Leaning towards M-rated... just a warning :)
"Zo, we'll be back in a couple of hours," she shouts from the doorway as she checks the contents of her bag once more. "Zoey, please acknowledge that you've heard me."
"I heard you." The girl shouts from the kitchen, amusement apparent in her voice. "God, mom, you've left me alone before. You've left me to babysit before. You've left me with Ben before." She says as she walks into the hallway grinning.
"Wait, Ben's here?" Fitz asks as he comes down the wide stairs and hands her the baby monitor.
"We're running late." Liv says as she shoots an apologetic look towards Zoey. "Let's go, the father protector."
"Was that a dig at my account? I sensed some sarcasm!"
"Good! Your reasoning skills are only impaired when it comes to Zoey and boys."
"Karen too." He says defiantly, as he helps her put her coat on. "And Nur. I am definitely not OK with her being around boys her age either."
"And to think I thought you unreasonable." She says as she tries to wipe paint off of his cheek with her thumb. "Did you let Nur use you as a canvas again?"
"I'm pleading the fifth."
"Fitz! You're spoiling her."
"Off we go. Don't want to be late." He says as he opens the door and steps aside for her to pass. It's one of those late January days when the beginning of Spring seems imminent. The smell of melting snow, and a thousand small rainbows, each
one a ray of winter sun reflected in a drop of water that was, until recently, a perfectly sculpted snowflake, make it known that seasons are changing, time is not standing still.
"I don't think I need the gloves anymore." She says as she looks up into the powder-blue sky and inhales the warm air.
"I guess I can just keep your hands warm." He says with a small smile, as he takes her hand in his, and kisses her knuckles softly.
"Well, you do do it so well." And she leans on his shoulder as they walk down the sun-lit street. The shadows of the leafless branches dance under their feet.
"Should we cab it, or do you want to walk?" He asks as they step out of the calm, and into the world of car horns, loud voices and soft clank of tracks under ground.
"We have time." She replies, as she snuggles closer to him, her eyes focused on their feet. They're walking in sync, and she smiles at how effortless things like that are with them; how easily they find a perfect rhythm.
"You nervous?" He squeezes her hand inside his coat pocket, and she looks up, giving him a reassuring smile.
"No." She looks down. "It's just a check-up."
"Yeah, but it's the big one." He says, brushing his nose against her temple.
"Are you trying to freak me out?" She asks, her tone deceptively light, but there's an edge that he knows well. The air seems thicker as they turn a corner.
"I'm trying to get you to talk to me." He says gently, trying to control his voice, to keep himself from sounds as exasperated as he feels.
"And here I though I was having a conversation with myself, living out The Sixth Sense."
"Olivia." It's a warning, the kind he gives out very rarely, because usually, usually, he enjoys her antics, the snark that comes hand in hand with the super-smart. But not today, no, today he needs her to drop the defenses and the pretenses and talk to him; let him in.
"I'm trying to not think about it." She says quietly.
"Think about what?"
"About what silence sounds like on a sonogram."
"Liv, it was too early the last time. The doctor said that's completely normal."
"I know." She says with a small, shaky smile. "But you asked me what I was thinking."
"You want to know what I'm thinking?" She nods her head as she lifts her gaze. "I'm thinking the heartbeat will sound like the tap of Nur's feet when she tries to run away from us at bath-time."
She smiles, it's still small, but no longer shaky. "That's way too fast."
"Well, I have a feeling this will be one hyperactive baby."
"For your sake I hope you're wrong. Mom's no longer around to deal with my mood swings as the baby tap-dances between my bladder and my lungs, so you'll have to deal with all of it."
"And I can't wait." He says as he kisses her temple softly. "I hated missing all of it the last time." There's nostalgia in his voice, laced with a hint of regret.
"I hated that you were missing it." It's the first time she says it, first time she admits it hurt her, he hurt her. He smiles. Because it's progress, it's baby steps, but it's progress. It's her trusting him with the power to hurt her; trusting him with the power to make it better.
