CHAPTER 36 – Forgetful Lily
For Lily, things were dark and quiet. Her mind was thinking and processing but it was confused and jumbled. She was aware that she was lying down but not where or why her body felt so strange. When she tried to think of where she was or what was going on her head began to feel fuzzy. She was just getting frustrated when she felt a new sensation. It was like clouds lifting on a stormy day. She could feel the physical pain coming on and her ability to move. She slowly opened her eyes, blinking at the light from the very early morning sunrise spilling into the white room. Her hand immediately went to her pounding head as she looked around. Remus and Peter sat in similar beds, peering over at her, Sirius was standing between the two; watching casually and James was at the foot of her bed looking apprehensive. They said nothing; waiting for her. Even Madam Pomfrey just watched her.
She tried to remember the events that led to her being in the hospital wing but her memory ended upon seeing Peter's crumpled form. She strained her eyes, as if it might help her focus more. Obviously, something happened after she found Peter but she could not recall the memory. She felt confused and her mind suddenly felt dizzy; everyone was looking at her expectantly. She was supposed to point the finger, to make sure the offenders were properly punished. Still, everything was blank. No matter how hard she tried she could not remember anything except an empty spot where her memory should have been. She brought her other bandaged arm to her head, clutching tightly with frustration. When she noticed the bandage she looked at it strangely, fighting the urge to rip it off.
She looked back up at those before her, "What's going on?"
"We were hoping you could tell us as much. You were found unconscious in the first floor corridor, dear. What do you remember?" Madam Pomfrey asked gently.
"The corridor? I just…Peter Pettigrew! Where is he?" Lily questioned, a bit panicky.
"He's alright, just on your other side. Things'll be fine," Sirius was the first to answer.
"I remember finding him…and then…," Lily paused still trying to force out the memory she knew was in her brain somewhere, "I don't remember. I'm sorry"
"I feared as much. Your memory was obliviated, dear. Luckily it was only that one memory. Could've turned you mental," Madam Pomfrey said sadly.
"You mean we won't know the slimy gits who did all this?" Sirius spoke up.
"Afraid not," Pomfrey said, checking Lily's pupils, "Not many ever remember after that spell, especially if the caster is particularly good at it."
"Someone good at Dark Magic?" Peter asked weakly.
"I think you two ought to be off," Madam Pomfrey said, trying to usher out Sirius and James.
The two didn't fight, knowing they'd be back in just a few hours. Besides Quidditch practice James couldn't think of anything important enough he needed to do that Saturday other than visit the hospital wing. Sirius and James walked silently together to the Heads common room. As soon as the portrait closed, James slammed his hands against the nearest wall with anger. Peter was targeted, that much they were sure of. Snape was James' first suspect; he had always whined that he'd get them all back one day, after the incident that led him to a blood thirsty werewolf. He probably didn't even realize it was Lily until it was too late and wanted to hide his prints, so he erased her memory.
"If Peter had remembered the cloak and map, this wouldn't have happened," hissed James.
"If you ask me, mate, it would've happened sometime. Timing was just bad luck and he was vulnerable, like they knew he would be," Sirius said shrugging.
James nodded in agreement but said nothing. This clearly had Slytherin written all over it and it didn't take long for them to decide who may have done it. They easily came out with about ten names who might've been involved. James was adamant about the idea that it was not just one wizard, but many. Lily knows how to hold her own, he repeated. The most logical explanation was Snape and those he ran with.
"I say we just get back at the whole lot of Slytherins. They're no good anyway," Sirius suggested.
"Whether they did it or not Snivellus and those dolts he follows around deserve it most," said James angrily.
"Thought you were leaving Snivelly alone from now on. Something about a …. certain Head Girl?" Sirius joked, though really looking for an answer.
"A Head Girl in the hospital wing because of him, no doubt. He never cared about her in the first place."
"Just checking to be sure you aren't just jealous. Though if it comes to cursing the git that is Severus Snape, I'm all in," Sirius folded his arms across his chest.
