A/N: Before the internal screaming is heard from miles around, just know that you can find the sequel to this story on my page. If you want me to, I can post the link somewhere else. Just ask for it in the review section.
This chapter is the final official chapter of "I Can't Face The Dark Without You". I know! I'm sad too, but for those of you who love Shan's story, and are here for her story, as well as the shipper part of things are going to LOVE LOVE LOVE the sequel.
A few things that are going to happen in the sequel:
1) There are some rivalries to look forward to for Daryl and another character who may want to move into his territory (probably not who you think).
2) Shan...well...you'll just have to see.
3) A new character is getting a rewrite, because their sendoff in the show was BS to me. So, i'm giving them a better one :)
Please please please read and review. I have to go to work, and then when I get home I'm going to write a very short epilogue, before I consider this officially complete. It's a reaction from Daryl to the ending, here.
If things seem like they totally ended abruptly, it's because they did. It was the only way to end things. The difference between my story and the show? You don't have to wait six months to read a new chapter! This chapter took forever to post, and I'm sorry, but the sequel will be up in DAYS.
Things may also seem to jump around a lot, and I apologize, but I promise you'll love it!
Look for "You Are The Wilderness" (the name of the sequel)!
Chapter 35: Beside The Dying Fire
Pain. Insurmountable pain and confusion; that about sums up the feeling of waking up from my 'nap'. Darkness had fallen on the forest, and honestly, I didn't know if anyone was still around.
"Help…", I wheezed out in my best attempt to scream. Confused, I brought a hand up to grasp at my sore throat, wincing ever so slightly, "HELP!"
The wheeze was a bit louder, but still wouldn't reach through any of those trees. The pain in my left arm was excruciating; almost blinding as I attempted to move the limb. It was quickly jerked back, by what felt like a pair of hands, and I frowned into the darkness, wrenching the arm from the vice grips that held it in place. A loud snarl sounded, shocking me out of any kind of daze, as I scrambled backward away from the walker in the dark.
Panic would be the next emotion I could describe to you, as I realized the inevitable. I was bitten. I was bitten and dying.
"Oh my god…NO!", I wheezed out, kicking the walker in the face as he came down onto me. Hitting the ground, he reached out, his fingernails scraping down my legs like razors, before tangling in my hair as I began to stand, "DARYL!"
"What exactly is your plan if she's…", Glenn started, and Daryl sniffled, his eyelids heavy; his head hanging. He shook his head and shrugged a bit, but kept walking through the darkness. Glenn simply nodded, not pushing the issue. Daryl was thankful that the kid had learned a thing or two about him. As much as he tried to play himself off as a loner, he enjoyed the company…
A noise perked his ears up, and Glenn began glancing between Daryl and the bushes, where the noise sounded from. Daryl quickly grabbed Glenn by the shoulder, and pushed him against a tree, holding a hand out for him to be silent, and to hide. Glenn immediately nodded, plastering his back against the large tree; flashlight and machete clenched tightly against his chest.
The lone walker shambled closer, causing Daryl's breath to pick up as he counted in his head. It would be an easy kill, but as close as the damn thing was, it would be easier for Glenn. As if he read Daryl's mind, Glenn made eye contact with him, slipped out from behind the tree and stood face to face with the walker, shining his MagLite in it's face.
With a yelp, Glenn stumbled backward, the walker falling on top of him. Daryl rolled his eyes, pulled his crossbow up and made a shot, only to miss. That had never happened before. With no time to worry, he grabbed the walker, pulling it off of Glenn and onto its feet, where it turned and attacked Daryl. Grunting, his back slammed against the nearest tree, holding it's shirt collar to keep it still, as a machete came crashing through the top of it's skull. Daryl grunted one last time, and relaxed, as Glenn pulled the walker off of him, and offered a hand.
"Thanks…", he mumbled, grabbing the outstretched hand, and hoisting himself to his feet. He snatched the light out of Glenn's hand, shining it on the face of the corpse at their feet and his eyebrows furrowed, "Hey…it's that kid…"
Glenn's hands came to rest on his hips as he turned in a complete circle, scanning the woods, "What does that mean?"
