A Marauder's Guide to Falling in Love
PART TWO
Written by alliegrl
Chapter Seventeen
She found Sirius at one of the back tables in the common room after dinner. He and Peter were deep in discussion about the Invigoration Draught essay they had been assigned. He glanced up at her briefly as she approached the table but made no motion to cease his conversation.
"Well think about the opposite of invigorating then. You already know the benefits of the Potion so try and think about what the complete opposite would be," he sounded patronizing. "Really it should be quite simple. How do you feel when you have little energy?"
"Pretty blimey," Peter huffed and Sirius smirked.
"I'll say. You're quite the peach in the morning, Wormtail. Suppose you could benefit from paying a bit more attention in class. Then maybe you wouldn't have to leave assignments to the last minute and ask ridiculous questions that you should already know the answer to."
Peter had a sour look on his face as Sirius laughed. His eyes shifted to look at Marlene and he momentarily looked embarrassed at being caught in what Marlene assumed to be a rather humiliating moment. "Think I'll leave you two alone," he mumbled while gathering his belongings and hurrying from the table.
"That was a bit mean," Marlene said to Sirius as she watched Peter's retreating figure.
"What, that?" Sirius seemed surprised. "Peter's a bit daft. He knows I'm just messing with him."
Marlene was doubtful but said nothing. She knew that Sirius made a habit out of picking on Peter but he seemed to be completely blind to the effect it had over the poor boy. Not everyone could be brilliant in academia like he was; surely Marlene could understand that more than anyone.
"What do you want?" Sirius's tone had changed slightly. He was looking at Marlene expectantly and drumming his slender fingers along the table in front of him. Marlene recoiled slightly from the coolness in his tone but she knew that she wasn't deserving of a more receptive greeting.
"How's your face?" she asked quietly. There wasn't any noticeable marking on his face from where she had hit him but she was aware that the damage was likely more superficial than it was physical anyways.
"My face?" the surprise reached across his features. "What about my face?"
"Didn't I hit you?" Marlene sounded unsure. Had she imagined it?
"Oh, that." He laughed briefly. "I'm not that delicate, McKinnon. I get hit with bludgers in Quidditch, do you really think your tiny fists compare to that?"
"They seemed to make the mark on Avery," she mumbled. Even if he did have reason to be cross with her, his brush off of her strength was slightly irritating and uncalled for.
"I heard you broke his nose," Sirius continued with a smirk. "Slimey git deserved it."
"Good," she said simply. Sirius was still looking at her expectantly so she quietly added, "well sorry I hit your face then."
"That's it?" he said with a slight raise of his brows.
"What else were you expecting?" she had taken his brush off rather well but she couldn't mask the annoyance in her tone at his most recent comment.
"You've been acting funny for days now," he shrugged. "You know when you pick a fight and physically assault someone, even if it is a Slytherin, it shouldn't come as a shock to you when people question whether or not you've finally lost your marbles. Some people might be comfortable chalking it up to stress from N.E.W.T pressure, but I know you far better than that."
"So it's perfectly normal for you and Potter to act that way but when a girl –"
"Don't turn this into a sex thing," Sirius rolled his eyes. "This has nothing to do with you being a girl."
"Then why is it so surprising that I punched Avery?"
"The Marlene I know would have avoided confrontation. Just because we haven't been dating for a long time doesn't mean I haven't noticed you over the past few years. We've been in the same classes and common room for years now. I've never seen you explode like that before. Just seems a bit out of character for you, no?"
"He insulted my parents," she mumbled again. "What would you have done?"
"I would have knocked his front teeth out," Sirius said plainly. "I didn't say I disagree with what you did. I'm just surprised that you did it."
"Ok," she replied. This situation was getting uncomfortable. Sirius was cornering her into a discussion whether or not she was prepared to have it.
"I can't force you to talk to me," he said as if reading her mind. "But we're a team, you and I. I can't help you if you don't let me in. Clearly something has been bothering you and if you want to keep that to yourself then by all means, I won't keep trying to pry into it. But you don't have to deal with it alone if you don't want too."
