It happened on Wednesday. The skies were grey, the clouds were dark waiting to release the awaiting liquids. The morning was nothing different from it's typical self. I'd meet Troy at school, we'd go to homeroom, we spent our free time talking to Sharpay, Chad, and Taylor. We formed a strong, close knit group of friends. Taylor and Chad were still buzzing, they were still in the honeymoon stage of their new two week relationship. We were all happy for them.
We only had a few weeks until graduation. The freshman were glad they weren't going to be freshman anymore. The sophomores were ready to be upperclassmen as the Juniors were ready to become seniors and us seniors couldn't wait to get to college. But deep down we all knew we'd miss high school when we would leave it.
When things change there is an awkward period where you aren't sure if you like the change or not. Sometimes you don't have that option of liking what happens to you. You just have to live with it. You have to suck it up and it's hard as hell sometimes but life goes on. For some people.
"Hello?" Troy answered his phone as we made our way towards the rooftop. He stopped in his tracks, his grip on my hand got tighter, his face paled. "What do you mean she-" Somebody cut him off on the other line. "But they said she-" I could see the tears piling up in his eyelids.
I knew what happened. He didn't have to say it, I knew. "Troy." I said softly.
"I'm leaving now." Troy said firmly. "No Dad, fuck the office. I'm leaving now." He said with a swift click of the 'end' button. He swallowed before he turned to me. "I have to go."
"Troy-"
"Stay here. I'll call you when I get home." He said firmly, his eyes were dark.
"But Tr-"
His eyes shut. "Gabi, please, just…" He trailed off.
I wrapped my arms around him. "I'll tell the office." I said quietly.
"Thank you." His voice was muffled into my shirt. He gave me fast kiss and avoided my eyes. "I love you. I'll call you later."
"I love you too." I said quietly. He didn't hear me. He was halfway down the hall. I watched him push through the doors. I watched him until I couldn't see him anymore. I ran up the stairs to our spot on the roof. I dropped my bag, taking a seat on the bench and started bawling.
It wasn't your typical crying. It was pain-in-your-chest-throat-on-fire-head-exploding-b ody-shaking-uncontrollable-bawling. It hurt and it hurt every part of your body. It hurt worse knowing there was nothing you could truly do about it. It happens to everybody. One day it was going to happen to me. My family was going to hurt like this one way. And that just hurt even more.
We all knew it was coming and that didn't make it any easier. She was still a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend. I squeezed my eyes shut and I still see her the first day I met her. Her luscious auburn hair was healthy and straight. Her eyes were a bright green with sparkle placed there by her boys she loved more than anything. She was beautiful and kind. Everything I want to be one day. Her picture fades into one of her yesterday. The blue scarf I bought her wrapped around her bald head. Her eyes a duller green. Her smile was genuine even though the pain behind it was insufferable.
The pain was gone now. Sort of transferred to us, her loved ones who would have to go on without her. I would gladly take her pain. Nobody deserves to go though something like that. A little misshapen, contagious cell that spreads its unhappiness to the point of therapy that just kills everything in it's path. It was so morbid, just the thought of it. She had the lump removed a couple months ago. We found out it spread after her first collapse. The tiny killer, taking another life.
I did as I was told. I told the office after I calmed down on the roof. I tried to hide the puffiness around my eyes with makeup. It didn't really make a difference. Mr. Matsui was heartbroken. "Everybody loves the Bolton family. Everybody will be devastated at the loss." He told me as if I didn't already know that.
I finished my day and headed home. Troy needed some space, he needed to say goodbye and I was going to respect that. I sat in my car for a few minutes. I wondered if my mom already heard the news or if I had to break it to her. I let out a sigh and shut the door after I grabbed my things. I made my way to the front door, opening and closing it quietly.
"Mom, I'm home." I called out before heading towards the stairs. I ran up the stairs and my mom came out of her room. "Hey."
"Hey Gab, how was school?" She asked, walking with me to my room.
I set my things down. "Not good." I said quietly.
"How come?" She asked, standing in the doorway. I let out a shaky breath. I looked at her, long and hard. I didn't want to say it. I didn't want those words to come out of my mouth. "Oh my god." She said, her hands flying up to her mouth. She finally realized what happened.
