Chapter 35

After the storm the sky shone a vibrant blue hue interrupted only by a sparkling rainbow that, along with the faint sunlight of dawn breaking on the horizon, brought the bright and hopeful promise of a brand new day. The dusky air smelled of petrichor, the earthly scent of soil after fresh rainfall.

Inside the house Kate was curled up against Rick's warm, bare body, her head nestled perfectly in the crook of his neck as she slept soundly. Her hand was resting upon his chest, while his were wrapped around her waist loosely yet protectively. They were tangled in a mess of golden brocade sheets on Rick's king-sized bed, clinging to each other in a deep peaceful slumber. It was an intimate embrace between two lovers who had rekindled and consummated their romantic passion just the night before.

As sunlight peeked through the curtains of Rick's bedroom window, Kate blinked her sleepy eyes open and yawned lightly, awakening to the new day. She didn't stir from Rick's arms for they were in the perfect, most comfortable cuddling position. Even the slightest movement would disrupt the serenity of the moment and she didn't want to wake him prematurely. Kate rested quietly in his arms, content to listen to the rhythm of his breath and to relish the intimate moment for however long it would last.

Her fingers trailed lightly along the grooves of his muscles, memorizing the feeling of his body against her touch. She wondered if this would be the last time of them being together like this, resting in each other's embrace as lovers. Kate didn't want this moment to end. She didn't want to consider the reality of their broken relationship. She didn't want to face the consequences of their impulsive actions. Most of all, she didn't want to lose him.

Kate meant what she said last night. You. I just want you. It took nearly losing him forever for her to finally see how important Rick was in her life. Kate wanted their relationship back-their partnership, their friendship. She just wanted him to have and to hold, to love and to cherish beyond their "friends with benefits" facade. Rick meant more to Kate than she had ever realized and now she had to get him back somehow before they passed the point of no return. She knew exactly what she wanted now.

She wanted Rick. Badly. She needed him. It went directly against her fiercely independent nature, but it was the truth. Kate Beckett was finally admitting that she needed Richard Castle, as a partner, a friend, a confidant. As more than those things. As a best friend and maybe even a partner for life.

Kate was stupid for ending things with him on weak, unjustified grounds when he got back from his tour and for pushing him away so adamantly afterwards. Kate couldn't believe she had judged him so harshly and had ever considered letting him go. Her heart hurt as she thought of all the pain that she had caused him: the cold shoulders, the lonely nights, the Demming thing. That must have been the worst, seeing her get involved with another man so soon after they ended things. She thought of what the reverse would feel like, what it would be like to be in his shoes. Her stomach churned at the thought of Rick moving on and falling in love with another woman. He didn't deserve any of that, he deserved much better.

Kate knew she had to do everything she could to start repairing their relationship. They had a long way to go before they could ever return to their normal work partnership or possibly start a new relationship. She didn't even know if Rick was willing to take her back. Kate had broken his heart once and it would be justifiable for him to not want to have it broken by her again. She needed to make things right with him and earn his trust once again. Kate didn't really deserve it but if he was willing to give her a chance, they might have a foreseeable future together.

There wasn't really any other way she could keep him in her life. The past had proven that they were amazing together and terrible apart. They had tried and failed at returning to their previous purely professional partnership. The only way they could be together happily was if they were together as a couple.

She should have let him into her heart, before all the miscommunication, before they had said and done the things they did. Then maybe they could have avoided all this pain and misery. Because that's what love is-risking your heart. That's what makes love so incredibly valuable, priceless even. It's what makes life worthwhile.

They had to rebuild their relationship from the ground up, re-establishing a foundation of trust between each other. The past was the past, there was nothing they could do to change it. The only way they could move was forward, whether it was together or not. Kate settled on this course of action-moving forward with Rick, if he was willing to do so too.

Kate let her hand find rest on the top of Rick's shoulder, clutching his arm gently. She turned her head ever so slightly to press a kiss to his neck then returned to her previous position, absorbing his warmth and breathing in his scent.

Rick awoke a little bit later to the soft glow of daylight streaming through the crevices between the window curtains. He felt the familiar pressure of a certain body resting on top of him, snugly ensconced in his embrace. Rick lifted up the sheets slightly, as if to check whether last night really happened and that it wasn't just a dream. It wasn't. He and Kate really had slept together again last night. Rick sighed, thinking about how they now had to go through an extremely awkward and painful morning after filled with regrets and excuses. He wasn't looking forward to that at all.

Rick laid there for a while, lingering in the moment of still serenity. He didn't move so as to not wake her and to delay their inevitable fallout. In this moment, they weren't fighting. They weren't angry, jealous, or hurt by each other. They were wrapped up in each other without another care in the world. He didn't want this moment to end. He never wanted to let her go. Even after all the pain and heartache she caused him, he still wanted her. He still loved her as much as ever before.