His words had a bit of an unintentional sting. He was willing to keep his nose out of her business which was something she was still struggling to give to him. She chewed the inside of her cheek a bit, contemplating what exactly it was she could say to him but she wasn't quick enough. He scooped up his belongings and stood from the table. His hand moved forward and gave her shoulder a brief affectionate squeeze before he slid past her and over to the couches where the rest of the Marauders were immersed in a lively conversation.
She watched him give his friends a much friendlier greeting than she had received before she slumped into the chair that he had been previously occupying. Lily was sitting with them; smiling and nestled into James on the couch. Her eyes briefly scanned over the two and noted the natural, care-free way that they interacted with one another. As much as Lily was envious of her relationship with Sirius, Marlene couldn't help but feel the sudden pang of jealousy that clung deep within her as she watched how naturally James and Lily seemed to get along. If she hadn't known the two of them prior, she would have never known that Lily had detested the boy she had her arms currently wrapped around. If she hadn't been so absorbed with the stress of trying to figure out a way to gloss things over with Sirius she might have been willing to pay the couple a bit more attention. But thinking about James and Lily seemed to make her feel worse and she resigned herself to pull her eyes away from them.
She had missed her opportunity. Though she still wasn't sure what she had planned on saying to him. 'Sorry I've been acting like an arse – my parents died a year ago and I'm having trouble coping' seemed like a very unsatisfying explanation. Of course Sirius would understand though. He had been so supportive of her in the past. The biggest problem was that finding the words weren't the biggest issue; it was that she didn't want to say anything at all.
She kicked her heel into the floor with frustration. Watching her friends enjoying themselves just made her feel even moodier. It was bittersweet that she relied on having to head down to the detention hall to provide her with the only viable and comforting excuse to stop thinking about it.
She didn't bother saying her goodbye's to them as she picked herself up from the table and trudged quickly out of the common room. Whether or not anyone even saw her leave, she did not know. She hadn't bothered to look back to check. Sirius had made it pretty clear that he wasn't going to pry anymore and that it was up to her to come find him when she had cooled off.
At seven o'clock she arrived outside the detention hall where Professor McGonagall was already waiting for her.
"Good evening Miss McKinnon," she said curtly as she opened the door to allow Marlene to pass inside.
"Good evening, Professor," she said quietly. She had never been in the detention hall before and her eyes automatically scanned around the room to observe her surroundings for the next few weeks. The room was a decent size and one of the walls on the far left was lined with old and weathered bookcases. There were four separate rows of desks that neatly and evenly took up the rest of the room. Apart from the detention she had served with Sirius in the dungeons with Slughorn, she had never had another and didn't know what to expect out of her punishment.
"Nothing exciting tonight," Professor McGongall instructed her to take a seat at the front of the room where a stack of parchment and a couple of quills were waiting. "You'll just be doing lines this evening."
Marlene settled into the chair and picked up one of the quills. McGonagall had already written out the intended line on the chalk board behind the oversized wooden desk at the front and Marlene stared at it for a minute or so before beginning to jot it down. The punishment was easy enough but time seemed to move far too slowly for her liking.
She supposed that writing out the words 'I will not physically assault another student' was probably supposed to leave some form of mark on her conscience. However, by the end of the evening, despite her hand cramping from the discomfort of her punishment, she still smiled at the memory of the sound of Avery's nose breaking as it echoed through the hallway. Writing out the words would never change the fact that she did not and would not regret having done it.
"That is all for this evening, Miss McKinnon," Professor McGonagall moved from the chair at the front of the room to collect the parchment. "I will see you back here tomorrow evening at seven o'clock sharp."
It was nearly curfew by the time Marlene exited the detention hall. This didn't stop her from moving much slower than she normally would have on her way back to the common room. She took her time wandering down the hallways – passing a couple of the Hogwarts ghosts along the way. She passed by a fifth year prefect from Hufflepuff who seemed timid to warn her that she was almost breaking curfew. Surely news of her dispute with Avery had reached the rest of the ears at Hogwarts by now. Marlene wondered afterwards whether or not he had been timorous because he was afraid she might also break his nose. The thought made her smile.