"I won't miss any of this. I will be here, every step of the way. I'm not going anywhere." She squeezes his hand and he finally understands she doesn't just fear loss, no, she fears enduring it on her own; she fears that her life will fall apart again and he won't be there. And this time, neither will her mom. She fears that she could discover the limits of her own strength. "No matter what happens, I will be here, next to you, loving you. Ours is the only story I'm interested in right now." She laughs and he feels like he can breathe again. They both know this isn't the end of it - her fear and his guilt; it will resurface again, catch them both by surprise and leave them breathless, shaken; but they push the thought away, choosing instead to get lost in anticipation as they climb the stairs to the doctor's office.
The air smells like lavender and citrus, but only faintly, the way salt is just barely palpable when one inhales, feet buried in sand at the very edge of the ocean; soothing, but not overwhelming. And there are photos of smiling babies on the walls, and Liv wonders, her mind trying to distract itself, why doctors' offices always have happy things on walls. She remembers being graced by the same thought, years ago, when she sat in the waiting room with her mother, waiting to hear if her father had survived. It seemed then, that the photos, the happy faces were mocking her. There was no comfort in the strangers' plastered smiles. But babies are different, she thinks to herself, their smiles are not fake, their happiness is too pure to hurt.
"God, I hate how cheerful everything is in these places." Fitz says as he drops a booklet on the glass table next to his chair. "It's as if they're trying to subvert everyone's reality to their own."
"Hey, maybe we're just characters in a Kafka novel!"
"God, I hope not." He says with a loud chuckle that earns him an icy stare from an elderly nurse. "Actually, I changed my mind. I love this place." She looks at him quizzically, as he takes her hand in his and starts drawing small circles on the back of it, absentmindedly. "I always feel so young when I come here. It's like I'm back to being ten. It's really rejuvenating actually."
"I know." She manages to strangle out before laughing into his arm, trying to muffle the sound.
"Pope-Grant." The nurse calls out, her lips pressed together tightly, into a thin line.
"That's us." Fitz lifts his arm up, as if volunteering, making her laugh again. This time she avoids the nurse's stare.
"Dr. Richards is ready for you."
"Thanks." He says as he grabs Liv's stuff and heads after her, into a brightly lit office, filled with 1970s posters of different stages of fetal gestation, faded and grainy, actually pretty terrifying.
"Livia." The old woman says as she pulls her into a hug, kissing her forehead tenderly. "You're glowing."
"You're always too nice." Liv says gently as she steps out of her embrace.
"Am I glowing too Dr. Richards?" Fitz asks with a wide grin, and the doctor laughs, slapping his arm playfully.
"You two are my favorite." She says as she opens the door and calls out to the nurse.
"I bet you say that to all your patients." Liv teases as she settles on to the examination table.
"I do. But I only mean it with you." The nurse brings Liv's chart, and suddenly the atmosphere changes, the air burdened by anticipation. The doctor settles into the chair, as Fitz stands next to Liv's head, bending down and laying a chaste kiss on her cheek. He takes her trembling hand in his. "Shall we get started?" She asks, and Liv just nods, looking away, focusing on Fitz's face. His eyes are a dark blue now, the shade of ocean during a violent storm, when waves crash against dark cliffs and break into a million pieces. "This will be a little bit cold." And she squeezes the gel on to her still flat stomach, then spreads it with a cool stick.
Heartbeat. "It does sound like Nur's feet." And she laughs softly, as she buries her head in his arm, tears soaking his soft sweater. It's finally real. There is finally an image, a sound to go with the idea; to go with the overwhelming love, with fear. And the soft thumps fill the room, as her tears dry, as she looks up, then looks to the screen. And there, a small bean-shaped thing, pulsing in the rhythm of her own heartbeat.
"It's kind of magical." He whispers in her hair, before laying another kiss on her temple - his way of soothing, of reassuring, protecting.
"It is." And she looks at him, her smile finally wide, complete, radiating from every fiber of her being. And now, his eyes are a soft grey, the shade of cliffs that survive storms, that defeat violent waves, that remain standing despite everything.
"Everything's looking good," the doctor says as she zooms in on the image.
"Oooooh, is that the head?" Fitz asks excitedly pointing at the screen.
"No, that's the butt," she retorts with a grin, as she turns the machine off and focuses on the images on the screen.
