Moments in time Chapter 37: Dressed in black, a bleach fanfic

A/N: Alright! The follow up to the previous chapter is here! I wasn't sure if I was gonna make it a songfic or not, but I decided to go with another Sia song, Dressed in black, off the same album. It fits pretty well with this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy the follow up as much as you seemed to enjoy the first part ^_^

He awoke with a start, he'd been dreaming that he was falling, something he couldn't recall ever happening before. Blinking a few times to clear his vision, a room that was not his own came into focus, and he remembered that he was on Rangiku's couch. He hadn't meant to doze off, wanting to make sure she was alright and asleep herself first, but she had been taking a long bath and he had been drowsy. The small apartment was almost quiet enough to hear a pin drop, and he sat up, stretching his arms over his head, how long had he been out? Oh well, she was out of the bathroom now, so he could make use of the facilities before checking on her and then getting back to sleep. He wasn't completely familiar with her quarters yet, and in the dark he managed to stub a toe on the corner of an end table, letting a string of curses fly out of his mouth at the unexpected pain, while simultaneously trying to stay quiet enough not to wake her. When he finally managed to navigate himself to the bathroom, he found that the door was locked. That was odd, did she lock it behind her on accident? Then his sleep filled brain caught up and he realized that the light was still on in the bathroom as well.

Turning and making his way down the hall, he planned to wake her and ask her if she had a key for the door, but when he got there he found her room empty, and he felt a small panic creep into his chest. A burst of shunpo and he was back at the door, trying to turn the locked handle and knocking to get her attention. "Rangiku...Rangiku if you can hear me, answer me." He called, to no response. What time was it? How long had she been in there? Why wasn't she saying anything? "Rangiku, please. Open the door, we do not have to talk, just let me know you are alright in there...Rangiku? Rangiku!?" Something was wrong, he could feel it in the way his stomach had dropped. He threw his weight against the door a few times before becoming frustrated and using kido. "Byakurai." He muttered, a bolt of energy resembling lightning shot from his finger and blew the handle right off the door, destroying a good portion of the door and the frame as well. He would be sure to replace it later, but there was no time to worry about that now, entering the room and feeling his heart stop. She was still in the bathtub, but she had slumped down into the water, her form still and not moving.

I had given up
I didn't know who to trust
So I designed a shell
Kept me from heaven and hell
And I had hit a low
Was all I let myself know
Yeah I had locked my heart
I was imprisoned by dark

Within seconds he lifted her out and placed her on the floor in a sitting position, one arm holding her up and the other grabbing her face and trying to get her to wake up and answer him. "Rangiku...wake up, Rangiku!" Shaking her slightly. Her lips were blue, she wasn't breathing, and he could feel himself starting to flip out. Taking a deep breath, he cleared his mind and forced himself to focus, he needed to get her breathing again, as soon as possible. Laying her down, he racked his brain for what to do in this situation, and began to give her mouth to mouth resuscitation. "Come on, come on. Breathe Rangiku, breathe! Dammit, don't you dare die on me!" His voice sounding desperate to his own ears. This couldn't be happening, she couldn't be gone. She had to live, for what would become of him if she didn't? He would end up the way he was, cold, shut off, and blaming himself for the death of a woman he cared for. No, this time he would do something to stop that outcome. He may not have been in love with Rangiku, but she was dear to him nonetheless, and he would be sure to do everything in his power to save her, to protect her, even from herself. Maybe he wasn't using enough force, he remembered he'd once read that if you were doing it right, you would most likely end up breaking ribs. While that didn't sound like something he wanted to do to her, if it could get her breathing again, he would gladly risk doing that kind of damage, and after a few more attempts he let his frustration get the better of him, finally using enough force to hear a loud crack.

