(Dizzy)

I have superpowers. I really do. I am a bona-fide superhero now, and it's fucking awesome. You have no idea. It's like, I woke up, and BAM, I'm amazing. When Barrows told me that I would forever be able to emit radiation from my body, it was like I got ten gifts for my birthday. With practice, I can even focus all of it, like I did with Caesar. Though that happened because I was so angry. At least that's what Barrows' says. It also exhausts the fuck out of me. Well, used to. Still kinda does, but the more I train my body, the easier it gets. I can say that Cain is getting really annoyed with it, because while he's sleeping I practice on him. He doesn't feel it, most of the time, anyways.

Mom and dad say it'll come in handy when I get injured, or when someone needs my help. I can't image anyone outside of the Capital Wasteland actually needing radiation to heal though. That is, aside from the ghouls. Still, they're right. It is pretty handy to have around. Plus I have this light green glow around me all the time. Okay not around me, but you know, my skin looks green. Actually I think it makes me look kinda sick. The bad sick. Like I caught a fever or something. Strips and pieces of my skin also came off, too. So I look more like mom in that sense, and dad. Mostly dad. But mom and I both have ghoul-parts now. Like areas of our body that lost skin like a ghoul. Mine's mostly on my arms and hands, since that's where I focused the radiation when it first came to be. I have some on my legs, and stomach, too. Melted my cool armor, so now I'm just stuck with Raider Commando Armor from The Pitt, which isn't so bad.

Oh yeah! The Pitt! Mom sent some traders there a few days back and they just got home today. Well, here, in Megaton, that is. Anyways, Wernher from The Pitt is offering to help mom out, since you know, she liberated them and all. So it's mine and Cain's job to keep a lookout and handle the trades if they come at night. Though I don't know why mom can't do it, I figured it was best not to ask too many questions.

To be honest, I'm really worried about my mom and dad. They went off and got into this fight last night, and didn't come home. I mean, they were happy when they came home, but I was worried. Mom's been all about Jasper today, too, and that makes me think something happened. I can't imagine anything did, but still, I worry. Plus Cain and I kind of have our own problems to deal with, that I really don't want to go talking about with my mom or dad. Because both of them would freak out.

It's just…well I can't get pregnant with Cain, since he's an android and all, and that's great. Because we can have all the sex we want. But that's the problem. When Megaton is done, Cain and I kind of want to go off, and do just that. Get to know one another, get to have fun, get to really know one another like we should. Out in the Capital Wasteland. Out away from mom and dad. Though they've been treating me more like an adult since I killed Caesar with my bare hands, I don't think they're going to be happy with hearing I want to take off again. They're going to tell me I just got back from New Vegas, and need to chill out a bit. Problem is, New Vegas didn't cut it.

New Vegas was fun. It was a blast and amazing and what have you. But it wasn't here. It wasn't my home, the Capital Wasteland. I've never seen the city in its entirety, like mom and dad have. I've never seen where dad lived before, or where mom blew up that military base. I really should have taken their advice, and explored my home first, but I was stupid. Since losing Megaton, and all we've gone through, I've gotten a lot more level-headed. Kind of. Enough to know that my parents were right. And then when Cain and I did try and go into the Capital Wasteland, before New Vegas, we kinda just fought the whole time. I didn't get to enjoy it. And there's places I really want to visit, since I've been rebuilding Megaton and having a lot of time to sit and think. Like the library I hear is still there, or the place called Arlington. And that town rumored to be cannibalistic, and then there's Big Town, and Little Lamplight, and all the metro tunnels, and every little thing I just skimmed over when I ran off to New Vegas. I mean, I've never seen the Galaxy News Radio station, where mom restored the dish, and that legendary Three Dog worked. I've only ever seen the Citadel Ruins, and not even the Jefferson Memorial, where the purifier is. All in all, there's a lot I want to see, and there's a lot of time I want to spend with Cain, but it's going to be hard to tell that to mom and dad.

"Hey."

