"You crashed at Tara's again last night?" Vic came into the office the morning after I had met with Pope, "Went by the house this morning only no one was there,"

"Yeah, didn't want to go home," I didn't want to face Happy after his comment about Harper and what I had done yesterday. It felt like a ton of bricks was going to land on me at any moment and I had no clue which direction it was coming from, I knew I had fucked up but I wasn't going to apologize not if everyone made it home safe.

"What happened with you two?" she had no clue about the deal I had made with Pope, not unless Opie had spilt the beans, "Hap stayed at the club house last night,"

"Just same old usual shit," I sighed, "We both say things we shouldn't far too often,"

"I always thought it was foreplay," she tried to lighten the mood, "You two have been doing it since you got together, somewhere along the way you two lost the sarcastic playfulness of your words and started playing for blood," I had known Vic for almost 30 years and it still shocked me when things like that came out of her mouth, she had always been known as the girl that took nothing seriously, the free spirit, the daughter that had become the whore. But there was another part of Vic, a part that said and felt things so seriously that you had to listen. "You two need to get back to who you really are, for my nephew," she looked down at my flat stomach, hers had barely started rounding at her new pregnancy.

"You think it's a boy?" I asked chuckling at her.

"I was right about Violet, and Harper if I remember correctly," she had been, she had known I was pregnant before Happy and from day one she had been calling Harper a girl; she had said the only person that could bring Hap to his knees would be the women in his life. Well we had both fallen to our knees over Harper but not in the way anyone meant. "Someday her name won't hurt so much," she reached out and grabbed my hand that was sitting flat on the desk.

"It will always, it is like a knife is constantly in my heart but the slight mention of her twists it up,"

"You aren't betraying her by having a second baby, or loving Happy after he left Bowie," she squeezed our hands together, "All children want for their parents is to be happy,"

"What if it doesn't make us happy?"

"You'll never know if you don't tell him, if you let him slip out of your grasp again, if you love something you need to hold onto it," she looked at our hands, "and never let go,"

The bell over the door rang as we stood their holding our hands together and moments later Rat and Phil came in filling the left over space of the small office.

"You need to come with us," Rat tried to look tough as he spoke; reaching out for me.

"I'm working," Vic and I pulled our hands apart.

"Doesn't matter, you need to come," Rat just shrugged his shoulders, at the moment I wanted nothing more than to rip that prospect patch off his chest.

"Now," Phil added.

"What happened?" Vic asked nervous that something had happened to the club. I knew it was probably the deal I made already blowing up in my face. No one answered Vic and I grabbed my bag and started following both guys.

"I'll call you when I know," I said over my shoulder to her. They drove us right to the club house in the black van that never meant anything good had happened around the club, they only needed vans for bodies. A chill ran down my spine this whole time I was worried about Romeo or Pope never what SAMCRO would do to me, never what Jax would have done to me. The moment I felt the air conditioner of the club house on my skin Jax was standing in the doorway of the chapel.

"Bowie," he directed me over towards him, "Now,"

"Look before you..." I tried to defend myself following him expecting him to be in the chapel alone but I stopped mid sentence as all the guys eyes landed on me. Suddenly the cool air was nothing, sweat was beading on the back of my neck at the base of my ponytail at the stares, mostly from the black set of eyes I knew the most.

"Sit," Jax ordered taking his chair, an empty chair was between Bobby and Juice.

"I'll stand," I moved away from the door and stood at the end of the table unfortunately beside Clay as everyone moved so they could still see me. As nervous as I was I was relieved to see all three sitting there. I hadn't expected Tig at all, Pope had said he was going to keep him in jail forever.

"What were you thinking?!" Jax finally snapped after he allowed me to stand there in silence for just long enough for it to be dramatic.

"That my brother was going to be killed in jail!" I said back with as much anger as he threw at me.

"So you took it upon yourself to make a deal, on behalf of the club with Damien Pope?!" he locked his fingers together like it was taking all his strength not to slap me across the face.

"It wasn't a club deal, I'm not in the club," I looked down at my light blue converses that seemed so out of place in the dark room.

"How did you get to Pope anyways Love?" Chibs asked in a calmer voice, he had noticed my vision shift away from Jax.

"Galindo," I began.

"And he just set up a meeting with Pope?" he asked back.

"I asked nicely," I shrugged; I knew I couldn't tell them about threatening them about being CIA.

"As I understand it," Jax drew my attention back to him, "It was more of a threat, something about his kids," Jax spoke like he was trying to convince me as well.

"I told him we knew where his kids lived," another lie that burned coming out of my mouth. Suddenly my voice didn't sound like my own, it sounded just like Gemma.