He leaned in to breath into her mouth again, but before he could, water rushed forth, and she began to cough and heave. Sitting her up he pulled her into his arms and tapped the side of her face, calling her name and trying to get her to look at him. "Rangiku, can you hear me? Are you alright? Rangiku?" He asked, a small amount of relief in his tone, his heart feeling like it was going to beat out of his chest. Bleary eyes opened for a few seconds, before she leaned against him and passed back out. Well, at least she was breathing again, now he just needed to get her to squad 4 to make sure she would be alright. Both of them were soaking wet, and there was still the issue of her nudity to deal with too. While looking around them for a towel, he noticed a pill bottle sitting on the stool next to the tub, his hand reaching for it of its own accord. They were sleeping pills, what the hell was she doing mixing them with alcohol? What had she been thinking? The amount of anger that surged up from within at the thought of her doing this on purpose was overwhelming, and he found himself sitting there, seething for a few minutes, trying to dissuade his mind from the notion that she would take her own life. He didn't want to waste the time it would take to find clothing and dress her, so he wrapped his haori- which was still mostly dry, except for the sleeves- around her, and grabbing the bottle of pills, made his way to the 4th as fast as he could.

You found me dressed in black
Hiding way up at the back
Life had broken my heart into pieces
You took my hand in yours
You started breaking down my walls
And you covered my heart in kisses
I thought life passed me by
Missed my tears, ignored my cries
Life had broken my heart, my spirit
And then you crossed my path
You quelled my fears, you made me laugh
Then you covered my heart in kisses

As consciousness returned to her, she felt like she had just woken from the best sleep of her life. She couldn't recall a single dream, it had been peaceful bliss all the way through, something that she hadn't managed in a very long time. Moving to stretch out, her eyes shot open when pain ran through her, what the hell was that? Where the hell was she? This was definitely not her room. There was movement in the corner of her vision, and she found herself looking up at Byakuya, who didn't seem too happy. She was about to say hi and ask what happened when he cut her off. "You are in the infirmary of the 4th division. Now that you are awake, and I know that you will be alright, I may take my leave. But before I go...If this is how you wish to treat yourself, if this is what you insist on doing to yourself, I will not be a part of it. You are my friend, and I care for you, but I will not enable you. I will repeat the words you said to me. I do not want to see you for a while. I hope that you can understand and respect that." He said, standing and turning to leave the room. "One more thing. Do not ever scare me like that again." His form disappearing before she could even process what had just happened. He was pissed, and at her to boot. Why couldn't she remember anything? She was so confused, she needed answers, and they would come from the woman who had just entered the room.

"Matsumoto, Kuchiki informed me that you have woken up. It is wonderful to see your back with us. How are you feeling?" Captain Unohana said, with that ever soothing tone. "Uhh, I'm ok I guess, but my side really hurts...what the hell happened to me?" Wincing as she touched the sore area. "You do not remember anything? Can you tell me what day it is?" The healer asked. "Well...it should be...wait...is it Friday?" Why did she feel like she had no idea what day it was? The more she tried to remember what happened, the less she got, like there was a big gaping hole in her memory, everything was just black. "Please captain, tell me what the hell is going on. How did I end up here?" Fear and frustration in her voice. "I will explain everything dear. But first, I need to check your vitals and have some tea brought to us. We need to have a talk Rangiku...you have worried all of us a great deal." She said gently, her concern evident. Oh no, this couldn't be good. Not knowing what to say, she nodded silently, waiting for Unohana to start the conversation. Once the other woman began, she listened intently, but unable to believe what she was hearing. She'd fallen asleep in the bathtub and almost drown? Byakuya had been the one to find her, breaking her ribs while saving her life by resuscitation. That would certainly explain the way he was acting. The more she learned, the more she wanted to curl into a ball and disappear from the world. There was no way to know how many pills she'd taken, so they'd had to pump her stomach to get them and the alcohol out of her system, and in the process she stopped breathing again. To hear that she really had almost died was not what she had been expecting at all.

