I would like to thank WildCitrusSunflower for being the beta for this story and fixing all of those mistakes I tend to make . Also I do not own Avatar the last Airbender .
Suki's questions had plagued Katara during her return home, but she had failed to find an answer to any of them. What could possibly be the reason for this conflict? As time had continued to pass without her gaining any form of information, Katara grew angrier and angrier.
He moved too much and too unpredictable for her to be able to meet up with him and although her letters were answered, with quite a bit of delay, they never contained anything but empty phrases. Supposedly it was too dangerous to send any information by post. No matter that they had several different private codes, no matter that the post was sent using the highest available security. No matter, that they knew each other well enough, that slight hints would be enough to give her an idea of what was happening. She wasn't thick enough to see these excuses as anything more than they were. Before she had almost believed, that Zuko simply hadn't had the time to explain matters, but now she was certain: he did not want to tell her. Either because he thought she couldn't handle it, because he didn't trust her, or because she wouldn't agree with his decisions. She wasn't sure which option would be the worst.
He had claimed that she should be more than just a puppet, meant to look pretty. He had claimed that she would be his partner. How could she be his partner if he didn't tell her anything? How was she supposed to help? Besides, she was the Fire Lady! Didn't she have a right to know what was going on in her own country?
Since her departure from the Water Tribe, matters had only gotten worse. From what her father wrote her, Chief Arnook was trying to force him to choose sides between the Fire Nation and its fellow Tribe. The relationship with their Sister Tribe had already been difficult enough, what with their fear of the Fire Nation's close connection to the Southern Water Tribe and Princess Yue's situation. Princess Yue was considering to return home, afraid that her Tribe needed her in these troubled times and unwilling to be the reason for additional dispute between the Nations. Katara's attempts to convince her otherwise seemed to fall on deaf ears, leading to additional worry for the Fire Lady.
So this morning Katara had finally made a decision. With or without her husband's permission, she would find out what was happening around her. Which led to her standing in front of her husband's study, ordering the guards to let her in with only limited success. For the past fifteen minutes the guards had steadily refused to budge and even though Katara thought that she might be able to take the two large benders she doubted that they were the only ones around. She had hoped that the guards would be unwilling to anger their Fire Lady and would simply allow her to enter if she seemed as if there was nothing unusual about it.
They hadn't.
Instead they had told her that the only one they could permit entrance was the Fire Lord, which lead to her current predicament.
"Katara. What in Agni's name is going on?" Ursa was walking towards her quickly, accompanied by two guards.
She should have predicted that someone had noticed the dispute and would send for Ursa, she was after all the only other remaining royal.
"The guards are refusing me access to my husband's study." Katara replied, doing her best to sound offended in order to keep up her ruse of there being nothing unusual in her request. Ursa's eyes widened slightly, clearly seeing right through Katara's act.
"Let us retire to my rooms, where we can write a letter to your husband. I am certain he will be more than happy to revise the guards orders. He must have simply forgot that his order to only allow those marked by Agni into his room would exclude you as well. He has come to see you as such an essential part in his life that he tends to forget that you weren't born into the royal family."
Realizing that at this point her chances of getting into the study were none existing, Katara followed her mother-in-law unhappily. She knew perfectly well that no letter would be written. If her husband had any interest in learning what was happening, he would have told her after all.
As soon as the door closed behind them, Ursa turned around and looked at her daughter-in-law. "What's going on, Katara? You know perfectly well that Zuko doesn't let anyone into his study without himself present. So what in the world made you think you would have any success trying to get in there. This could easily lead people to assuming that all is not well in the royal family. My feeble excuse won't keep the gossip mill from turning. After all everyone knows that only direct descendants of the Fire Lord carry the Mark of Agni and there is no one but him left with royal blood in them. That a waterbender should carry the mark is completely impossible. What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking that Zuko is currently destroying everything we have been trying to achieve and I don't even know why. I was thinking that a stupid birthmark and the order that only those, who are born with it may enter, will not keep me from the truth. The Earth Kingdom and the Northern Water Tribe are preparing for war and I can't even tell my own father that the Nation I'm supposed to be ruling isn't at fault!"
"Do you trust my son?"
"Of course I trust Zuko, but that's not the point. I need to know what is going on!"
"Why?"
Katara stared at Ursa. Why did she need to know what was going on? Wasn't that obvious? "To help of course."
"Help with what, Katara? You said you trust Zuko, so if you trust him to do what's right then wouldn't that mean also trusting him to tell you if he needs your help?"
Exasperated by Ursa's seeming calm, Katara shook her head vehemently. "Agni will freeze over before Zuko asks me for help."
"So you don't trust that Zuko will make the right decision? You don't think he would swallow his pride and ask for help if that would be the best for his country."
"Oh, he would if he ever actually believed that he needs help. But he is still trying to protect me from the world because of some misgiven idea that I shouldn't dirty my hands. As if I don't know what it means to do something unpleasant because it has to be done. Everyone knows that a problem shared is a problem halved. Zuko has just been alone for so long that he forgets that there is someone to share his problems with now."
"So giving over half of his Nation's administration to you isn't sharing his problems with you?"
