A/N: Again, a long time between updates. (bows head in shame) I am sorry and I hope some of you will still be here when I update. I will finish this story. Despite my time management and focus issues, I am determined to complete this story … which is turning out to be about 10 chapters longer than I intended and becoming a beast to write. I will persevere!

We left Sookie and Sam living once again in pseudo-domestic bliss, raising a precocious young fae child with an overbearing nursemaid. Here we go!

CH 36

It took some time but eventually Sookie landed a job as a guidance counselor at a local shelter. The shelter took in families who have suffered through domestic violence, as well as displaced children. She left work each day feeling humbled by the quiet strength of the survivors. She shared some of her own stories, without the supernatural details of course, as well as some of her hurtful experiences as a child. Surprisingly, it was still stories of Uncle Bartlett's unwanted touches that caused her clam up. She still could not open up about the pain the man had caused in her life to the residents or her colleagues.

This inability to face her fear created a wall to her recovery. She knew it was there. She even visualized it as a large brick wall in her mind, extending left, right, up and down endlessly, blocking her from full mental healing.

She worked at the shelter for over a year, seeing person after person grow and work past their traumas. She became more and more angry with herself and resentful of the wall. The wall was holding her back from true happiness, self acceptance, and love.

The wall must be the thing holding her back from Sam. She was sure of it. What else could be causing her to turn away from her best friend, the father of her children, the man who loved her so completely?

It was this realization that brought her to finally tearing down the wall. She would speak of it. She would get this shameful memory off her chest. She would move past the guilt and hate. She would tell someone … but not another counselor or patient.

She would tell Sam.

He was cooking dinner in her kitchen, where she often found him when she returned home from work. He looked freshly showered. He had probably just left work at the bar himself and now was here, helping her once again.

Her heart swelled with love and appreciation for this wonderful man ... why did it always feel so fraternal and not romantic? Why could she not feel real love for him? Look at him!

She shook away her thoughts and kissed his cheek.

"Where is everyone?"

Sam smiled. "Well hello to you too, Sook."

"Sorry. Hi. That smells wonderful."

"Aww, thanks cher, but you are not required to complement me for information."

He chuckled and Sookie poked him in the ribs. "Payton is out, Brett and Beau are out back playing catch with Tristan, and Moira is napping upstairs … or so she said she was … very mysterious that one." he joked as he stirred the sauce boiling on the stove top.

"Stop it. I'm sure she is napping. Tristan can tire you out with his endless curiosity."

Now or never. Need to get this out before I lose my nerve...

"I'm glad everyone is busy. I'd like to talk to you about something."

Sam gave her a worried look and turned the burner on the stove down to a low simmer. "Is everything okay? Did something happen at work?"

Sookie dropped into a nearby chair at the kitchen table. "No...yes … kind of?"

Sam put a lit on the pan and sat at the table across from her. "Maybe you should start at the beginning." he encouraged, placing his hand on the table face up in a gesture of support.

She took his hand quickly and he gave her light squeeze. She nodded her head and barreled ahead. "I've been keeping something to myself … something that happened a long time ago. I think its holding me back …"

Her palms felt sweaty and she had to shake herself to continue. Sam waited patiently for her to continue.

"I know its holding me back … and I just don't want it to anymore. I'm sick of feeling … numb and … unable to love anyone."

Sam's eyebrows were drawn together in concern. "Cher, you know that's not true. Look how much you love your family, the kids, your clients … you overflow with love and compassion."

Sookie shook her head sadly. "That's not what I mean. I love them … of course I do. I love you too, Sam … but I feel like something's holding me back. Keeping me from loving you with my whole heart. I think its this secret."

She held up her hand before he could interrupt again.

"Please … just let me get this out before I can't anymore. I've been holding onto this a long time."

He looked like he wanted to protest but nodded for her to continue, giving her hand another gentle squeeze.

Another deep breath. "When I was little … my Uncle Bartlett would come to visit. He always had a smile for Jason but he always glared at me. After my parents died and I came to live with Gran, his glares became more lurid, predatory, and I was always uncomfortable around him. His thoughts were distorted but they always focused on my skin or my hair or my … body."

Sookie felt Sam's body tense and his eyes became feral. She squeezed his hand and kept talking, determined to get it all out there before he blew because from the anger coming off him in waves, she was sure he was about to explode.

"He would sometimes ask me to sit on his lap. I was taught to respect my elders … I didn't want to go near him but I didn't want to disobey." Her voice began to shake but she soldiered on. "When Gran found out he was touching me inappropriately, she turned him out quick and told him never to come back. He never did. Gran's funeral is the only time I've seen him since."

"He … he touched you? You were a child for fuck's sake!" Sam's anger was vibrating his entire body, the whole table shook with it but Sookie held tightly to his hand.

"I know. I know what he did was wrong. I know it wasn't my fault. I work with kids everyday, Sam, that are going through this same shit. I know it wasn't me … I know this but sometimes my heart and my head don't see eye to eye. I still feel shame and guilt. I've never even told anyone before now. I just … couldn't …"

Her voice became choked with tears and Sam quickly pulled her into his arms. "Shhhh, cher, I'm here. I'm here. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I still love you, Sookie. That won't change, do you hear me?"

She nodded into his chest, her throat still to tight to speak.

"Gran was the only one to know about this?"

Sookie shook her head and held him tighter.

"Jason knows?"

Sookie nodded.

Sam resolved to have a talk with Jason real soon.

Sookie stayed in Sam's arms for a good long while but then the boys came charging into the house and she left to the bathroom to go freshen up for dinner.

She did feel lighter. Freer. But her heart still felt nothing but friendship for Sam.

She decided to just give it time. She knew these things didn't happen overnight. There was a hard road to recovery. She learned this through the many trials of her life. She knew she had a lot of healing left to do.