I do not own Harry Potter.

CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

…He kindly stopped for me

"Deep in the dark
You'll surrender your heart
But you know
But you know that you can't fight the moonlight
No, you can't fight it
It's gonna get to your heart"—Can't Fight the Moonlight, Leann Rimes

Draco was just sitting at his window, writing Christmas cards for a list of relatives, supplied by his mother, whose existence he cared nothing for when he heard a knocking at his window. Draco looked up and almost fell back as the creepiest looking owl looked back at him.

It was rather slim with soft dark brown feathers all along its back and tail and a gold underbelly. Its head was blackish brown and white with some of the darker feathers ringed around its round golden yellow eyes like glasses. It tapped at the glass again with a strange urgency till Draco realised what it wanted and he opened the window. It dropped a letter and a parcel into his lap before spreading out its golden brown wings and taking off rather gracefully into the night.

Without another word he opened the letter and read.

Dear Draco,

Yesterday you gave me my gift, but I wasn't able to give you yours, something's happened with my plans to visit the Weasley's so I might not be able to give it to you the conventional way. I hope you like it, it's a muggle book but it might be helpful nonetheless. Happy Christmas.

Love, Hermione.

He opened the parcel to find a book titled Split Personalities, a full introduction with case studies. With a smile, he put it to the side. She was trying, she didn't really understand and that was his fault, but even with not fully understanding his problem, she was still trying in her own way to be helpful. Draco wasn't sure what a split personality was, it wasn't really a wizarding term, but the title seemed interesting, he would look at it later.

Draco settled down to sleep.

He was running from Dementors, lots of them. Since he was a Death Eater, he couldn't cast a Patronus, so he had to run.

They weren't a part of his mission; they weren't a part of anything. He'd been sent to Hogsmeade to meet up with his partner and exchange information received from his contact spy in the resistance, and then he ran into Dementors.

He could feel them behind him, gliding with ease as if they knew they'd catch him. Still, he wasn't planning on making it easy for them, his was quite happy with where his soul was, regardless of how distorted it was. The Dementors couldn't have it yet.

He needed to get to Hogsmeade - that's where it was hidden, that's where he had to go, that's where she was. He had to get there first, to warn her, to get her out of the way; it was a trap, an ambush. He had to get to her!

He Apparated, the feeling of being squeezed through a keyhole was never appealing, but…

Draco fluttered his eyes sleepily as he felt himself stir from his sleep, why was he so cold?

His body felt numb, but even as he was opening his eyes he found to his astonishment that he couldn't move, he was face down in something white and cold and his leg, his arm, it felt…

Wait…

What!

He was in snow. What was he doing outside in the snow?! Because that's what it was, he was in the bloody snow and he couldn't move for the life of him. He shifted his leg and suddenly he screamed as the most horrible pain burst from his leg, traveling all the way up his hip and back like someone was dragging a white hot knife along the inside of his flesh and he realised he was bleeding, the pain was almost too intense as he passed out.

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When he next woke, up, Draco realised he was no longer cold. He sighed with relief; perhaps it had just been another nightmare? A bloody realistic one, but a nightmare all the same.

He tried to get up, but a sharp pain shot through his leg and he gasped, opening his eyes from the shock of it, was he still dreaming?!

No, he wasn't. In an instant, Draco realised that despite the lack of snow, he still wasn't in his bed in the Slytherin dorm. This bed was smaller, and a little itchy. His robes were gone, his chest bandaged and his leg in a splint, he tried to wiggle his toes but that just made everything hurt more.

'Right, get it together, Draco,' he thought, shutting his eyes, trying to make sense of what was happening. The last thing he remembered, before the snow, was getting a letter from Hermione, then going to sleep then the next thing he knew he was…then he was…where the hell was he?!

It was a small room, with a little fireplace in the corner and a fire going, snow fell outside a window. If Draco didn't know any better than he'd think he was in some kind of log cabin. But how the hell had he gotten all the way from the Slytherin dorm to a random cabin the middle of merlin-knows-where, half naked?