Daryl crouched beside Randall's body, and began looking him over for bites. His body was as clean as the day they had brought him in, save the leg wound. Daryl made his way from the feet all the way to the head, turning it to the side.
"He ain't got no bites…but his neck's broke…", he whispered. He narrowed his eyes as they passed over Randall's hand, which was covered in a bush of red hair. Daryl picked a bit of it off, standing to look at Glenn. The glance they shared was a mutual understanding, and Daryl stepped back from the body, turning his own in a circle as he brought a hand to cup around his mouth, "SHAN!"
"You really think she did that to him? Snapping a neck isn't easy, Daryl…"
"I ain't givin' up on her that fast…Go join the rest of 'em and leave me be if you don't…", Daryl started before Glenn bit his lip and suddenly snapped, tears flowing down his face.
"She means as much to me as she does any of you! I found her FIRST…I brought her to you…Don't you dare pretend that this isn't my business, or that you're the only one allowed to be hurting. We're ALL hurting…Daryl. If we don't find her…it's a blow to the group. She's…She's just as much a part of Rick's family…as any of us. Let's just go find her…", Glenn strung out, barely breathing. He let out a ragged breath, sniffled, and took off through the woods in silence. Daryl too collected himself, standing with his hand on his hip, before loading a bolt onto the string of his crossbow, and following Glenn's footprints.
I wrenched my hair loose, ripping a clump out by its roots as I stumbled, and took off running through the dense woods. The walker snarled and reached, but didn't pursue me too closely. As I ran, I could hear the blood flowing from my arm; splashing against the dry leaves below. The sound was almost deafening, as the effects slowly but surely took over my body.
"Not like this…Please…", I whispered to no one, stopping to lean against a tree. My heart was racing and my mind didn't slow too much, itself as I waited for my breathing to calm down. The once freezing night air wasn't enough to keep the sweat from cascading down my face, to join the blood below.
"SHAN!"
Painfully, my head jerked toward the sound of Daryl's voice, rattling my thoughts momentarily.
"Daryl? DARYL!", I attempted to scream, pushing myself away from the tree. I stumbled toward the sound, making the loudest noises I could with my feet. Hopefully, I could draw Daryl right to me. Those hopes were shot, however, as I caught a glimpse of both Glenn and Daryl, tromping through the woods. Before I could even run for them, a gunshot sounded, reverberating through my body like a sledgehammer. I groaned, clutched my stomach, but kept moving; only to watch Daryl and Glenn run out of the woods, toward the shot, "God dammit. C'mon Shan…"
I huffed once, and kept moving toward the outskirts of the woods. No matter the outcome, I was not dying alone.
Daryl narrowed his eyes, listening to an intense rustling in the woods. It sounded almost like a deer, galloping through the fall leaves, but the sound grew closer. A walker, maybe? Or maybe it was Shan…
A large caliber gunshot shocked his entire body out of its hopeful daze, and he turned. The movement in the woods stopped. All was silent. It only took one glance from Glenn, and he was off. If it wasn't Shan, it was Rick. Both carried the same gun. Both were either in trouble, or were WITH trouble.
"You think that was her?", Glenn gasped out as they made it to the edge of the woods, and galloped up the steps of the house. Daryl didn't answer. Instead, he swung the back door open, and briskly waltzed into the living room.
"Rick and Shane ain't back yet?"
"No…", Lori whispered, her face concerned.
"We heard a shot…"
"Maybe they found Randall?", Lori spoke up again. This time, her face was hopeful, and as much as Daryl hated to do so, he shook his head, shutting down the idea.
"Nah. We found him. He was a walker."
"Did you find the walker that bit him?", Hershel asked politely, leaning against the mantle of the fireplace. Daryl shook his head.
"His neck was broke…See…thing is…Shane and Randall's tracks were right on top of each other. Shane ain't no tracker. So, kid didn't come up behind him. They were together…", Daryl explained, glancing to Lori. Realization swept over her face, and she stood, reaching out to him in desperation. Her hand fell on his chest lightly, and he flinched, but watched her.
