Chapter 35

Nellena's Point Of View

I laid there in bed next to my sleeping husband, tonight was one of the rare nights he was not drunk and so I actually enjoyed his touches. My mother had that part right at least, he is a good lover when he is not drunk.

But my husband was just an after thought at the moment. Old memories were torturing me with what I had and will never have again. I kept seeing Hunter's face, his smile, his teal eyes and messy brown hair. I remembered what it was like the first time we made love, he was my first and I was clearly his. Neither of us knew what we were doing, every touch was so clumsy at first, but so incredibly beautiful.

It was not that Hunter was the best of lovers, it was how it felt when we were together like that. I could feel and see how much he loved me, that he would die for me, for what he felt for me and I loved him just as deeply.

I did not go to Blueridge four years ago to fall in love, I went there to have some time away from my parents and the man I was to marry, the god who is now my husband who goes by the name Roan. I met Hunter two years after I arrived at Blueridge Prep, though he had been in love with me for a year by then.

My only friend at the time was Mera Vandenberg, who I soon discovered was a Descendant of Pandora. Once I realized who my friend was, I feared for her, knowing that my father would want her dead once he discovered who she was. That is why I made Mera promise not to come after me on the night that I left to return to this place that was never my home.

Everything I had been told about the mortal race from the day I was born were nothing but lies, lies that I readily believe until I got to know the mortals. Most of the student body at Blueridge Prep were scared of me, teachers included, but there were a few boys who tried to flirt with me. After I broke a jerk's arm for grabbing my behind, they learned to steer clear of me. But I had that same jerk to thank for bringing Hunter into my life, he was too shy by far to ever introduce himself.

I sat outside the school smoking, it was not as if the cigarette could harm me, though I wished it could. My future was dark, dim, I knew what was planned for me. I would marry Roan when I turned eighteen, he would take my virginity and get as many children as he could out of me. When the time came and my father stepped down Roan would become king with me as his unwilling queen and wife. And my parents did nothing to stop it, my mother told me I was being childish and that it was a good match and my father did what he always does when it comes to me, nothing. He would listen then say to run along, that he had work to do. From the day I was born he has shown little if any interest in me, always too lost in his own thoughts and evil plans to care about his own daughter.

"Guys, this isn't funny!" I heard someone hiss in a low male voice.

"Oh come on, are you scared Snowball?" I rolled my eyes at the sound of Vance Colwell's taunting voice.

"Of course not!" The boy hissed back.

I looked over to see Vance Colwell and his partner in crime Clark Griffin taunting a skinny boy who looked to be about sixteen, the same age as myself. He had messy brown hair and teal eyes.

If there was one thing I hated, it was bullies. I threw my cigarette down and stomped it out before I began to march over there. Clark and Vance were still taunting the poor boy, but that boy no longer noticed, his eyes were locked on me as I walked over. I stopped for just a moment when my eyes met his, he looked at me in a way that no boy or man has ever looked at me before. There was not fear nor lust in his eyes, just a look I could not understand. My pause was only momentary, with my speed those mortals would not even be able to tell I had paused at all.

I walked down the hill and to where they still taunted the boy.

"What is going on here?" I demanded, Clark spun around with a cocky grin.

"Well if it isn't Nellena Stavros." He said to me. "Just the woman I wanted to see."

"And why is that?" I asked.

"We have someone who wants to meet you," Vance stated as he looked me over.

"How is your arm healing up?" I asked and his eyes snapped back to mine, fear clear in them. That made me smile.

Vance suddenly pushed the skinny boy they had been teasing forward and he nearly fell right into me. His face turned red as he looked at me, we were the same height, he might have had an inch on me if that.

"See you later Snowball." Clark said as he and Vance walked away, leaving the boy standing next to me.

"Hi." He said at last with a bit of a smile, he held out his hand after taking a deep breath. "I'm Hunter Smith. Your Nellena, right?" I smiled just a bit to him.

"It's just Nell." I told him as I shook his hand. "Why do they call you snowball?" I asked and he flushed.

"Because I don't have a chance in hell with you." He admitted, not quite meeting my eyes. I laughed and he looked up at me with those shy teal eyes.

We stood there in an awkward silence for a few moments, he did not seem to know what to say and I felt the oddest warmth creeping through me. Just when I thought he would never speak another word to me, he did.

"Do you… would you…?" He stuttered and I laughed a bit.

"Just ask the question." I said to him, my voice not unkind.