That last part in itself was something else to be concerned about, had he been kidnapped? No, he'd notice something like that…right?

At least he could safely assume whoever brought him here didn't intend to hurt him, since they obviously put a lot of effort into bandaging him up.

Suddenly he heard footsteps coming up stairs; Draco quickly shut his eyes and feigned sleep.

The person opened and shut the door quietly and placed something on a nearby table, he head a cracking sound, like someone stretching and a soft groan he couldn't identify as either male or female. Then he felt someone standing in front of him, their shadow casting a slight chill on his face.

"I can see your eyelids twitching," they said in a slightly amused tone and Draco realised feigning sleep was no longer an option as he opened his eyes.

It was a girl, a rather tall, slender one. She was incredibly beautiful, with a perfect heart-shaped face, thin lips, long brilliant rich blond hair, like butter, tied up in a high pony tail that fell in ringlets on high, defined cheekbones and wide violet eyes. She was so slender that apart from a seriously lacking chest, she was one of the most beautiful women Draco had ever seen and he'd seen rather a lot of pretty women. She was dressed in a rather frilly purple dress and furry orange stockings and mittens; it was all very feminine, probably a little too feminine. The strange thing was that on her, it actually looked good.

He frowned, unwilling to say anything until he knew more about the situation. The girl put her rather delicate hands on her hips and gave him a knowing smirk, "Slytherin, right?" she said, her voice soft, but deep. "I'm a Hufflepuff myself, but the Hat wanted to put me in Slytherin," she grinned. "Between you and me though, I only told it to go with Hufflepuff because I wanted to annoy my dad."

Draco said nothing and the stranger rolled their eyes. "A thank you wouldn't go amiss, ya' know, perhaps even a 'thank you, Miss Joana, for dragging my bleeding carcass out of the snow, to your lovely home, I don't know what I'd have done without ya. You're the most wonderful, the kindest and prettiest person I've ever seen!'," this last part she said with her hands together, eyes shut and in a higher pitched somewhat annoying voice, which he suspected was the point.

"You…saved me?" he asked, testing the waters a bit.

She smirked. "Well look at that, it speaks, now if I can get it to tell me its name maybe I can train it for the circus and teach it to do other tricks, like saying thank you?"

"My name," he said, rolling his eyes, "is Draco, and thank you, really."

She uncrossed her arms. "In that case, you're very welcome, Draco."

"I am grateful," he continued, "but I'm not entirely sure what's going on at the moment, where am I, and how did I get to your…uh…house?"

She raised a golden eyebrow. "You mean it wasn't your intention to Apparate over a five foot drop in the middle of the night?"

Draco's eyes widened. "I did what?!"

"Luckily, you had the sense to appear over some trees or you'd be pretty dead, but your leg's busted, and your upper bicep's splinched," she said, pointing at her handy work. "Hence the bandages."

"I…I…I can't Apparate," Draco said stupidly. "I'm fifteen, I've never learned how! Last thing I remember I was in the Slytherin dorm, you can't Apparate in Hogwarts."

"Well, then you must have Apparated from outside of Hogwarts," she said plainly, "Because you're in Hogsmeade now, mate. My name's Joana Ashwinn, since ya didn't ask, I found ya face down in the snow about four hours ago, ya been asleep since. Which reminds me," she got up and pulled a potion from the bag she'd dumped on the table. "Here, drink up."

Draco took it cautiously. "What is it?"

Joana rolled her eyes. "Slytherins," she huffed, "honestly, so suspicious the lotta' ya, it's a Blood Replenishing Potion. If I wanted to kill ya, mate, I would have left ya outside; you were well on your way what with all that blood, so for the second time now, drink up."

Draco eyed the potion then downed it in one go, ignoring the disgusting metallic taste, but not enough to hide the grimace as Joana burst out laughing. "Bloody hell, didn't think I made it that bad."

"It's fine," he said, placing it on the table. "Thank you."