Rick turned his head slightly so that his nose was buried in Kate's hair. He pressed a kiss to her head and decided just just lie there until she woke up.

Kate could tell that Rick was awake from the sound of his breathing, which was slightly shallower and more controlled. She heard him sigh audibly, a sigh tinged with disappointment. Her heart sank. Was he regretting their night together? Was it a mistake? Doubts started to creep into Kate's mind until she felt him kiss the top of her head. Maybe he still had feelings for her. Maybe he wasn't regretting it after all.

She stirred a little, letting Rick know that she was awake. Kate removed herself from the crook of his neck and maneuvered herself so that she was on top of him, their lips just inches apart. Her messy hair fell in curled wisps that brushed his face like tender caresses. Kate cupped his cheek gently with her hand, lightly tracing his jawline with her thumb.

"Hey," she greeted quietly.

"Hey," he breathed back in return.

Rick's eyes were locked on hers, searching for a sign of how she was feeling and what she was thinking about regarding the state of their relationship. He saw only softness in her eyes, which was a good sign for now. At least her instinctive reaction wasn't outright anger or regret. Kate's eyes too inquired Rick's as she gazed into his blue irises for answers or emotions. She read slight apprehension in his eyes, him fearful of how she was going to react to their escapade last night.

"So last night was..." Rick began tentatively in a low scratchy voice. A relapse. A one-time deal. A mistake. Hundreds of possible answers flooded his mind as he trailed off to let her answer.

Kate thought for a moment, considering a reply. "Top 10 at least?" she chuckled, leaning in to meet his lips. Well that was an answer he wasn't expecting. He grinned as she drew towards him, delighted with her response. They kissed, sweetly and innocently, both relishing the addicting act of affection. When they parted, both their eyes were sparkling.

Kate bit her lip, still unsure of where things were between them. Rick could tell that she was a bit nervous. This shy, vulnerable Kate Beckett was somewhat novel to him, but beautiful nonetheless.

"Umm... Do you want to take a shower first?" Rick offered. That would give them both some time to think about things.

"Uh sure," she replied.

"Okay."

Kate grabbed Rick's t-shirt and quickly donned it in an attempt to maintain some decency. Rick sat up and chuckled. As if he hadn't seen her naked dozens of times before. She flashed him a small smile before trotting off to the adjoining bathroom. Rick gazed appreciatively at her long legs left uncovered by his t-shirt as she departed from the bed. After Kate shut the bathroom door and started she shower, Rick fell back onto his pillow, running a hand through his hair, and sighed.

God, could this get any more complicated. What did any of this mean? If last night wasn't a mistake, which she didn't seem to think it was, did that mean that they were getting back together? He thought about what she said last night. I just want you. Did she mean that only for last night? Or for something more than that again?

Rick considered his options and thought about what he should do. He still wanted to try to repair their relationship, whether it was just as friends or maybe as lovers again. Whatever the case, the only thing they could do was to move forward, beyond the hurt and heartache of the past.

Rick was still wary of letting her back into his heart however, given how carelessly she had treated it before. He was willing to let her back into his heart if she was willing to do the same. The only way they could ever be together again in a healthy happy relationship was if she opened up to him, trusting him with her heart. Rick wanted that. He wanted her heart. He wanted to love her and be loved in return. It would make them both happy, being together again. A glimmer of hope shone in his mind as Rick thought about the prospects of their future, one in which they were together again.

After Kate finished showering and doing her hair, she stepped out of the bathroom and motioned to Rick, who was still lying in bed.

"All yours," she offered.

Kate headed downstairs to the kitchen as Rick stepped into the bathroom. While Rick took his shower Kate decided to make some coffee for them to start their day, as Rick had done for her a countless number of times before.

Kate gathered the ingredients from around the kitchen and expertly worked the espresso machine, steaming the milk and pulling the espresso shots. She poured the shots into two wide-mouth cups then swirled the frothy milk in the hot pitcher to texture it. With practiced dexterity Kate poured the steaming milk into the first coffee cup, guiding it at the right moment to draw a design into the latte. She did the same with the other mug and dusted both with cinnamon, satisfied with her work. Two lattes with uniquely decorative hearts drawn on top of them.

Rick came downstairs to the kitchen just as Kate put the finishing touches on the beverages. He approached the counter where she was standing next to two freshly brewed cups of coffee. Kate handed him a white mug on a matching plate, a small reciprocation of the love he showed her on a daily basis.

"Thanks," he accepted graciously.

"You're welcome. I think I owe you about a hundred more of those," she joked.

