A/N. There has been a drastic decrease in review these last few chapters. If you haven't been enjoying, I'm sorry *frowns* *shame*
Okay, so here's a little just-so-you-know. I am due on the 1st of January (no I am not joking, I kinda wish I was) so, prior to that day, and possible days after, there will likely be no updates. I will try to make it up to you in these upcoming days will rapid writing (try being the operative word).
This chapter picks up on the date with Owen last chapter.
...~oOo~...
Chapter Thirty-Four: Bed & Breakfast
Looking down at the dessert menu, Hermione chewed her bottom lip. This had to be the longest, most dragging, of their dates. She really hoped Owen would realize this, but he looked happy as a Hippogriff with a ferret dangling from his beak. Owen like quiet evenings and steak, and so this evening was pretty much perfect in his eyes.
But Hermione was a conversationalist, she liked to talk and listen to responses. Also, she was a bit bland on her own, she needed someone to off-set that. Owen was just... too much like a slightly dimmer version of her.
She would kill for a laugh right then. She was struck by an idea.
"Sirius told me a funny joke yesterday," she said, looking over her menu at him.
"Hmm?" he said. "What sort of joke? Was it inappropriate, because he definitely seems the type."
"Not horribly, no." Hermione cleared her throat lightly. "Okay, so it goes like this. A drunken man staggers into a Catholic church and sits down in the confessional, but says nothing. The priest is confused, so he coughs to attract the man's attention, but the man still remains silent. The priest then knocks on the wall separating them three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
"Finally, the drunk replies - 'No use knockin', mate. There's no toilet paper in this one either.'"
When Sirius had told then joke, she'd just grimaced while silently finding it amusing in its own rude way. Remus had chuckled and James and Peter fell out of their chairs. Lily even smirked.
However, when Hermione retold it to Owen, she got a painfully blank stare and a few blinks.
After a minute, he said, "Oh, I understand. He thought the confessional was the loo."
Killing her slowly, Hermione coughed quietly and said, "Yes. That would be... yes."
"Sirius is a strange sort, isn't he?"
With an indelicate snort, she said, "Indeed." Hermione looked at Owen's wine glass. Half empty. Hadn't been refilled once since they arrived.
When the boys wanted Hermione to "dislodge the wand from her arse", they usually handed her a drink to loosen her up. She wondered if it would have the same effect on Owen.
"Owen, how do you feel about going to the pub tonight?" she asked, folding her menu and putting it down.
"The pub? Whatever for?" he said with a confused little smile.
"Well, to... drink," she said. "To have a few butterbeers, maybe?" Butterbeers doused with plenty of Firewhiskey. "It will be fun!"
"Hmm... it's getting late, though, isn't it?" He looked at his watch.
Hermione looked at hers. 9:37 in the evening. Certainly getting late, indeed... if you were, say, Dumbledore's age. Actually, never mind that. Dumbledore still fancied a good cognac and nighttime activities, she was sure - he was practically in his prime.
Owen was not 130. He was twenty-three.
"And I have errands in the morning," Owen went on. "Sheets to balance and whatnot. And I'm not a huge drinker."
Neither was Hermione, really. But it was barely dark out and it was Friday night and she, frankly, wanted a reason to smile. And Owen just wasn't giving her that.
She ached for Sirius, Remus, and James. Her and Owen were on their third date and he wouldn't move to hold her hand for more than a few moments, but the boys - her boys - would squeeze her hands, hug her until she couldn't breathe, and snuggle up next to her to in bed when they wanted her to wake up and make breakfast. Her friends were more intimate with her than her supposed boyfriend.
Maybe Sirius had gotten in her head with all his anti-Owen rot, and maybe he hadn't.
But Hermione was bored out of her rather large, rather clever, mind.
Standing up abruptly, acting without think, she slung her purse up on her shoulder.
Owen looked a little surprised. "Going to powder your nose?"