Joana seemed pleased with that, since she stood up and stretched. "Well, since you're kinda occupying the bed, I guess I'll kip on the sofa. But first I gotta shower, worked a five hour shift today," she walked towards a door but before crossing she stopped and winked, "Don't peek," and closed the door behind her.

Draco rolled his eyes for the third time; something about this girl just induced it. As the sound of a shower switching on filled the room Draco was left to think.

He Apparated? No, forget that, he left the Slytherin common room without even realising, was it sleep walking? All he remembered was going to sleep and dreaming about…

His face went white with horror. He'd been dreaming about Apparating to Hogsmeade. Merlin, it was getting worse. He must have sleep walked away from Hogwarts and then Apparated or worse… but because he'd never Apparated before, he must've just appeared at some random place.

This was bad, it meant the dreams were getting physical, he was lucky all he dreamed about tonight was Apparating, because all it got him was a broken leg. What if next time he dreamed about killing someone, would he wake up at a murder scene?

What was he supposed to do? The more he tried to get better, the worse he got, this was going to kill him! If it didn't kill someone else first. Draco was feeling a panic attack coming on, but Theo wasn't here.

He wasn't normal, he wasn't normal, he wasn't normal, he wasn't…

"I can see one thought going on and on in your head and from the looks of it, it's not a particularly nice thought, so just stop thinking it," said Joana as she emerged from the other room dressed in a light blue dressing gown and a soft yellow nightdress. Her blond hair was tied in a long braid hung over her right shoulder as she towel-dried the side of her face. "Bad thoughts aren't worth the time spent on them; all they do is muddle your brain and keep you from figuring out what to do next. You have to get control of yourself, don't lose it."

Draco glared at her. "What the hell do you know? You don't know anything about me or what I'm going through, who the hell are you to tell me not to think bad things?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Fine, suit yourself. But to be perfectly honest, I don't think I have to be anyone to tell you to chill out. So what, you took an unplanned trip to Hogsmeade, just don't do it again," she grinned.

"No!" he cried. "It's not 'don't do it again', what the bloody hell do you think this is? It's not falling off your broom or breaking something, I…I…I'm not normal," he took in a great shuddering breath as he clutched his elbows. "This isn't normal. People don't…they don't do this, sleep walk out their dorm, Apparate to the middle of nowhere, dream about the things I do every single bloody night! I'm so sick of not being normal."

"News flash, no one is normal," Joana said softly, pouting. "You think we'd be 'wizards' if we were normal? And as for sleepwalking, I'll have you know my great Aunt Mildred once sleep-walked all the way onto the Knight-Bus, woke up in Scotland, she did."

Draco ignored her completely as he began to murmur softly, "I thought that those blasted mirrors were supposed to help me! And that bloody man, first he ruins my sleep, now he's ruing my time awake! Every time I do something like this I get more and more dangerous," what if next time he dreamt about her, the other Hermione, dreamt about hurting her, would he Apparate to his Hermione and then…

"No," he shook his head. "No, this, I'm only going to hurt her like this!" in his anger Draco swiped his hand and slammed the potion bottle that was at his side into the wall where it smashed into pieces.

A silence filled the room as the only noises to be heard was the sound of his pants and the soft trickle of potion remnants sliding down the wall. Joana looked at the scene with wide eyes, then sighed, "What a waste of a perfectly good potion bottle," she said.

Her lightness of his situation was the last proverbial straw. "Get out!" Draco yelled.

"Th'fuck I will," she said back. "This is my house, I case you forgot!"

"Then I'll go," he exclaimed, Draco had had enough. He flung back the sheets and struggled to move his leg, ignoring the pain.

Joana whipped out her wand and Draco's entire body became stiff, he looked at the witch with a frown. She knew wordless magic.

"You," she said, a frown now marring the face that had been constantly either smiling or smirking up until now, "are going to stay right there and calm the hell down, or it's a time out in the corner for you, mister."

Draco glared furiously at her, unable to move or shout. Another flick of her wand and the sheets were back where they were. She clucked irritably. "I'll bet ya gone and ruined the bandages, now I'm gonna have do them again," she blew a wisp of honey yellow hair from her eyes. "Great, just how I wanted to spend my Saturday."

