September, any series.

"They said I had AD…something- can we have class outside!?"- Barney, 5.03

Rit

"Barney, can you give me some advice?"

"Yes, that red dress you wore on Thursday does make you look fat,"

"No," she says, rolling her eyes, "I need help with a kid at school,"

He glances up from his phone. "Um, alright. Why?"

"You know how you have-"

"The suavest collection of suits this side of Milan? The awesomest magic skill this side of David Blaine? The biggest-"

"You know how you've got ADHD?"

He wasn't expecting that. Barney narrows his eyes and deadpans, "Yeah?"

"There's a kid in my new class who does, and, like, do you have any tips?"

Weird question. He puts his phone away. "What, like how to deal with him? Good luck there, Lily. I hated school,"

"I thought you were a geek,"

"I wasn't a geek; I was clever," he corrects defensively, "But school sucked. Although, I guess that means that I have a duty to help you out with your kid- stop him being as bored out of his skull as I was in school. Is he on medication?"

"No,"

"Didn't think so. They don't dose children up as much these days as they used to," he pauses, then adds, "I was on Ritalin for a year,"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Probably so were some of the kids you went to school with; it was big in those days. Now they don't use it as much; they're scared that kids will start growing two heads or something. Didn't work for me anyway,"

"What happened?

"I was on it for most of sixth grade, until my Mom and my teachers and the doctor had to admit that it wasn't working. I had another shot at it for a few weeks in high school- but nothing can slow me down,"

"What's it like, then?"

"ADHD or Ritalin?"

"First one,"

He laughs, "I know it's not the coolest name, but you're allowed to say it,"

"I know…it just sounds like some lame Star Wars thing,"

"How?!" he gasps, outraged, "And Star Wars is awesome!"

"AD3-2 or something, I don't know,"

He glares at her.

"I'm sorry- Star Wars is awesome. Don't tell Marshall that I said it wasn't," Lily corrects herself, rolling her eyes again, "Come on, give me some tips,"

Barney cocks his head and tries to remember.

"For a start, people think that ADHD means you can't concentrate- but that's not true. Sometimes all you can do is concentrate and obsess about things. If your kid isn't listening to you it's either because he's busy thinking about loads of other stuff- like how I'm a genius at inventing pick-up lines and scams because I have so many idea in my head all the time-or he's really focussed on something- like how I am with practising magic tricks and accepted challenges. Or he's just bored,"

"How do I get his attention?"

Barney scratches his kneecap thoughtfully. "You know how I do that 'Ted, Ted, Ted, right there' thing?"

"Mmm,"

"Repeating his name so he knows I'm talking to him and he has to pay attention. I use it on Ted because I know it'd work on me. What's your kids' name?"

"Zach,"

"So you'd say 'Zach. Zach, I'm talking to you', 'Zach, put the toy down', 'Zach, don't run'- actually, you should say 'Zach, walk,' not 'Zach, don't run'. Positive enforcement, I think it's called,"

"Yeah, we do that with all kids,"

"Well there you go. Oh, and, try not to use too many words when you talk; that's why I zone out of your conversations sometimes. Well, that and the fact that your conversations are so mind-numbingly tedious,"

"Oh, come on. You can talk for hours!"

"Because what I have to say is fascinating, insightful, hilarious and often extremely hot- whereas what you have to say is like reading out the phone book,"

"Thanks,"

"Use as few words as you can, because you won't have his attention for long. That's what the AD stands for,"

"I know what it stands for," Lily points out slightly defensively.

"You gotta be…flexible with him. If he draws on his arm or wants to walk backwards all day, that's alright. As long as he's not being super irritating or hurting anyone, let it go,"

"He gets to go to recess fifteen minutes before the other kids do, so hopefully he's calmer when he comes back inside," Lily explains.

"That's why I'm amazing at Laser Tag, because I have loads of energy to burn off," Barney adds.

"Wow, you've really analysed yourself about this, haven't you?"

"I don't like looking for reasons and sticking labels on things, but if the boot fits," Barney shrugs, "No fair, though- he gets to miss class, I got Rit,"

"He's a nice boy, he's just difficult to handle sometimes,"

"Whereas I am not a nice boy at all, but I'm sure you'd find handling me very enjoyable," he winks, unable to resist.

"Poor pun, Stinson," she tells him drily.

Barney shrugs and says reassuringly, "You'll be great with this Zach kid. You're the best at dealing with me,"

"What?"

"Haven't you realised?" he says, surprised- because it's always been obvious to him- "You call me out on stuff you don't approve of, and if I carry on with it, you corner-booth me- like last week when I kept talking about that Colombian girl with the most gigantic tits I'd ever-"

She punches him.

"See- you proved my point! And you go wild with praise when I do something you approve of, like a few months ago when that chick was really upset when she lost her Grandma's locket, and I found it on the floor and gave it back to her, even though she was so upset that she totally would have gone home with me,"

"Barney, she did go home with you,"

"Yes. She. Did," he smirks cockily, "But you were all 'Barney, I'm so proud of you, you gave up what was nearly a sure thing to give her back what she wanted'. But that was cool, because I did give her back exactly what it wanted that nigh-ow!"

"Disgusting, and poor pun," Lily says, "But I'm still proud of you for doing that- you didn't know that she'd still go home with you,"

"…and there you are again; reminding me of a time I did the right thing, so I remember for the future. See, you'll be fine with Zach,"

"But honestly, Barney, nothing I do ever really changes you," Lily admits (although she lives in hope that one day it might).

"Yes, but," he says indignantly, folding his arms across his chest, "I'm incorrigible. I'm the exception. Plus, Zach is five, so you have time to make him into someone who can actually sit through a whole hour of English,"

"I'm assuming that teachers couldn't do that with you?"

"Incorrigible," he repeats proudly, "I know you'll be fine with Zach. Frankly, I bet you've taught ADHD kids before, they just hadn't been diagnosed,"

"Perhaps," she shrugs.

"Besides," he beams, "If worst comes to worse, send him over to me and I'll teach him to be awesome instead,"

I really tried to get all the info about ADHD accurate, so thanks to my mate Johnny for letting me interrogate him about it. If anyone out there spots that I got something wrong, feel free to let me know.

Also, seeing as a couple of people have asked how I feel about the finale: I thought it was clever, fascinating, it made me think and I liked the themes and ideas. Equally, I thought it was rushed, inconsistent and depressing. My headcannon'sall over the place, so any future-set chapters of this story are probably going to be ambiguous. I've drafted a few future-set new stories, some of which include the finale, some of which ignore it, and some of which are again ambiguous. Cool? Cool. Have a lovely day, and please review! xxx