Rick smiled at the peace offering and the thoughtful gesture. Before he took a sip, Rick looked down and saw the heart drawn in his coffee. He wondered if it was symbolic in any way.

"When did you learn how to do latte art?"

"I had a lot of time to make coffees on my own while you were gone," Kate shrugged, picking up her own cup and taking a sip. "I thought it would be fun to learn."

"Neat."

They drank their coffees quietly, an awkward silence forming between the pair.

Rick put his cup down on the counter and looked at Kate intently. He was the first to break the silence.

"Kate, now can we talk about everything? I need to know where I stand with you."

"Yeah..." She set down her cup and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, looking up at Rick in return.

"So what was last night? What does it mean for us?"

Kate sighed. "I just... I really missed you and I wanted you back," she admitted aloud.

His eyebrows furrowed. Rick pondered her explanation, confused as to why her words contradicted her past actions. "Just for last night or what? You say that you missed me, yet every day I came into the precinct it seemed like you didn't want me there. That's why I stopped coming into the precinct so often. I thought you hated me or something," he said sadly.

Kate winced at his words. "I dont hate you."

"Then why were you so cold to me?" Rick questioned. "The harder I tried to get on your good side, the more you pushed me away."

Kate gnawed at her bottom lip. She knew that she had treated him badly and owed him an apology and then some. "I was upset about breaking up and seeing you walk in every morning, all happy and smiling as if nothing happened or changed, was really hard. It really hurt because it seemed like what we had didn't matter to you," Kate explained with a strained voice. "When I'm sad I shut people out. I push people away when I'm hurt. That's what I'm good at."

Rick frowned. So that's what it was: Kate Beckett's typical self-defense mechanism. She had interpreted his attempt to restore normalcy to their partnership as indifference and nonchalance. Little did Kate know that Rick was just as miserable and distraught, if not more so, over their breakup as she was.

"I was just trying to make you like me again. I thought that's what you wanted if we broke up-to go back to the way things were," he explained.

"I dont think we can ever go back," she said quietly.

"Well what other choice did I have? It was either go back to the way we used to be or stop being partners."

Kate fell quiet for a moment, thinking over the proffered options. "I dont want that," she said finally. She didn't want to lose him as a partner.

"So do you want to go back?" Rick proposed instead.

Kate didn't want to go back to being just friends either. "No. You?"

Rick reflected on her responses and tried to come up with an alternative solution to their situation. He didn't want to lose her as a partner or friend either. "No. I want to move forward and the only way we can is if you open up and let me in. You have to learn to trust me."

Kate paused again, considering Rick's stipulations. He was right about her needing to trust him, but she had to rebuild his trust with her too. "I agree but I think I'm the one who needs to earn your trust back," she countered.

"Yeah. I guess we both have to work on the trust thing," Rick observed, a small smile forming on his face. He was glad that she was willing to give them another chance.

"I'll earn your trust back," Kate declared resolutely with a determined look in her eye. "I promise."

"Okay," Rick agreed. "So we're going to be okay?" he asked hopefully, taking a step towards her so that she was within arms reach.

"Better than okay," Kate assured him, flashing him a wide grin. She reached out with her hands on either side of Rick's face and pulled him in for a long overdue makeup kiss. He drew towards her effortlessly, wrapping his arms around her naturally and holding her close as they shared a gentle kiss.

As Rick pulled back, he leaned his forehead on Kate's, gazing into her eyes with a certain look in his own. A genuine smile played on his lips, one that finally reached his eyes. It was the happiest he had been in months. Rick was about to pull away when Kate stopped him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt.

"Hey I'm not done yet," she mock-scolded. Kate scooted herself onto the granite countertop to gain a height advantage on Rick and hooked her legs around him, pulling him towards her once more. She tilted his face up to meet his lips again, weaving her fingers through his hair. Kate kissed him more deeply this time, their tongues exploring each other's mouths in a hungry frenzy. They nipped and sucked at each other, ravenously tasting each other, making up for many kiss-less months past.

When they finally broke apart for a second time, they were both out of breath.

"Wow," Rick panted.

"Yeah. I definitely missed that," Kate remarked.

Rick lifted his hand to cup her cheek tenderly. His sudden, more serious demeanor caught Kate a bit off guard. "I missed you," he said to Kate softly, looking directly into her eyes.

"I missed you too," Kate whispered in reply, lost in his orbs of blue. The sparkles in their eyes were mirror images, perfectly aligned reflections of pure happiness. They both could read the unspoken words that each others' eyes were conveying: I never want to lose you again.

We're falling apart and coming together
Again and again

A/N: I'm currently halfway around the world from home on vacation, but I thought an update was overdue. I actually wrote this chapter entirely on my iPad without the aid of my trusty outline (shame on me for not uploading a current version of it online).