'Then let me go,' Draco thought furiously, crazy witch bloody petrifying him!

She sighed heavily. "Look, I don't know what you've gone through and I don't really care," she crossed her arms. "But if you're going to scream and throw a tantrum like a bloody child then I'm gonna treat ya like one." She waved her wand and the pain in his leg numbed slightly. "Bloody hell," she groaned. "That's the last time I help some stranger with a broken leg."

Draco felt a little guilty as he heard this, his frown wavered and disappeared.

Merlin, what was he doing, acting like a brat, throwing bottles, this wasn't even his house. Joana had helped him and he was treating her like some kind of house elf, he felt juvenile.

"Now, I'm gonna take off the spell, but you start screaming again and I'll force a dreamless sleep down ya throat faster than you can say 'Merlin'," and he felt his limbs go slack again.

"I'm sorry," were the first words out of his mouth.

Joana lost her frown as sighed and she fell into a chair and eyed him with an amused smirk. "What was that all about?"

Draco was silent; he raised his hand to his shoulder and turned away, feeling both defensive and vulnerable. He shouldn't have said those things, perhaps it was the blood loss, but either way he should have kept quiet.

"Look, I ain't gonna molly coddle ya," she said. "Promise, I don't really know how to do that stuff, so ya know, you can say something, if ya want. I probably won't get it anyway."

"You won't understand," Draco said limply. "I even know how I'm going to get back."

She grinned again. "I'm guessing you don't really want anyone to know you snuck out. Good thing it's Christmas, no classes, so when ya a bit better, we'll get ya back up to the castle somehow, but till then ya kinda stuck with me, so why not tell me? Come on, haven't I been a good little girl, I haven't even asked ya the how's and whys of how ya got here?"

Draco shook his head and she grinned. "Ok then, at least you gotta tell me who this Hermione is?"

At this, his eyes widened and his head flew up. "What!"

"You kept mumbling that name, 'Hermione, Hermione, I have to get to her, she doesn't know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Hermione', so who's Hermione, your girlfriend? Should I expect to find her in the snow somewhere too?"

Draco shook his head. "I hope not, Hermione is…" and he blushed, realised just what he revealed.

"Oh, you didn't deny it," Joana grinned. "So she is your girlfriend, was this a meeting gone wrong or something?"

"No," Draco admitted. "Definitely not. With any luck she's on her way to somewhere safe, to spend a nice normal Christmas with people who care about her," he frowned.

"That sounds lonely," Joana remarked. "Don't you want to spend Christmas together?"

He remembered the image in the mirror, a feeling of warmth filled his heart even while his face remained still.

"Really," Joana huffed. "that's all you're going to leave me with? I'm in the house of the freakin' Badger! When I want to know something, I'll dig until I find it," she sniggered at her own bad joke. "Cat's got nothing on me when it comes to curiosity," she said proudly.

Draco glared. "I don't have to tell you anything about her," he snapped

Joana laughed. "Ahh, well then, hate to be the one to tell ya this but you kinda already did mate and it was awful," she laughed. "Ya kept on moaning about a lot of things that to be honest made as much sense as a pink Hippogriff, then it was all 'Hermione, Hermione' and so I said 'Who's Hermione?' and you said 'She's my girl, my pretty, smart, brave, wonderful…ect', I thought I was going to drown on all the euphemisms you came up with for how beautiful her hair is."

Draco was now looking at Joana with an expression of pure and absolute horror, he didn't know whether it was because he's admitted so much to a complete stranger, or because of how disgustingly soppy he had sounded.

Joana laughed. "Ok, maybe it wasn't that bad, but you did go on about her for a good ten minutes, so if she's supposed to be some kind of big secret, you're not doing a very good job hiding it."

Draco frowned. "But I have to hide it, for both our sakes. I'd feel better if she wasn't even with me, to be perfectly honest."