I hear Cain call me. He's been off in town getting us some supper rations from Roy. Until we can get our crops up and running again, we're only allowed so much to eat each day. Which isn't really that difficult to do. Megaton people are pretty used to going a couple of days without food. I used to wonder what that was like, until I went to New Vegas. Shit sucks, but it's doable.

"Hi."

He sits next to me, a bit away from the town. I like sitting just outside of it. Makes it easier to watch people without them realize you're watching them. I like doing it at the end of the workday. People are more happy, upbeat, and you catch those small smiles in between quiet moments. Cain hands me my food, and I down it in only a few bites.

"You're hungry."

"I get really hungry when I practice my Radiation Attack."

Cain chuckles and eats his food. I light a cigarette, and smile at my small town. I can't believe I ever wanted to trade this place in for the bright lights of New Vegas. I was so stupid, even though it was only a few months ago. Still, I was stupid. I bed older me, is going to think the same things about the me now. That's okay, since my dad says 'to err is human'.

"Diz, you should wait till we can have food every day like before, until you start doing that. You're going to make yourself sick."

"I can't make myself sick anymore. I'm a conduit of radiation now."

"You can still get sick."

I shake my head and smile at him.

"I shot myself in the leg the other day to see what would happen. And you know what happened? I got shot. And then after it hurt for a minute, like a fast minute, my body instantly started healing. Without anything. Just myself. The radiation in my body, healed my body. Pretty cool, huh?"

Cain stares at me, dumbfounded.

"What in the world gave you the desire to shoot yourself?"

"I think it's pretty neat. I mean, I'm nearly un-kill-able."

"You shot yourself? How many brain cells does this radiation fry? Wait, no. You would do something like that."

"It's like, I'm invincible."

"You're not invincible, Diz. You still need to be safe."

Blowing smoke in his face, I slip my hand into his and sigh.

"Yeah. How do you think mom and dad are gonna take to hearing that we want to go into the Capital Wasteland?"

Cain shrugs, and looks away. With him and my dad sharing their freaky sense of knowing, I know he's hiding something. And it's something from my dad. And I want to know.

"Cain? What's up?"

He shakes his head, and with his free hand, runs his fingers through it. I tug on his arm, kind of really wanting to know what's up.

"I overheard your parents talking about going to get another G.E.C.K, or going up to the Commonwealth."

What? Another G.E.C.K? Where would there be one? I know all the vaults, minus a few had them, but I can't even imagine where they'd be. Like I said, I've never taken the time to explore my own home, so I wouldn't know anything. Mom does though. And dad. For them to get the G.E.C.K isn't a bad idea, since they'd be gone and back in like two weeks. Me and Cain would get lost somewhere up our own asses, knowing us.

"What's the Commonwealth?"

Cain knows about as much as me on that one. I feel a sinking feeling in my stomach, and start to think about why my parents would suddenly start to plan trips. Okay, yeah, they're just talking about them, but after that fight, and after mom's been all weird about Jasper, I don't know what to think.

Personally, I don't like Jasper either. But I figure right now everyone has bigger things to fry, and worrying about her isn't on the top of my list. I know mom feels the same, so she's worried about something else with Jasper. Something I can't even comprehend, since I can't figure out what it could be. Now mom wants to take a trip somewhere? Pulling my knees to my chin, I rest my head on them and look at Cain while the sun slowly sets, making me feel warm inside. Or it could just be the radiation.

"Are my parents having issues?"

I ask him, because if my dad is stressed out, Cain knows. As long as they're close to one another, that is. But lucky for me, Cain lays down smiling.

"As far as I can tell, everyone is stressed over Megaton. Nothing else."

"But that fight they had…"

"We fight. It's not like we're gonna break up over it."

"Cain, we can't break up. My parents can."

He opens one of his eyes and smirks. Pulling me down, he puts his arm around me and sighs deeply.

"It would take more than a fight to break up your parents. Trust me."

"How do you know?"

"Because I can feel what your dad feels for your mom."

