BPOV

I don't want you to go through the terrible pain this will bring you if there will come even a single second in your future where you might regret your decision."

He was crazy if he thought I was going to leave him!

I knew what Edward was getting at. What he was suggesting by his statement. I knew that he didn't want any pain to be inflicted on me. But guess what? I couldn't find it in me to care about any of that anymore. If Jake would rather have me dead, then fine. I would be dead to the whole world and it will have been the wolves who killed me. Not the vampires.

It's not like I had to fake my own death. If they would just make one exception in their substandard little slob-job of a treaty that was slapped together nearly a century ago then I could still be around Charlie and Renee. But if they didn't then I would not hesitate to choose the man I loved over anything else in the world. Surely Edward must have known what my decision would be? Did he not understand what he meant to me?

How could I get this through to him? I didn't want there to be a doubt in his mind that I would never, ever regret choosing him. What other option does the heart have than to choose love? What else is worth living for? Especially if one would live forever!

"Edward, look at me!" I pulled his face toward mine. His eyes were sparkling from the light of the streetlamp. "I love you. I love you and I love your family and I have already made my decision," which no one made for me, "all by myself, and no one has forced me to be here with you now."

I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this…

This was the mantra to which my heart kept its steady rhythm. If he could hear my heart then couldn't he hear these words, too?

The words poured out like overflowing water. "I'm here because I want to be, and don't you ever doubt that this is the way it's just going to be. And that's that."

I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this…

All that mattered now was that we made the decision to be together and to be only with one another. I am with Edward. Edward is with me. As for the rest of the world- let it pass away.

I want this; I want this; I want this…

I felt his cool breath against my neck as he leaned in to kiss me.

"I love you," he whispered delicately.

I want this; I want this; I want this…

My heart was still chanting as our lips sealed our devotion.

I want this; I want this; I want this…

I made up my mind then and there. I didn't care if I had to run away and hide deep in the earth for a century. I will be with this man and we will be together forever. I am ready to go, and I am ready tonight.

I knew what I was going to do.

Edward came around to my side of the car and helped me out. He pressed his arm around my waist and gathered me to his side as we walked up to the front door of Charlie's house.

He parted his lips, looking as though he might say something. I felt mine part, thinking my plans might slip between them.

Neither of us spoke.

He gently kissed me one more time and opened the door for me. I walked in and turned around, facing him. He pressed his lips together in a firm line and gave me a quick grin. I pressed mine together as well. I so much wanted to tell him everything then and there, but I had to wait. I had to finish things up here first. I had to finish up things with my mortality.

"Goodnight, Bella," he said with a nod. He didn't know that tonight was going to be the night I would leave the world behind me. Tonight was the night I was going to ask him to turn me into a vampire.

"Goodnight, Edward," I said curtly.

I closed the door between us and went to the kitchen. I knew Charlie would be there. He had a plate of mostly-eaten cookies and half a glass of milk in front of him.

"Hey there," he said, raising his arms in a stretch and giving a loud yawn.

"Hi dad," I said with a smile.

It stung slightly, that I wouldn't see him again after tonight. But it was all part of the plan.

I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this…

My heart would not break in this moment. I made my choice. I knew what I was doing. This had to be it, and as mundane as our last few minutes together would be, this was all as it should be.

"Did you have a nice time at the dance," he asked.

"Well… Mike punched Jessica in the face by accident and my dress got ruined. But you know what? I think I did have fun," I giggled. I went to the fridge and pulled out the gallon jug and refilled his glass for him. "I see that you found the cookies I made," I teased.

"Yeah, well…"

"I'm glad you like them," I said quickly. I didn't mind that he was eating all of them. I wouldn't even be here come morning, so who was I to care if they were all gone?

I moved to the cupboard and pulled out a secret stash of cookies I was hiding. I took them over to the table and placed them on his plate.

"Here," I said, "I never make just one batch. I always make two." I gave him a wink.

I sat down next to him for awhile, envisioning the rest of my plan.

"You okay, Bells?"

I looked up to see his eyebrows raised and his eyes narrowed. It were as if he was looking for more; looking for something in between the lines.

"Yeah," I smiled. "Oh, I have something for you. Be right back."

I kissed his cheek, grabbed my bag and ran upstairs. I opened my laptop and connected the camera. I uploaded the pictures from earlier and printed off two eight-by-tens. While the printer was taking its time, I decided to clean up my room a little bit. I didn't want to leave a mess when Charlie came up and wondered where I was, or more importantly, when he realized that I would not be coming back.

I went through the stuff in and on my desk, tossing out old school papers and notes passed in class and half-used pens. I rearranged a few things to make it look tidier. Then I moved to the closet and hung up all the clean clothes sitting on the edge of my bed. I figured while I was at it, I would go into the bathroom and tidy up all of my makeup in there as well. I collected all my dirty clothes out of the hamper and tossed them in the trash bag along with the miscellaneous things that I decided to dispose of so Charlie wouldn't have to do it later. There would be no sense in shoving them in the laundry basket in the utility room. Who would wear them from now on anyway? I didn't want Charlie to see them when it came time to wash his clothes… when I was nowhere to be found.