"Jealous?" James gave him a surprised but disgusted expression.
"That he beat you to it. Oh, Merlin. That's none of our business," said Sirius, realizing he had directed their conversation in a wrong direction.
"Padfoot! What the hell are you talking about?" James voice grew louder and agitated, "I'm your best mate, we don't keep secrets."
"Remus said you'd pull that card. You know I'm a sucker when it comes to my adopted brother. Snivellus planted one on Lily not too long ago. Wanted a little snogging Snivey did," Sirius laughed at the whole idea.
"Next time I see him…" James let his imagination finish the sentence in many colorful ways.
"You tried to kiss Lily a couple times in fifth year. How'd greasy old Snape manage it?" wondered Sirius.
"You're really making me feel better," James said sarcastically, trying to hold off mental images.
"Maybe he didn't like rejection so he decided to use Peter to get her alone so that he could take out his frustration," even before Sirius said it both boys knew the story did not fit.
"Rejection? What'd she do?" James asked curiously.
"You don't think fiery Lily Evans let Snivellus kiss her and then said nothing about it? According to Remus she as good as told him to never talk to her again," Sirius smirked at the mental image.
"Certainly sounds like her," James nodded.
"As much as I detest Snivellus I'm going to have to be Mooney here and say it's not likely to be Snape. Not with their past. Doesn't mean it's not possible, just not likely," said Sirius, crossing his arms.
James only grunted in response, still dwelling on the thought of Lily and Snape. Sirius continued with idea after idea of possibilities for the attackers. On top of his ideas of who he was also rattling off ideas of how they should 'return the favor.' His schemes were filled with vengeance and danger. James was not listening in the slightest, he let a full thirty minutes go by before he said anything.
"Padfoot, you should get some rest. You look completely knackered, take my bed," said James, already heading up the stairs to his room, with Sirius in tow.
"Where're you headed off to? Do I even have to ask?" Sirius smirked at James.
"I'll take the invisibility cloak until students are allowed to visit," James tossed out.
"Might I ask who you are going to see? Would it be Wormtail or Evans?" Sirius had a bit of an edge in his voice.
James assumed it was the lack of sleep talking so he shrugged it off. He threw open his trunk, seated at the foot of his bed and dug through it until his hands found the silky smooth cloak. Unfortunately the Marauders map was left in Remus' trunk last, so he'd have to carry on without it. He yanked out the cloak from under a pile of Zonko's products and looked up over at his bed. Sirius was already passed out, lying diagonally across his bed with one shoe still on. He chuckled at the sight of his best friend, his brother, looking foolish. It was something many people never saw in Sirius; his exterior was carefree and natural talent. Very few ever saw the Sirius, James saw; a lovable, immature, hot tempered boy with insecurities of his own.
Without another glance James draped the cloak over his arm, so that it looked like any regular old cloak, and stepped out of the Heads common room, not wanting to risk bumping into the Professors that were sure to swarming the corridors, with his cloak on. He decided he would play the distraught teen, worried for his friends. Of course, he was just that. Fortunately he made it through the corridors, only seeing Flitwick on the way, and he seemed to be distracted enough, looking for clues. He mumbled a good morning and continued his work.
What was a surprise was the figure leaning against the stone wall, across from the hospital wing entrance. Severus Snape looked exhausted and nervous, he hadn't even noticed James; he was too busy wringing his hand and shuffling his feet against the ground. The hatred James felt was so large for Snape but it was calmed by the state he looked to be in. He truly was worried for Lily and he seemed to be going out of his mind with it.
"If Madam Pomfrey kicked you out, it'll be another hour," James tried to say casually.
Snape's head shot up at his voice, he glared at James but could only hold the expression for a moment. He looked like the most discouraged person in the world at that moment. That is when James Potter finally realized that Severus Snape was in love with Lily Evans. He must've been for some time, by the looks of it. He wasn't exactly sure he knew how to process it; he understood why but he could never accept Snape, as his competition. The group he ran with would never allow Snape to be with Lily, even if that's what she wanted. He shuddered at the thought.