"Yeah? What's that?"

He shrugs, taking my cigarette.

"It's…hard to describe. It's definitely love, but not like any love I'd imagine existed. Soul-mates, I guess, if you believe in that crap."

"Think we're soul-mates?"

He rubs my upper arm, and I roll on my back to stare at the pink clouds.

"I think we're a bit too young to understand the maturity and love, that your parents have. Takes a long, long time, and a lot of pain, to get to where they are. For us, let's enjoy being young, stupid, and in love. What's say?"

I smile. I think I like that idea. Right now, Cain and I have no real responsibility. We just have us, and the Capital Wasteland. We're laying in the dirt, staring at the clouds passing by. It's pretty peaceful. And I can't imagine it being any other way, really.

"I like the color of that one."

The cloud I like is pink, and orange. It's small, but simple. I never knew staring at the sky could be so entertaining. Cain rubs my arm again, and I hear him put out my cigarette.

"I think, everything is going to be just fine for everyone."

"Even if it's not, we can't worry about it."

I tell him. The citizens, our friends, even us, have been under a lot of stress. But it's nothing that won't pass. I guess what almost dying taught me is that you can't take everything so seriously, and even if your town gets blown up, it's still not the end of the world. After all, it seems the world keeps going, no matter what humans seem to do with it. I guess life finds a way, no matter what circumstances.

Sitting up, I smile as I see the townfolk being walked into the homes that are finished. They seem happy, and I'm happy with how the town looks, too. It's Megaton alright, but it's Megaton with some new flair. It's still my home. Looking out at the Capital Wasteland, I can't help but smile at that, too. Mom says there used to be a yellow haze that hung around everything when you looked out at it. Like from the Scenic Overlook. I guess that was from all the radiation in the air, but after the water was purified, over time, that yellow haze went away. Mom used to tell me when I was little, that it was like looking through glasses when you didn't need them, and then one day, someone took the glasses off. I can't imagine this place having such a dirty feel to it, but I believe it did.

The Capital Wasteland I'm used to, is very different than the ones my parents are. The one I stare at, is clean. It's clear, the skies are blue, and the clouds are white. I can see the Washington Monument, just like mom could, only a bit clearer. I can see the city lines, and where they start. I can see where I can, and can't go. I can see every rock, boulder, or some other, pretty clearly. The river is crystal clear almost, and the dust isn't that thick. I once heard, that the river was so polluted, it had a greenish tint to it. That's not my Capital Wasteland, that's my mom's. Mine? Mine is beautiful, and one day, there's going to be grass as far as the eye can see. There's going to be trees, and animals. Real ones. Not the ones mutated by radiation, but real ones that are in books. There's going to be all sorts of them. I hope so.

Taking off my boots, I bury my toes in the cooling dirt. I like the feel of it. When I ran off to New Vegas, I hardly appreciated this place, like I do now. But almost losing it, or thinking I would, really put everything in perspective for me. It really made me think about things.

"Wanna do something tonight?"

I ask Cain, as I wiggle my toes. I feel his hand on my back, and know he's got his eyes closed back there. He likes to fall asleep in the sun. It makes him feel better faster when he's been away from me for a while. He's done it since as far back as I can remember.

"I'd like to, but can't. Not until we have beds and everything."

"Damn. I can't wait for the town to be finished, so we can head out on our own. But I want to wait till the crops come back, so we have food. Leaving home without food is really stupid."

"We've done it before, Diz. Don't you remember?"

"I don't want to."

Cain chuckles. He knows I've matured since the bad things happened. I think he's pleased with it, since I don't go off and get into a fraction of the trouble I used to. Not that there's much trouble. I'm just saying if there were, I wouldn't go looking for it anymore. I know now, what it's like to almost lose someone you love. I don't want to ever do that. Lose someone I love, I mean.

"I'm proud of you, Diz. You're really showing signs of being a functioning adult."

"Go fuck yourself."

I toss some dirt into his face. He laughs and dusts it off his cheeks, eyes still closed.