"I'm afraid not," she said, feeling very nervous and like everyone was watching her, even if it was only Owen. She swallowed. "You see, Owen, you're an awfully... nice man. And successful in your field. And mature. But... so am I. And I think I need someone who challenges me intellectually and can stimulate me emotionally. You are definitely someone's Mr. Right, Owen, but... I think my Mr. Rights are probably at the pub, and that's where I intend to go. Without you. Good evening. Thank you for a lovely time, I hope we can still be friends."
Dropping a quick kiss to her cheek, Hermione dashed out of there faster than you can say "hinkypunk".
...
When Hermione entered the Leaky Cauldron, she'd only scanned half the pub before met with a chorus of hollers, all going, "HERMIONE!"
There they were. Her Marauders. Lily was there as well, which is why at first she probably didn't count right. There were four people there, certainly - but it was only James, Remus, and Peter.
She wondered if Sirius was still sulking with a carton of Rocky Road in his bedroom. She walked over, stripping off her heels as she went, and was met with a very enthusiastic embrace from a very intoxicated James. How did he manage to get so drunk so early in the evening? Couldn't be healthy. Remus was also looking flushed and Peter was hiccuping. Lily was apparently the Designated Disapparator, considering she had water in front of her.
"Hermione! How did your date go?" Lily asked once James was done suffocating her.
"I'm fairly certain Sirius has brainwashed me, because it was unbearable," Hermione said, throwing her shoes on top of the table, and sliding in next to Lily. "I need something to drink. James, you're creative - go to the bar and order me something surprising."
With a crooked salute, James danced off towards the barmaid.
Rubbing her eyes, she asked, "Where's Sirius?"
"Already went home," Remus said, shoving his hair back from his face. "Found himself a busty brunette with long legs."
"Oh, lovely," Hermione said grateful when James was already rushing back.
In front of her, he plopped a very tall glass filled with the most interesting looking drink she'd ever seen. It was a neon, almost glowing green at the top of the glass, but faded into a foggy black towards the bottom. Small spurts of vapor floated off the top of it.
"What is this?" she asked tentatively. "I asked for a drink, not poison."
Remus laughed, loudly. "That, my dear, is Dragon's Breath. What are you trying to do, James, kill her?"
"Funny story, Dragon's Breath," James said, throwing himself into the booth and tossing an arm around his wife. "Transfer from Durmstrang during our Third Year brought it to Hogwarts. Said their Headmaster drank the stuff like milk. Used to throw them together in the common room after Quidditch games. Funny thing is, the pubs 'round here'd never made it until students came, asking for it in droves."
"Is it good?" Hermione asked, turning the glass slowly and examining the liquid from all sides.
Peter sniggered so hard he snorted like a pig.
Remus said, "Think gasoline and apple juice."
"And since you've never had one, you gotta drink it, 'Mione," James told her, giving her a rough sort of poke in her shoulder. "It's a right of passage, it is!"
"It won't really kill you," Remus said confidentially. "Three parts absinthe, two Firewhiskey, one part gin, with a splash of peppermint shnapps and one powdered dragon's scale."
With a shrug, Hermione took the straw out of the glass, and brought it to her lips. At first, as she two two very long swallows, she had an apple-like taste on her tongue like Remus had said. But then the gasoline part kicked in and she almost gagged, putting the glass down, Hermione's face twisted unattractively, making every one of her friends laugh hysterically as she actually experienced pain.
The after-taste was like Polyjuice.
"Oh, God!" Hermione said once she was able to breathe again. "I think I may have just died for a half-second."
Peter was snorting so much he nearly toppled over. Actually, he did. Right onto the floor, bruising his rump. Good, Hermione thought grimly. Bastard deserved that and more.
Remus was laughing and nodding. "You might have, actually."
"First time I had one, I was pretty sure a part of my soul fell off," James agreed, grin broad, making his eyes crinkle. "Go on, drink more! The weird taste on your tongue will go away after the first one."
And so Hermione drank more than she'd ever in her life. Her conscience was trying to poke through, telling her how bad this idea was, but she just drank whatever the boys handed her, with Lily handing her gillywaters in between.