The common room was still bustling with students when she arrived back shortly after nine o'clock. Her friends were still in the spot that she had last seen them when she had departed. She hesitated at the entrance, weighing the option to join them or head straight to the dormitory. Lily waved her over though and she settled on the decision to make a bit more effort than she had earlier in the day.
"Where have you been?" Lily asked curiously when Marlene had dropped into an empty space on the couch.
"Detention," Marlene said. She could hear a brief snort of laughter and looked around to figure out the culprit. James was smiling despite the fact that he was engrossed in a game of exploding snap and she assumed that it had been him to crack humor at her expense. "Think that's funny do you?"
"Very," his smiled widened but his eyes never left the game.
"This coming from the boy who's probably served more detentions than he can count."
"Two hundred and eight," was his response.
"Sorry?" Marlene replied.
"Two hundred and eight," he repeated, finally glancing over at her. "That's how many detentions I've had."
"You actually kept track of them?" she asked, horrified.
"I'm not sure if I should be impressed that you've managed to remember or disgusted that that's how many you've had," Lily said with skepticism.
"At one point or another Sirius and I were competing for the most detentions," James shrugged.
"What do you mean, 'at one point'?" Sirius sounded amused. "You're just saying that because I'm winning."
"Can't really go and get myself detentions when I'm head boy, now can I?" James retaliated.
"Moony is a prefect, that didn't stop him from getting detention," Peter chimed in. Remus looked embarrassed.
"I haven't had nearly that many detentions," Remus mumbled in defense.
"You say that like it's a bad thing?" Sirius seemed offended.
"One detention is bad enough," Lily's brows raised. "Let alone two hundred."
"Two hundred and thirty two," Sirius smirked. "Pretty sure I have the school's all time record under my belt."
Marlene shook her head with silent laughter. The conversation had added some much needed humor to her evening. She knew that the boys had served many detentions but she would have never guessed that it had been quite that many. She was stuck between awe and disgust.
"So what did you end up having to do?" James finally asked her.
"Lines," she shrugged. "Nothing spectacular like pickling rat brains." She caught Sirius's eye and he smiled. Obviously he too remembered that detention.
"How boring," Sirius said simply. "I'd take the rat brains over lines any day."
Marlene joined in the next round of exploding snap against James. She infrequently engaged in matches against him as his highly competitive nature was less than desirable but she was feeling a surge of confidence. She started off doing rather well with her reflexes, beating James to mere seconds. But after she began leading the game with more than eight point lead his competitive nature seemed to kick into high gear. After a few more rounds Marlene had to give up; James was tapping the cards so quickly that the most recent explosion almost set her hair on fire. She could smell the scent of singed hair and decided to concede defeat. Peter was the next brave sole to take him on.
"I think I'm going to call it a night," Lily said while stifling a large yawn. Frank and Alice had already retired to bed and it was starting to get late. James was so enraptured in his game that he didn't even seem to notice or care. Marlene hadn't noticed it before but since her conversation with Lily she eyed them carefully as Lily impatiently waited for James to acknowledge her. It was only when Remus smacked the side of his head that he seemed to pay attention.
"Oy," he said while rubbing the side of his head. "What was that for?"
"Your girlfriend is going to bed," Lily said tonelessly, saving Remus from his response. "And I've tried telling you three times now."
"Oh, right then," James straightened up and shot up from his chair. "See you tomorrow, Lil."
Lily leaned in to him and Marlene suddenly wished that she hadn't been watching them. Lily's arms wrapped around his neck and he pulled her body into his. A quick 'goodbye' kiss was most definitely not something that either one of them seemed to understand. The two of them had their lips joined for so long that Marlene wasn't sure either one could properly breathe. She was even more horrified to realize that she witnessing a full blown snogging session and hadn't been able to pull her eyes away.