"Spoke too soon."

"I'll irradiate you so much, you'll puke green for months. Don't test me. Gonna test me? Don't."

"You would try that. I don't doubt it."

Yeah. That's what I thought. I don't think I'm going to be really telling many people what I can do, though. The old Dizzy would have in a heartbeat, but the me now…well, I'm kind of scared. Because what if someone wants to exploit it? What if some mad scientist wants to kidnap me and use me as an experiment or something to study on? Knowing for sure there's insane people like that out there, makes me scared to death of the world. But being scared of something that's just as beautiful as it is ugly is stupid. I have to get out there, and see the whole Capital Wasteland. See every inch that my parents did their best to save and protect.

"Where do you want to go first when we leave?"

Cain asks me as I lay back down. It's getting darker out, and soon, the moon will be high up in the sky. I wouldn't mind falling asleep right here, actually. My bones would be aching from all the work, but it seems like the radiation ups my endurance a bit. That or I didn't work enough today.

"I don't know. The city, probably. I want to see where Underworld used to be."

"The place your dad and Gob came from?"

"Yeah. That seems like a good place to start."

Cain's silence tells me he's in agreement. He opens his eyes, and we watch the rest of the sun set behind the horizon. At night, before, Megaton would be lit up. It would look so pretty, against the night sky. But now, it's just dark. If there's no moon, it'll be almost too dark to see your hand in front of your face. I can't wait until we get the lights back again. Maybe, we can even have music.

"Cain?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

He smiles and looks at me. It's never been this peaceful around here. Maybe the missile taught us all something. I know it taught me something. It taught me to slow down. That in a second, everything you know and love can be taken from you. That nothing is guaranteed, so appreciate the small moments. These kinds, where there's nobody else around, and everything is so quiet, all you can hear is the ringing in your ears. The Dizzy a few months ago, would have been wanting to run wild right now. She wouldn't have appreciated this quiet moment with her boyfriend, like the Dizzy now does.

"I love you too, Diz."

He kisses my forehead, and I roll onto my side so I can look at him.

"When we go out into the Wastes this time, I don't want to fight with you. I want it to be just us, like my parents did. I want to just, go where the wind takes me, and explore. Not fight anything, if we can avoid it, but just…exist."

"Charon trained me pretty well, so if we did have any issues, we'd be alright."

"Yeah. But, I just want to enjoy it, for the most part. Mom and dad never got to do that. I want to."

"To be honest Diz, I don't think your parents are the 'enjoy the quiet' type. I think they're so conditioned to fighting, that it's the only thing they really like doing."

"Yeah. Dad always told me that he found happiness in a warm gun. But, I don't want to be just like them anymore."

"You don't?"

I shake my head. Feeling what I felt fighting Caesar's Legion…I can't imagine constantly feeling that. I can't imagine feeling all that fear all the time. I guess that's where I've grown different from both my parents. Mom and dad lived most of their lives fighting. Dad more than mom, that Cain's right. They just love it too much. I can imagine them passionately kissing after killing a bunch of Raiders, or something, and saying they love one another. It's what brought them together. But what I want, is to just enjoy the quiet life with Cain. A bit of action wouldn't be bad, but, nothing like mom and dad. And I think that's okay. I'm not as strong as mom and dad are in the whole 'dealing with adrenaline and insanity' department. Now that I've had a taste of real war, I realize how much I really romanticized everything. How much I made it all seem so dramatic and wanton. It's not fun. And it's not amazing. It's painful, and terrifying. If I had to fight for Cain, I would, I know that but…I don't want to go out and put myself in danger to do it like I used to.

"No. You were right, before. It's not a life I'm used to leading. It's not how I was raised. I was raised…quietly. Not like mom and dad were. I don't want to live like they did, either. I just want to be in love, and be happy."

Cain's face drops, and I know there's something in his head. I don't have to pry him, though. He sits up, and I sit up too, and he sighs really heavily.

"I'm worried. I'm worried about how long I can go without fighting."