She was going to have fun if it was the last thing she'd do.
...~oOo~...
Dragon's Breath. She knew why it was named as such when she woke up the next morning. It felt like a Hungarian Horntail was stomping around in her head and her mouth tasted positively ghastly, the worst morning breath in history.
Remus lied. He said she wouldn't die, but it certainly felt like she was,
With a deep breath, locking in the nauseam, Hermione rolled heavily onto her side. Slowly, and with a lot of effort - her body actually ached - she heaved herself upward and clutched her bedside table for a moment as she regained equilibrium.
It felt like miles from her bed to her bedroom door, but she made it, opening it slowly. The creak of the hinges was like screeching to her ears and she went cross-eyed from it. With a deep breath, she dragged herself to Remus's door, which was open slightly, and peaked it.
"Remus," she whispered hoarsely. "Remus, save me." Opening it the rest of the way, Remus wasn't there.
A girl was there though. Naked and blonde.
She shook her head with a sort of grudging approval. "Remus, you dog. Or wolf. Or whatever."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
Hermione nearly screamed and spun around, which set a tornado off in her skull, and almost fell over, but Remus caught her and chuckled. "Sorry," he said before she could go off at him.
"Remus, I feel like I'm dying," she moaned.
Remus held out a vial and tucked it into her palm. "Hangover potion. Freshly brewed."
"Oh, I could kiss you," Hermione said, uncorking the bottle hastily and bringing it to her lips.
"Not with the taste I'm sure if happening in your mouth right now, please," Remus said, watching as the agony in Hermione's eyes dissolved and she stood up straighter. "All congratulatory kisses shall be postponed until after you've brushed your teeth. Thrice."
"So who is she?" Hermione asked as she padded to the bathroom. She was only faintly aware of the pact she was wearing a pair of Remus's boxers and a camisole, bra-less. She was just too overwhelmingly grateful for and end to that hangover.
"Her name's Sabrina," Remus said, leaning against the doorjamb as Hermione squeezed a liberal amount of paste to her toothbrush. "Nice girl. Intern at St. Mungo's and has a taste for dominance in bed."
With a grimace, Hermione said, "I didn't need to know that." She went at her teeth and tongue with a vengeance.
Remus smirked. "Just thought I'd let you know. Sirius and his bird are still asleep."
Hermione hid her cringe by opening her mouth wider, pretending she was just roughening up her teeth scrubbing.
"She's not all that pretty, you know."
"'Shabrinnahh?" Hermione asked through a mouthful of suds and brush.
"Not Sabrina, she's gorgeous. I meant Sirius's girl."
Hermione shrugged, trying to give off an "I don't care" vibe. But Remus saw right through it.
"Her hair is too... flat," he added, feigning casualty. "And her breasts far too big. Definitely not his type."
With a glare, Hermione spat into the sink. "I was under the impression that every type was Sirius's type. And you know Sirius. He loves his 'knockers', as he says." She wiped at her face with a towel and faced her friend. "Remus, I know what you're doing, and it's okay. I don't mind. Now what do you think Sabrina and Sirius's bimbo would like for breakfast?"
"Well, you see, most guys like slighter frames," Remus said, following after her, determined to make her feel better. "It's just, we go for bigger you-know-whats because we get bragging rights with our mates. The fact that Owen... and that guy at the pub... didn't want to take you home is that they're stupid and want credit with their friends."
Hermione took a pan down from the cabinet. "Crepes?"
"You were upset last night."
"I was actually in a very good mood last night, Remus," she corrected him, dragging out a bowl and flour.
"Until you were turned down by that bloke in the blue shirt. You called him Blue Shirt Bob, remember? And then you started crying on Lily's shoulder about Owen until James put another drink in front of you and -"
"I remember, Remus," she cut in glibly. She rolled her eyes. "I was drunk. Plastered. Under no circumstances would I have even propositioned... Blue Shirt Bob... if I was in the right mind. Which I wasn't. Let's forget about it, shall we? Now what kind of crepes would you like?"