"So…you don't want her to be your girlfriend?" Joana asked confused.

"No!" Draco said, shaking his head. "I want it, Merlin, you have no idea how madly I want it. Hermione…" he smiled. "She's everything to me, she's the reason I get up in the morning, every time my life feels shit, like someone's shoved me into a bag and dropped me off the face of the earth, just seeing her…it makes it all better. And she is beautiful," he smiled fondly. "You wouldn't think so, most people don't, she's got really bushy hair and she's shorter than most girls and she used to have really ugly teeth but she got them shrunk by mistake, though sometimes I missed them a bit because then she'd look exactly like how she did when I first saw her. But more than beautiful, she's wicked smart, smartest witch of a century, I'm nothing compared to her."

"Ohh, that's so sweet," Joana grinned. "I'd never thought I'd see a Slytherin with feelings. So what's keeping you from this smart pretty girl?"

"I can't love her. You…she doesn't know just how bad I really am, I…I really don't want her to find out. The problem is…she already somewhat knows, and it kills me that she does because I feel like every time she touches me, I'm going to taint her or something."

"If she's as wonderful as you say she is, maybe you should let her decide," said Joana. "She sounds like a Gryffindor and if I know my Gryffindors then she's gonna hex you a good one if she found out you were pulling back cause you thought it would make her safe, and I get the feeling if she knew how much you care about her, she'd hate it even more, trust me, I'm a girl too."

"I've loved her for five years," Draco admitted, a faraway look on his face. "Ever since the day I saw her on the train, I looked at her and I knew she was special."

Draco he broke from his reverie and looked at Joana then sighed. "Can...can you write a letter for me, to my friend, his name is Theodore Nott? We were going to spend the holidays together so he'll notice if I'm not there tomorrow," he admitted.

Joana nodded with a grin. "Sure thing," on her way out she stopped and said, "You know, you shouldn't sell yourself so short. You seem like a nice kid and whoever this girl is, you really care about her; and in the end, there's nothing we mere mortals can do other than care."

While she scribbled down a note, Draco found himself staring into space. That had been…easier than he'd ever expected, talking about Hermione with someone.

It was strange, he told Theo everything, he thought he'd dealt with all the trauma, but it was right now that Draco realised, that in all his five years at Hogwarts, not once had he ever talked to anyone about his feelings for her. He couldn't tell anyone, that was the point, no one could ever know. Draco hadn't realised how unreal it actually made everything feel. Perhaps, he thought, compared to the murderous dreams, strange voices and unexpected possessions; he hadn't thought his feelings counted on his list of things he needed to talk about.

It felt real now, now for the first time he had admitted it to someone, it felt like a heavy burden had been lifted from his shoulders and he found himself, in his exhaustion, falling into a deep sleep.

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Theo's owl returned the next day and his letter was not happy, in fact it was the very opposite of happy, every word seemed to ooze an aura of 'I am not happy'. He said he could probably come down later today and they could disillusion him and sneak him in through the secret passage way in Honeydukes. Hermione had let him in on that secret some time ago during the third task in case an exit route would be useful for preparing for survival.

That way no one would be the wiser. Theo assured Draco he was capable of tricking Filch, till then Joana was fixing his leg and, being surprisingly good at potions, gave him a wild array of disgusting concoctions that seemed to actually be working on his leg.

The next morning, Draco apologised again to her for his panic attack, but she waved it off and shoved some Skele-Gro potion down his throat. She said she was a Hogwarts student, she lived in an apartment over the Hogshead and worked shifts, and her Aunt had left the country for Christmas.

Draco eyed her as she returned from a four hour shift. "Merlin, are you always this…colourful?"

She looked up and grinned. Today, she was in a fuzzy peach sweater with a cat on it and dark purple jeans; she seemed to wear a lot of muggle clothes despite Ashwinn being a pureblood name.

When Theo eventually strolled in he took one look at Draco on the bed and rolled his eyes. "What have you gotten yourself into this time?"

