Acceptance

It didn't feel finished. Elizabeth watched the traffic go by as Dean drove them back to the hotel. Lucy was gone, and it left Elizabeth feeling uncertain. It wasn't exactly fear – she knew Castiel and the Winchester brothers were there to look out for her and Lucy would be weak after the attack. It was more that she didn't know what the future held for the Nephilim girl who thought herself a queen. Would she give up and try to live a normal life? Would she continue killing people to get her souls? What if she did eventually get her wings? What did that mean for the world?

"You're quiet," Sam said as they entered the hotel room half an hour later.

"Just…taking it all in."

"You've been through a lot today."

More than you know. She wasn't sure why she hadn't told Sam and Dean about killing Jericho. Perhaps it was because it hadn't quite sunk in yet. She also knew that if it was ever discovered that a Nephilim had murdered the angel then she would be hunted down and killed. No angel would ever show mercy on her after that. It made her feel very fortunate indeed that she had Castiel on her side.

She had trouble sleeping that night. Her dreams were filled with fanged Nephilim and ripped wings. She was walking through a room filled with butterflies their wings splayed out and pinned. They were still alive though, and she watched them struggle. It would take forever to remove all the pins. She ran around the room releasing the butterflies one by one, but where she released one, another took its place. The room was filled with butterflies, an equal number pinned to the wall and flying around her head. Then suddenly they flew off to the doorway, and Elizabeth saw the outline of a figure. The butterflies covered every inch of her skin until she was a collage of colors, wings flapping on every side of her.

Pale blue eyes opened like spots on butterfly wings to scare off predators. "I only wanted to fly," Lucy's voice came from the being. She turned and on her back two black bat wings twitched. "I just need your wings."

A pain ripped across Elizabeth's back, and she looked back to see that her wings were gone. Instead they flapped on Lucy's back, downy white and glowing. The butterflies left her body, and she flapped her wings. Elizabeth's wings.

Elizabeth woke with a start, sitting up in bed. She was breathing hard, and she leapt off of the bed. She had to check that her wings were still there. The dream had felt so real. Sam awoke to see her spreading her wings out behind her.

"Elizabeth?" He stood up walking over to her. "What's wrong?" His eyes traced her wings, and she realized the only time he had seen them was right before she'd disappeared from her father's cabin after taking his grace.

"A nightmare. Lucy took my wings," she said. "I had to…to make sure they were still there. It's silly."

"No, it's not. I know how real nightmares can seem. I had them a lot after…after Jess died. I still have them sometimes."

Elizabeth reached out and placed a hand on his cheek. "I'm not sure either of us will ever truly escape nightmares."

"Maybe not in this business." They both contemplated this for a moment before Sam reached out and touched the tip of one of her feathers. "Your wings are beautiful," he told her.

"Thank you." After hearing Lucy's story, she felt more grateful than ever that she had found the Winchesters. They could understand her. They weren't afraid of her nor did they think her an abomination. "You know my life could have turned out very differently."

"I suppose that's true." He ran his hand down her feathers from the place where they met her spine to the very tips. Elizabeth shivered slightly. There was something relaxing about the touch like someone running their fingers through your hair. She let her eyes drift closed. Then Sam's lips were on hers, soft and slow. She bent her wings forward and though they weren't long enough to reach around the two of them, they brushed his arms and brought him closer. They stood like that for a long time, and there was nothing hurried about the moment. She could stand like this forever.

…

Before they left the city, Elizabeth insisted on going back to Lucy's foster home. When they knocked on the door, Mrs. Robinson answered. She said nothing but stood aside for them to enter. When they were seated in the living room and the doors were closed, Elizabeth turned to the woman. "We found Lucy," she said. She couldn't read the expression in Mrs. Robinson's eyes. There was definitely fear there but perhaps a hint of sadness too.

"Then you know what I have done," she said softly.

"Yes. She told me her story."