"No it isn't! He is hiding all of the really important things! He is about to start a war and I still don't know why!"
"And you don't trust him enough to accept that whatever he is doing is done for a good reason?"
"Of course I do!"
"Then there you have the answer for your father."
"I don't know what's going on, but I'm sure my husband is only doing what's right? That isn't an answer!" Katara shouted.
"If you trust him then that should be all you need." Ursa answered with unending calm.
"So this is all about trust, is it? I'm supposed to trust him absolutely, while he doesn't even trust me enough to tell me what's going on?"
She finally seemed to have gotten to the dowager Fire Lady, as the older lady took a step forward and answered quietly, "What do you think is the most important thing in my sons life? What do you think he lives and breaths for? What do you think he is going to die for? Don't you dare say he doesn't trust you. Don't you dare reduce everything he has done to ash. I have been forced to sit by and watch my son, the last of my family, destroying everything he has left, including his life, because he believes, trusts that you will finish his work after his death. So don't you dare question his trust in him. Don't you dare question his belief in you to be able to do what needs to be done."
"So what, he trusts me with the world, but he doesn't believe in my strength to deal with the not so beautiful parts of it? If he trusts me then he should also trust that I am strong enough to deal with anything that is dished out to me."
"So you could deal, if you had to decide between killing your brother for the possibility of peace and letting him live, knowing that others will die in his place? You could sink your hands into his flesh, see the life flowing out of his body, knowing it is your fault?"
Shuddering from the image, Katara shook her head. "There is no way something like that would ever happen!"
"Is it so wrong of him to try and protect that belief, Katara? Is it so wrong of him to try and keep that from you? It doesn't have anything to do with strength, just with his wish to keep you from suffering any more than necessary, because he knows that once he is gone, you will have to make decisions like that. Decisions that don't just ask you to sacrifice yourself, but also those you care about the most."
"But..." What was she supposed to say to that? She had always been the grownup in their little group, making sure that Aang, Sokka and Toph didn't overdo things. She had always been the responsible, preparing meals and controlling their supplies. She had always been the mature one. She had always tried to keep the reality of war from Aang, to keep a bit of his childish tendencies alive. Had she at some point turned into Aang?
Ursa suddenly seemed tired. "Just think about it until the end of the week. Do you not only trust him to want the right thing, but also to choose the correct way to get there? If at the end of the week you still want to know what is happening, I will get you into his study, but until then just consider your options."
"What if we don't have until the end of the week?"
"Then you would be too late anyways. But if it calms you, Admiral Jee is still in the Capital City and he is Zuko's most trusted military adviser. If Zuko thought the war was breaking out in the next few days, he would have asked to admiral to join him long ago."
Deciding that she didn't have much of a choice anyways, Katara nodded. "Three days. But after that, you will help me if I still want into the study."
Did she trust him? Just two days before she would have said yes. Yes, but. Now? She was certain that he wanted the right thing, but did she trust him to find the right way to get there? Was Ursa's argument valid? Was trust more than believing that a person wants the right thing? She knew that she wanted, no, she needed to know. But why? Did she need to know so she could intervene if her husband did something unwise? Did she need to know to help her father decide? Or did she simply want to know to still her own curiosity? During her travels with the Gaang she had always known about everything. They had never had any secrets among them. But then, even she had to admit; they had been children. They had still believed that all problems could be solved without killing. They had still believed that they could change the world and remain true to themselves at the same time. They had never thought that there would be a price to pay.
Was Zuko right to try to keep painful matters away from her? Or was he arrogant to assume that he would be better at dealing with such matters than she? Could she trust him? Truly trust him?
Hi,
I am back :). After four weeks my computer has been returned to my impatient hands. Without its old hard-disc...
Other than that: Don't kill me...Please? Yes Katara is showing her not so pretty side. I hated writing this, but it was necessary. Katara is a great character: Kind, gentle, trustworthy… I could go on for a long time, but she does have one major flaw: She meddles. No matter when, where or why, Katara always wanted to know everything and had a rather strong opinion. Doesn't matter that she was mostly right (the episode, where Toph hustles all that money comes to mind), she became used to being the mom, who knows everything so I think she would not be able to deal with not knowing. Katara does not trust blindly. She sees the good in everyone, yes, but she doesn't trust unconditionally. That is one of the major differences between her and Zuko. Once Zuko made his decision of what he wanted, he trusted both his uncle and the Gaang (which he, let's be honest, barely knew) utterly. So while Zuko is willing to leave the Fire Nation in Katara's hands, Katara has trouble letting Zuko do what he thinks is best, without her having a chance to check his decision.
Wanting to know everything in order to protect their loved ones from all danger is a perfectly normal condition for a mother, but Zuko isn't Katara's child, he is her partner (as she herself states). I guess what I am trying to say is: Don't hate Katara for reacting the way she does. Oh and of course, please don't hate Zuko either? He is trying, really… Other than that, sorry. Yes this is ridiculously short, in return the next one will come quickly, this was simply the best spot to cut it off.
I would love to hear what you all think, so please review. Oh, and thank you all for over 100.000 hits and almost 500 reviews!
Greetings,
Yorushike