"I thought I could get used to that," Marlene uttered under her breath to nobody in particular. "But I still think it's weird to see those two together like that."
"Oy, get a room you two," Sirius said with a mixture of disgust and amusement. He was grinning wickedly though so Marlene was certain that he was enjoying every opportunity to tease James. "Shameless snogging at its finest."
"Oh please," Lily said after she had pulled away. "Like the two of you are so innocent in all of this."
Sirius shrugged but the grin hadn't faded from his face. His eyes were glinting mischievously. "Should we test that notion?"
"Let's not make this a competition of who can cause the most nauseating display of affection," Remus said while looking pointedly at Sirius. He looked paler than normal. Even Peter seemed to seem horrified at the direction the conversation was headed.
"Are you sure? I'm sure Marlene would be game to give you all a show right now," his eyes passed over Marlene and she couldn't help but flush.
"Good night Lily," Marlene said hurriedly, trying to ignore the anxious feeling in her gut at being put on the spot.
"Are you coming up soon?" she asked.
"Soon," Marlene replied but she wasn't sure if her answer was honest or not. She had still been debating whether or not to try to continue her conversation with Sirius. After Lily had departed and the common room began to dwindle to the last few students, it became painstakingly obvious that none of the other boys had any intention of heading to bed. She had been hoping to get some alone with Sirius but he was either avoiding it or hadn't picked up her subtle cues.
"Are you boys planning to stay up for awhile longer?" she finally asked them about an hour later. She didn't want to admit it but she was growing extremely tired. She wasn't even sure if she could muster up the energy to be alone with Sirius even if the rest did decide to go to bed.
"Yes, we've got Marauder business to take care of," James was the only one to answer her.
"Don't suppose you feel like shedding some light on what exactly that means?" Marlene tried again. She wondered if she would ever discover what the boys were up to after hours.
"You're a curious one, aren't you?" Sirius shook his head.
"Can you blame me for trying?" she shot back. The boys only laughed. "I take that as a no, then?"
"Marauder privilege," Remus offered a wry smile.
"What if I wanted to become one?" Marlene tried again hopeful. Her proposition resulted in a few blank stares.
"Become a Marauder?" Peter asked for clarification before looking around at his friends for their reactions. They all seemed equally dumfounded.
"Is it that ridiculous of a request? I already know a good chunk of your secrets already and I must get points for my performance with Avery today."
"Are you being serious?" James was looking at her, perplexed, as though trying to figure out a complicated puzzle. She couldn't help but frown at his reaction.
"I don't know," she finally shrugged. She had initially meant it as a joke but now that the idea was running rampant through her thoughts she didn't think it was half bad. "I think I'd make a really good Marauder. Plus I spend most of my time with you lot anyways. Seems hardly fair not to add me into your little club."
"It's not a club," Peter quipped quietly. Marlene brushed off his comment.
"She's got a bit of a point," Sirius shrugged, looking pretty nonchalant about the ordeal. "Maybe she could be an honorary member or something."
"You would say that; she's your girlfriend," James replied.
"Well then we can add Lily too," he looked indifferent. Despite Sirius's comment the rest of the boys seemed uncertain. It only drove Marlene into further curiosity about what it was they were so desperate to keep her from.
"It was worth a shot," she grumbled.
"Sorry about your luck, Mar," Sirius grinned at her as she rose from the couch. "Better luck next time."
"I suppose it's goodnight then," she rolled her eyes. "Don't get into too much trouble. Or do, if you're still aiming to tack on a few more detentions before the year is over."
Sirius didn't get up with her which only left her feeling more frustrated. She quietly moved towards the staircase leaving a trail of hurried whispers in her wake. She knew that attempting to eavesdrop was both pointless and rude so she didn't even bother trying to decipher the conversation. Perhaps one day they would share their secrets with her. But then again deep down a little voice told her what she already knew; their secrecy was only fair until she was willing to do the same.