"Jesus," Bobby added, he needed to be apart of the lie he was in on the CIA connections.

"And then you gave up half of our money to Pope," Jax filled in the rest of the story for the guys at the table.

"It is just money," I looked right in my brothers eyes, it was money or it was his life. "He wanted a dead son!"

"I had it under control Bowie!" Jax snapped again.

"Well from where I was standing you didn't! You really thought the fucking Cartel was going to keep you safe? They probably already had a plan B on who was going to run the coke if their pretty little biker boys got shanked in prison!"

"But that isn't the most important part, that was nothing to Pope," Jax shook his head, "No, his second deal was what mattered to him, he didn't care about the money he cared about a girl that was brave enough to stand up to him, because that is dangerous! That can't be trusted!"

"What second deal?"

"When he said he might need your help one day he wasn't talking about a pow wow or a side bar," It hadn't even been a question when Pope asked me that, how could I agree to it, "Pope took great pride in letting me know that if we fuck up, if we don't do exactly what he wants,then it is your head next on the guillotine,"

"I didn't.." once again I was cut off.

"A Brother for a Sister, and the worst part about it is that you are the one who put your head there," no one had a chance to say anything after that as a loud crash went off and in the blink of an eye Happy had flipped over the heavy redwood table, the sign of their group of their brotherhood, it was older than us and now it was upside down on the tiled floor.

"Hap," Tig reached out and got him as he began marching toward me, anger flowed through him like I had never seen, not before or after he killed an enemy, not when things were upside down for the club, not even when he learned his mother was going to die, it was anger that had never existed in either of our lives. He kept coming and Chibs had to get to the other side of him as Opie's large form blocked my vision of him. He still hadn't said anything, no threats to me or questions on why I had done it.

"Bowie just get out!" Clay ordered me and if it was in any sort of different situation I would of directed my anger towards him but in that moment I was terrified, it was the first time the Tacoma Killer had his eyes set on me.

I got out of the chapel before the tears started falling, and I was almost back to the safety of outside when Gemma yelled my name, she must of heard the fighting in the chapel and headed to find out what was going on. The anger I felt towards her just caused the tears to fall faster as I made it out into the sunlight. I slipped my sunglasses on over my eyes hoping it would cover the tears and started walking down the road, my car was still at the shop. The heat did nothing to effect me, especially not the cold spot in my chest that everyone swore was where your heart was, that did nothing but chill me to the bone. I knew yesterday I had crossed the line but I never thought it would be this one, a lot of shit had gone down between Hap and I, most of the time I had thought he was going to hit me and it met the wall beside me but this time I knew with certainty that he would of done it, probably would of knocked my head right off my shoulders. I heard the rumble of a motorcycle behind me and I prepared myself, maybe Happy had gotten out of their grasp and was coming to finish the job, would he have to shoot me in the back or would he have the balls to stand right in front of me when he did it?

"Hey!" The bike stopped and I knew the voice right away. I turned towards the face I hadn't seen in a few weeks and started sobbing, he would be out here, right when I needed him. I dropped to my knees letting out the fear now that I knew it wasn't Happy and soon after I felt Kozik wrap his arms around me and I rocked crying; truth was I had never been more afraid in my whole life. But I wasn't sure if it was the fear of death or the fear of truly loosing Happy for good this time; fucking with him business, his club that was unforgivable.

"It is okay," Kozik assured me, even though it wouldn't be, I tried to speak but the tears were too strong and it felt like I couldn't breath. "Shh Bow," he squeezed me even tighter, "Come to TM with me,"

"NO!" I cried even harder until the world was washed out in a wave of water and my stomach curled, bringing up my breakfast from that morning, still Kozik kept a hold of me. "Anywhere but there," I didn't apologize for the throw up, just wiped the back of my hand across my mouth.

"Okay, anywhere but there," he agreed pulling me so I stood up and leading me towards his bike.

NO ONES POV

"GOD DAMNIT!" Happy yelled as soon as the door slammed behind Bowie. Many times before things had gotten heated in the small room they called a Chapel but never like this, the redwood had been upright since the First 9 but now from its place on the floor it didn't look like any part of history or legacy it just looked like a pile of wood on the floor. Two Brothers were shocked at the actions of their Sister's old man, more at the fact that they hadn't stopped it, that they might of done the same thing if he hadn't of gotten there first.

"Happy," Jax snapped at the enforcer of his club, one of the only people he feared, "Calm down,"

"How?" Happy pointed a finger at the door that Bowie had just left out of. "She could of gotten herself killed, all of us blown off the map,"

"You know what this means," Clay's evil voice spoke, drawing everyone's attention over to where he was sitting holding his oxygen tank like he was at a tea party not bringing up the subject he was.