I was down for the count
I was down I was out
And I had lost it all
'Cause I was scared, I was torn
And I took to the night
I'd given in to the fight
And I slipped further down
I felt like I had drowned

"I understand that this is a lot to process, but you need to talk to me. What made you take the sleeping pills, knowing you'd been drinking? Were you intending to kill yourself?" The healer questioned. "I don't...I don't think so. I can barely remember anything, just flashes here and there. I know I have taken one of those with alcohol before, and I was fine. Though, I was already getting into bed those few times. But...I wasn't trying to kill myself...I'm sure of it." She replied firmly. Great, now everyone thought she tried to kill herself, this was just getting better and better. "Well, either way, I think it would be a good idea for you to stop drinking for a while. I would also like to make an appointment for you to talk to someone about what has lead you to drink so much, whether it is me, or someone else. You have to stop bottling it all up and pretending to be fine. We all know you are strong, but it's ok for even you to cry sometimes. Do you think you can handle these things?" Taking her hand into her own as she spoke. "I don't know." She whispered, letting her emotions show for once. "I'm scared, and confused, and hurting. I feel lost. I feel empty. I feel like...like there will never be another who loves me..."She trailed off as the tears made their way down her cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare everyone, I didn't mean for things to end up this way. I'll talk with you about it, I think I would be comfortable enough with you. But I don't think I can stop drinking on my own...a drink is all I want right now honestly." She was even disappointed in herself this time. Sake had always been her best friend and confidant when things went wrong, but how had she let it get to this? To the point where she couldn't function without it, where she needed to be drunk all the time in order to feel like she could face the world. It was apparently time to find a new best friend. Wait, she already had one, or at least she did. If it wasn't for Byakuya, she would have died, there was no question about it, and she had been treating him so bad recently. She'd hurt him, and he didn't want to see her now. But if she was going to get herself back on track, she would have to apologize to him and ask for his help, she could not do this alone and she wouldn't dare delude herself into thinking she could. Of course, she would respect that he didn't want to talk for a few days, but she would go to him the first chance she got. Once released from the infirmary the first person she went to see was her captain, to apologize and to inform him that she was going to need some time to get herself back together. "I'm sorry Captain, I know that this will just cause you more stress, but I really need this time...I have a lot to work through." She said quietly, not meeting his gaze. "Matsumoto, look at me. You and your health are more important to me than paperwork and drills. If you need time to heal and recover, then I will look forward to your return. I just want to see you happy again." He said sincerely.

A few days had passed since he'd left her in her hospital room. He'd asked Unohana to inform him when she was released, and the two had discussed what was ahead for Rangiku as far as recovery was concerned. It was not going to be easy, but he knew that she was capable of getting past it, she just had to believe in herself. He hadn't seen her since her release, and despite what he'd said to her, he figured she would have been at his door the minute she was released, so
it was a surprise that so much time had gone by. He would have to go see her later and let her know he wasn't mad at her anymore, and also to see if she needed anything. From what Unohana had told him, she was going to be going through withdrawal soon, and there was no way to tell how severe it could be. He had no experience with such a thing, but if she needed help, he would do what he could, because he wanted to see her smile again, a real smile, not one that she felt
she had to put on. Just as he finished his morning tea, about to sign a handful of clan documents that had been brought to him for review, one of his servants informed him that there was a visitor for him. He got up and went to the door leading to the gardens, she was there, just on the other side of it, he could feel her.

"To what do I owe this pleasure? And so early in the morning?" He inquired, as their eyes met. "Byakuya! It's so good to see you." She said, throwing herself against him, arms wrapping around his torso for long squeeze. Returning the gesture, he caught the scent of liquor on her, and immediately pulled away. "Have you been drinking?" He asked firmly. "Wha-? Well...yes...bu-but..." She was fidgeting and stuttering. He turned to walk away from her and back into the manor, but a pair of arms stopped him, her hands coming to rest on his chest, clutching the fabric of his shihaksho. "Please wait!" She cried, holding him tightly. " I'm sorry. I'm sorry Byakuya, so sorry...I treated you badly, and I hurt you. I never meant to scare you...I never meant to put you through that!" Her voice breaking as she cried tears into his back. "Please. Please forgive me. I know...I know that I shouldn't be drinking...I just...I was cleaning up my apartment last night. I collected all the sake bottles to throw them away...but...I couldn't...I couldn't resist and I had a few drinks. That's why I came." Her grip getting tighter. "I can't do it alone...I need your help." She whispered.