She awoke from yet another bad dream sometime shortly after midnight. Her body was damp and her clothes were sticking to her uncomfortably. A sheen layer of sweat or tears, possibly both, was running down her face. She thrust the blankets off of her body and drew her knees in close to her chest, hugging them tightly in an effort to calm her nerves. It had been a long while since she had awoken like this.
The same words had been playing over and over in her mind all evening; You'll die with your Mudblood friend too. Just like your Mum and Dad. By the way, Bellatrix sends her regards to you and Sirius.
She didn't want to admit that his words had made any impact on her but she would be lying if she said they hadn't. The adrenaline from her encounter with the Slytherin's had long ago passed and she was left reeling from the wounds that his words had marked on her.
He had hit three sore spots in one go. She wondered briefly whether or not Sirius had been affected by his sentiment but then reminded herself that she hadn't given him the opportunity to respond before punching Avery herself. The thought of Sirius stirred something in the pit of her stomach and she instinctively reached for the mirror he had given her that was safely stored in the nightstand beside her bed. Her fingers rimmed the edges of it nervously before she cleared her throat, wiped away the dampness from her eyes and focused on the glass.
"Sirius?" she whispered into it. She waited a moment but his face never appeared on the other end. She couldn't help but wonder whether or not the boys were still out doing whatever it was they were up to after she had departed for the evening. Then she tried again, "Sirius, are you there?"
Still nothing. Marlene sighed heavily and dropped the mirror onto the bed beside her. She could feel her body trembling and a slight panic coursed through her frail body. She quickly swung her legs over the edge and moved across the room and out into the hallway. Her next best option was to hope that he was still in the common room. She wasn't sure why she was so desperate to see him again but something in the back of her mind told her that it was what she needed.
She was rushing too fast though and she stumbled over her feet on the way down the stairs. She had to reach out to brace herself against the railing on more than one occasion in fear that she might actually fall. Each time she hurriedly pulled herself up against the wall, ignoring her jelly legs she pushed through the wobble and continued downwards towards the common room.
Her timing was impeccable. Just as she was descending the last landing into the deserted common room the disappointed feeling in her gut was replaced with relief as the four boys in question entered from outside. She must have looked distraught because she hadn't even had the chance to say anything before he spoke.
"Marlene?" Sirius's voice had an edge to it as his eyes met hers from across the room. "What's wrong?"
She couldn't contain her composure any longer, if she even had any to begin with. She wasn't sure whether or not it had been inevitable or the fact that his words were laced with genuine concern that caused her to snap. But the tears and emotions that she had been so good at hiding opted to seep out of her at the conclusion of his question. She quite quickly found herself sobbing freely and was only vaguely aware at the discomfort showing through on the boys' faces at her breakdown. She didn't really care all that much for them to see her cry.
Sirius rushed forward despite the initial discomfort and suddenly her sobbing was muffled by the sweater that had been forced into her face. Her arms instinctively wrapped around him to pull him closer, not realizing until that moment how desperately she needed him there with her.
She could sense the movement of the three remaining Marauder's moving around her. Sirius's chest moved as he spoke to them but she was still weeping loudly enough that she couldn't understand what it was that he was saying. After that he remained quiet. One of his hands that had been wrapped around her reached up to stroke her hair reassuringly. Logically she knew that it was only meant to comfort her but his sincerity only caused her to cry harder and she could sense his body tense up, unsure of whether or not he should continue.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled amidst her sobs.
"For what?" he sounded confused. "Because you're soaking my sweater or because you scared my friends away?" Normally his humor would have caused her to crack a smile but for some reason it only caused her overwhelming guilt and she let out another painful sob. "I was kidding Marlene," he said quickly after realizing that his attempt had failed miserably. "I didn't mean to upset you. Please don't cry – "
"My parents are dead," she said finally. She could feel his body relax momentarily before his arms tightened around her, bringing her face back into his chest and muffling her sobs once again.
"Marlene," he said painfully but didn't elaborate any further. They stood like that for a little while longer, wrapped in each other's arms and Marlene clinging desperately to him as though afraid he might pull away. But of course he didn't, only holding her closer every time her body convulsed from her crying.