"Please get back out there and find out what's going on. Please…"
"You got it…", Daryl whispered with a nod. He pushed past the others, and out the door of the house. The growling was instantly the only thing he could hear as he peered across the yard. In the distance, a vast horde of walkers could be seen, shambling and dragging themselves across the field, directly toward the house, "Oh shit…"
"What's…", Glenn started, as he bumped into Daryl's back. His mouth fell open and he glanced up at the older man's face, his eyes wide, "What do we do? Daryl…what do we do?!"
"I don't know…", Daryl whispered calmly, although his heart was pounding out of his chest.
"But Shan…We have to go get her. Daryl we have to…"
"I SAID I DON'T KNOW!", Daryl snapped, watching for any sign of life amongst the sea of dead closing in on them. Hershel began giving instructions. The women began moving around, but Glenn stayed at his side.
"Maybe they're like the herd on the highway. Maybe we can just...just hunker down and they'll go around?"
Daryl shook his head sadly, and looked around at the faces that seemed to be relying on him, all of the sudden, "Unless there's a tunnel downstairs I don't know bout, a herd like that'd rip the house down…"
"Carl's gone…", Lori gasped from behind them. Daryl's stomach fell even harder as he clenched his crossbow for dear life, "He was supposed to be upstairs…I'm not leaving without my boy!"
"We're not. We're gonna look again and we're gonna find him.", Carol said with desperation. She grabbed Lori's hand and took off back into the house.
Hershel and Maggie began distributing guns, and Daryl just had to narrow his eyes at the stupid plan he could see unfolding, here. They were planning to attack the herd, try to take them down. They would be mowed over in a heartbeat.
"Whoa…we're not seriously planning to take them all on, are we?", he asked Hershel, who quickly shut him down.
"You can go if you want. This is my farm…I'll die here."
"Alright. It's a good night as any…", Daryl murmured, jumping over the rail. As he hit the ground he scanned the yard, still frantically searching for Shan. The plan was hopeless, but surely Rick was somewhere. He wouldn't let the group go down swinging, if things looked bad. Worst came to worst…they would all hit the highway.
I breathlessly scrambled out of the woods and against the rotten wood of the stable. The old wood against my forehead caused me to cry out, as the venom continued to flood my veins. I lifted a hand, and pushed my face away from the side of the barn, struggling to continue.
However, an idea began unfolding in my brain. If I could get inside, I could buy the rest some time. I felt my way down the side of the barn, to the door handle and finally around the open door. As I stumbled, I slammed into a body. The scream that left my throat scared us both, and I realized quickly that it wasn't a walker. It was Andrea.
"Andrea…Oh my god…", I gasped, feeling around my face with my hands. I was okay. I was still alive, at least.
"What are you doing out here? I think Daryl's looking for you. C'mon. We have to get back to the house."
"No…", I argued, pushing her approaching hand away. Her eyes narrowed as she turned and stared at me. It took a moment, but the realization swept over her like a tidal wave, a hand came up to her mouth, and she sobbed.
"But…There has to be something…", she whispered through her fingers, shaking her head, "What…Does anyone else know?"
"You're the first I've seen…Sh-Shane…He's gonna kill Rick…"
"What?", she asked, pulling her hand down from her face.
"He took us out..m-me and the…and the kid. Tried to kill us both, but…I woke up like this…"
"Alright. We'll find him…them…First, let's find Daryl.", she whispered with a feigned smile creeping onto her lips. She sniffled, gently placed a hand on my arm, and began dragging me from the stable.
"No. Andrea…no…", I croaked out. A small sob left her lips, and she turned.
"Then what?"
"I have to do something, first…If I'm gonna die, I wanna die my way.", I puffed my chest out a bit, and turned to the nearest horse. It was already saddled, an emergency vehicle of sorts. I flipped the latch on the door, and grabbed the reigns with a small groan, "Hoist me up?"
"A horse?"
"Just hoist me up!", I snapped. The groaning outside was almost deafening, as the walkers lined up around the closed fence. Andrea quickly scrambled to one knee, linking her fingers to make a step for me. I stepped onto it, and she raised quickly, practically throwing me onto the horse. I laid against its mane, catching my breath as much as possible, against my failing lungs.
Grabbing the reins, I kicked the horse's sides softly, and began trotting toward pasture. Andrea ran to catch up.