Placing his hands over her own, he pulled them away so that he could turn to face her, pulling her into a hug. She was shaking like a leaf, and her skin felt like it was warmer than normal, hands clammy and sweaty. "And you shall have it." He replied softly, cradling her head against him. "Come, I do not think your place is safe for you right now, until it can be cleared of temptation, you may stay here." Leading her to the guest room of his quarters. The symptoms he had been warned about were beginning to show, and he could only wait to see how bad they would become. Sweating, nausea, anxiety, confusion, tremors and vomiting were some of the minor ones, but if she started to develop a high fever or hallucinating in any form he was going to have to call Unohana to check on her. The whole process could persist for weeks, the symptoms possibly worsening over the first few days, before even starting to subside. He was going to have to miss work to stay with her, but it couldn't be helped, she needed him. Besides, he had plenty of vacation days that he never seemed to take anyways, time to cash in on a few of those.

Neither of them managed to get much sleep in the first 48 hours, nightmares plaguing her anytime she tried, and waking him in the process. He had made himself a makeshift bed on the floor, and stayed near her all the time. Watching her suffer through it was difficult, but he encouraged her constantly, and did the best he could to make her feel comfortable, rubbing her back and holding her hair back for her, or helping her get bundled up tight when she was cold. Now in the third day, her tremors were as bad as he'd seen them, mixed with the vomiting and the growing confusion she was exhibiting, he was on high alert for a fever or hallucinations. She was constantly going from too hot, to too cold so she had removed all of her clothing except for her underwear and bra, wrapping herself in thick blankets when it became too cold. He kept a waste bin next to the bed for her, and made sure to make her drink plenty of fluids, trying to get her to sleep more than a few minutes at a time whenever possible. Her whining was starting to grate on his last nerve, but he knew that she really did feel awful and couldn't really blame her, even when she had begged him for a drink, tears in her eyes, pleading for 'just one' to make it all go away for a little bit. And that was exactly why he wasn't letting her go through this alone. "Byakuya...thank you...I mean it...I don't know what I would do if you weren't here." She said between panting for air. "Thanks is not necessary, but you are welcome anyway. Can I get you anything?" He replied, noticing that her pupils had dilated almost all the way. "No, I think I'm fine...I just want to sleep." She said,
closing her eyes and letting out a deep sigh.

She seemed to drift off quite easily this time, and after watching her for a few minutes he decided to call for some tea and something to eat. If he was going to continue to keep watch over her, he was going to need nourishment to keep up his energy. Pulling the blankets up further over her and checking her temperature with a hand to her forehead, he left her to sleep for awhile while he took care of himself. When he returned to check on her, she was still sleeping, but her skin felt scorching hot. He immediately placed a cool compress over her forehead and brushed her hair out of her face, causing her to stir. "I'm s-s-so cold." She said, opening her eyes to look up at him. "Gin...please, lay with me. Keep me warm." Pulling on him to get him to join her in the bed. Was she just still stuck in a dream, or was she hallucinating? It didn't matter either way, with her fever so high he knew he needed help, sending a hell butterfly to squad four as she succeeded in pulling him off balance. He fell onto the bed over her, and quickly moved to lie next to her, not sure if it was the right thing to do in the first place. Her small hand reached out and put his arm around her waist, snuggling her back against his chest. She was shivering violently, and he shook away thoughts of impropriety, joining her under the blankets and pulling her close against him. Even if he felt like he was sweating to death, she needed the extra warmth he could provide, so he would suffer as much as was necessary. Unohana arrived quickly, and though he was slightly embarrassed to be found in bed with Rangiku, the healer seemed to approve of the care he was providing. She hooked Rangiku up to an iv of fluids and instructed him when and how to change it, advising him to try and get her to eat something as soon as she managed a full nights sleep.

