Here's the next chapter. I'm sure I'm going to hear lots of crap over it. I'm sorry, I'm having a crappy week. I've written 38 chapters and put my heart and soul into it because I love Nate, and I get bitched at because there's not enough emotion. Maybe it's because deep down; Nate knows who really loves him.

BROKEN DREAMS

09/16/2002 – Last night I didn't sleep well at all. I have spent the better part of the last week wooing the love of my life. Things were going really well. Then the Neanderthal called her. During a five minute call, he managed to invade her thoughts to the point where she actually called me Ian. What an insult. She called it an early night undoubtedly, so she could pine over him. I don't know what to do. I can't ignore the fact that she walked away from me and left me standing in the dark, both literally and figuratively. Usually, I go to the house after the guys have left for work to spend some quality time making breakfast with Wanda, but right now I'm—aggravated. She needs time to think about what she wants and I, well, I'm not going to crawl up her ass. I'll just go to work on time today and give her some space. Maybe I'm smothering her.

It was still early. The guys were surprised to see me at the breakfast table.

"Where's your girlfriend? And don't tell me she's not your girlfriend because Gina told me she saw the two of you making out pretty hot and heavy in the root cellar," Evan declared.

"You know, I don't think Gina tells you these things, so you can blab it all over the mountain."

"What? Another secret affair?" Rob replied. It was meant to be a stab in the back.

"No, not an affair. She's broken things off with Ian."

"So, then why the secrecy?" Rob pressed.

"It's for her sake. She hasn't made any commitment to me."

"Guys!" Burns interrupted. "If your girl broke up with you, would you want it all over the mountain that she started seeing someone else if you were hoping for a reconciliation?"

The guys all got quiet. I was glad that they had shut up, but I wasn't thrilled with Burns's assessment of my relationship. We finished our breakfast and headed off to the bunkhouse. Burns and I were hoping to start work on the bathroom. He and I had installed the Jacuzzi in the house, so we had an idea of what we were doing. We began by putting up the framework. It was a relatively small room, so we cut the lumber to fit first and then began hammering the wood in place. Burns, Evan, and I were hammering the framework in place when I heard my name.

"Nate!" It was Wanda.

I looked up and saw her standing about ten feet away. I had nails in my mouth which didn't make it easy to answer her. "In a minute," I called back, the nails still secure between my lips.

I finished hammering the last two nails and then approached her. I raked my fingers through my hair in an effort to look presentable.

She wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. "I'm sorry for acting like such a jerk last night."

I felt relieved, and my anger dissipated quickly.

"It's okay. You said you wanted to call it a night. You needed some space. I get that."

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" she said, as she leaned back to stare at my face.

"You mean besides steal my heart?"

She kissed me hard in front of Burns and Evan, which only cemented what Gina had told him.

"You missed breakfast," she whispered.

"There's always lunch."

She smiled, and my whole day got brighter. "Lunch is on me," she trilled as she released me. "Bring your friends."

I smiled brightly as I stood there and watched her walk away.

The next two days we were very playful. We even danced one morning while we cooked breakfast. She knew how to dance. It turns out the soul who had preceded her in this body had taken dance classes as a kid and was quite good. She said her father wanted her to pursue dance, but Pet liked hanging with her friends. She admitted that 'Pet' was a rather spoiled child. That night as we sat on the front porch snuggling in the moonlight, I spoke candidly. "I could get used to this."

"Me, too."

"Tomorrow, I want to have dinner with you."

"We have dinner every day together."

"No, I mean like a date—a real date. In the dining room at six?"

"Everyone will be there."

"No, I mean the dining room in the house."

"Your wish is my command," she giggled as she said it.

Wanda and I spent the evening with Kim and Priscilla, and Nadine and Victoria watching Dancing with the Stars which was very popular among the souls.

I had fun trying to mimic the stars. I danced with each of the ladies. Of course, Wanda was the best because she was comfortable in my arms. It was a good night. Wanda let me walk her to her room, but she wouldn't let me kiss her good-bye inside the bedroom. I wasn't sure if it was because she was afraid she might lose control or if she was still worried about breaking her promise to Ian. It bothered me, but I didn't dare show it. It held her in my arms and kissed her. "I'll dream of you."

"You can't control your dreams," she pointed out.

"Sure, I can. I just won't let anyone in the dream. Then it will be only you and me."

She looked worried.

"Is everything all right?"

"I wish I could control my dreams."

"Just think happy thoughts." I kissed her one more time and said good-night.

I was about to leave the house when Gina walked in. It was an awkward moment as my eyes met hers.

"Hi," I said meekly.

"Hi," she said back to me.