"Take this. Please…Worst comes to worst…you know what to do with it.", she said softly, handing over one of the handguns she had hoarded. Nodding, I took the gun, shoved it into the waistband of my pants, and took off across the pasture. My voice was strong enough to speak, but was it strong enough for my plan to work?
"HEY! OVER HERE! C'MON!", I screamed as my horse galloped toward the fence. The scream tore at my throat, but the growls grew hungrier, and all eyes were on me. I held on tight, pushed forward on the reigns and much to my excitement, the horse jumped over the short fence like it was nothing. There was no spooking, no rearing, just swift running, "Andrea! Go to the others! GO!"
I couldn't make out Andrea's response, but she turned and took off toward the middle of the property. My head throbbed in stress as I hugged the tree line. In the distance, the 'smelly barn' blazed, like the fourth of July.
Daryl's bike roared to life as he kicked off toward the burning barn. Hopefully, Rick had set the fire. Hopefully, he was alive and kicking. Hopefully…he had Shan. As he rode down the hill, he pulled his revolver, firing round after round at the never ending queue of death that approached.
The RV pulled up beside him, and the kid he hadn't bothered to know leaned out the window.
"What's going on?"
"I think Rick started that fire to draw 'em in. Let's circle on around!", Daryl yelled back to the kid, who nodded, and took off toward the barn. He fired a few more shots, before circling around to the road, his eyes trained on the outskirts of the woods, "C'mon Shan…C'mon…"
I could make out Daryl's frame against the fire, but I couldn't force myself to draw the walkers to him. Instead, I glanced back at them, and screamed again. The horse was good, he kept running as if he had been waiting to stretch those beautiful legs, and we hit the gravel road within seconds.
I was headed home. If Daryl survived the night…I would see him in the morning. I just had to make it a few more hours. I took a deep breath, glanced down at the bite on my arm, and kicked the horse's sides a bit harder.
A scream sparked Daryl's attention. It was time to go. The walkers had taken the farm, vehicle after vehicle had passed him, and as far as he could tell, everyone was gone…except for Shan. It had to be her. It had to be…
He pushed off, and the engine roared, flying down the gravel to what he hoped was that red hair, safe and sound. It didn't matter what Shane had done to her. It didn't matter what she looked like, or what shape she was in. They could fix her. They could fix anything…unless she was bitten. That was something they would deal with, if it came to it.
The crying and screaming grew louder, and he stopped, waiting for the owner of the voice to emerge from behind the stable fence. There was no red hair. It wasn't Shan, but Carol, staggering away from the walkers in terror. He couldn't leave her. He couldn't force himself to, but if he had to, he would cram them both onto the back of this bike.
"C'mon! I ain't got all day!", he screamed at her as the walkers began closing in on them both. The sun was already rising over the horizon. Daryl hadn't remembered the time slipping away that quickly, but apparently, they had been at battle for hours. His eyes scanned the woods as the loud Triumph motor roared through the fog, and bodies, "You keep an eye out for Shan, back there!"
Carol's grip on his waist tightened, and she leaned forward, her ragged breathing hot against his ear. Daryl narrowed his eyes, and turned his head slightly, as she began speaking.
"I saw her…back at the farm. She had a horse…", she explained, "She seemed…sick…or hurt…"
"We gotta go back then!", Daryl snapped, straightening his body to look for a place to turn around. Carol buried her face into his back with a loud sigh.
"Daryl...She's gone. She took off. From the looks of it, she was hurt bad."
"She went home…", Daryl said softly, speeding up. The quicker he could get to the highway, the quicker he could get to Senoia.
The fog seemed to thicken as the horse beneath me panted and struggled to carry me along the six lane interstate. Only another mile, and we would be trotting right up to my front door.
What better place to die, right?
As we reached the gravel roads, he began to slow, like he knew the drill. There was really no telling how many times Maggie had taken him into the city for this or that. He was well trained, and if I had the chance, I would commend her for doing such a wonderful job, but that would never happen. This was the last sunrise I would ever see. This was the last horse I would ever ride, and unfortunately, I would probably never see Daryl's face again.
