Hey Guys! Sorry it's been so long! I've been so busy between work and cheer (not to mention an almost incurable case of writers block!) I leave for vacation again tomorrow but at least this time I'll still be in the states so I can still do some writing! I made this chapter pretty long so I hope you all don't mind ;) And in other great news WE REACHED 90 REVIEWS that's so incredible guys and I can't even begin to interpret how this story became so popular haha! Thank you so much! I really want to hear lots of reviews from this chapter to help give some guidance towards the next one so I don't get so much writer's block this time around! Ironically this chapter is titled "Neglect" which I will not be doing to you guys any more! So read away!
"Why do you always have to ruin all of my fun?" I shout. "Ever since we were little,"
"Look, I'm not the one ruining things here!" Claire shouts back. Don't remind me. She's sitting on my dresser with her arms crossed. "What the Hell were you doing up there with Hunter?" She gives me that stern look, the one that says 'I'm a minute older than you and I will hold it above you for the rest of your life.'
"I don't know!" I answer. "He just took me up there for closure." I defend Hunter but Claire laughs in my face.
"No honey. He took you up there to HOOK UP!" Claire states as if it's so obvious. I know she's probably right but I'm still mad at her for snitching. I don't say anything and just plop down on my bed with a huff. Claire rolls her eyes and next thing I know she's sitting beside me.
"I don't know how to convey this to you because it should be the most freaking obvious thing in the world, but Jordi likes you Bee, a lot. And you know that! So why are you running around hooking up with all the Cole boys when you've got someone who actually cares about you, sits through therapy with you and deals with all this crap you throw his way?" I find myself speechless, the emotionally draining day finally hitting me, hard.
Without thinking I get up, my feet guiding me away from Claire.
"I know where you're going!" She shouts behind me.
"Shut up!" I shout back.
It's late. Probably almost midnight. The hallway lights are a little dimmer, the bustling hospital staff reduced to a few night nurses. I quietly pad into the service elevator and ride down to the cancer floor.
I stare quietly in at the Swamp. Leo's bundled up under the sheets, snoring softly. I look over to the other side of the room at Jordi. He's laying on his side, almost half of the bed empty. I walk over careful to not
wake Leo up and gently slide into bed next to Jordi.
His eyes flutter for a slight moment but he never opens them fully. He must just recognize it is me. His arms wrap around me pulling me into him without hesitation. He kisses the top of my head half asleep and before I know it he's dead to the world again.
As much as I try to fall asleep, Claire's words haunt me. I don't know what to make of them. I do know Jordi likes me, and a part of me thinks I like him too but there's just no spark like there used to be. Am I taking him for granted? The thought causes a lump to grow in my throat.
I look up at him, his long dark eyelashes resting softly on his cheeks. His brown hair is swept across his forehead. Looking at his peaceful expression, I don't think I've ever realized the burden Jordi's been under with his own disease eating away at him. I've been too consumed with his role in helping me heal I never even gave a second thought about him.
How am I supposed to sleep with all of these thoughts attacking me? I desperately want something to just knock me out, so I don't have to deal with myself anymore, but my supply of sleeping pills has been long gone for a while now. Instead I just force my eyes shut and watch the swirling colors against the black of my eyelids, a deep throbbing headache taking root in my brain.
I must've fallen asleep at some point last night because I feel Jordi nuzzle my neck trying to wake me up.
"Buenos días Cariño." He smiles down at me but I can't bring myself to smile back. His soft gaze slowly turns into a concerned stare. "What's the matter Bee?" He asks me.
"I dunno." I mumble sadly. "Just a bad day I guess."
"But you just woke up." Jordi argues but I shrug sluggishly. He sighs picking me up and holding me against his chest. "It kills me to see you like this." He murmurs kissing my forehead. I close my eyes.
"Jordi," I begin but hesitate.
"Yes?" He asks
"I'm sorry for all the shit I put you through." I apologize but it doesn't feel like enough. Jordi hugs me tighter.
"It's okay. I care about you a lot so it's okay." Jordi consoles me, a little taken aback.
Suddenly Nurse Brittany comes rushing into the room and we look up at her desperate expression.
"Phoebe I've been looking everywhere for you!" She exclaims obviously out of breath. "What are you doing in Jordi's room?"