"What do you mean?"

"When we were fighting Legion…it…felt good. Like…it was…"

"What you were programmed to do."

Cain looks at me, sheepishly smiling. I nod in understanding, because I know it's what he was programmed to do. I forget, that Cain is an android a lot. Mainly because he's so advanced, that everything about him is human. Gob says they have androids like that in Rivet City, and all around. That you can't tell they're actually androids, but if you cut them, they don't bleed. When you cut Cain, he bleeds. That's why I forget. I also forget that he is programmed to fight. That it's basically in his DNA, real and artificial. He was made to fight armies, and programmed to get good feelings when he does. Just like my father was conditioned to feel good when he fights.

"I guess we're gonna have to cross that bridge when we get to it."

"I'm just scared of what'll happen Diz. I feel it, like I've never felt it before. I feel like if I'm away from you for more than an hour, I need to go and protect you from anyone that's around you. Even Charon. It's like I'm overprotective to an extreme. Then when I get near you, I have so much energy and want to fight everyone I see, for the sake of them not hurting you, even though I know nobody here would. I can't…really explain it. It's horrible."

I didn't know it was that bad. We might not be able to wait around for the crops to grow, if Cain is going to start offing his own friends. We might have to pack up and head out soon, so that he can find something to fight. I know that sounds like something I would do, but, now it's Cain. I guess the roles have been reversed.

"Well, we'll just head out into the Capital Wasteland when it becomes unbearable. We'll find you something to fight. I'll find some trouble you can save me from, or something."

"I'm glad you've grown up. It's a lot less stressful. And a lot easier to tell you these things. Before you'd freak out."

"Yeah, I know."

"I'm just, proud of you. And happy. But I'm still worried. Like right now I'm okay, but when we go back home, it's going to be really hard to keep composure."

"Is that why when we get inside you just go to bed."

"Mhm. It's easier to just go to sleep. When I wake up I don't feel it as much. It's just all the interactions, and all the different smells of men on you."

I raise my eyebrow at him.

"Smells of men?"

Cain shakes his head.

"I don't know, I think it's something with my programming. I can…smell, I suppose, the chemicals on your body that aren't yours."

"Like a fingerprint. In case there's ten of me."

"Yeah. Kinda."

"Well all the paperwork on you, Barrows took to Rivet City. Maybe that can be our objective. Aside from exploring."

"What can be?"

"Figuring out how you're programmed. It'll help us plan ahead for stuff. It might make you feel better, too, and teach me how to handle certain situations. Like an owner's manual."

Cain sighs, smiling.

"I'm really glad, you've grown up."

So I guess that's it. We seal the deal with a kiss, and get up to head home. Since there's no light, it's best to get back before it's too dark. When Cain can't handle Megaton anymore, we'll set off to Rivet City. I'll figure out his paperwork with him, and together, we'll have it all figured out. It's going to be easy, I hope, because there's nothing left to fight. Aside from your occasional Super Mutant, but I don't think that'll be an issue. Fawkes said with the increased radiation, they've tried to grow their numbers, but I don't think they've grown by enough to where we need to start worrying. Right now, anyways, I just want to worry about my town, myself, and Cain. I don't want to worry about my mom and dad, or anything else for that matter. Even if I find myself worrying about my parents' marriage, I can't help it. I just have to focus on me, and learning about myself. Since I didn't know, how much I didn't know who I was. When you spend your life, wanting so much to be like someone else, like I was with wanting to be just like my parents, you tend to forget who you are. You tend to become detached from who you are as you. I'd like to get to know the calmer Dizzy, and take comfort in the fact that the crazy one is still in there, somewhere. She'll come out when she's needed.

Mom and dad aren't home when Cain and I get there. I'm not too worried, since I'm so tired. They'll probably be back by morning. We finished our house today, so we have doors, windows, and most of the shit we used to. We still don't have beds, so when I walk upstairs and see my parents made Cain and I a makeshift one of soft materials, I smile. I like the effort. I want to get all naked and do horribly dirty things to Cain, but I'm scared my parents will get home and hear us. I don't particularly want to explain to my father why we were having sex in our room, in his house, because I know dad wouldn't be happy with it.