"Would you want to have lunch with me?" He asked.

"Why not." I said and he looked at me like he had just won the lottery, a huge smile spread across his face.

"Really?" He asked.

"Like I said, why not?" I said to him.

After that we went on our first date, it was the first time in my life that I felt special, Hunter was a perfect gentleman. I knew that I was to be married, but I did not care, I wanted to rebel against my parents and this boy seemed like the perfect opportunity. But all the while I knew he was more than that, every time I was with him my feelings became stronger and stronger until I was hopelessly in love with him.

I got out of bed as tears began to stream down my cheeks, I did not want to wake my husband. I went into the bathroom and closed the door. I never even told Hunter where I am. I could not bring myself to tell him… I never even said goodbye to him, I just went to him for one last night in his arms and got up with tears in my eyes as he slept, leaving a note on his pillow saying "I am sorry."

I came back here to my father's palace in the Swiss Alps and married Roan the following day, I had no choice, I would not let them harm the man I love. Now all I could do was look back, the best days of my life had already happened and my future was bleak as Roan's bride. Nothing mattered anymore, I had nothing left, nothing to look forward to, just spending the rest of eternity in this gilded cage with no hope of escape, of any true happiness ever again.

I once again thought about those wonderful days and nights I spent with Hunter, the love of my life. I wondered what would happen if I showed up on his doorstep. Would he take me back or has he found someone new? The thought of him loving someone else was too much to take.

I got up quietly and went deep into my closet, into a little place where I kept the things from my old life. I cast a shield around me so that no one would hear what I was about to do. I took out my old phone and turned it on, the photo on the screen brought tears to my eyes, it was of hunter looking at me with a mouthful of food and a smile as he tried to keep his lips closed, there was so much love in his eyes. I dialed Hunter's number, just to hear his voicemail, he would be sleeping at this hour.

"Hello?" he answered in a sleepy voice and tears poured down my cheeks. I could not speak. "Is anyone there?" he asked. I wanted to tell him it was me, that I still loved him, that I missed him, but I did not speak. "Who is this?" he asked and I let out a shaky breath. "Nell?" he asked quietly.

"Hunter." His name left my lips before I had realized I had spoken. I closed my eyes as more tears came, I was not supposed to speak to him anymore.

"Please don't hang up." he begged. "Please, just talk to me."

"Alright." I said after a moment, letting out a shaky breath.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"Somewhere far away." I told him.

"Why are you crying?" he asked and I closed my eyes as I leaned my head against the wall.

"Everything is all wrong." I told him.

"Tell me where you are," he said. "I will come and get you."

"You cannot save me from what I have done." I told him.

"Please, just be honest with me." he said. "Why did you leave?"

"I left…" I said with a shaky breath. "Because my father wanted me to marry someone else and I had no choice in the matter."

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked I shock. "I would have protected you from him, from the both of them."

"Because… I could not." I told him. "You would not understand my reasons for leaving. I had to marry him, I had to."

"So you are married now?" he asked after a moment.

"Yes." I told him, more tears flowing.

"Do you love him?" He asked. I wondered if I should lie, but I knew I could not lie to him.

"No." I told him. "I have only ever loved you."

"Then why did you marry this guy?" he asked, more hurt than upset in his voice as he tried to understand my motives.

"I did not want to," I told him. "I told my father that I had fallen in love with you, that I refused to marry Roan, then he said that if I cared about you at all, I would never see you again. He told me that if I stayed with you, you would be dead by sunrise."

"You shouldn't have done that for me, I'm not worth you being in a loveless marriage." Hunter told me and meant every word.

"To me, you are worth all of this and more." I told him.

"Oh Nell." He breathed. "Just tell me you still love me."

"I could never stop loving you." I told him. "You are a part of me, nothing my father or husband could ever do to me will make me stop loving you."

"Let me come get you," He begged. "We can run away, start a new life together."

"That is not possible." I told him. "As much as I want that, I do not see how that can be."

"Run away with me, we can hide, I will do anything for you." He said fiercely.

"I know." I told him. "But I cannot risk you."

"Why do you have to be so damn stubborn?" He asked.

"Because I love you." I told him. I took a deep breath as my tears continued to flow. "Goodbye Hunter." I quickly hung up, but not quick enough to miss him saying "I love you."