After an immeasurable amount of time she felt her legs grow wobbly once again from exhaustion and her body fell into his. He scooped her up and carried her over to the couch, allowing her to snuggle into him as he sat down beside her. His arms moved around her again protectively. "Is this why you've been so distant lately?" he finally asked.
Marlene didn't trust herself to speak so she nodded her head slowly. She could feel Sirius's body sigh and she closed her eyes and pulled him closer.
"I've been thinking about what Avery said," she finally managed to say. She didn't know why she said it as it hardly had any relevance to the true reason for her discord. She could feel Sirius's body tense beside her.
"Don't listen to what that wanker has to say," his voice was bitter. "He's an arse. He's not worth your tears."
"That's not why I'm crying," she whispered and Sirius remained quiet as though waiting for her to continue. "My parents died a year ago. I don't think I've properly thought about it until now and suddenly I woke up today and everything was different."
"Of course," Sirius seemed horrified. "I don't know how I didn't put two and two together – "
"You can't blame yourself for not knowing what's been going on with me," she said quickly. "I haven't been very good at sharing my feelings lately. Part of me thought that if I just suppressed it then it would go away. I didn't mean for it to cause disconnect between us. Between Lily and I."
"Lily's only worried about you," he said softly. "She's not going to hold this over your head."
"And you?"
"I'm not a monster," he sounded slightly offended. "If you recall correctly I am the king of suppressing my feelings and taking them out on other people. It would make me a bit of a hypocrite if I were to be angry at you for that. Especially since we're talking about the death of your parents Mar. I just wish you had been able to come to me about this sooner. You've been dealing with this on your own for so long."
"I'm sorry," she said again.
"Don't apologize for that," he voice was stern. "Whatever you need, I'm here for you."
She felt the rough graze of his stubble brush against the top of her head as he leaned his chin against her. His hand resumed the reassuring stroking of her hair that he had hesitantly stopped earlier and she allowed herself to close her eyes again, enjoying the feeling of his closeness.
"I just need you," she finally mumbled quietly into him.
"You have me," he said softly. "You have me, completely."
A/N: I've been making a few updates. I've changed the synopsis for the story as well as created a secondary synopsis for part two. You can find them on chapter 1 of part one and chapter 1 of part two if you want to check it out. Also, I'm in the process of going over earlier chapters and tying up loose ends, edits, errors etc. No big changes will be made. Also added a nifty book cover :)
Before I get in to my regular thank you's I want to ask something. I still have a long ways to go with this story but I'm wondering if there would be any interest in a secondary story that would follow from Sirius's POV?
***And one more thing. If I can get 15 reviews before next Monday, February 16th I will post TWO chapters next week :) As always, I love your feedback!***
Elis.n - I know you were looking for a bit of a fight, hope that Avery was a good substitute for Natasha ;)
shoshy. jg - Ok good! I'm glad that I got the emotions right. There will be more, she's obviously still struggling and a lot more darkness is going to happen as time progresses. I hope that I can continue to demonstrate that accurately!
Tati - I can't reveal the end! Ahh I wish I could just tell you right now what's going to happen but nope. Can't do it.
JadedLights07 - There will be more lighthearted moments (coming up REALLY soon). Patrick will be back - haha. You will find out, just need to be patient :) As for Mr. Potter I suppose that time will tell but I am trying to stick to cannon as much as possible...
You'reafanHarry - I'd like her back too. Maybe we can get some nice fluffy stuff going soon and make that happen ;)
summerkillz - Just like I said to Tati, I can't reveal the end. BUT we have a long way to go which means lots of exciting things to enjoy before we have to worry about her fate.
Thanks to my lovely reviewers: Elis.n, Sam, shoshy. jg, Tati, JadedLights07, You'reafanHarry, summerkillz and ObsessedwReading
Thanks to my new followers: 1808, oj459, c122007434, and kayluvsall