"Troy got the call at lunch." I said quietly, biting my bottom lip.
"I'm so sorry baby." She threw her arms around me. That is all we could say, I could imagine that's all anyone could say. I heard her sniffle before she pulled away and wiped her face. I couldn't look at her I just would start crying again. "How's Troy taking it?"
"He left at lunch." I sat on my bed, crossing my legs under me. "I hadn't heard from him since. He said he'd call me later though."
"Poor guy." She said, sighing.
"Well, I'm going to do my homework." I said, getting back up to grab my backpack. I set it on my desk, sitting down.
"Alright." She said quietly. She lingered in my room for a moment before she walked out, closing the door behind her.
I picked up my math book. I opened it. I finished all my homework already. I didn't feel like talking to her about what happened. I was dying to know if Troy was okay. I just wanted him to call me but in the back of my mind I knew he wouldn't. Not today at least. He had a lot of shit to deal with and I know he needed time, like I said before. I closed my math book and crawled into bed. I just didn't feel like doing anything. Nothing. At all.
I never had someone close to me die. My dad left but that was different. He was gone but I know he wasn't gone forever. He was in Phoenix, alive and well. He wasn't there but that was because I didn't want him to be in my life. I was mad and I was hurt. But I would have cared if he died. I didn't realize that until just recently. Aaron's birthday. He was still my dad, even though he left and even though he hurt me and my mom, I will always love him. Just like I would always love Lucy.
I wish this hadn't happened to her. I wish she would have got to go backpacking through Europe. I wish she had traveled the world. I wish she had done everything she wanted to do. I wish she could live to see Troy graduate, graduate college, play college Basketball, travel the world, get married. I wish most of all that she would have become Gigi, like she wanted. She would have been the best grandmother in the world. I knew any kids Troy had, they would be beautiful and Lucy would have loved them.
Before I knew it I felt myself falling asleep. I usually didn't take naps unless I really needed them. I guess it was inevitable today. When I wake up, I never remember my dreams. The last dream I remembered was when I was about five or six and I was at my dads house. I had a dream that my mom left me at my dads house and never came back. I really didn't mind my dad when I was that young. He always won me over with ice cream and trips to the park. But I remember waking up and I was freaked out, like devastated. He didn't come and see what was wrong. He slept through it and it took me a good two hours to self-soothe and go back to sleep.
"Gabi, dinner's ready." Mom said softly.
I felt her weight on the side of the bed. She was softly stroking my hair. I opened my eyes to look at her. Her eyes were a little puffy but I'm sure they were nothing compared to mine. "What are we having?"
"Pasta." She said quietly. "Do you want to come eat?"
I licked my dry lips. "Yeah, I'll be down in a minute."
"Alright." She kissed the side of my head before walking out the room.
I stretched and got up. I walked down stairs slowly, my head adjusting to being vertical. I rubbed my forehead and sat at the table. I realized I was starving. I skipped lunch and my usual after school snack. I took a seat at the table across from Cameron and my mom. I put a scoop of pasta in the bowl in front of me.
"Hey Gabi, how was school?" Cam asked me.
"Long." I said sighing. "How was school for you?"
"Long." He said, smiling. "I got a stack of Essays to grade."
"Rough drafts?" I asked, taking a bite.
"Mhm." He hummed nodding. "Research papers."
I winced. "Not my favorite type of Essay."
"Mine either. Do you want to help me?" He asked, smirking. "I have 154 of them to grade."
"Okay." I said. "Only if you look at my final paper."
"Deal." He said, eating his pasta.
The rest of the dinner was uneventful. I printed out a copy of my final paper for him to mark up while I started on his kids papers. I sat on the floor reading through them. I marked the grammatical errors in red pen and I gave them suggestions in blue. I wrote positive feedback in black on the back of the paper. I got through about one class of them when Cameron was done with mine. It was an eight page paper and he went through it pretty thoroughly.
"Damn, done with one class already?" He asked, sitting next to me.
"Yep. What is this? First period? They're all pretty good. You must be a good teacher." I said, handing them the stack. I started on the next class. It took me a good hour and a half to finish all of the papers. I sighed and handed him the last pile.