But what Cain and I do, do is take off as much as we can. I'm down to my bra and panties, and just smiling stupidly at him in his boxers as we lay down. Tired as I am, I find some energy to stay up for a few more minutes with him.

"I'm happy, you know."

I tell him, playing with his hair. Sometimes I get weirded out by him. Because I remember that if my father wasn't a ghoul, you wouldn't be able to tell them apart. I wonder, sometimes, if that makes me a freak. But I remind myself, that I care about Cain because of who he is, and not what he looks like. I'd like him even if he was really ugly. I don't want to say ghoul, because if that happened I'd be too creeped out. He'd look just like my father, and it would be too much. He knows this, too. He just doesn't talk about it. I don't either. It's not something you share, really. People, strangers if they found out, might think I have an incest complex or something. They wouldn't know that it's just because I really love Cain, and always have. If I could have chosen to fall in love with someone else, I would have. I've had crushes, and stuff, but not love. Had Cain been someone else, personality wise, this wouldn't work. I guess the only thing I see similar in him and my father is that they make me feel extremely safe. I've never felt safe around anyone else, and that's an important factor to me. Luckily, though, other than my own self, I don't have to rationalize my relationship to anyone. Dad understands it, mom understands it, and Cain and I do, too. Everyone else can suck it as far as I can see.

"What's on your mind?"

Cain asks, as he catches me lost in thought.

"Nothing. Just thinking about you and dad."

"Ah. That. Well don't let it bother you too much. Hey, I really like how one of your eyes is darker than the other, by the way. It gives you character."

I smile. I like that, too. Feels like I'm a whole new person these days. Calmer, with a new look. Like I said before, though, the energetic Dizzy is still with me. Just deep down and sleeping. She needs a rest. Just like I need to slow down and enjoy things sometimes.

"Where do you think my parents went?"

I ask Cain as I make him be the ladle. Yawning, he throws his arm around me, and I feel him kiss the back of my neck.

"Probably to take care of town stuff."

"Promise we won't end up like them."

"Like how?"

"Mom and dad used to be so wild, and in love. Now they've just gotten…old. They don't seem like they're too happy anymore."

"I wouldn't worry about them, Diz. Like I said, whatever it is, they'll be fine."

"Yeah, you're right."

But I've noticed it. When we were fighting everything, mom and dad had this glow. Like they enjoyed the rush. Like they were at home, killing and running shit. Which I can safely assume they were. But now, they just look tired. Like they've lost what they had. I have a feeling they're going to take off, soon. But I want to be sure.

"I think mom and dad are going to have an adventure soon. For just themselves."

I don't ask Cain how he feels, because if I do he'll lie. But if you tell him how you feel about stuff, since he's got telekinetic powers with my dad, he'll inadvertently tell you.

"You're probably right. They need to remind themselves of a lot of things. But we are not them, and we will be fine. I just really need to sleep, because I smell that ghoul Michal on you and it's pissing me off."

"I had lunch with him today."

"Stop."

"He's actually really nice, stayed awake to help us build stuff."

"Stop, Dizzy. He might be a threat."

"No he's not."

"I know, I know. It's just…"

"Oh, right. Programming."

Cain squeezes me, and I rub his hand. I guess we are different. Because we're gonna have to get out, too, so he can fulfill his urges. Mom and dad want to go out, and I really hope we don't end up travelling together. Cain has a twin-sense with dad, but sometimes, I swear I can tell what my mom's thinking. Because I know she'd be really mad if Cain and I started prying into her marriage and following her after this war thing happened. Don't ask me how I know, it's just I do. And seeing her ready to kill Jasper all day kind of drove the point home. Mommies and daddies need mommy and daddy time. I just hope they don't break up over not getting it, and I hope, Cain and I get to have all the fun we want soon.