Bittersweet Chapter 36: State of confusion

A/n: 100 reviews?! Wow, thanks everyone! I know I don't say it enough but I'm truly grateful for all the follows, favorites and reviews .

While I haven't written it yet, I do have an ending for the story in mind. Right now I estimate this story will have about 5-6 more chapters before it's finished. While I never say never, I don't think I'll write a sequel because I have no plot whatsoever in my head but if I'll ever think of one, I'll post it.

Erik's PoV

After Celia leaves, I pace around in my lair, feeling agitated. Part of me is still angry with her. Why can't she see that I would never put her in danger?! All I wanted was just to give Christine singing lessons….

And look what happened the last time, my conscious points out with a snort and I sigh. I really should stop lying to myself; me giving singing lessons to Christine Daae was never a good idea. I sit down in front of my organ, frustrated. Why do I always lose my head where Christine is concerned ? I let her go for a reason and I had thought I had accepted her departure. Clearly not, apparently and to make matters worse, I made Celia cry.

Normally I'd still be angry at her but the sight of her tears made all my fury disappear. I felt like the world biggest cad when I realized I hurt her, all thoughts of Christine forgotten. Here was a woman who was genuinely offering her friendship, unfathomable as it is and I hurt her! The guilt I feel manages to overrule my temper, as ghastly as it is.

How to make it up to Celia? Offer her flowers? Compose another song for her? True, I already had composed a song for her, one of the songs I played when we celebrated her birthday on the rooftop but then again, she had inspired me lately to write more songs.

Has she become my new muse?

I groan as I put my head in my hands. How does one deal with upset females? I have no idea.

Wait a minute, muse? Normally, the only women who became muses, were the ones I ever had feelings for….Does that mean my feelings for Celia are more romantic than I thought? What do I feel for her anyway? Is this another desperate attempt to forget Christine? Am I attracted to Celia because she has shown me more kindness than anyone else? Am I trying to distract myself with thoughts of Christine so that I wouldn't wonder about my feelings regarding Celia? After all, Celia is even more out of my league than Christine ever was.

Why are my feelings for both women such a jumbled mess?

Celia's PoV

I pace around in my room, grumbling about Erik. In a week, all my dreams are supposed to be coming true. Thanks to Erik, I'd be standing on a stage, playing my own music. Of course, no one will realize it's me but still….

However, all that's on my mind now in how Erik is still in love with that blasted woman, even though she rejected him. Why can't he at least bloody try to get over her? I managed to get over Stefano, didn't I? I grab my violin and start to play. Playing always soothes me as I manage to put all my anger, frustration and hurt into song.

I hope Erik hears it. I hope he feels guilty.

One week later, I'm readying myself for my first performance. While I know the entire opera by heart and am incredibly proud of it, I'm also incredibly nervous. I hope everything will be alright…..Someone calls my name and interrupts my nervous brooding. It's my co-composer, whishing me good luck before the show starts. We made peace after our row concerning Christine but the Vicomptess is still a sore point between us.

Not that I would ever admit it but I'm jealous of her. True, Erik made terrible mistakes when he tried to woo her and I'm quite aware of the crimes he had committed but to be honest, I do believe a lot of the drama could have been prevented if Christine had simply stuck to one guy in the beginning and stayed with him. If Christine would have been upfront with him the moment he revealed he wasn't an angel, he wouldn't have gone mad in his desperate attempt to make her love him. Couldn't she see he would have given her the moon if she asked him to? While I understand her choice wasn't easy, how could she choose for a man and life devoid of passion?

Well, I'm not afraid of passion and if I can't get it from the man I care more for than I'm willing to admit, I at least can get it from music. With my stubbornness and so-called unladylike behviour, I'm bound to become an old spinster anyway.

I stop my musings and focus on Erik. He looks nervous as well, before shyly, very shyly, kissing my hand at my heart melts at the gesture. I give him a beaming smile in return.

"Break a leg, Celia" he says softly and before I stop myself from my impulsive action, I give him a hug. He's obviously surprised but hugs me back a moment later, rubbing my back tenderly.

"You too Erik."

Those are my last words before using one of Erik's secret pathways to go to the stage of the Palace Garnier directly. I have to be on stage on act 1, after all.

Being on stage feels like heaven. The music, the rush of playing it in front of an adoring audience…It's the best feeling in the world and despite any problems I might have in my life, I've never felt so happy. On top of it, the audience actually seems to love our opera, judging by the standing ovations we already receive by the audience after the first act.

I quickly glance at the singers. While they know one of the most original aspects of the piece were the parts where a violinist would stand and play on stage with them, they didn't know who the violinist was. Thankfully, none of the singers seems to recognize me, both because of my heavy make-up and wig and because they expect me to be in the audience somewhere. While it saddens me I cannot claim the performance as my own, it's a small price to pay in order to make my dreams come true.

Little do I know my evening will end rather differently than expected.

Berenger's PoV

I gaze through my binoculars again before nudging my wife.

"Are you sure it's her, darling?" Rosalinde nods. "She is very cleverly disguised, even we wouldn't have recognized her, certainly not from a distance. Celia is the only one with such a violin, though."

How could I not recognize her custom-made Stradivarius violin? After all, it was a gift from all of us on the last birthday Celia celebrated that Valere could attend. It's Celia's most prized possession.

"While I know her work well enough to recognize her composer-style, I do not believe she has written this entirely on her own," Stefano comments. "Some of the other parts written don't sound like she wrote it but are very distinct in style. It reminds me of another opera somehow."

"Which opera?" I ask curiously. Stefano shrugs but Angelique grows pale. "I recognize the style too. I may not know as much about music as Stefano and Celia do, but still…" She trails off.

I wonder why an opera can make Angelique act like she's seen a ghost before it hits me. Judging by the looks of my friends and wife, they've all drawn the same conclusion.

"Don Juan Triumphant."