I ran back to my room, grabbed the pictures and went downstairs. I took out the trash on my way back into the kitchen.

"Here," I said, offering him the pictures.

"It's us," he said.

"Yup. Us."

"Thanks, Bells."

He took the one on top and took it to the fridge, pushing other things on the fridge aside. He placed it in the center with one magnet on each of its four corners.

"We'll have to get a new frame for it," he smiled.

"The other one is for mom," I said.

"You'll have to send it to her."

"Sure," I said, wondering when I would have time to do that.

He stood there a moment longer to admire the picture. It was at that moment that I was truly grateful that I went to the dance tonight. It sunk in deep how much that picture would come to mean to him in a few days… in a few weeks… in a few months… in a few years…

I breathed in steadily, focusing on not crying as I saw my dad stare at me with a silly grin on his face over this meager little gift.

I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this…

I closed my eyes and focused on the mantra my heart still steadily chanted.

"I could use with a little shut eye, too," he chuckled when he noticed my eyes were closed. "I'll see you in the morning, kiddo."

"Okay," I lied.

I kept my eyes closed. I just wanted to keep that image of my father exactly in its place- the one where he's adoring my pretty picture and staring at me with a goofy grin on his face.

"Goodnight," he said.

"Goodnight," I replied, turning quickly away from him and walking toward the kitchen table to grab the now empty glass and rinse it off in the sink along with the empty plate.

I want this; I want this; I want this…

"I do want this," I muttered softly. "And that's why I have to do this."

I ran back upstairs after putting the clean plate and glass away, and after giving the kitchen a final swipe down with a cleaning cloth. I walked through the living room as I crossed to the stairs. I never noticed before, but even though my dad let almost everything in this house get pretty dusty, I've never seen a single speck on the frames that lined the fireplace mantel. There was one picture for each year of my life. I walked by them to examine them a little closer. I picked each one up and looked it over. Never a speck dust. The mantel itself could sure use a good wipe, but each of the frames were spotless.

I turned to go back upstairs. I remembered the day I first moved here. I remembered vacuuming the floors and wiping down the kitchen counters. I remembered cleaning out the bathroom drawers to place my things inside. I remembered doing at least six loads of backed up laundry for Charlie. But the frames that held my childhood in them- they were always spotless, even then.

I felt hot tears roll down my cheeks.

I went to my desk and picked up my cell phone. I scrolled through my contacts.

Jacob Black.

It rang three times.

"Hello? Bells?"

"Jake," I whispered.

"Where are you now?"

"I'm on my way to see you. I'm going to talk to you. Where are you at?"

"I, uh, I'm just on my way home. When will you be there?"

"I'm not meeting you at the reservation, Jake."

"Where do you want to meet, then?"

"I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. I just want to talk to you completely alone. I don't want any wolves. I don't want any tribal leaders. Just you. Just me."

"Alright," he said. "Does that mean no vampires as well?"

"They don't even know I'm meeting with you."

"Okay." He sounded amused. "If you say so, Bells."

"Where are you now? I can pick you up and take you to the hospital."

"I don't need a doctor, Bella."

"I know that, Jake," I laughed. "It's where I left your car."

"Oh."

"So? Where shall I pick you up?"

"Take 101 to Rainy Ranch Rd."

"What are you doing out there?"

"There's a lot of forest here. I can't really talk about it just now. Just get there and I'll see you then."

"Thirty minutes okay?"

"See you, Bells."

Click.

I put my phone down on my desk. I decided to not take it with me. I decided to leave my bag here, too. I didn't take my wallet with me, or anything from inside of it. No ID. No money. I wouldn't need any of that anymore.

I got on my laptop and decided to check my e-mail before I would never check it again. I saw that Renee had sent me about ten e-mails asking all about the dance. I laid the picture I printed for her of Edward and me on the desk. I decided instead of mailing this to her, e-mailing it would be better. I sent her a short message with it telling her about how much fun I had at the dance. I sent her and Phil my love and silently regretted that I wouldn't be able to tell her one last time that I loved her in person, or even over the phone. It might seem too suspicious if I called her this late at night, so I left my phone where I had set it down.

"Alright," I said, going through a mental checklist in my head. "Bedroom is picked up; bathroom; the rest of the house is free of my clutter… so," I pulled a light jacket off of a hanger and started walking down the stairs, "That's that then."

I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this; I want this…

My heart was pumping as steadily as it ever had. It knew what it wanted. It never doubted. I knew my plan and I would not change my mind because my heart would not change its mind.

I started my truck and headed toward the highway as it began to rain lightly. The soft beating on the cab of my truck only served to amplify the beating of my heart as they ran in time together. Everything in my world was carrying me to the destiny I wanted most.

It was time for one last goodbye.