The old farmhouse loomed in the distance. Against the pale sky, it seemed to radiate light. It seemed like home. A random group of walkers shambled all around the yard, but everything else seemed to be in place as I pulled the horse into the small coral. He was thankful, lying down immediately. I rode him down to the ground, and rolled off of his back, standing to stumble through the fence. Outside the gate, I stumbled, tripping over a pile of something soft. It crumbled against my booted foot, and as I fell to the ground, it dawned on me what the pile was.
I rolled onto my back, and scrambled away from the charred remains of my parents, just randomly burned in the grass outside our home. A sob escaped my throat as the familiar burning of grief ripped through my chest. I hadn't thought of them in forever, letting the terrible memory of their death pass away as I adjusted to this new world. In reality, I forgot about them…because I couldn't handle the truth.
A loud growl stirred me, as I lifted my teary eyes from the ground, to a walker- shambling toward me. Groaning, I lifted myself to my feet, and began a pathetic run toward the house.
"C'mon Shan…", I whispered, stumbling against the steps. The door was still open, left untouched after the 'purge'. I stepped around a body in the kitchen. The body was of a police officer, a police officer that I hadn't killed. Narrowing my eyes, I quickly crouched, and pulled his gun from the utility belt around his waist. He wouldn't be needing it…
I stumbled back from the corpse, onto the stairs, where I carefully carried my shaky body upward. It was a terrible idea, but if I had to choose a place to die, it would be somewhere comfortable; safe. I pushed my bedroom door open, and stumbled inside, quickly falling onto the floor in exhaustion. My lungs were no longer carrying the air I needed to breathe, and my brain was tired; ready to give up.
As I laid there, I reached out, my hand meeting the cool wood of the floor like ice. I was burning up, burning out. I glanced to the wall at the pictures, and slowly closed my eyes.
"Nobody's goin' anywhere!", Rick scolded, his face coming close to Glenn's. The group was rocked. A few of them were missing, or confirmed dead, and their loved ones were desperate to find them. Daryl stepped forward, grabbing the handle bars of his bike.
"I'm goin' back fer her.", he slurred out, glaring at Rick.
"No you're not. We survive this by pulling together! She's not there. She's somewhere else or she's dead…", Rick snapped. He returned Daryl's stare, their blue eyes burning holes in one another.
"You'd go back for yers…", Daryl almost whispered, slinging a leg over his bike. Rick didn't argue, but he raised a hand.
"You know where we'll be…I don't agree with this…"
"I know. But she's it, man…I can't leave her back there…", Daryl said sadly, "I'll see about Andrea, too."
With that, they both nodded, and Daryl took off toward Senoia.
Thunder. Crashing thunder tore through my sore brain like shockwaves. I groaned, tightening my closed eyes as the thunder grew louder. What the hell was that? It was loud, and it reverberated through the floorboards in a rhythm. As I listened, I recognized that rhythm: footsteps.
"No…", I whispered, not moving my head from the ground.
"No? What the hell's goin' on here, princess?", a familiar voice chimed throughout the room. I furrowed my eyebrows, and if I had've had the strength, I would have looked like a deer in headlights, "How long you been like this?"
"Merle?"
"Mm…", he murmured in confirmation. I let a half smirk rise up from somewhere, and licked my lips.
"Good to see…you…", I stammered, "Thought you was dead."
"Dead?! Who the hell told you I was dead?"
"Daryl. I found him…Rick…They went back for ya…", I whispered. A shadow passed over my closed eyes, blocking out the faint sunlight as Merle kneeled beside me, and placed a cold hand to the side of my face.
"Sheriff Rick?"
"Mhm. They went back to get ya…be here any minute.", I croaked out.
"You ain't got a minute, sweetheart."
"I ain't leavin' without Daryl.", I managed, but quickly lost consciousness. Merle passed a hand over my mouth, tugged my eyelid up, and after a few seconds, hoisted me from the ground.
"Ain't dyin' on me…bit or not…Chop yer damn arm off…", he stammered, carrying me down the stairs and out the front door.
It was the start of something I never wanted. It was the beginning of something new. This world isn't meant for people like me. This world is made for the strong, like Rick. The rest? We're collateral damage.
My name is Shan.
This is how I died.