"Nightmares woke me up this morning." I say without missing a beat. I decide against telling her I slept overnight. "I didn't want to be alone so I came to sit with Jordi for a while."
"Well I'm supposed to escort you to your appointment with Dr. Heart." She says. Jordi must feel me deflate because he begins to run his fingers up and down my back. A wave of comfort follows, but a tad bit of guilt remains.
"Let's just get this over with." I mumble getting up, fully aware that I'm still in my PJs and my hair is a greasy mess. Jordi follows me and despite my uncertainty about my feelings for him deep down I know I need his support.
Time skip
"How long have you two had such a bumpy relationship?" Dr. Heart asks once we are all settled in.
"Phoebe and I have never had problems in the past." My aunt says trying to be present. Dr. Heart looks in my direction and I shrug to confirm my aunts response.
"So what changed?" She asks.
"I moved in." I answer in short.
"How did that impact you?"
"The move didn't impact me as much as the grief and lack of support did." I declare.
"I don't know what more I could've done Dr. Heart." My aunt immediately starts defending herself. "I got in touch with her guidance counselors and teachers to help get her caught up in her courses, took her to and from all of her activities, I even let her friends come over on the weekends. I basically treated her like my own daughter." Words boiled on my tongue but as usual I kept them in.
"Can Bee and I step aside for a moment?" Jordi chirps in and Dr. Heart glares at him.
"Mr Palacios, you are here as a third party support group. Don't overstep your boundaries." Jordi just shrugs before taking my hand and pulling me to the other side of the room.
"You rebel." I joke and he offers a soft smile.
"I know you have something to say. Why are you holding back?" He asks.
"I dunno." I shrug looking away.
"I know, it's because you're trying to be difficult. You don't want them to think you're cooperating, that you're trying to make amends. Trust me, you've made your point, now just speak your mind." He gives me a soft pat on the back before we go back over to sit down.
"This is my side of the story." I start. "And I don't want any questions or interruptions. Understood?" Dr Heart and aunt Tess look at me, shocked at my sudden compliance.
"Of course Phoebe." Dr. Heart nods before settling back into her seat. I take a deep breath before beginning.
"We were fine before. And it's true that once I moved in I was treated like her other children, but the fact of the matter is that her children hadn't gone through nearly as much as I did. I got no support, I received no closure. She drove me to my after school activities but never saw when I sneaked around back to avoid them.
School was difficult, my normally phenomenal grades were slipping but she never noticed when I didn't sit down to do homework or brought home bad grades on my tests." I stop abruptly.
"Go on." Dr Heart says. A lump forms in my throat and I feel bad for the words that are about to come out of my mouth.
"I feel like since her sister was still alive, everything was fine because my dad and Claire weren't actually her family. She didn't care as long as her sister still had a chance to live, that the rest of us mean nothing to her and that's why she could give two cares less about me when I stayed with her." My aunt's expression is shocked but behind it I can see that my words are true. I can see that even now she'll never truly care about me or my family.
Tears stinging behind my eyes, I push myself up from my seat and leave. Nobody stops me, everyone still stunned at my words, and my obvious pain.
"How about we go get some ice cream?" Jordi suggests later as we wander the halls aimlessly. I'm about to turn down his offer and just go sulk in my room but he doesn't deserve to see me like the puddle of self pity I am. The least I can do is put aside my crappy eating habits and try and enjoy myself.
Sadly Nurse Jackson finds Jordi and I in the cafeteria, ready to drag me back to therapy.
"No." I argue taking a huge scoop of vanilla ice cream and shoving it into my mouth. Maybe the idea of me eating so much in front of her will convince her that I'm doing fine.
"Bee, I'll go back with you if you want." Jordi says softly and my heart aches.
"You don't have to do that Jordi, because I'm not going." I cross my arms.
"Do we really have to do this today Bee?" Nurse Jackson sighs and I push away from the table angrily.
"Is it not obvious to you yet?" I stand up shouting. "Is it not obvious that nothing is working!" Jordi gets up from his seat and tries to take my hand but I shake him off.
"Bee, you just need to be more open minded to getting better." Nurse Jackson states calmly.