"No," Opie violently spit the words at Clay, the man he dreamt about killing night after night, all he saw was the bodies of his former wife and Father every time his eyes met their murderer's.

"It's the rules," Frankie Diamonds backed Clay from his seat on the couch, "She compromised the club,"

"Never," Jax wasn't speaking directly to the two men the spoke, he was warning everyone in the room.

"He's right Jax," Bobby spoke and no one could quite believe what they heard, especially the man that loved her most.

"You let her go!" He accused Opie, the only person that had been with her when she was wheeling and dealing with the Cartel and the biggest gangster they had ever came across. Before another fight could break out between Happy and Opie Jax cut them off.

"Fine, it needs to be unanimous," Jax wasn't afraid of the votes outcome, he knew the hearts of the men he was surrounded by, he was afraid of the words leaving his mouth; like it might damage him for the future, like he would be struck down for even questioning such things.

"All those in favor of Bowie McKenney meeting Mr. Mayhem," the words tasted like vomit as they left the big brothers mouth.

BOWIE'S POV

"You ready to talk?" Kozik and I had been sitting in the park for about twenty minutes not saying a word, I was texting Vic assuring her that I was fine, I didn't add the part that it might be just for that moment. "Vic?" he asked looking down at the phone as well. I nodded at him, apparently Opie had called her to ask if she had heard from me and set her off in a spiral of questions. "Bowie.."

I only meant to say one word but one turned into two and before I knew it I hold told Kozik everything, or at least the truth Jax wanted me to tell. "Happy would never hurt you," was the only thing Kozik had to say nothing about being in club business or betraying the club.

"You didn't see him Koz,"

"Hap isn't a complicated guy Bowie, he has like four emotions and one of them is not fear, so when he's afraid or upset it all turns to anger. He was mad because he was scared, the only thing he fears is loosing you, so when anyone puts you in danger he gets that way, this time you just happened to do it to yourself, he had no one else to get mad at,"

"I think anger is all of those four emotions," I rested my head on his shoulder, we were sitting side by side watching a family on the swings.

"Nah, that's bullshit, Hap loves strong,"

"And hates stronger,"

"He's loyal to a fault," he kept on ignoring my comment, "all the fucked up shit we put on him, he doesn't do it because he's crazy,"

"I know, he does it so no one else has to,"

"He's like an onion you know, he's got tons of layers.."

"Did you just reference Shrek?" I looked up at him.

"You didn't let me finish..." he smirked, "But every one of those layers were built on love, Happy does what he does because he loves us all. The amount of love he had for you he can barely put into words when he sees you it is like his whole body had been lassoed and he couldn't move even if he wanted to, it cripples him."

"He moved today," I assured him, "It took Chibs and Tig to hold him back,"

"He would of never hit you," Kozik didn't have any doubt in his voice, "You could walk up to him with a knife and shove it right into his chest and he would just stand there watching you, still after all these years he doesn't understand it; his love for you will always be a mystery to him."

"I wouldn't of stopped him either, if he would of hit me I would of taken it,"

"Don't worry about this Pope shit, we won't fuck up, and Jax and him would of came to the same deal,"

"They are pissed,"

"Better to be pissed off than pissed on," he laughed, he was full of metaphors today.

"Well I'm the one that got pissed on,"

"I got puked on," he reminded me and the little girl in the distance laugh met both of our ears stopping our conversation as we watched her being pushed higher on the swing by her Father.

"I'm pregnant again," I blurted out, the laughter of the little girl allowed the brick wall that had been built around my heart a few minutes ago crumble. "And I'm so inlove with Happy that it hurts,"

"Welcome to adulthood Bow," Kozik smiled pressing a kiss to my temple. "Knocked up and in love it is like a Sarah Dessen book," I didn't ask how he knew who she was.

"Yeah well if my baby daddy kills me it will be more of a Stephen King thriller." I couldn't help but laugh along with him, "It would have been much simpler if I had fallen inlove with you Koz,"

"I'd be dead, Hap would have my head on his mantle, why would you wish that on your best friend?" he poked his finger into my side and started tickling me.

I wasn't sure if I was dumb or not, trusting what Kozik had said about Happy. He had dropped me off at the house and the moments of silence were deafening. I was surrounded in my own little Happy scented bubble, everything in the house reminded me of the fact that he wasn't there, of how much I had fucked up everything. I tried to escape from the reminders and ended up in the one room I avoided like the plague. The lavender walls made me feel it all over again the pain of not bringing my baby home to the room we had prepared for her, even if it was empty now; memories of Happy and I painting it, and both of us being covered in the paint almost made me smile. He was just been happy that I hadn't picked out pink when we went to get the paint and he had gladly helped me just to insure that the color never made its way into the nursery.