"Shit Gabi." He said sighing. "I just need to give them a number, I don't even need to add anything else."
I laughed. "Peer editing will do wonders."
"Thank you Gabi." He said, looking up from his papers.
"No problem." I gave him a small smile. I looked at the time. "I'm going to head up to bed. Thank you for this." I said, holding up my paper. "I'll look through it tomorrow."
"You're welcome." He said with a small grin.
I headed up toward my room. God it's been a long day and I took a nap. I covered my mouth, yawning. I turned on my light and set my paper on my desk. I looked at my phone that was setting on my bed. I just had a text from Sharpay, that was about it. I replied to her and plugged it in. I went into the bathroom to wash my face. I brushed my hair and my teeth and I sighed.
I walked back in my room and saw Troy leaning against my balcony doors. I jumped, squeaking a little bit. I held my hand over my heart to steady my heart beat. "Troy." I said quietly. "Hey."
"Sorry." He said, monotone.
"It's alright." I said quietly. "Do you want to take a shower, or lay down?" I offered, still standing in front of the door to my bathroom.
He cleared his throat. "I think I'm going to shower." He said, avoiding my eyes.
"I'll get you a towel." I said, walking out of the room. I grabbed a clean towel from the hall closet. I went back into my room and closed the door behind me. Troy had gone into the bathroom and the shower turned on. I opened the door and put the towel on the rack. I watched him look at himself in the mirror.
His eyes were dull. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, puffy from crying. His palms were pressed against the counter. He dropped his head, relaxing his neck. I rubbed his back slowly, pressing my lips to his back gently. He tensed up a bit but relaxed. I laid my head against his side. I loved him so much and it hurt so much to see him like this. I wish I could tell him how much I loved him and that would make it all better because it won't.
"I'm going to get in the shower." He said, quietly.
"Okay." I gave him another kiss on his back and walked out of the room, closing the door behind me.
I slid in bed, covering myself with the blankets. I watched the door for him to come out. I heard the shower turn off. He walked out of the room in a towel. I watched him walk across the room. He pulled out a pair of boxers. I watched him dry himself off and pull his boxers. He rubbed the towel on his head before putting it in the hamper. He made eye contact with me, crawling in the bed with me.
Troy laid with his back to me. He let out a deep breath. I wrapped my arms around him from behind, squeezing him as tight as I could. His skin was still warm from the shower. He was a little red so I only imagined how hot the shower was. I laid my head against his back. "I love you." I said quietly, rubbing his abs slowly.
"I love you too." He said quietly. He rolled over to face me.
"Are you okay?" I asked him.
He took a deep breath. "They said she passed at 11:26 in the afternoon. Dad was at the hospital but he stepped out of the room to call work because she was sleeping. When he came back she was…" He trailed off. "They tried to get her to come back for a half hour. That's when dad called me. I went to the hospital and I saw her." His eyes started watering up again. "She was so… cold. And god." He looked away, wiping his eyes.
"Troy." I said softly, running my fingers along his hair slowly. "It's okay to let it out."
He looked at me and his lip quivered. He laid his face in the pillow. I could hear him sobbing. I lifted his head up, pulling him closer to me. He buried his face in my neck. I rubbed his back slowly, tearing up myself. "I just…." He sobbed again. The tears trickled down my cheeks. "Can't believe she's… gone."
I laid my head on his shoulder, hugging him tighter. His tears soaked through my shirt. We laid there awake, sticky from the tears for what seemed like hours. Neither of us were sleeping. We were just wrapped up in each other, not talking. He started stroking the small of my back, sending shivers up my spine. He hugged me closer, sighing against my neck.
"I'm sorry baby." I finally croaked out. "I'm so sorry."
"Me too." He whispered.
Troy was gone when I woke up. His previous clothes were in my hamper. I turned off my alarm clock. My head was pounding from the crying and the lack of sleep. All I wanted to do was roll over and go back to bed but I couldn't. I got up and got dressed. I was glad my hair wasn't long, it would have been a mess. I grabbed my backpack and my paper and I walked down stairs.
"Troy left a little while ago." Mom said.
I nodded my head. "He had a rough night, I don't think he slept at all."