"That's great Fitz. Really great." Liv says chuckling, as she wipes the gel off her abdomen; then noticing the doctor's focus, "Is something wrong?" And instantly, he is by her side, holding her hand, squeezing it tightly.
She turns around, a soft smile on her lips, her face unreadable - courtesy of the years of practice. "Everything is great Livia." She says, as she slips her gloves off and takes Liv's hand between the two of hers. "You need to relax honey. Miscarriages happen. And often they're not indicative of anything, least of all progress of any future pregnancies. And your miscarriage - I looked at the chart. You were under extraordinary stress. Sometimes our bodies just can't handle that. Which is why I need you to relax now. For the next few weeks especially. I need you to not work those crazy hours you usually work. I need you to eat like a grown up, I need you to sleep enough; drink water; no crazy exercising; and most importantly - no worrying." Liv nods with a wide smile, akin to child's - full of optimism and enthusiasm. "And you," she looks at Fitz, "you need to pamper her. Breakfast in bed, foot massages, making sure she eats right… making sure she doesn't worry, because we both know that no matter what I say, she'll get into her head, and worry herself sick."
"I won't." She says in the most adorable whiney drawl. "I promise, I'll behave. I mean… it's good, right, all good?" She asks, inhaling deeply, shaking her head slightly, as if trying to sift though her thoughts, trying to keep her instincts at bay.
"So far, so good." The doctor says, her voice warm, no sign of frustration.
"OK." She says simply, resolutely, her voice bordering on too chipper. She hops off the table, and pulls her cashmere sweater on, ironing out the invisible wrinkles. She slips on her boots, fumbling with the zipper. She feels both their eyes on her, and she shifts awkwardly, before turning around. "I'm fine."
"You will be." The white-haired lady says with a warm smile that makes the deep lines in her soft skin move the way waves do - without a beginning or an end. Time is a funny thing, Liv thinks as she looks into the warm eyes that she's known her whole life, it changes people - who they are, how they look, so many forever lost, long before their death; but the few that remain the same, their kindness and smiles untouched by the goon of time, are living reminders of how indestructible the human spirit is.
"Thanks." She says as she pulls her into a hug, surprising them both. "For everything. I know it's not… I'm not easy."
The woman cradles her face tenderly, "Easy's boring. You, Olivia Pope, are extraordinary." She smiles, her eyes suddenly watery. "And your mother wouldn't want you to worry. She'd tell you it makes no difference, life can kick your ass anyway. She'd tell you to have faith."
"Thank you." She lays a soft kiss on the inside of the wrinkled palm. Fitz helps her put her coat on and shakes the doctor's hand enthusiastically, before heading out.
They walk back in a comfortable silence, their fingers lazily interlaced, their joined hands moving to the rhythm of their steady steps. They occasionally glance at each other; sometimes, sometimes at the same time, and then, then they smile, their lips curving until the joy is settled deep inside their eyes. Other times, they just look on, in a kind of quiet awe, wondering what they did in their past lives to deserve happiness like this. And it's not the fact that the Universe seems finally willing to give them a chance, that their stars seem aligned; it's more than that; it's the knowledge that the person standing next to them will be there even if the unimaginable were to happen; even if faith betrayed them and the universe suddenly sought revenge - they could endure it together. That's the thing about happiness, it makes humans feel invincible; makes them forget how easily they can be broken.
He opens the door quietly. The air in the house suddenly seems stuffy, heavy compared to briskness outside. "We should air it out." He says as he hangs their coats and kicks his shoes off. She nods her head before propping herself on her toes and laying a soft kiss on his lips. They stay like that, motionless for a moment, as warmth spreads through their tingling limbs. She steps back, smiling.
"What was that for?" He asks, his hands resting comfortably on her ass.
"For being you. Sticking with the crazy." She chuckles, before stepping away. "You go open up the kitchen, and I'll check with Zo what they want for dinner."
She's half way up the stairs when she hears a petrified, "ZOEY!" She rushes back down, her heart racing, beating furiously against her ribcage. She enters the kitchen breathlessly.
She breaks out in a fit of laughter.
