Chapter 37

There's no good in goodbyes

Steve and Sam walked into the lounge. Their talking woke up the dozing pair. "Well, I see that all is right again with the two of you. I'm sorry if we woke you up." Steve apologized.

Zara yawned and stretched; her stiff joints made cracking sounds. Sam cringed at the loud pop of her neck. "I hate when you do that! Doesn't that hurt?"

She smiled and shrugged. "It sounds worse than it is, but yeah, sometimes it does."

Bucky looked almost embarrassed, like he'd been caught doing something wrong, and avoided Steve's eyes. Steve frowned at his friends' odd behavior, but said nothing. He wouldn't call out Bucky like that, and he'd seen them dozing; what could possibly be the problem?

"How'd the meeting go?" Bucky finally asked.

"Well, thanks to King T'Challa, better than expected. There will still be some concessions, but at least no one is going to jail."

"JAIL? Who's not going to jail?" Zara exclaimed.

Steve sat down with a sigh. "Tonight will be the last night Scott and Clint will be with us. The king negotiated a settlement with the U.S. government on their behalf. They both have families, and it's been a difficult road to navigate for those left behind. I got them into this mess, and T'Challa helped me to get them out of it. They can go home and see their children now."

While this news sank into Zara's head, Bucky asked "the" question with his eyes. Steve responded in kind. It wasn't going to be the best of circumstances, but they wouldn't serve any jail time.

"What's going to happen to them, Steve?" Zara continued.

"Well, they will serve house arrest with ankle monitors. Clint can do the renovations on his home his wife has asked for, and be with his kids on their farm. Scott will have supervised visits with his ex and daughter. No jail for breaking the rules of the Accords, or helping me."

"So, they are leaving in the morning?"

Steve nodded.

"Can we have some special dessert for them before they leave…as a goodbye?"

"I'll see about it."

"I like Clint, but I never really got to be friends as much with Scott."

"That's okay; sometimes we can't be friends with everyone. But I'm sure he'll never forget you."

"Why do you say that?"

"I say that because you're unforgettable." Steve reached out and tapped her playfully on her nose. She smiled and blushed.

Bucky leaned forward and put his arm around her. With a wink, he admonished Steve. "Hey, pal, go find your own girl; this one's taken."

Steve held up his hands in mock surrender. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to make a pass. I'm still her guardian, you know."

"Yeah, well, she already has my name, the poor thing. You got Sharon. Is she going to be able to visit with you any time soon?"

"I don't know; there's a lot of bureaucracy to wade through."

"What's that?" Zara wanted to know.

"Bureaucracy is a fancy way of saying that there's going to be a lot of trouble to get her here. She risked herself for me too."

"Is she going to go to jail?"

"That's a good question. I just wish I knew the answer, but I don't know what's going to happen."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"Is there anything I can do, Steve?"

"Not at the moment, but thanks for offering."

Steve excused himself to go and ask the kitchen about a cake. Sam sat down and picked up a magazine. There was a strained silence. Sam hadn't quite yet forgiven Bucky for trying to kill him three times, but for Steve's sake, he tolerated him. He understood in his head about the brain-washing, but some part of his heart was still wary.

Zara had zero reservations about Bucky's past. In her world, everybody had either died or had to kill someone to survive. It was just a part of life. She understood that. She grieved for those lost and forgave those that lived, like Ronon, like Bucky.

She smiled at Bucky, and then shyly looked away. Her hope shone in her eyes for a brief moment before she reined it in. Bucky didn't love her, and she couldn't help letting her hope show that maybe someday he might. Bucky saw the brief flash in her eyes, but said nothing. He understood that he was something she needed. There was no harm in letting her do as she pleased. Maybe she was something he needed too.

"Why don't we get ready for supper?" He suggested. "I know it's a little early, but you might want to freshen up, I know I do."

"Okay."

He walked her to her room before disappearing into his.

Dinner seemed to go by way too quick, and bedtime came even quicker.

Bucky tucked her in again, kissed her on her forehead, and walked back to his room.

That night he dreamt of her and woke up with a start. It hadn't been an unpleasant dream, but it left him feeling uneasy. He drifted back off to sleep still thinking about it.

In the morning, they gathered one last time for breakfast.

The king even joined them.

Zara was unusually quiet, Steve noticed. Whether it was because Shuri and T'Challa were there, the knowledge that Clint and Scott were leaving, or something else, Steve didn't know for sure. Maybe it was a combination of everything.

Zara hugged them both goodbye, and slipped something to each of them with whispered instructions.