"It's my fault Potter," Severus opened up, his voice cracking, knowing that he would regret it later but needing to tell someone, "I could have prevented this and I did nothing. I walked away from her. I was feeling abandoned by her; I didn't think they'd do anything, I swear. She's Head Girl."
James stood as still as his muscles would allow, letting the information sink into his brain. Severus Snape was taking blame for what had happened to Lily, he didn't say anything about Peter. What about Peter? Was he there for that? Did he help? By the sounds of it he was there, and he left her with them. He willingly left the muggle born woman; he seemed to be in love with, with the most dangerous Slytherins in Hogwarts. How could he say he didn't think anything would happen? What was he thinking? James took four long strides over to Snape and in one fluid motion; grabbed his collar and thrust him into the wall.
"You did what?" was all he could say to Snape.
Snape merely stared back at James with his dark tortured eyes. As angry as James was he could see in Snape's eyes that he was in pain; that he was punishing himself more than James could physically ever do. He slammed him against the wall again, leaving his wand in his pocket. This time it was more for his own satisfaction than anything else. He wanted nothing more than to throttle Severus Snape right then and there. It was his eyes that stopped him; his terribly sorrowful eyes. He let go of Snape and backed off a few steps. Severus didn't even try to compose himself; he only looked like he knew he deserved a stronger punishment.
"Who?" was the only word that croaked through his throat, his anger still strong.
"I…cant," Snape said trembling and then pleading, "please. Don't tell her."
"I don't even have to ask, I just have to see who you associate with. Is that what you want to become? One day it'll be you they ask to kill her. Think about that," James pushed through the hospital wing doors, breathing deeply.
Thankfully Madam Pomfrey was busy working on Lily's wounds. He threw the cloak around himself and tiptoed to Peter's bedside. He looked over his best friend, his cuts were completely healed and the bruises were fading already. Peter was already looking like a new man thanks to Pomfrey and Slughorn's potions. James leaned closer to Peter.
"Wormtail, I'm here with the cloak. I'll be around," he whispered.
Peter nodded his head in understanding, looking like he might fall asleep at any moment. He still looked physically pained but ten times better. James watched Pomfrey carefully as she forced Lily to swallow a strangely colored potion. She did as she was told but the look on her face told James exactly how tasty that potion must've been. Pomfrey finally looked satisfied and bustled off to catch a bit of rest for herself. When he was sure she was gone he stepped quietly over to the gorgeous redhead that had been filling his mind all night. He took her hand comfortingly to let her know he was there and leaned down to whisper in her ear.
"I've snuck in to visit you," he said, breathing in the scent of her and squeezing her hand lightly.
I can't say THANK YOU enough to my reviewers. I've been starting to lose motivation but you guys always help! Thank you so much: xritaskeeterhatersx, roflshvuakomail, IAMSOAP, iloveredshoes, coliekinz, and Moon-lover1994
roflshvuakomail: Thank you so much! I really appreciate the compliment and I am so happy you love the story!
IAMSOAP: I hadnt though of the revenge the marauders would want until your review and so I added that into the chapter! THanks, you are right. They would want to make the Slytherins pay for sure!
iloveredshoes: i totally understand the time thing. Good luck! I'm glad you're still reading though!
Moon-lover1994: I know how you feel. Snape doesnt seem the type to just leave her there especially if he loves her but I wasnt sure how else to get him out of the way and show his internal conflict. Its like a decision for him to choose Lily, who has already rejected him anyway, or stay with his friends and ultimately end up a death eater. I can see why his hopes for Lily fade and also why he becomes a death eater. What else does he have? As we known, his love for Lily never goes away. I hope this chapter made his decision to leave a little more reasonable. Thanks for all your great reviews!
Read, review, and return! :-)