I was so in love in Wanda, but I couldn't help but feel a twinge of heartache at losing Gina. I was a bitter pill to swallow. I understood how Wanda must feel about Ian. I felt this guilt when Gina and I were merely lovers. Wanda and Ian had been altar bound.

"Gina, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Um—I have to go to the bathroom," she replied.

"I'll wait for you outside."

She passed me with her eyes on the floor. I hate this! I was originally going to ask her about the song she was singing, but I realized it would be too painful of a subject for her. It was obvious to me that Victoria was once again correct in her assumption. I debated on whether or not to just leave, when I remembered something else. It was a good reason to talk to her. The door opened, and Gina appeared at the top of the steps. It was a cold night, and she was wearing a jacket with a hood.

"Are you headed back to the cave?" I asked as she walked down the steps toward me.

"No, I was going back to the game room."

"You mean the funhouse," I said with a smile.

"The what?" she asked.

I stood squarely in front of her and pulled her hood up over her head. "The funhouse. That's what me and Victoria call it." I let my warm hands linger on her cold face for a moment.

"Oh…" she said as she wrapped her cold hands around mine and pulled them away from her face. "What did you want, Nate? Isn't Wanda enough for you?"

"Gina, I just wanted to thank you."

"For what?"

"For not giving our secret away in the root cellar."

"I might be a bitch, but I'm not a tattletale."

"I don't think you're a bitch."

"Sorry, wrong lover."

"What does that mean? Wait, does Evan call you a bitch?"

"I have to go."

"Gina!"

Gina took off towards the game room. I ran after her and grabbed her by the wrist to stop her. "Is he hurting you?"

"No, sometimes he gets angry, but hey, we all do, right? I'd rather be called names than punched in the face."

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"Absolutely not! You're the reason I'm a bitch. I don't deny it."

I reached for her face. "Angel."

She stepped backward. "Don't."

"What do you want from me Gina?"

"Nothing. I wanted you to scream from the mountaintop that you loved me, and I wanted you to ask me to marry you. But now, I don't want to be your girlfriend. I don't want to be you lover. I just want to live my life with the hand I was dealt. Evan is good to me most of the time. It could be a lot worse." Her voice was as cold as the night air.

"If he hurts you, I want to know."

"He could never hurt me as much as you did. Now go back to Wanda."

I swallowed hard because she said it with such conviction. She turned away and left me standing in my own self-pity.

I returned to the cave and headed for Victoria's room. I didn't think she'd be there, so I wasn't surprised when she wasn't. I returned to my room and was very surprised to see Victoria sitting on my bed reading.

"I was looking for you."

She snapped the book closed. "Well, you found me."

"What are you doing in here?"

"I came to borrow a book. You never said your room was off limits."

"What if I was in here with Wanda?"

"I knocked first. Are we going to argue about the fact that I'm in your room?"

"No. I'm sorry. It's been a rough night."

"Care to share?"

"I'm afraid that Wanda may be having second thoughts."

"Because…"

"Because she spoke to Ian yesterday, and now she's been acting distant."

"I thought she came to apologize to you."

"And who told you that?"

"Are you kidding? You're love life is like the new 'Days of Our Lives' around here."

"That's just great. No wonder Gina acted the way she did."

"Yeah, she's been a bit cranky since Wanda came back."

"She basically wrote me off, and she wasn't very nice about it."

Tori shrugged her shoulders. "She's hurt. What did you expect—balloons and ticker tape?"

"I don't know. Tell me something, have you ever seen Evan lay a hand on her?"

"No. I've seen them fight though. He's quite the charmer."

"What do you mean?"

"He's one of those guys who likes to get in your face to make a point. You know? Like this." Victoria slid off the bed and got in my face and waved her finger at me. "If you weren't such a bitch, then maybe we could spend just one night without you complaining about one thing or another."

"He called her a bitch?"

"I don't know. I don't remember." She shook her head. "Maybe."

"I should talk to him."

"Nate, it's her relationship."

"What if he's hurting her, you know, I mean physically?"

"I didn't see any of that. She just turned her back on him, and he walked away in frustration."

"Would you do me a favor and just keep an eye on her for me? Maybe engage her in conversation and see if anything is going on?"

"I don't think Gina would be the type to allow a guy to beat on her."

If you only knew, baby, if you only knew.

"Anyway, what book did you pick out?"

"I got the book I was looking for, Girl with a Pearl Earring. It was back on the shelf."

"Good. Would you do me a huge favor tomorrow?"

"What?"

"After dinner, would you retrieve the box of Baklava and the bottle of champagne I plan to have Burns get for me and bring it to my room? I want to surprise Wanda tomorrow."

She huffed out a breath. "Sure."

"Thanks, Xena."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm going to bed."

I stretched out my arms and Tori entered into them. I gave her a nice heartfelt hug.