"Ahh…I broke my leg," Draco said, gesturing at the leg which had been snapped back in place and was now just healing, "It's not so bad, Ashwinn's surprisingly good at it."

He eyed Joana who was standing in the corner, her hands behind her back with a knowing smirk. Theo gave her an unreadable look, then returned to Draco. "Are you sure this person is trustworthy?"

To be honest, Draco didn't know, but he bloody hoped so considering how much he'd admitted to her last night.

"I suppose if I say I am, you wouldn't believe me?" Joana said, raising one golden brow. "How about we get your awkward friend home and then we discuss trust issues?"

Theo looked at her again, for a second that made Draco wonder, then smirked, "Fine."

Draco let out a sigh of relief. If Theo thought she was ok, then she probably was, he was an excellent judge of character, best Draco had ever seen.

Getting him through the town was hard considering despite all Joana's potions his leg was still essentially broken, she wasn't a healer, but between the three of them they did it. Joana knew the shop owners for Honeydukes and distracted them while Theo hustled Draco though the passage way.

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He met Snape in the hospital wing. On the third day after being hospitalised, Draco woke up to find the man towering over his bed, a dull expression planted on his face as if he had no interest whatsoever in being here and Draco suspected that was exactly how he felt.

He sneered. "Awake, are we?"

Draco didn't know what to do, ever since he saw that mirror, saw what had happened, he'd taken to keeping his head down in Potions, completely unable to meet his professor eye to eye. It felt like…an invasion of privacy, seeing that moment. Even now, with Snape standing over him, Draco couldn't stop thinking of how he'd looked, how so completely broken he was, holding that red haired woman's body so close; that one forbidden word 'Mudblood' ringing through the air, causing an unforgivable break.

"Typical, you would go and get your leg broken right before Christmas, I'll be hearing from your mother for this," he scorned.

Draco dipped his head. "Sorry, Professor," he said softly, not really apologising for his leg at all.

Snape was caught unawares as he stopped glaring and looked at his godson properly for the first time. Draco was acting…differently, less twat-ish, if that were possible, a little more demure. Certainly, he didn't apologise so quietly and so politely. "What's the matter with you, boy?" he snapped.

Draco didn't flinch, he just looked down at his lap, seemingly lost in thought then suddenly he turned up, a strange look in his silvery eyes. "Professor…I…have you ever made a mistake, wanted to…done things you couldn't take back and…argh, I don't know how to say it?"

Snape raised his eyebrows. "What the devil are you talking about, boy?"

But Draco only continued to look at him with that strange unreadable expression that he'd never seen before. "Please, have you ever done something you regretted, have you ever wanted to protect someone so badly, even though your very presence was bad for them, you still want to…"

Something about Draco's question stirred something in Snape, unwanted memories. But knowing Draco could never be inquiring about them, he looked at him cautiously, then he realised when it was the last time he'd seen Draco so demure. Testily, he asked, feeling quite unsure of the situation and very, very cautious. "Is…this about your second year, that…friend we spoke of…"

Draco bowed his head. "I think…I used to think there was no one I could ever say anything to…about this…but now I think…you might be…" and he glanced up. "Professor, I need to tell you…."

He wasn't able to finish, because at that moment, young Theodore Nott entered the room, and that strange, almost familiar glint in the boy's eyes disappeared, locked behind something unreadable. Snape watched the change, a little nonplussed. Over the years, he'd notice the close personal friendship Draco shared with the Nott boy, what was it that Draco couldn't tell him?

"I will return shortly with your potions," he said softly, deciding it was none of his business and turning with a swirl of black robs, not realising Draco's eyes followed him as he left the room.

This took some time, because I suddenly went in a whole new direction, so I needed to rethink some scenes before writing this.

Please review

I had the strangest dream where I was writing my story, where I actually wrote it down word by word and had most of the next few chapters written and in it was Joana, when I woke up I realised I had not written anything, it was all a dream and I couldn't for the life of me, remember any of the things I dream-wrote, except Joana, so that is how Joana came to be. But don't let the frills fool ya,

Review.