With a sigh, Remus walked to the counter and kissed Hermione's cheek tenderly. "Whatever you want, Hermione. I'll go see if Sabrina is hungry."
Only ten minutes later, Sabrina was sitting at the dining table with Remus, looking very sleepy and very embarrassed. Her blonde hair was cropped short into a cute little pixie-style and she had nice brown eyes with tan skin. And despite Remus's pro-flat chests speech, she had nice, large breasts. But at least she was nice, asking how Hermione was and about her work and things.
Remus looked tired still, but listened to everything Sabrina was saying, acting more like a close friend, rather than blowing her off like most one-night stands went.
They all jumped a little when they hard a large bang from down the hall, followed by a loud yell. Not a painful or angry yell... an intimate yell.
"SILENCING CHARMS!" Remus said, getting up and banging on Sirius's wall forcefully. "WE'RE TRYING TO EAT, FOR MERLIN'S SAKE."
"SOD OFF!" was Sirius's reply, followed with a feminine giggle. But shortly after that, the noises were muted and Remus looked eternally grateful.
Shaking his head, Remus grumbled, "He's insatiable."
Sabrina giggled lightly. With a smirk and a coy look in her eyes, she said, "You're one to talk." Under the table, Hermione saw her run her toe up his ankle and Remus grinned wolfishly.
"Oh, boy," Hermione said quietly to herself. Love was in the air and her flat was slowly becoming a love hotel. "Crepe, anyone?" She flipped them onto their plates before they could answer and put on more coffee and a kettle for tea.
A few minutes later, out from the bedroom came Sirius and his... whatever she was.
And Hermione's eyes almost bugged out of her head.
The woman was long and a golden tan, with long, sleek dark brown hair and exotic light green eyes. She was... well, she was perfect. Hour-glass figure, face of a goddess, and looking what James would call "thoroughly shagged".
Hermione had to stop herself from banging her forehead against a wall. Instead, she poured more batter onto the pan and tried not to look her right in those piercing eyes pale green eyes.
"Everyone, this is Lynne. Lynne, this is everyone," Sirius said, gesturing lazily. He didn't look very hung-over at all, have a sort of energy to him - which, for Sirius Black, never happened to him. Sex was like a vitamin for him.
Hermione felt a hand rest gently on her back and Sirius said, "Smells delicious, Hermione." He kissed her temple and saw that she winced. With a small wince of his own, he whispered quietly, just so that she could hear, "I'm sorry", and kissed her right next to her ear.
Hermione nodded, accepting the apology, and mourned the loss of his hand when he walked away and escorted the wordless, very serious-looking Lynne to the door. She had the haughty look on her face that Hermione associated with Pansy Parkinson and Narcissa Malfoy.
Once she was gone and Sirius was back in the kitchen, Remus said, "She seemed genuinely warmhearted, Sirius."
"Shut up, Moony," Sirius said off-handedly, sitting down next to him. "And who might this lovely young lady be?"
Remus introduced Sirius to Sabrina, they shook hands, and Sirius said, "How did the date go with Mr. Boring last night? Did he sneak out before I got up? After all, you know what they say about the third date." Sirius made an impolite hand gesture that made Hermione blanch and Sabrina chuckle.
"If you'd stuck around, Pads, you would know that Hermione traded Owen for the pub last night," Remus informed him.
Brow furrowed, Sirius said, "Did he finally drive you mad with all his banking talk?"
"It is your fault!" Hermione snapped, shaking her spatula at him. "You got in my head, Sirius Black, and I couldn't even enjoy a quiet, lovely dinner with a nice man because of you and your nonstop talking." The anger pulsed in her chest, bust she squashed it down. She let the crepe cook a bit longer than it should have and then threw the burnt circle onto Sirius's plate.