I went to sleep feeling conflicted. I loved Wanda, but I wasn't so sure she loved me. Gina loved me, but I wasn't so sure I loved her. I mean. I love her, but am I "in" love with her? Is it possible to love two women at the same time? Fuck, I don't know. I drifted off to sleep.

I woke at my usual hour. I dressed quickly and headed for the house. I did my morning routine in the bathroom, and as I entered into the living room, I ran into Burns leaving Wanda's room in his boxers.

"What the hell? Are you sleeping with her?"

"Not in the sense you mean. She had another nightmare last night."

I sighed deeply. "Maybe I should start sleeping on the couch."

It's not the worst idea you've ever had," Burns replied.

"I'm going in there."

"Just be careful. Don't do anything to upset her."

"I won't."

I entered the bedroom quietly, and Wanda was curled up on her side asleep. Her hair looked golden in the sunlight. Her lips were pouty. She was beyond beautiful. She was—angelic. I sat on the bed next to her and stroked her hair. I wanted to climb in with her.

She stirred and then opened her eyes. "Nate what are you doing here?"

"My best friend is running around in his boxers again. Still having bad dreams?"

"Not as often."

I wanted to hold her, but I remembered her promise to Ian. I thought it best not to cross any lines. "You get dressed. I'll make the coffee."

She entered the kitchen a few minutes later dressed in jeans and a sweater. It was a chilly morning.

"There's my girl." I crossed the kitchen and kissed her gently. She still seemed tired.

"Nate, are you going to work today?"

"That was the plan. I thought we'd eat dinner after the others had eaten, that way we can be alone. Why?"

"Because Burns told me he needed to go to town today, and I want to go with him."

"Do I need to worry about you and Burns?"

She giggled. "No, he's like my brother. I think it's cute that you're jealous."

I wrapped my arms around her waist, and she placed her hands on my chest.

"I want to go see Fluttering. I haven't seen her in a while, and I need a haircut. I figure if I tell her that I just stopped in to see her because I'm leaving soon that she won't make a trip up here."

"That's sounds like a good plan."

She pressed her lips to mine gently. Once, twice, three times. "I'm hungry."

I went to work preparing breakfast while she washed up the dishes left in the sink by the others who had eaten breakfast.

After breakfast, she shooed me out of the house saying she'd clean up. Another kiss, and I was off to the worksite.

At the end of the day, I showered and dressed up in charcoal grey dress pants and a slate blue, dress shirt unbuttoned at the collar. I headed for the kitchen to start dinner. I hadn't seen Wanda since this morning, but I knew she and Burns were back.

When she entered the kitchen, my eyes widened. "You look beyond beautiful. Stunning," I said with enthusiasm.

"Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself."

I rolled up my sleeves and got to work. I prepared steaks complete with side orders of onions and mushrooms along with baked potatoes and asparagus. Wanda wanted to help, but I insisted that she just keep looking beautiful. Dinner turned out perfect. She ate every bit of it. After dinner, I suggested we take a walk to help digest dinner.

"I have dessert planned as well. I have it in my room if you don't mind."

"No, that sounds wonderful."

Luckily, Victoria was still on my side, and she had taken the baklava and the champagne that I had Burns buy when he was in town to my room. When we entered, Victoria had the baklava set on a try on the bed, and the champagne was chilling in a bucket of ice. It wasn't a silver bucket, but it served its purpose.

"Now I know you are only eighteen but..."

"Seventeen," she said calmly.

My head snapped around. "What?"

"I don't want to enter into anything under false pretenses. I'm seventeen. There's only one other person who knows that."

I was blindsided. Wanda was still technically a kid. "Well, now that changes things. That makes me a pedophile." I felt like the wind had been knocked out of my sails.

"You want to wait till I turn eighteen?"

"When will that be?"

"March," she said as a matter of fact. I stopped and deliberately counted the months on my fingers. September, October, November, December…shit! I can't wait that long! Hell, Ian's already taken her virginity. She's not a child. She's thousands of years old, right?

"Ahhh, I don't think I can wait that long." I handed her a flute of champagne. "Seventeen? Really?"

"Really."

"I'm going to hate myself in the morning."

After we ate dessert and drank our champagne, I took off her shoes. She scooted back on the bed. She still reminded me of a porcelain doll.