She had very sad eyes. "Why is "good" part of goodbye? It doesn't feel very good." She told Clint.

"I know." He kissed her on top of her head. "You take really good care of Bucky, okay? And do your best on your school work, promise?"

"I promise."

"And don't give Steve too much of a tough time." He winked at her.

"Okay." She gave him a half-hearted smile.

And just like that…they were gone.

A couple of weeks later Wanda made an exit overnight. Zara didn't think much about it at the time. An overnight trip wasn't unusual….at first.

Zara began to notice little things; Steve working out more in the gym, for example. He'd give her an assignment, and check it when he got back. He'd take Sam or Bucky with him for sparring.

Shuri went back to her lab to work on whatever it is that she worked on.

The king made infrequent appearances, but often called them for meetings.

Zara found herself alone during much of the day time hours, but at night, she had her Bucky.

He kept her company and spent time watching movies with her. He and Steve introduced her to Abbott and Costello, and Lewis and Martin movies. They watched the Wizard of Oz. She liked some of the old movies they watched. She liked the sci-fi movies of the 1950's and 60's, especially cult classics like Godzilla and other "monster" movies. She thought they were funny. Steve just smiled and shook his head. He never once complained, even when she would put on the same DVD's on the weekends. They had a limited supply to choose from after all.

She enjoyed the quiet evenings with Bucky too. He didn't complain when she hugged him, or needed a snuggle. He just let her do as she pleased. If it made her happy and kept her smiling, who was he to take that away from her?

Wanda continued to disappear for a night, or two, or three. Sam began taking overnight trips to the palace. He talked about one of the Dora women, the kings' guards, in particular. He liked her, and was hoping she liked him back.

Then a funny thing happened.

Zara got a request to come to the palace for the weekend. Adama wanted to see her. Steve and Bucky saw her off at the landing area, and waved goodbye.

When she arrived, Adama was there to greet her. She gave him a hug, and they walked around the palace. "If there's time, we can go to the marketplace. In the meantime, I want you to meet someone."

He walked Zara to a lounge area. In the lounge sat an older woman. She was Wakandan, and sported traditional Wakandan dress. She stood up as they entered.

"Zara, I would like you to meet Eshe."

Zara smiled politely, uncertain of who the woman was.

"I am most pleased to meet you. Adama has spoken very highly of you."

"Hi." Zara shyly said.

Eshe was pretty. She had some wrinkles, and her hair was mostly grey. She had a sincere smile, and seemed to be nice. Zara looked at Adama expectantly.

"Do you know why I asked you to come here?" He asked Zara.

Zara shook her head no. Adama smiled her in a strange way. He looked up at Eshe and smiled again.

Suddenly, Zara felt a cold, hard lump in her throat, and she "knew".

"Zara, I've been seeing Eshe for some time now. Her children are grown and her husband has died. My children are scattered across the planet. Neither of us have much in the way of family…"

"You're going to get sealed." Zara cut him off. In the Colonies, getting sealed meant getting married. Zara took a breath. She knew this day would come. She had helped Adama to heal and now he was ready to take a new wife.

"Well, yes." He admitted simply. "I wanted you to meet her and ask for your blessing."

Zara kind of stared at him blankly for a moment. "You don't need my permission, you're the commander."

"A blessing isn't permission as such, it's more like approval."

"Oh." Zara thought about things in this new light. "Does she make you happy?"

"Yes, she does."

"Then that is all that matters." She stated.

Adama smiled. "I'm really glad you feel that way. We are all going to get to know each other a little bit over the weekend, if that's all right with you."

Zara nodded.

"She likes the marketplace."

"I didn't bring any money."

"I've got some, it's fine. If there's something you want, you let me know, okay?"

"Okay."

All three decided to go to the marketplace. Zara felt a little uncomfortable as Eshe was a total stranger, but she saw the gentle way Adama smiled at her and she felt a little better. Who am I to stand in the way of his happiness?

They had lunch at a street-side restaurant; a small place that had outside seating. They had to wait a bit for a table, but it was such a nice day and the canopy overhead shielded them from the sun. It also gave them a great view of the market.

"So, Adama tells me you like working at crafts. Have you ever thought of setting up a table here in the marketplace?"

"I don't have enough made yet."

"Do you know how to sew? I make my own clothes."

Zara shrugged. "I've made some things, but I don't do much more than fixing clothes now."

"Would you like to join me at our sewing class?"

"No, I don't really sew anymore."