It was finally hitting her. Last night, Owen had proved himself to be far too bland while simultaneously making it clear that he was planning to return to his own flat, alone, after the meal because of "morning errands", despite the reputation of third dates, as Sirius had said. Then, at the pub after hearing of Sirius's whereabouts with a sexy brunette, Blue Shirt Bob had turned her down. Was she in the right mind? Definitely not. She'd never dream of some faceless stranger take her virginity, but she'd wanted to feel wanted. Lily and James, blissfully in love, went home, making eyes at each other. Peter excused himself to go to Francine's. Remus had brought Sabrina home.
And in her drunken state, Hermione had stumbled into her very cold, very empty bed, and fell asleep alone.
God, that hurt more than it should have. It wasn't like she'd wanted sex, not really. She wanted... to be held, was all. Instead, the only breathing thing sharing her bed that night was Dandelion, who'd curled up at her feet.
"You always have opinions, about everyone," Hermione prattled on, pouring Sirius a mug of coffee, being clumsy with it on purpose and splashing him with the hot liquid. He hissed. "Always, 'Owen Hardy Boy is a goody-two-shoes' and 'That waiter looking down your blouse was a wanker, Hermione' and 'You're not actually going to Floo call that Muggle from the market, are you? He was a nonce'. Well, guess what, Sirius! Maybe I like nonces! Maybe I like it when guys take notice to me, even if it a glance down my shirt! Knock it off already!"
Sabrina looked over at Remus. "Is it always like this?"
"Women traipsing in and out of Sirius's room and Hermione yelling at breakfast? Yes, mostly," he said. "Although, I admit, she hasn't yelled in a while."
"I'm going to listen to the radio," Hermione said simply, no real heat to her words.
"Have you eaten?" Sirius asked.
"I've lost my appetite." She shrugged and fixed her tea.
"Sit down and eat, Hermione," Remus said. "If you're tired of cooking I can -"
"No, I'll just have a bagel," Hermione said, reaching into the bread box and then sitting down next to Sabrina. "I'm terribly sorry about that, Sabrina. I wasn't being a very good hostess by shouting."
"Oh, believe me," Sabrina said with a grin, "you are exceeding expectations already, and I probably would have shouted too. Normally it's a prompt 'goodbye and good luck' the morning after, but you've made me breakfast. And I appreciate that, Hermione." The smile was sincere and it made Hermione smile in response.
"Well..." Hermione said modestly, "I wasn't going to allow you to leave on an empty stomach."
The quartet had a pleasant breakfast after that. Sabrina was a sweet girl with a big heart, it seemed. Hermione's frustration faded, leaving behind a sort of hollowness that she had no right to. She and Sirius had talked about this when she first moved in - made an agreement. She had actually begged him to find girls, go out with them, shag them, whatever tickled his fancy. He'd put up resistance, but Hermione had told him that she wouldn't be able to live with him unless she knew he was moving on.
And so the Sirius Bedroom Parade began. And for every girl, she made them breakfast. The first girl was actually terrified that Hermione was trying to poison her with the massive spread of croissants, muffins, and waffles with all the trimmings. But Hermione was trying to show Sirius that it was okay, and making breakfast sort of became her thing. Remus and Sirius said she should open a bed-and-breakfast. She said that she was afraid her crepe pan would be reserved for Sirius's liaisons, then them alone.
When Sabrina left, Remus gave her a light kiss goodbye and smiled, watching her walk off. He looked a little love-struck - or, more accurately, lust-struck - and shut then shut the door slowly.
Hermione spent the rest of the day with Sirius and Remus. They watched movies, all squished on the couch, making a Hermione sandwich between them. Sirius eventually fell asleep on her shoulder, breathing on her neck, and Remus kept an arm around her.
These were her boys and she knew, deep down, that no matter what female walked through their bedroom doors, at the end of the day they'd always come back to her. She was grateful for it. It made her feel less alone.
...~oOo~...
Challenge: 1. Favorite part and line? 2. Do you think we will see Lynne again? 3. Or Sabrina?
~ So Long And Thanks For All The Fish ~