"You really are beautiful." I knelt onto the bed and leaned in to kiss her. I slowly pushed her back as I kissed her. I unbuttoned my shirt with a skillful hand. "I've waited a long time for this," I whispered as she ran her hands over my chest. Her touch sent heat through my body straight to my dick. It pressed hard against my pants. I was dying to free him. My lips went to her neck. She smelled so good. She was unlike any other woman I had been with. I couldn't be sure if it was because I had waited so long, or if it was her youthfulness, or if it was the fact that she was technically an alien. Maybe it was a combination of all three. I only knew there was nothing to stop me now. I was home free, and I was loving every second of it. I brushed my lips against her collarbone. She seemed receptive to my every move. I pulled her babydoll dress over her head and discovered that this was actually a two piece outfit. The tiers gave it the allusion of being a dress. I tossed the shirt over the side of the bed and undid her bra. All the while, she kissed my chest. "I want you so bad." I pushed her back onto the bed and continued my sensual attack on her body. I placed my lips over her breasts which were perfectly proportioned for her slender body. I licked her erect nipples and caressed her upper body. I let my hand slide from her breast to between her legs. I felt the satin smoothness of her panties.

"No," she whispered.

"It's okay. I won't hurt you," I whispered. I went back to kissing her soft neck, but I continued to caress her pussy over her panties.

"Nate, stop."

I was too invested in this to stop now. "Come on, Wanda. You know you want this." I pressed my lips to hers. She didn't reciprocate.

"Get off me!" she screamed. She pushed me hard, and I rolled off of her. She stopped me. Why? I knew why. Her love for Ian and her guilt had stopped her from enjoying my touch. I lay on my back and used both hands to pull my hair back off of my face.

"I thought you were ready for this!" I lamented.

"I thought so, too. I can't. I can't do it."

"It's him, isn't it? I knew that ring meant just a little too much to you. I should have trusted my instincts." I was the pawn just as I had suspected right from the beginning.

She started to cry. "I'm sorry."

I blew out a deep sigh. "I'm sorry, too. I would have given you everything. You would have been my queen."

"Nate, I love you."

"Was there even a moment that you didn't think of him since you came?"

"Yes. I love kissing you. I didn't think of him then."

"You just couldn't give his body to me." I was devastated. I had been waiting, hoping Ian would do something wrong, and he did. He did the worst thing a person could do, even worse than cheating, and she still wanted him.

"Do you hate me?"

I couldn't hate her. "I'm glad for the opportunity to try. At least this time it wasn't over after one kiss."

She got up and put on her bra and shirt. I remained on my back on the bed with my hand draped over my forehead.

"I can't help but wonder if I had waited another week if things might have been different."

"The dreams wouldn't have stopped," she replied.

"You were still having nightmares?" I was unaware of this. I knew about the two nights that Burns stayed with her, but I had no idea they were a nightly occurrence.

"Yes, every one of them was a variation on my walking down the aisle to Ian, and me betraying him to be with you. I woke up screaming each time. Burns said I couldn't stop my conscience as long as I loved Ian, and he was right."

Just put me out of my misery. "So, I suppose you'll go back to him, and the wedding will go off as scheduled."

"I'll go back to him, but I don't think the wedding will go off as scheduled. Just because I love him doesn't mean I still don't fear him, and I can't marry him if I'm afraid of him. And who's to say I won't still have nightmares when I go back?"

I sat up and reached for her hand. "I'll always love you."

"I know, and I'll always love you, and I'll miss your kisses."

I pulled her into my arms. "One more for old times sake?"

I pressed my lips to hers and kissed her passionately. She kissed me back with enough passion to get me going all over again. As I pulled away, I sighed heavily. "Maybe I should piss off Ian and let him kill me."

"You'll do no such thing, you hear me?"

"Your wish is still my command." I got on my knees and put her shoes on her feet. I grabbed her hand and walked her back to the house. I felt like I was walking to my death. My heart was broken into a million pieces.

I stopped at the steps. I could go no further. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She hugged me quickly, and I saw tears in her eyes as she turned away and walked up the steps. I had managed to hold in my own tears, but as I walked back to the cave, my body betrayed me, and my tears came full force.

I was in a flat out run when I passed Victoria on her way from the cave.

"Nate?" she called out.

I didn't stop. I ran past her and continued to my room. She was behind me calling my name.

"Nate!"

I got to my room and slammed the door behind me. I picked up the ice bucket with the champagne and threw it against the wall. I was angry and hurt. When the bottle shattered into pieces, Victoria pushed the door open and barged in.

"Get out!" I screamed.

"Nate, I'm sorry."

"She doesn't want me. She wants him, a fucking violent murderer! I'm just a two bit loser who thinks I'm special because I am the so called leader of a bunch of rag tag renegades!"

Victoria came to me and took my hands in hers. "You're not a loser."

I pulled my hands away from her. "Leave me alone."

"I'm here for you, Nate."

"Why? Why are you here for me? I dumped you just like I dumped Gina."

"Nate, you didn't dump me. We are friends." She pulled me into her arms, and I began to sob.

"It's not fair," I cried.

"I know."

She half pulled, half dragged me to the bed and lay with me. She held me while I cried. At some point, I fell asleep in her arms.