I was hopeless and broken
You opened the door for me
Yeah I was hiding and you let the light in
And now I see
That you do for the wounded
What they couldn't seem to
You set them free
Like a butterfly kissing a child with an eye for the minor key

She'd never felt as ashamed of herself as she had the past few days, having Byakuya see her in such a vulnerable state, not to mention seeing her throw up countless times, all while sweating like a pig. Never in her long life could she recall feeling so horrible, it felt like she was dying slowly, her stomach revolting on her every hour or so, her head feeling like it was going to explode, and her body shaking uncontrollably. The sleep she'd just woken from must have been pretty substantial though, because she was feeling slightly better as she opened her eyes. The familiar walls of the guest room came into view, the same ones she'd been staring at for days, but there was one thing missing, where was Byakuya? Just then she felt air blow across the back of her neck, alerting her to the presence behind her. Byakuya was sleeping soundly, a peaceful look on his face, his arms wrapped around her tightly, holding her close against him. She was confused, but decided to take advantage of the situation, turning over to face him and snuggling closer, listening to the sound of his even breathing as he slumbered. He'd been with every moment of this awful experience, making sure that she had water, and clean sheets, clean clothes and under clothes, holding her hair back when she was hunched over the waste bin or toilet, and she was grateful for all of his patience and understanding.

For the first time in days, she actually felt a little hungry, but didn't have the heart to wake him up, instead closing her eyes and reveling in the comfort that being like this with him provided. How could she ever repay him for what he was doing? She hadn't the slightest idea, but she would be sure to find a way someday. Just as she was about to drop back into sleep, she felt him shift and looked up to see him opening sleepy, confused eyes. "Mmm...how are you feeling?" He whispered, voice thick with sleep. "A little better I guess. I think I might be ready to try some food soon." She replied, smiling at how cute he was when he was half asleep. "What do you think you can handle? I shall have it brought up immediately." Moving to sit up. Squeezing him around the middle, she forced him to stay put for a moment longer. " I don't know, something light...Byakuya...I can't thank you enough. You're my best friend, and I want you to know...that I love you, and I'm ever so grateful to have you in my life...and not just because of this." She said quietly, tucking her head up under his chin and hugging him to her. "I feel the same. You have become important to me, and our friendship is something I did not even know I was in need of." Squeezing her in return and kissing the top of her head lightly, before pulling away and climbing from the bed. She watched him put his shihaksho back on, he must have taken it off in the middle of the night, and exit the room to make food arrangements for her.

Covered my heart in kisses

Over the next week she continued to feel sick, even coming down with a delusional fever for an evening, and she still wasn't sure what she had said or done during that night, but he assured her that it didn't matter. She'd hallucinated terrifying images and sounds, the kind out of her nightmares, but he stayed by her side and talked her down every time she was losing herself to it, always bringing her back to earth with the deep sound of his voice, always so calm and collected. When she was finally past all of the physical issues, it was time to start working on the mental ones, and she made time to see Unohana at least twice a week, to talk about and get to the root of her problems with alcohol. She got back to work, much to Toshiros delight, and for the first time in a very long time, she felt like she was clear headed. She was actually able to focus at work, getting much more work done than normal, and she found she had much more energy than normal, her naps on the office couch were no longer needed. It seemed like everything was falling into place and getting back on track, one piece at a time, and on her journey towards recovery, she learned that the root of her drinking problem had all started with Gin. As much as she loved him, it was true, he was the thing that made her start the habit, and over time as things between them became strained and difficult, she began to rely on it more and more. She didn't hate or blame him though, he would always be important to her, and she would always carry his memory in her heart, but it was time to move forward with her life.

Maybe one day she would be able to have a few drinks without the urge to take it over board, but for now she was going to stay away from alcohol. Who knew, maybe she would find someone new one day, someone who both loved her, and was not afraid to let her know it. For now though, she was taking things one step at a time, and learning to deal with stress and anger in new, healthier ways. Byakuya was good at showing her other ways to let out her aggression, helping her heal in ways she hadn't known she needed to. And when it was all said and done, he even told her that being there for her through such a dark time had actually helped him come to terms and find closure with Hisanas early death. Seeing her face her demons so bravely had inspired him to finally put his to rest as well. She was happy that everything had worked out for the better, seeing him open up more and more as time went on was all she needed to know that she had found her way back, to know that for once, she was moving towards the future without the past trying to drag her down. Yes, the future was looking bright, and despite the small dark patches that lay ahead, there was a happiness she had never known waiting for her. And it had been right there at her side all along.