Zoey is on the kitchen counter, trying to pull her mini dress down to her ankles. Ben is awkwardly shifting in place, his back to Fitz, his eyes alternating between his crotch and Fitz's seething stare. They all turn to her, shocked, and Nur claps her hands excitedly from her high chair, clearly pleased with the change in the atmosphere.
"What would you like for dinner?" She finally manages to strangle out, trying to calm her breathing, trying desperately not to laugh at Fitz's face; his ears a deep scarlet, a vein pulsating on his forehead.
"Uhmmmm… Chinese?" Zoey asks tentatively, clearly unsure if this is some sort of test, a cruel punishment.
"Alright then. Why don't you go to the Hong Kong Diner and get us our usual?" She asks with a wide smile, motioning her head towards the door. "My wallet is in my bag, on the table. And take Nur with you." Zoey hops off the counter, quickly, flashing an apologetic grin at Fitz. "Ben," the boy turns around, terrified, "don't you think you should go with Zo?"
He just nods, and rushes out of the room. He comes back in, his hands in his pockets, "That really wasn't what it looked like." He says quietly, looking at the floor.
"Well it looked like your tongue was in my daughter's throat and your hands were under her skirt." Fitz says in an even tone, his eyes narrow.
"Oh… Yeah, then it was exactly what it looked like." He says, shifting in place, his eyes on the floor.
"Ben?" He looks up, petrified.
"Go. Now." And he does. No need to tell him twice. Once they're out of the house, she breaks into another fit of laughter, no longer able to contain her amusement at Fitz's face.
"How can you laugh at this?" He asks, clearly frustrated, as he takes two vitamins out of the bottle and hands them to her with a glass of water. "Drink up."
She gulps it down, places the glass on the counter and crosses over to where he's standing. "Because… Need I remind you of that Christmas, when my mom walked in on us, in the kitchen, almost completely undressed…" She trails her hand up his abs, to his broad chest, up to his neck. He swallows thickly as her fingertips graze his adam's apple and tease his lips lightly.
"We were older." He says in a gruff voice as she strokes him through his jeans.
"We were also more naked." She says as she licks a trail with her tongue, down the side of his neck.
"Livvie… stop distracting me." He says, his back hitting the counter, as she slips one of her hands under his shirt, the other unbuckling his belt.
She stops momentarily, but doesn't move her hands, not even an inch. And she knows it's driving him crazy. "I will talk to Zoey. There will be no more making out… in the common areas of the house."
And with that she lowers his pants and his boxers. She strokes his shaft, feels it pulsing in her petite hand, as her thumb grazes the glistening head. She kneels and brings it slowly to her lips. She trails the tip of her tongue along the underside, as her other hand massages his sacks gently. She twirls her tongue around the tip, before taking it into her mouth slowly. She pumps him with her hand, as she bobs her head, pushing it deeper every time. She stills as she takes him in completely, giving her throat time to adjust. He groans as she gently squeezes his balls, before moving her head back, her cheeks hollowed. She repeats, this time keeping the tip in, as she moves her head faster and faster. She can feel he's close and grazes the underside with her teeth lightly, sucking. And he thrusts, hard, and then it's warm salty liquid trickling down her throat, as she swallows, and sucks - more. He softens in her mouth and she lets him out with a loud pop, before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. He pulls her up, flush against his body.
"That wasn't playing fair." He says as he kisses her, deeply. He turns them around so that her back is against the counter. He teases the hem of her sweater with his hand, as the other palms her through her pants.
"Fitz…" She pulls away breathlessly. "We don't have time." He groans and drops his head to her shoulder. "No fair." He says as he gently bites on her neck.
"We'll have time tonight." She says, lifting his head. "Now… I need you to run to the French bakery and get me some pain au chocolates. And grab some Krispy Kremes on your way back… and some Ben & Jerry's." She says with a wide grin, her eyes gleaming.
"Are you really passing up sex right now, for a donut."
"I'm pregnant." She says, shrugging her shoulders as her grin widens.
"Yes you are." He says with a wide smile.
So she's finally letting herself relax and believe that all will be well. And can I just say how much I adored the reviews for the last chapter... I love how different the opinions were. More about Karen in the next chapter. Until then... let me know what you thought... I hope you enjoyed the fluff... and well the light smut.