"Open minded? Open minded." I scoff. "Nothing is working Nurse Jackson! Not the therapy, n-not the anything! And especially not bringing Aunt Tess here!" Nurse Jackson cringes at my words, a first I've ever seen from the hard-headed nurse. "It doesn't matter how open minded I am, just… Nothing works." My words trail off and I rush out of the cafeteria.
I can feel everyone's eyes on me when I race through the halls. Once I reach my room I quickly slam the door shut.
"Claire?" I shout out expecting her just to appear. "Claire!" I turn around to see her standing behind me. Her normally sarcastic eyes are now sad and concerned. She holds her arms out and I race into them.
"Bee you're just confused is all. You are just in a situation that is uncomfortable and that always wigs you out. Don't worry so much." Claire says softly rubbing my back.
"I-I don't want to do this anymore." I sob. "I want to be with you an-and dad."
"I'm right here." She says pulling me in closer. "See?"
"Nothing's working." I mumble.
"I know." She whispers. "We all think you just need a new approach. Don't worry, we're working on it. Everything's going to be okay." I don't believe her at first but then I remember that my sister is an unearthly being and I'm sure she's capable of much more than I think. It's then I hear a knock on my door.
"Answer it." Claire says assured.
"I don't want to face anybody right now." I whine as I pull at my red cheeks. Claire pulls out of the hug and glares at me.
"If you don't open it I will." She states. I groan flopping onto my bed. She huffs before I hear my door open and footsteps file in.
"Hey there Bumble-Bee." I hear Dash's familiar voice come closer before he crouches beside me.
"Dash-" I start but he cuts me off.
"Listen I know you probably don't want me here right now and I can't imagine what you're going through with your Aunt here and everything but I'm here as a friend. Not a suitor not a gal pal, just a good ole homie." I look up at him and he cracks a crooked smile. I can't help but let out a laugh. I sit up and sigh before scooting over to make room for him on my bed.
"Sorry," I chuckle half heartedly "I must seem like a wreck." Dash just shrugs. There's something about him, his approachable demeanor I guess, that compels me to start talking.
"Am I crazy?" I ask solemnly. I expect Dash to automatically respond with no like anybody else would but instead he sits quietly for a moment, pondering my question.
"Possibly. But then again I don't think Jordi minds" I groan.
"Does everything have to come back to Jordi?" I whine.
"Admit it," Dash teases me.
"Admit what?"
"Admit that he's your rock."
"My rock!" I laugh. "Trust me if he was my rock then I wouldn't be such a mess."
"Bee you're not a mess." Dash argues. "I personally think that Dr. Heart is psycho and that you're just too nice to say anything."
"What am I supposed to do Dash? She's my therapist."
"That's true." He states. "But maybe the sit on the couch and talk about your problems approach isn't the type of therapy you need."
"Oh yeah?" I laugh. "Well what is your diagnosis Dr. Hosney?"
"You need real world exposure man!" He exclaims. "None of this 'tell me what you're feeling' bullcrap!" He pats me on the back. "Now don't you worry Bumble-Bee you're in good hands! I'll get our first 'session' ready by tonight."
"As long as it doesn't involve anything illegal." I tease and we both laugh.
"We'll see." He jokes.
Claire's POV
I can't help but watch on as Dash takes care of her, his sweet demeanor, yet fierce and sassy attitude making her laugh, smile even. Something inside me flares up. Jealousy? No, it can't be. But these emotions, this sense of feeling, well alive, it's addicting and uncontrollable. I know better than to listen to my primitive thoughts and desires but I'm still a teenage girl. I hate to admit it but even I still get crushes...
So obviously some things are getting bumpy around Jordi and Bee, what do you guys think? Should Beedi prevail in the end or is it time for a change, and if so what kind of change? I noticed how you guys liked the heart to heart between Hunter and Bee (even if it was just a possible hook up session) so I definitely plan on playing off of that more *hint *hint. I don't want to discuss much on Claire's POV at the end because I want to leave that as more of a surprise to come. Anyway, what about Tante Tess, I want to hear your opinions on her also! Your inputs means so much to me I hope you don't mind me asking so much!
Today's QOTC is: What are your plans for the 4th of July? If you don't celebrate than what is your traditions for Independence Day?
Shout outs to: xoElle23 catluver9999 Compdancer and Foreverlost98 You guys inspire me so much and push me to be my best. Sorry for all of the author notes so I'll just end it here.
Lots of Love - Britt