"Probably not." She said, sliding a plate in front of me. "How are you?"
"Tired." I said quietly, starting to eat.
"You don't have to go." She said, watching me.
"I have to, I don't necessarily want to." I said, picking up my fork. "I think I'm going to leave early though."
She nodded. "Okay. Finish your breakfast and go to school."
"What are you going to do?" I asked her.
"I'm going to help out, anyway that I can."
"That's nice of you, make them cookies. They like our cookies." I said. I finished my breakfast. "I'll see you after school."
"Bye baby."
"Bye ma." I said, picking up my stuff, taking it to my car.
I looked at my phone. "You going to school?" Troy texted me.
"Yeah, I have a test but I'm leaving at lunch" I replied to him.
"Text me when you leave." He replied back.
I sent him a sort reply confirming it. I drove to school and parked in my spot. I walked to my locker and took out all my homework and turned it in to my teachers. I walked to homeroom and sat in my seat. The seat behind me was empty. I knew this day was going by slowly. I barely paid attention as Ms. Darbus spoke. Normally she would be super strict but since it was the end of the year she was loosening up. She knew about Troy too. I didn't even know she gave us free time until Sharpay called my name. She waved me over.
I got up, gathering my stuff and walking over to them. "Hey girl. Where's Troy?" She asked.
Chad looked solemn as well. Taylor looked interested to know what happened as well. Chad and I exchanged a look. "His mom passed away yesterday." Chad said quietly, his eyes diverting to the ground.
Sharpay gasped quietly. Taylor frowned. "He's taking it hard." I added.
"Poor Troy!" Sharpay said, frowning.
"Is there anything we can do?" Taylor asked.
I licked my lips. "All you can do is be patient with him. He's never going to be the same Troy he was." I said quietly. "Show him some love."
"Of course." Taylor said, nodding. "I can get the PTA to do something for her."
"You'll probably have to talk to Mr. Bolton for that." I said, looking down at my fingers. "I know Troy doesn't want all this attention on him."
"Yeah, Troy wouldn't like to be put on the spot with 'I'm sorry' and those looks." Chad said, looking up at us.
"What looks?" Sharpay asked.
"That look." He said, pointing to her face.
She was frowning her brow wrinkling slightly. She realized her face and relaxed her face. "Oh." She sighed. "Shut up."
I smiled a little bit. Her bantering always made me feel a little better. Class was over and I went to my next class. As expected the day went by slowly. I left at lunch and texted Troy like he asked. He asked me to come over to his house. I parked my car, said hi to mom and headed over to Troy's. I walked in his house and smelled food. I walked into the kitchen and Jack was talking to a woman.
"Hey Jack." I said.
"Hey Gabi." He said. "Troy's upstairs."
I nodded and headed up the stairs. I got a peak of the paper the woman was working on. Funeral arrangements. I went into Troy's room and he was laying on his bed throwing his basketball in the air. "Hey." I said, closing the door behind me.
"Hey Gab." He said, catching the basketball and sitting up. "Apparently the neighbors think it's thanksgiving. They roasted a whole turkey for us. Your mom brought over cookies but we ate those already." I smiled a little bit. "She'll have to make more."
I sat next to him on the bed and he rested against me. I kissed his forehead. "I'll make some more." I said. "Who was that lady?"
"Funeral director. They're picking out her headstone, what it's gonna say, her plot… etcetera." He said, looking up at me. "I helped a little bit but I don't want to anymore."
"That's understandable." I said, looking at him. "Tay wants to do a PTA thing for her. I told her she'd have to ask Jack."
"What would she do? Dedicate a bench?" He asked, sarcastically.
"Yeah, probably." I said, lacing my fingers in between his.
"Dear god, let her. I don't care." He said, closing his eyes.
I leaned down and kissed his lips gently. "You do, and that's okay." I said softly. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do." He just nodded his head, with his eyes closed.
I know, very solemn. I'm sorry. It was comming. This his been one of my more philosphical chapters. Let me know what you think. The lack of reviews is a little dissapointing because I worked so hard on this story. But i know the regular readers appreciate it and the new ones. Thank you guys. Another chapter is comming up later. Don't forget to review.