"You may bring your crafts. There's no need to sew. We do as much talking as we do sewing, and we have refreshments. We love to tell stories and just enjoy our time together."

Not wanting to be rude, but not wanting to offend her, Zara shifted the conversation away. "Can I think about it?"

"Of course! Take your time."

"I think I might need to buy more supplies anyway."

"After we eat, I'll pay for whatever you think you need, okay?" Adama informed her.

Zara nodded, and was saved from further discomfiture by the waiter coming to take their orders. Once they had ordered Zara fell quiet and listened to the conversations around her. She looked at the colorful clothes some of the Wakandans wore. If there was any rhyme or reason Zara couldn't figure it out.

Their food came and attentions were focused on their meal.

Afterwards, Zara led them through the market maze and picked up some of the supplies she needed. "I can pay you back."

"Absolutely not; I'm happy you've found something to interest yourself with."

They wandered around some more until they tired, and caught a car back to the palace. Eshe wanted to see Zara's craft work, so Zara brought out her box of stuff to the lounge. Adama put on a movie and Zara stitched while they all enjoyed some down time.

Steve introduced Bucky to the Star Wars films. He made a big bowl of popcorn to share, and set out cokes. Bucky peppered Steve with questions about the film until Steve threw some popcorn at him. "Just watch the movie, will ya? You're getting as inquisitive as Zara."

At the mention of Zara's name Bucky felt a sense of longing. He missed her, and his face fell.

"What's the matter? Are you okay, Bucky?"

"Yeah, yeah, I just…" He gathered his thoughts. "I miss Zara being here."

Steve looked at him wide-eyed. "You miss her?"

"Yeah, I kinda do. She's always here, you know."

"And you were the one trying to discourage her all this time, and now you're missing her?"

"I wanted to keep her safe. I wasn't stable, you know that. I couldn't trust my own mind. I didn't want to have a flashback and accidentally kill her."

"I think now that you are stable, she's been a good influence on you."

"Are you still trying to bring back the Bucky you knew? Good luck with that."

"Hey! I have my memories of the old days, but I'm very happy having the you that's here now. In time, you'll grow and become yet another Bucky. Don't forget that I'm not the same Steve you remember either."

"Honestly, I don't remember all that much of the old days, just bits and pieces."

"You've got to give it time; something might remind you of an old memory."

Not wanting to disappoint Steve any more than he had to, he redirected their attention to the movie. He didn't want to keep talking about things like the old days, and he wanted to get his mind off Zara. He was missing her far more than he let on; far more than he was comfortable with.

The weekend flew by quickly, and Zara was flown back to her "home". Steve and Bucky met her at the landing zone.

"Hey, kiddo! We missed you." Steve held out his arms, and Zara gave him a hug. "How was your weekend?"

"It was okay." She left Steve for Bucky.

He bent low and scooped her up in a huge embrace. He lifted her completely off the ground. "I missed you." He whispered in her ear. "But don't tell Steve I said that."

"I heard that you know." Steve told him. "Super soldier serum gives me good hearing."

Bucky laughed. "That's why I said it." He put Zara down. "You don't look happy, what's wrong?"

"Can we go inside?" Zara asked instead of answering.

"Sure." Steve took her bag and they went inside where Zara explained everything.

Steve had his serious face on when she was done. "So, is this upsetting you?"

Zara fidgeted in her seat, clearly struggling with this development. "I…I don't think upset is the word I would use. I knew this was coming." She fidgeted some more. "I just have to get used to the idea of it, that's all. You'd be surprised what you can get used to."

Upon hearing those words, Bucky closed his eyes. A distant memory clouded his mind. He remembered how much pain HYDRA put him through until he got used to it; how much killing he did until he got used to it. He briefly wondered how much pain Zara had gone through until she got used to it.

"Buck?"

Bucky's head snapped up.

"You okay, pal?"

"Yeah." Bucky gave a half smile. "I was just thinking we should do something nice for them."

Zara leaned over and gave him a hug, but she hadn't seen the expression that had crossed his face; Steve did though.

Steve cleared his throat. "That's a great idea, Bucky. What did you have in mind?"

"Um, I didn't have anything specific in mind. Maybe Zara could think of something."

"Why don't the two of you talk it over, and get back to me."

"I'm sure we can come up with something, Steve."

"That's great. I'm going to go and check on some things." Steve gave Bucky a pat on the shoulder with a 'I will talk to you later' look. He had to go check on Wanda. Her disappearances were getting more frequent and it had Steve worried.