"Then you're here to punish me."

"I'm not here to punish you," Elizabeth told the woman. "But I want you to know the truth. I want you to understand what you did to that girl. Will you look at me?"

Mrs. Robinson looked up at her. Elizabeth let her wings unfold behind her. The woman gasped, putting a hand to her mouth. "You…you're like her."

"That's right. I'm what's called a Nephilim. Lucy was one too. Our fathers were angels and our mothers human. That doesn't make us a monster though I'm afraid angels think of us that way. We're not all like Lucy, well, at least I'm not. I'm not sure if there are any more of us left. Lucy made mistakes. What she did wasn't right. I would never condone the way she went about getting her revenge. I want you to understand what you did to her. She was born with wings but couldn't fly. Nephilim can't you see. I'm…different. Lucy wanted to fly more than ever. But people were afraid of her, looked at her like there was something wrong with her. When you drugged her and took her to that butcher to have her wings cut off…" She couldn't repress the shudder that ran down her wings and spine. "That made all of you the monsters."

"I know that now. I felt so guilty afterwards…" Mrs. Robinson let out a sob. "Where is she? I want to ask for forgiveness."

"I don't know where she is," Elizabeth admitted. "She got away. We're going to leave you with something to protect you though."

"Maybe I deserve to die like the others."

"No one deserves to die like that." Elizabeth pulled a pendant from her pocket. Castiel had helped her enchant it so that no Nephilim or angel could harm the wearer. "Wear this always, and you'll be protected, but I want you to promise me something."

"Anything."

"If you ever come across another child or teenager who is different but needs help nonetheless, you offer it to them without judgment."

"I will. I see now that I was wrong. We're not all born normal or at least what society would define as normal." Elizabeth handed the woman the pendant and she put it over her head. "Thank you," she said, and Elizabeth could hear the relief in her voice. "I won't ever turn anyone away. I won't repeat the same mistakes."

"Good." Elizabeth folded her wings, and they disappeared.

"They were beautiful in their own way," Mrs. Robinson said as she got up to see them out.

"What were?" Elizabeth asked.

"Her wings," Mrs. Robinson said. "Lucy's wings."

…

"Where to now?" Elizabeth asked as they got on the interstate and left Portland behind.

"There's a rumor of a haunting in an old asylum north of Seattle," Sam suggested, his trusty laptop in his lap. "A couple kids swore they saw someone get murdered there."

"That sounds exciting."

"Do you think this is over?" Dean asked.

"I think Lucy is still out there somewhere, but if she strikes again, we'll be ready," Elizabeth said confidently.

"You sound pretty sure about that."

"I am," she said with a smile.

"Good. You need that confidence if you're going to be a hunter."

"You mean you're going to let me officially join you?" Elizabeth asked, leaning forward in her seat.

Dean pretended to ponder this. "You've got a knack for it," he finally said.

"Wow, that sounds an awful lot like a compliment."

"Well don't get too used to it." He sent her a gruff look, but she saw a smile forming along the edges of his mouth. He turned on the tape player in his car and cranked up the volume. Elizabeth sat back in the seat, letting the sun warm her face and letting the music fill her. Whatever was ahead, she was ready for it.

…

October 16, 2009

It turned out that Elizabeth hadn't quite been ready for everything. When it came to the apocalypse when Lucifer broke free of his cage and roamed the earth looking for his vessel, looking for Sam, she'd let herself pretend she could be safe. It had been too dangerous for a Nephilim. There were angels everywhere. They would have killed her without a second thought. She'd let Sam convince her to go somewhere safe and wait it out. She should have stayed, should have fought to the end, but she hadn't. At a time when she needed to fight the most, she'd run and hid. And she hated herself for it but now she realized it was time to forgive herself and move on. Sam was gone. He wasn't coming back. He'd sacrificed himself to save the world. He'd saved her. She knew what he'd say if he could be here now.