"Bowie," I jumped, I was in such a thought bubble that I hadn't even heard him pull up or come into the front door. I followed his voice into the living room but I stayed in the opening of the hall, keeping a room between us.

"I'm sorry," I looked down at those damn converses again, I should have the guts to keep my head looking at him but at the moment I wasn't afraid of what was going to happen, I was afraid of the look I was going to see in the black eyes I loved so much.

"You broke the only thing I ever asked you all those years ago," his voice was laced with venom, but not anger. I wasn't sure what was more chilling, pissed off Happy or calm Happy. "Never make me choose between you and them! Never come between what I need to do for you and what I need to do for SAMCRO, that was all I asked; I never needed anything else,"

"I'm sorry," I still didn't look. I hadn't thought about him when I made the deal all I could see was me and how loosing Jax or anyone else was going to effect me. "I was scared,"

"I was scared! I had to watch a Mayhem vote for you," Finally my eyes met his as they glossed over.

"Are you here to kill me?" That was the punishment they would deem acceptable for anyone else, they would send Happy over, he would take care of the person in question and dig a hole for them out where all the other bodies were later he would add another smiley face to his torso. I tried to stand tall as he watched me, finally taking a step towards me; it took everything in me not to back up with every step.

"You didn't want any secrets, yet you are full of them," he pulled his gun out of the holster under his cut pointing it at me, I had no words, he was telling the truth as I shut my eyes. "I love you, more than life itself, more than anything else I've ever experienced," the tears falling out of my eyes left a warm trail as the trickled down my cheeks.

"Do it Happy, it's okay," I remembered what Kozik and I had said earlier, if he came for me I would stand there and take it. I still didn't open my eyes not until I felt his calloused hand on my cheek as he lifted my head up to meet his, and he held out one of my hands, dropping a handful of bullets in them.

"I will never be the one to do that," he looked at the bullets in my hand as well, "No matter who or what ordered me to do it," I had never heard him say a word against the club, I knew he was a solider of SAMCRO until the end. "But if you make me choose between you and the club again, or if I ever hear those words leave Jax's mouth again you may as well use these on me," I dropped the bullets as the sound of metal hitting the wooden floor hit both our ears and I wrapped my arms around him feeling more tears fall.

"The vote," I said against his neck.

"You've got a lot of people who have your back," his voice was still laced in venom as he spoke, just because he wasn't here to kill me didn't mean he was here to forgive me. " The vote ended with the first person asked," Chibs, he had said no and killed the whole vote.

"I've got some stuff to tell you," I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the couch and the words flew out like they had with Kozik earlier, only this time it was the complete truth. Clay killing Piney, Opie shooting Clay,The CIA, Galindo being the ones who had me, threatening them to get to Pope, everything that was my truth to tell.

"Jesus," Happy didn't have may looks but disbelief was one I had never experienced before.

"You can't let Galindo know, they threatened us, starting with Vic," his fist were tightening on his lap, "Promise? It isn't the time," the bone in his forehead got going again as he ground his teeth so loud I could hear it. "Clay can't know you know either,"

"Shit Bowie," he hadn't said much other than that as I had been confessing everything to him.

"Anything else?" he questioned after we sat in silence for a moment and I remembered one more truth as Happy stood up heading towards our bedroom down the hall and the lavender walls caught my eye.

"Yeah," he turned back towards me, "I'm pregnant...again," Black eyes ran up and down my body as my mind began ticking like it was the final round on a game show. He ran his hands over the snake that was tattooed on his head and he let out a breath.

"We had a Mayhem vote on my girl and my kid,"

"It's the rules Happy, you can't blame them," it wasn't the response I was hoping for but at least he didn't leave. "I know the rules just as well as you do,"

"Come here," his face shifted and a smile crossed it, making the dimples on both sides of his mouth show even through the stubble. I felt mine mirror his as I made my way over to him and he wrapped his arms around me before lifting me up to wrap my legs around him, mostly making it awkward with the large cast that still was encasing my leg. "I love you Bowie McKenney,"

"And I love you Happy Lowman," before I knew it I was dropped on the bed and my shorts were being pulled down over my cast again.

AN: Let me know what you think! What should happen next?!

Thank you to all the reviewers ya'll are my favorite!

I don't own anything SOA

- Bailey