DISCLAIMER: This story is a Twilight spin-off/crossover of the movie made for TV in 2000 titled Sex and Mrs. X. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, dialogues, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE: Carpe Diem

Once I made sure Edward had left, I made my way back to my bedroom as quickly as possible. I was curious about the video Madame had sent me, but I decided not to run the risk of another embarrassing encounter in her office.

As soon as I got inside my bedroom, I locked the door and sat on the bed, my back against the headboard, legs stretched out with my laptop on my lap. I inserted the disc and when the player popped up, I clicked play before I chickened out.

Sensual music started and a woman sitting at a vanity came on, she was looking at herself in the mirror. When the camera was close enough, she started to speak.

"We all know how to put our clothes on, but let's go over the proper way to remove them.

"Stripping for your man!"

"What?" I gasped, watching the woman stand up and starting to dance.

"Let the music guide you, feel it! Move to it. Rotate your hips; let your hands roam your body. Move the shoulders—"

I pressed pause and shook my head.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. I couldn't believe what I was about to do, but what the hell… you only live once.

"Carpe diem and all that crap…"

I set the laptop on the vanity. I stood in front of it, hesitating for a bit until I finally told myself to suck it up. I rewound the video a bit and then pressed play.

"Rotate your hips; let your hands roam your body. Move the shoulders and smile!"

I did as she said, feeling awkward and ungraceful. I cursed myself for dropping ballet when I was ten.

"You are not nervous, you are sexy!"

"I'm probably blushing red and looking like I'm doing the robot, but sure! I'm sexy!" I told the woman in the video.

God, I was going crazy…

"Start undoing your top buttons…"

Well, that I could do. I undid the buttons of my sweater and took it off.

"…and then stop. It's a tease. Unzip that skirt slowly and then let it drop."

"Shit! Why didn't you say that before?" I groaned and picked up the sweater and put it back on, then tried to unzip my skirt, but the zipper was stuck.

"Don't you feel sexy already?"

"No, I feel stuck!"

The goddamned zipper wasn't cooperating, so I just pulled harder and heard a rip.

"Fucking hell…"

"Now remove your top from your shoulders and then turn your back to him, letting your blouse fall on the ground."

I took off my sweater and tossed it somewhere behind me. "There! Sexy enough for you?"

"Now, find a chair and throw your leg up, over the back, and set your foot on the seat."

I laughed. "Sure, there's nothing like a trip to the ER to make it sexier."

"Unbuckle the garter and slowly roll down your stocking, looking straight into his eyes."

Well, since I wasn't wearing a garter belt or stockings, I decided to try the leg move. I dragged the vanity chair to the center of the room. I threw my leg up over the back, but my foot got stuck on the edge of the top rail, the buckle of the shoe I was wearing got snagged against the fabric of the upholstered back.

"He is thinking that you look beautiful, sexy, delicious…"

"No, he is laughing his ass off," I said, trying to get the shoe off and see if I could release it without ripping the fabric of the chair.

It happened fast.

I pulled my foot out of the shoe with a little too much force and fell down onto my ass, taking the chair and a floor lamp with me.

"And now… a kiss, just a peck on the lips. You are both enjoying it…"

I crawled back to the vanity and closed the laptop, and then I just lay on the floor, laughing at the ridiculousness of the whole situation.

That had to be the worst striptease ever, and I just laughed. What else could I do?

I guess I should stick with the writing.

BETA: Mauigirl60 | PRE-READER: Alterite