You have a once in a lifetime chance for a normal life. You deserve that, and you should take it.

She turned to Castiel who had finished drawing the sigils in his blood. "You asked if I wanted a normal life," she said. He turned his blue eyes to her. "I do. I just didn't see how it was possible, but…" She hesitated. "I think I know how it's possible. I know there's a way to ward me from angels."

"Not with that grace of yours glowing so brightly," Castiel told her.

"I know. I have to rip it out."

Castiel's eyes widened. "But that…do you know how much that will hurt you? You'll lose your wings, lose your powers, lose who you are."

"I know. But I'll still always be Nephilim. You can't take that away from me."

"It might work…"

"It will. I know it will." Elizabeth stepped toward him, grabbing his blood-soaked hand. "Please."

Castiel looked at her for a long moment. "What will you do?"

Elizabeth shrugged. "I don't know," she said. There was no way she could simply return to a normal life with the memories she had, with the sadness she still held close to her heart. She be looking over her shoulder for angels every day. She'd never be able to tell anyone anything about herself. Then it hit her. "I have to forget. You have to make me forget."

"What?" He narrowed his eyes.

"I don't ever want to forget Sam or Dean or you, but you could make me forget most of what's happened. Enough so that I could live my life with some semblance of normalcy. Without my grace and with me cloaked with sigils, I can maybe find a second chance at happiness."

Castiel said nothing simply stared at her. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure. I could keep hunting until something kills me, but Sam wouldn't want that. He would want me to be happy. I will miss him every day, but this is no way to live. I probably wouldn't even be able to hunt. The angels know I killed Jericho. They think I had something to do with the whole apocalypse."

"They're wrong."

"It doesn't matter, and you know it."

"Okay, I'll do it. I want you to be happy."

"Thank you." Elizabeth did something she had never done before. She reached forward and hugged Castiel. He stood there with his arms at his sides until finally he folded them around her. Elizabeth pulled back.

"I can come check on you from time to time," Castiel told her.

"No, no you can't," Elizabeth said, feeling guilty at the hurt in his eyes. "You can't be connected to me. You've still got a life to live too. You have to let me go or else you'll be hunted just like me."

"What if I can't?" There was so much sorrow in his eyes in that moment that Elizabeth felt her own eyes well up.

"You have to," she said, a tear leaking from the corner of her eye. "I couldn't live with myself if you got hurt because of me."

He nodded, accepting this though she could tell he didn't want to. "When you're ready then."

Elizabeth steadied her breath, wiping her tears away. Somehow, though she'd never considered it before, she knew how to rip out her grace. She pressed a hand to her heart and shut her eyes. She focused on her grace and thought about being safe. Then she pulled. Hurt was an understatement. It was like ripping her soul out, excruciating both physically and mentally. She bit her tongue and forced herself not to cry out. When it was done, the little ball of glowing light sat in her palm, and she felt empty. She wanted to cry, sob her eyes out until her tears dried up. She didn't though. She held it out to Castiel.

"Can you keep it safe? Find a place to bury it or something."

"I can." A small bottle appeared in his hand, and he held it out to her. She pressed her grace into it, and he capped it off.

"Before you take my memories, will you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"If you need me. If anything changes in the world, and you need me to fight, will you come and get me?" He nodded. "You'll know if it's time." She took a deep breath. "Okay, I think I'm ready." She laughed nervously. "Kind of like the end of Men in Black." Castiel threw her a confused look. "Never mind."

He reached a hand forward. "Wait!" Elizabeth stepped forward and pressed her lips against his. He froze under her and when she pulled away he looked shocked. "Thank you for everything," she said. "You've been the truest kind of friend, and I will never forget that."

He simply nodded. When he pressed his fingers to her forehead, a sensation washed over her like a million tiny weights being lifted off of her shoulders. The last thing she saw was his blue eyes before she forgot who he was and that angels even existed. The only thing that remained was the feeling that he was someone important.