I cried for a while more before hiding my things and washing my face. I knew I would not be able to sleep, so I went into the living room and curled up on the silk chaise lounge with a blanket and ordered a maid to bring me a steaming cup of hot chocolate. I wondered my fathers palace for a while after that, I had no where to go. I walked back through the door of the lavish apartment that I share with my husband at daybreak. I went out onto the balcony and looked over the snowy mountains, knowing I could look at them, but never touch their snow. My father put up a powerful shield around this place and so I could not leave even if I wanted to. There were times I wanted to test the shield. I am the Nameless One's daughter after all, I might be able to push through it. But I knew that was pointless, they would just hunt me down and drag me back here.

"You are up early." My husband strong arms wrapped around my waist as he kissed my neck gently.

"I could not sleep." I told him.

"Bad dreams?" He asked softly I shook my head and leaned against him, wrapping my arms over his.

"Just memories." I told him. "Thing I cannot get away from."

"You will with time." He assured me.

"No, I won't." I told him. Roan does not know about Hunter, if he did I knew my husband would kill the man I love.

"It will be alright." He said, kissing my lips softly.

The worse part of my marriage is that I cannot completely hate Roan. When he is not drunk, he can be kind and even funny. I could see trying to make this marriage work if he did not turn into such a vicious monster when he drinks. All I can do is enjoy these few peaceful moments he gives me and hope they happen more often.

I turned around in his arms and wrapped my arms around his back, letting a few tears escape my eyes.

"Why do you cry like this?" He asked. "Is there someone I should be killing?" The way he said the words, so softly and nonchalantly, made me laugh a bit. I wished I could ask him to stop drinking, but I knew it would only anger him.

I looked up into his eyes, they were the color of unstained oak. His skin was pale as all gods' become when they have a Shadow within them. His face was handsome, his hair was dirty blond and just long enough to fall into his eyes in the morning. I brushed his hair back, Roan is all I have at the moment, sad as that is.

"May I ask you a question?" I asked.

"Ask away." He said with a smile.

"Why do you drink so much?" I asked him, his smile faded and I wished I had not asked.

"You have your memories, I have mine." He stated, just like that he was a different man as the Shadow took over.

I grew up around Shadows and beings with Shadows within them. I knew that Shadows take over when the soul they are bonded to is in pain, it is self-preservation. I noticed the same thing with mortals, they are always cruel when they are hurting.

"Your father has need of me." Roan stated and kissed my lips roughly before walking away to bathe. I hate how quickly his mood changes, it is dangerous.

I always have to watch that I do not say the wrong thing to him, his mood swings are not something I enjoy dealing with. I wondered if my father would care to know that the man he gave his daughter away to hits her when she has displeased him. He probably would not, there was no sense in telling him. If it got back to Roan, it would only make things worse between us.

"Goodbye wife." Roan said in a dead voice as he left our apartment.

I looked back out onto the landscape. I knew that my mood swings were not making things any easier between Roan and I. Lately I have not been able to control my emotions, there are times I have actually wanted to attack him simply for saying the wrong thing, but thankfully I have been able to hold myself in check.

Lately I have been feeling… different. It is not just the mood swings, it is a protective feeling. Whenever Roan gets too upset in the past few weeks I want to strike him before he strikes me. Thankfully he has calmed himself down each of those times and has done nothing more than raise his voice to me. I did not know what I wanted to protect or why I was feeling like this.

Suddenly I felt something within me, something that was not always there. My eyes went wide as I realized what it was, there was a new essence growing within me… a new life.

"No." I whispered in shock. "I cannot be…"

My hand went to my womb almost by instinct, I closed my eyes and felt him at once. It felt like an eternity passed in a single moment. Suddenly, my life was not just about me anymore. I thought I had nothing to look forward to, nothing to fight for, but I was wrong. In that moment I went from a woman to a mother and the change was so irrevocable that I knew I would never be the same. This baby, my child, became my world, my reason for living. I understood why I had been feeling so protective, my body understood what I did not, that I was pregnant. I was protecting my child from his father.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I focused on this little life growing within me. He was good and pure, and yes, I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that I was carrying a boy. I never imagined I could love another being as I deeply as I love Hunter, but I love my unborn son with the same passion, the same fire only this was different. This was my son and he mattered more than anything else.

like this for myself… but not for my child. I could feel that this child was not like his father, this boy was the all that was good within Roan and I. This child was those few tender moments when Roan is kind, he is all the love and goodness that my husband and I have within us… but this little light I carry within me was better than the both of us put together.

"You will not grow up as I did," I said softly, caressing my womb. "I promise I will get us out of here, you will be safe."