long," he whispered. "Dying was the fastest escape route."

"Then you're a coward," Loke stated bluntly.

Gray smiled bitterly. "Maybe I am."

"But I forgive you."

His eyes widened as he stared at his friend who grinned widely. "Seeing you now makes me feel little. I've went through problems before, but not as bad as yours. I suppose if I went through something like that, I would've done something worse than jumping off a building. I would've hanged myself."

"Don't be ridiculous," Levy said, whacking his head. "You sound completely insane."

"I forgive you too."

Gray looked at Natsu who crossed his arms over his chest, playfully glaring at him. "It's actually a miracle to see you so serious, stripper."

The boy twitched. "Are you serious? You're joking now. This isn't funny—"

"We forgive you too."

He turned to Mira, Lisanna and Levy. They smiled at him, their eyes holding a look of love and gentleness. He swallowed thickly, his mind unable to comprehend the situation. "Why?"

"There isn't really a reason," the bluenette said, rubbing the back of her neck. "It's just… instinct."

"Juvia forgives you as well, Gray-sama."

The said boy's eyes widened and he turned to the other bluenette. He almost forgot she was there. "Y-You… of course you would! You're in love with me!"

"Yes, but…" Juvia paused to frown. "Juvia was angry when they said Gray-sama shot Heartfilia-san. But even so, Juvia forgives you."

Gray closed his eyes. "And you?"

Erza laughed softly. "I've forgiven you the moment we both got lost in ourselves. Forgiving myself, however, is a different matter."

His fists relaxed and he hesitantly turned to the last person. "What about you?"

"I'd probably forgive you too in my next life," Laxus grumbled. He released another sigh. "But you know… it's not us you should be apologizing to."

"I wasn't apologizing," Gray mumbled. "You guys just suddenly said you forgive me."

Laxus ignored his comment. "You should be asking Jellal for forgiveness, not us."

The other boy bit his lip, looking away from them. Of course he knew that, but how could he even face him when he couldn't even face himself?

A/N: Finally, we see Gray, who is still fighting with himself. However, in the next bit, we face another heartbreaking scene involving Reina, Lucy and Jellal. I hope you guys liked the chapter. I know I couldn't bring them to hate Gray, so this happened. And speaking of Gray, I have something to explain.

Okay, so I actually forgot to explain about Gray. So, I did just show what happened to him after Jellal trained for months, right? And it seems stupid that he has been falling for months before he headed to the ER. Weeeell in Cynical, Gray committed suicide, right? In that chapter, it has two different timelines. Gray's (where he was currently trying to end his life which takes place months after Jellal's training) and Jellal's (before he wanted to be trained by Analee)

So, technically, Gray committed suicide just a few days after Jellal finished his training. Sorry if you guys got confused, I actually forgot to mention this and ugh now that I realized it, the story must be VERY CONFUSING. So there were timeskips and I accidentally showed the future. If you check the chapter Cynical now, you'll see that I italicized Gray's part there. I also explained it in the end sooo, there. I hope you guys don't hate me for this.

If you want faster updates, leave a review because they lead to happiness and happiness leads to inspiration, meaning faster updates! It is quite possible by the way. I already know how to start the next (and I think the last) chapter. So why not take this step with me and read until the end, yes? :)

"And here I thought the pain would never end, but still the wounds are there and I know they'll never mend."

Byee! -Anne :D

- Please support/read my other stories: Celebrity Issues, Forgotten Memories, Fragile, The Devil and the Assassin, Life's Challenges, Queen of Stars, A Love That Lasts Forever and Going Against The Current.